Thanks to all of you who read and comment as well. Hope you enjoy it. It's set at the end of Parenthood.
"Tired But Happy"She sank into the sofa and smiled to herself as he sang.
"Should I stay or should I go now?"
It was crazy. Her life was an endless stream of nursing, changing diapers, and burping, and she loved it. Go figure. She was tired, but happy, and so was he. A year ago they had been just friends . . .well not just friends .. .maybe never just friends . . but friends, and now their lives were hopelessly intermingled. He paid the bills, she folded his laundry, he ran to the store for milk, she made the bed . .their bed . . .their refrigerator . . . .their . . baby. . well their everything. It was all so normal that it made her want to laugh out loud. Who would have thought it would be like this? That they would be like this.
She couldn't imagine her life without Joe - actually without either of them. Couldn't believe that she'd almost chosen not to do this, almost had it taken away. Was it all the sweeter because they'd almost lost him? She didn't know if every mother was so overwhelmed by what they felt for their baby, or if everything was heightened. Didn't matter. It just was.
The early weeks were a blur. The apartment was a mess, she was glad just to sneak in a shower, and if Luka had expected dinner on the table when he got home – well, he would have been disappointed. In time, things got better, she got into a rhythm with Joe, began to learn what his cries meant, when he needed her right away, when he could fuss for a few minutes, and then miraculously that sometimes he would actually fall asleep.
She looked around the apartment. That was another thing that made her smile: his things, her things, Joe's things all haphazardly strewn together. The sleek bachelor pad Luka had created was almost unrecognizable. It wasn't that it was slovenly, and she'd seen it like that too. It was just lived in, loved in. It was home. Interwoven, intermingled, inter . … . her mind drifted back, remembered the first time . . .well the most recent first time anyway.
"What if it's not the same?"
Luka stopped kissing her neck and looked at her. "Then it will be different." He resumed.
"Luka, I'm serious."
"Abby, don't think."
She opened her mouth to speak again, and he brought his lips down on hers softly. "Shhhh." His mouth began to trail down. She stopped thinking. Maybe it was different, maybe it wasn't, but it was nice, it was very nice. He had been gentle .. . but not too gentle . . . .and sweet . . . ..and. . …murmured to her in Croatian. . . . and . . .. . .
He'd stopped singing. Joe was quiet. She heard his footsteps on the stairs, and then he was back.
"The Clash?"
"What? " He flopped back on the sofa, next to her.
"I didn't know you were into the Clash."
"You left your CD in the car. You must be rubbing on me."
Abby laughed. Not yet, but . . .
"What? It worked."
"Worked for Mommy too."
"I put you to sleep too?"
"Oh no. You know, I once read that women get turned on when they see their partners being good fathers. I didn't really get it . .. . .but . . ." She straddled his lap, pulled at his tie, starting working the buttons. "Now I do."
Luka smiled. "I think it's the singing. Works every time."
It was Abby's turn to smile as he shifted her underneath him on the sofa. He was tired, but not that tired.
"You should stay, you should definitely stay." She whispered and sinking her hands into his hair, she pulled his mouth down on hers.
Eventually, they'd moved to the bed, and now he was lying, holding her, listening to her breathe. She'd fallen asleep almost right away, her body pressed into his. He loved the feel of her skin. He sighed, content. A family. They were a family. Lovers too, when the stars were in alignment, and Joe slept while they were both awake and alert. He'd waited a long time for this.
He had thought a couple of times he might have a family again, people to take care of, Carol, Nicole, Sam. Nothing had been right or even real. All figments of his imagination, his loneliness. Till this. He finally had someone real, something real. Still, he'd almost lost it. It had almost been taken away again. Bloody hand on the window. He couldn't help her. He hadn't been able to protect her or Joe, but they had made it. Maybe even despite him. They lived. The sacrifice was the possibility of more children. That was the price. He hadn't wanted to pay it, but if it meant he could keep them, then so be it. After all, he'd given up on ever having the real thing, with anyone let alone her, but here she was. Here he was. It was home.
He could remember a time not all that long ago when he didn't even know where home was. In Africa, Carter had said he was sending him home. "Where's that?" he'd asked. He'd been serious. All he had then was a letter with her name on it pressed in his hands against his chest. Now he had her pressed into his chest. Who would have thought? Good things come to those who wait, so many good things. Joe. Abby. What more could he want?
To not be sued. He hated the idea of having to defend himself, explain things he'd done two years ago. He hadn't done anything wrong had he? If he deserved to be sued, and he probably did, it wasn't for that case. Bad things happen. He couldn't control everything. Could he? He moved his hand over her skin. Didn't want to think about what would happen if he lost. It wasn't just him now. It was them. They were counting on him.
Luka's eyes snapped open as his hand reached for her. She wasn't there. He must have fallen asleep. Sitting up in bed, he whispered. "Abby?" Then he heard her, noises in the nursery. He grabbed his boxers and a t-shirt and went to find them.
She sat in the rocker, nursing.
"Hey" he said sinking into the loveseat.
"Did we wake you?"
"Not really." He sat back, studying her. It was just good to be with them.
"What are you doing?"
"Watching you."
"Mmmm. You know if I could be asleep, I would be."
"I'll put him down when you're done if he doesn't go back to sleep. I don't have to be in till later tomorrow. You get some rest."
"Well since you have the hang of it."
"You better practice for when I'm not here."
"Practice?"
"The song."
"You're kidding."
"No. Come on."
Abby began. "Should I stay or should I go now."
Luka chimed in. "If I stay there will be trouble."
"If I go it will be double."
"So you got to let me know."
"Do I stay or do I go?"
He looked at her, spoke softly. "Stay."