Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.
A/N- Here's Edward and his take on what's going on. Poor guy is so stressed!
Much love to Dannie for helping out so much with this chapter, the hot smut is courtesy of her. She saved my ass so I could get this done on time.
Big thanks to OfTheDamned for her beta on this.
"**~~**"
Epov
It was one of those surreal moments where everything around you disappears, blurs and eventually stills until only you and the other person exist. In that moment that our eyes locked, it was only him and me for a few precious seconds. At first, my heart halted, excited at seeing him unexpectedly.
Dressed in an impeccably fitted black tuxedo, he looked beautiful. Honey waves cascaded around his face; blue eyes look tired and wary, but still deep and honest. As we stared at each other, I saw the corner of his lush lips pull up ever so slightly - he was pleased to see me as well. Suddenly, the relieved look in his eyes faded, his lips no longer containing a small smile, but instead a tight frown.
"…tastes great, doesn't it?" he asked me, his unwanted hand resting on my forearm.
Then all too quickly, other sounds gradually filtered through my haze and I realized Jasper and I were not alone.
Not even close.
Directly next to me sat Spencer.
Spencer.
It had been a long few weeks in Chicago. After the night he had found the pictures in my office, I had gone home, only to lie awake in bed all night. My options were few, nil really. I could give him what he wanted, or I couldn't. But the price for not giving in was too costly, and I couldn't afford it.
My family, my career.
The longer I considered my choices, the more I realized I had none. I had to remain closeted, I could not, would not, shame my father like that, disgrace him in front of his colleagues and competition by announcing I was queer. The press would be all over the fact that Chicago's Most Eligible Bachelor was gay, and it would draw a lot of unwanted attention.
Regardless of the cliché, there was such thing as bad publicity. I've seen many companies stumble as the result of someone's personal embarrassment, an affair, drug use, being caught with a hooker. While some companies managed to recover after some time, others did not. Bad press weakened companies, boards of directors become focused on damage control and decisions are made based how best to handle the publicity, not run the company.
Not only would it endanger the fragile merger in Seattle, but future mergers would also be at risk. Few companies in our field would want to deal with an openly gay Head of Mergers. The progress the gay community had made with equal rights didn't always matter in the private sector. There were still stereotypes when you're dealing with companies that research and make money off HIV and AIDS. I had sat in on my fair share of meetings and heard the crude jokes; how gays were where the money was because they were too stupid or ignorant or horny to worry about fucking without a condom, spreading the virus, thus making them more money in their bonuses because of the amount of their medicines sold.
I loved my job. I might have gone into it unwillingly to please my father, but it was part of who I was, part of my heritage, and I was going to do everything I could to protect it, the company, and ensure my father's happiness.
Which was why I was sitting next to Spencer.
I had gone to my father's office the next day, requesting that Spencer be added to my team.
"Edward?" he had asked, learning forward to put his arms on his large oak desk. "Everything alright?"
Sitting in front of him with his accomplishments advertised on his walls, all ones he wanted me to achieve too, I gave him a wide smile.
"Of course, Dad. I know Spencer will be joining us in a few weeks anyway, and we've talked at a few benefits and while his father groomed him for marketing, that's not his passion, and after some consideration I think he's best suited for the cut throat mentality of mergers. "
My father sat back in his leather chair, his brows furrowed a bit as he thought about what I had said. I could tell from the way his lips pursed and his fingers tented that he wasn't completely opposed to the idea. Perhaps it would be easier than I thought.
It was time to use the skill I had perfected.
Lying.
"He's got a fantastic education, graduating with honors. Technically, he has more schooling than I do," I said, feeling sick at using the same reasons that Spencer had given me. "I think it would benefit us all for him to be in mergers, work under me a few months before we give him something small. We can use Seattle to get his feet wet."
His resolved weakened a bit more and I moved in for the kill.
"I could use him, Dad."
"I trust your judgment, you know that. Hell, I wouldn't have put you in charge of this if I didn't. So if you think he is better suited for mergers, then by all means, of course. I will have one of the attorneys draw up his offer contract and have it to you by the end of the day.
"Sounds great," I said, stifling a groan.
"As for Seattle, everything still going well?"
It was.
"Perfect. We've got the party on Saturday night, so that will be a great place to network with the CEOs of Eli Marks and Geno Tech, which as you know are ripe for the taking."
That piqued his interest. "Oh?"
Nodding, I leaned in as if someone would overhear me. "Word has it that Bob let a huge deal fall through and they need to replace the money they had anticipated and already spent."
"Ouch," my father said sympathetically, but I could already see the wheels spinning in his head. It would give him something else to focus on for a while. "I'll give Sue a call, see what is going on, perhaps we can benefit from their mistake."
Didn't we always? It was how our business was built, capitalizing on the errors and dirty laundry of others.
"The party…that might be a good time to introduce Spencer as your assistant," he suggested, and I smirked at the term 'assistant'. Spencer would hate being known as the Assistant to the Head of Merger and Acquisitions.
I would have to be sure to introduce him as that as often as possible.
"Yes, it would. I will remind him to bring his tux," I almost smiled. Standing, he effectively ended the meeting, at least the business aspect of it, and walked around the desk. I stood up and walked to the door with him.
"Your mother wanted me to ask you to dinner for next weekend, Saturday I think."
"I should be able to make that."
He shifted his weight, his eyes looking everywhere but directly at me. He was a powerful man who ran a multibillion dollar company, nothing scared him, except for my mother. Something was definitely up.
"Dad?"
"Um, well, she kind of hinted that she thought it would be nice if you, broughtadate," he rushed at the end.
"A date?" I repeated.
Looking down, he nodded. "Date," he confirmed. "She suggested that Kate might be free."
Loudly, I groaned, rolling my eyes. "Dad," I whined, "can't you get me out of this? Tell her I'm too busy or something?"
Then he gave me that look, the one that all dads give their kids when they are being told to do something for their mother's benefit.
"Fine, I will see what I can do," I sighed. Could my week get any worse?
"I'm proud of you, Edward. Keep up the great work, you're an asset to this company and I know I made the right choice putting you in this position."
"Thanks, Dad."
I walked out of his office hoping I hadn't just made the mistake of a lifetime.
Later that night I was sitting in my dark office, only lit by the lights from the neighboring skyscrapers, when there was a knock on my door. Before I said anything, Spencer opened it and entered. Sauntering over, he sat in the chair in front of my desk.
"Is that it?" he asked, motioning to the folder sitting in front of me. Unable to contain his childlike excitement, a smile played at the corners of his mouth. I nodded and slid it across my desk to him. Picking it up, he opened it and flipped through the dozen or so pages before placing it back on my desk. I gave him a pen to use, but as he went to sign it, he hesitated.
"Should I have my lawyer look this over? Make sure you aren't trying to screw me…not that I'd mind of course."
"Sign it."
"You know, I almost feel bad about this," he said, glancing up at me with hard eyes.
I didn't want to hear it. The man had single handedly destroyed my chance with the best thing that had walked into my life.
"Just fucking sign the thing," I spat at him. Chuckling, he did as I said and then closed the folder and leaned back.
"I bet that temper is sexy in bed, huh? I can just imagine you all angry and demanding," he almost moaned.
"Get the fuck out of my office." I held his gaze evenly, my outward appearance the mask of calm and control I always wore while inside my heart raced in anger.
"Mmm, a temper. Hot, Edward, very hot." He stood up and straightened his jacket. Then he placed his palms on my desk and leaned toward me, his dark eyes sparkling in the dim light. "You'll change your mind. I could make you forget blondie. That offer for a spanking is still open." Standing up straight, he glanced down at the contract again. "I'd like a copy of that please."
Another knock on the door and Bella opened it. "I'm heading out, Edward," she said, warily glancing between me and Spencer, sensing the tension. I nodded and she slowly closed the door.
"Can you make sure my assistant is as fine as her?" he asked as he leered at her through the window.
"Get. The. Fuck. Out."
Holding his hands up in a mock surrender, he took a few steps back. Then with a wink, turned and left.
Alone again, I folded my arms on my desk and lay my head on them, my jaw clenching as I struggled to keep my emotions in check. Things were spiraling out of control, and for the first time in my life, I was afraid.
Someone at the table with me laughed, the shrill sound crashing through my memories.
Only seconds had passed but it had seemed so much longer.
Jasper's crystal clear eyes were still on mine. In those eyes I had seen that even as he reassured me that everything would be alright, he wasn't certain of it himself.
He had come to my hotel room the night before, angrily confronting me about why I hadn't contacted him. To be honest, I hadn't planned on contacting him again. I needed a nice clean break and I knew if I had seen him to tell him that, if I had seen those eyes and lips and felt him next to me, I would never be able to walk away.
I had been right.
And from the look in his beautiful blue eyes, I could tell he was just as committed.
His presence washed away my fears, and instead of me telling him I couldn't see him anymore, I confessed what had happened. Sitting on the couch wrapped in his embrace, I had felt safe, assured that being with him was worth the effort of whatever I had to do. When he had suggested meeting at his place instead of the hotel, my pulse jumped. It was something that had never occurred to me, not only were we moving beyond escort/client, but he was going to let me into his very carefully guarded life; one that I knew very little about.
I had thought Spencer would be the end of Jasper and I, yet he had unknowingly drawn us closer together, a united front against him.
The man next to Jasper leaned in, much too close, and said something in his ear. Whatever it was earned a blush on Jasper's cheeks, but he never broke his gaze with me. When the man's comment failed to garner Jasper's full attention, the man's eyes followed Jasper's and landed directly on me.
He was a client.
I was a reasonable man, I knew Jasper had sex with other men; I just hadn't expect to be subjected to witnessing it firsthand.
The man's large hands undoing the buttons on Jasper's shirt, revealing his perfect skin underneath.
My fingers clenched the silverware in my hands, my knuckles turning white, I wanted to look away, keep my eyes from the horrors of their show, but they remained trained on them both. The more I watched his 'client' the more disgusted and intrigued I became. The man was openly holding Jasper's hand on the table. Not only did he seem out, but he looked familiar.
Jasper's lips wrapped around the man's cock, his blue eyes watching the man as his fingers weaved into Jasper's hair, guiding his head while fucking his mouth.
There was something incredibly familiar about him. In my mind, I went through my business associates, concentrating on Seattle ones. We were at the same party, we must be in the same field, or a related one.
Then I remembered.
It wasn't business that I recognized him from; it was the lounge at the Renaissance.
The man hovered above Jasper as he entered him, a look of pure pleasure on Jasper's face as the cock slid into his ass. Wanting, Jasper pulled the man down for a kiss, whispering words as the man began to thrust into him.
I had seen him the time I had been waiting for Jacob in the bar. After admiring Jasper, I had been tempted to approach him, but just as I had worked up the courage, a man had walked up behind him and kissed him on the neck.
The same man that was now holding Jasper's hand and my gaze.
The client's eyes, observant and knowing, narrowed at me, and then his fingers were on Jasper's chin, turning his head, forcing Jasper to tear his attention from me. He kept his eyes on me while he drew Jasper's lips to his in a brief but sensual kiss, staking his claim. There was no denying the rapt look he gave Jasper, or the flush on Jasper's cheeks, when their lips parted.
I don't know what shocked me more; the fact that he had unapologetically kissed another man in public or that man he had kissed was my Jasper.
Bile rose I my throat and I took a sip of my wine to wash it down, hoping it would also dull the sharp pain in my chest as well.
"So, Edward, how is your father? I haven't seen him since the college reunion last year," the CEO of Eli Marks asked me.
With great effort, I pulled my eyes from the grim scene a few tables over and without missing a beat, answered the question. "He's great. Working far too much in my mother's opinion, but doing wonderful."
"Good to hear, please tell them hello from me. I have a meeting in Chicago next month, maybe we can all get together for a round of golf?"
"Sounds great," I replied numbly.
"Will we ever get to meet the brilliant Mr. Cullen?" Daniel piped in. He was sitting directly across from me, his back to Jasper's table. Spencer on the other hand, would only have to turn to his left and he would be able to spot Jasper.
Swirling my wine, I kept my mask on as my chest tightened when I refused to look over at Jasper again. "Possibly. He will probably want to come out here when the merger's complete. My father never misses the chance to celebrate a successful merger."
That earned a round of laughs.
"I look forward to it," Daniel said, raising his glass in a slight toast. "Have you seen your friend Jasper this visit yet?" he asked innocently.
Beside me, Spencer raised a knowing eyebrow and mouthed 'Jasper' to himself. Anguish, jealousy and anger all rushed me, each fighting for priority.
"No, not this time, he's busy." Fucking another client. "With his wife and kids, the in-laws are visiting. "
It was scary, how easily I lied.
"Maybe next time he can sneak away and we can hit the strip clubs," he reminded me as he set his glass down and pushed his plate away. Next to me, Spencer choked on his food, making little attempt to hide his coughing. "You alright there, buddy?" Daniel asked, not having bothered to learn Spencer's name yet.
"Yes, thank you," Spencer replied, wiping his mouth with his napkin. "Not to crash the party or anything, but I'd love to attend those strip clubs with you all next time we're in town. I'm sure it would be quite," he glanced at me, "entertaining."
"Of course," Daniel replied unenthusiastically. "So how long have you been Edward's assistant?"
"Not long actually. I had to convince him I was worthy of his knowledge, but in the end, he'll realize what an asset I am."
I gave him a not-so-friendly glare. Spencer finished his meal and began looking around a bit more, occasionally joining in the conversations at our table. I was beyond nervous sitting there with two people that could possibly recognize Jasper, one whom I had just lied to and said Jasper was at home with his family.
Glancing across the room, I saw Jasper eyeing me a bit, his looks more fleeting than before. I had a plan and hoped he would see me and catch on. Putting my napkin on my plate, I stood and excused myself before weaving in and out of the tables toward the restroom. After entering, I went straight to a sink, turning on the cold water. Seconds later, the door swung open and I saw his reflection in the mirror.
Damn. I thought he had looked beautiful from across the room, but up close he was downright breathtaking.
And I could smell his cologne mixed with his own scent.
Turning off the water, I spun to face him while he looked under the stalls to be sure we were alone.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I whispered harshly.
"What do you think?" he snapped back. I remained quiet, he didn't answer my question and while I knew why he was there, I wanted to hear him say it. For some sick reason, I wanted to pour salt on the gaping wound. "I'm here with a client," he finally admitted.
"Client," I mocked, my lips curling. He didn't defend himself, but his constricting eyes told me that he was holding back. Closing my eyes for a second, I took a deep breath. "Listen, I didn't come in here to fight. I just wanted to let you know that-"
"Spencer and Daniel are here," he cut me off. "Yes, I know. I'm not blind."
"How'd you know it was him?"
"The way he looked at you," he responded, a bit of jealously seeping into his voice. His fists were balled at his sides, his long fingers clenching repeatedly. "Do you know how fucking hard it was to not get up and beat the shit out of that motherfucker?"
"Trust me, I know," I replied, imagining my own fists hitting the very perfect face of a certain client. "One of us needs to leave, and it can't be me."
"Why not?" He sounded indignant, but he took a step closer.
"Even if I left and got Spencer out of here, Daniel would still be here. I'm basically fucked."
He softened, and he took another step toward me until we were almost touching. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. Then I felt a finger under my jacket just above the waistband of my pants.
"Kiss me," he whispered, a bit of desperation in his voice. I wanted to tell him no, remind him that we could be caught at any moment but when I looked into his eyes and saw the concern there, I couldn't refuse him. "Please, baby," he begged, brushing his lips over mine and I groaned, unable to resist him any longer. I wanted him to have one thing, one last thing from me before my taste was erased by someone else's.
Moaning softly, his fingers tangled in my hair when I pushed my tongue into his mouth, dominating the brief, but passionate, kiss. I didn't grab him the way I wanted to, afraid that if I held him I wouldn't want to let him go. When we parted, I bit back a devastated whimper at the loss; the reality of him really leaving me to fuck someone else hit me hard.
"I can get my client to leave but…" he paused, nuzzling my cheek with his nose and then his lips were at my ear, taking the lobe between them briefly. I shivered when the finger became a hand and moved to my side where it tightly fisted my white shirt. His breath was warm and moist before he spoke. "You won't like it."
Arching my back away from him, I looked at him. "How can you-"
"I have my ways," was all he said before releasing me completely. I then realized I had walked into the bathroom angry and upset and within a minute of being with him, I had calmed and conformed under his spell. Nodding, I straightened my jacket as he looked in the mirror under the guise of fixing his hair should someone walk in.
Quietly, he asked, "Do me a favor and don't watch, okay?"
"Don't watch?"
"Don't watch," he repeated and gave me a sad smile. When I looked at him more closely, I saw the guard that had appeared in his eyes. Similar to the mask that I wore, he had one of his own. As I went to speak, he turned and left, the door swinging closed in his wake. Running my hands through my hair, I waited a few more seconds before heading back to my table.
"Welcome back, Edward," George greeted as I pulled out my chair and sat back down next to Spencer. I gave them a wide, fake smile. "We were just boring the ladies with our talk of whether or not Cullen Pharmaceuticals will make the Forbes list this year."
"Of course we will. We've made it the past five years in a row, this year is no different," I said, almost defensively. Everyone agreed with me of course, and then began talking about the last company to crumble. No matter how hard I tried, my eyes would not remain focused on my table, but kept wandering six tables over.
My skin still heated from his touch.
Don't watch.
Jasper leaned toward his client, his hand, the hand that had just been under my jacket fisting my shirt, on the man's lower back, as he spoke into the man's ear. Whatever he said got the client's attention, because his eyebrows immediately raised and he shot Jasper a glance.
Nipples being pinched, fingers seeking heated places, damp hair sticking to sweaty skin.
Smirking, the client glanced around the table quickly before giving Jasper his attention. I saw movement behind the man and realized Jasper's hand was no longer visible, but was moving up and down the man's back under his jacket. Clenching my jaw, I felt my entire body tense when the man ran a finger down Jasper's face before tracing his perfect lips.
Slickened cocks sliding against each other as hands grasped uselessly at the mattress for leverage.
Gracing the man with a dimpled smile, Jasper lowered his head and looked up at the man through his eyelashes. The client's eyes closed, and from the look on his face, I knew Jasper had moved his hand from the man's back to his thigh, or worse. Opening his eyes, the man said something to Jasper and a blush crept over Jasper's cheeks, but he nodded.
Sick to my stomach, I began to sweat and wondered how fast I could make it to the bathroom.
Thrusting into him, the man held Jasper's hips tightly, growling that he belonged to him.
With the hand that wasn't stroking the man's cock, Jasper picked up his glass of wine and took a demure sip. After placing the glass down, his tongue came out and teasingly licked the wine off his lips. His client watched every move, his attention, and cock, completely ensnared in Jasper's web of seduction. The others sitting at his table were oblivious to Jasper's efforts, each involved in their own conversations. The client's head lolled back slightly, a smile crossing his lips.
My stomach churned as I watched his interactions with the client. Mere moments before, he had made me feel like the most worthy person to have ever been born, his touch reminding me that I was his. Yet, there he was, looking at that man like he was the only soul on the planet, like he was Jasper's entire reason for existing. It made all of my insecurities seem a lot less ridiculous. How the hell could I believe that what he and I had was real when he was looking at someone else almost the exact same way as he looked at me?
"Fuck me," he begged wantonly, hips meeting each other over and over.
I shook my head, wanting to empty it of the images that insisted on torturing me.
It was barely noticeable, but I saw the client's hips rock back and forth into Jasper's grip under the table. My own cock twitched at the thought of Jasper's hands even as my heart tightened while I watched Jasper at work.
I knew how good those hands felt, how sweet that breath was, how convincing he could be.
The man's hips stopped and he sat up straighter, giving Jasper a hard look. Jasper had failed. Instead of getting the client to leave, he was being told to stop. Sighing, I hung my head, defeated.
It was only a matter of time before I was discovered.
"Do you think we could go over a few things about the meeting on Monday later? I want to be sure I'm up to date on everything so far. Also, can we discuss my job title? I'm not fond of 'assistant'." Spencer asked me.
"Not tonight," I said, resigned, there was no fight left in me.
Keeping my head down, I looked up at Jasper one last time, wondering just when Spencer or Daniel would spot him. I saw the client stand, Jasper soon following, his hand resting causally on his client's hip. The man's hand went around Jasper's neck and he drew him closer, not to kiss him but to speak to him, Jasper nodded and smiled. Before pulling away, the client kissed Jasper's cheek.
They both spoke to the people at the table, shook a few hands and then turned. The client's hand was on Jasper's lower back, guiding him as they headed for the exit. Jasper's blue eyes glanced over at me quickly, and he frowned when he realized I had been watching.
Stunned, I shook my head. Just a few seconds ago, I thought all was lost but I had clearly underestimated Jasper's talent for persuasion.
I don't even remember the rest of the party, the chatter about a bunch of useless information and gossip that didn't affect me or the company. Nodding and smiling when appropriate, I fumbled my way through the rest of the night and left as soon as I was able to.
In the limousine, Spencer turned toward me, his hands resting on his thighs.
"You're very good at what you do, Edward. I just want to be as good as you," he said quietly.
"And you think blackmailing your way into the position is the way to go?" I sighed.
Looking out the window, he shrugged. "Perhaps not, but it got me here. I know I'm good enough, you know I'm good enough. Give me credit for being ballsy enough to go after what I want." He turned back to me and slid closer, his hand moving from his thigh to mine.
"Not going to happen," I said tersely but didn't move his hand.
"Why not?"
Picking up his hand, I put it back on his own leg. "Because I don't want you."
"Bullshit."
It was hard to deny I had flirted with him at a few events, even imagined a steamy bathroom rendezvous, but that was before I knew what an ass he was. Turning away, I looked out the window and found my mind wandering.
"Yeah, right there, harder, harder," he cried out, his legs wrapped around the client's waist.
At the hotel, I was on autopilot as I walked through the lobby to the elevators, Spencer following me like a devoted puppy. The doors opened and we both stepped off, walking toward our rooms, only instead of stopping at his, he kept walking with me.
"Doesn't it ever get exhausting?" he asked, his stride matching mine, his eyes looking straight ahead.
"What?"
"The lying."
Yes.
"Good night, Spencer," I said as I slid my keycard in and opened my door. He was still staring at me, waiting for his answer, when I closed the door in his face.
For the first time in hours, I felt relief. Not huge weight off your shoulders relief, but enough so that my pulse slowed to a regular tempo. By some cruel, sick twist of fact, Jasper and I had ended up at the same party and yet we had managed to keep anyone from discovering our relationship.
I had to admit that it was mostly due to Jasper's skill. Had he not been able to get his client out of there, I was certain Spencer or Daniel would have recognized him. Toeing off my shoes by the door, I loosened my tie and headed straight for the bar for what would be the first of many shots of bourbon.
The thick, amber liquid flowed down my throat, burning just enough to feel it. After two shots, I grabbed the decanter and glass and brought them to the couch, setting them on the table before taking off my jacket and sitting down in the dark room. Resting my head against the back of the couch, I closed my eyes, savoring the numbness in my throat, wishing the alcohol would work quickly to dull the rest of me as well.
What was he doing to me?
My life had almost been turned upside down for the sake of an escort.
Gulping down another shot, I slammed the glass down on the table, my empty hands going to my hair to fist it.
This wasn't me. I wasn't the weak, unsure person, the one fumbling around trying to make sense of a hidden relationship that never should have happened to begin with. I was Edward Cullen; intelligent, powerful, rich, damn good at my job…and lonely.
I had been so lonely before Jasper. While I had never counted on anything other than sexual gratification when I had called the Service, I had gotten so much more. A beautiful blond boy had walked into my life and somehow between the fucking and moaning, he had burrowed inside me so deep I felt him even when I was two thousand miles away. No matter how long or hard I tried to resist the feelings I had growing for him, and that I knew he had for me, I always failed.
And Edward Cullen never failed.
Yet there I sat, alone again while he was out being fucked, or fucking. While another man's hands touched him, brought him pleasure, owned him, I sat on a couch with a headache and a shot glass.
The more I tried to make sense of us, the more my head hurt. Had everything we had been a ruse? I had opened up to him, revealed things to him that no one else knew, but I knew very little about him, only what he had felt was necessary to keep my attention, to keep me coming back for more.
And I had fucking fell for it.
Pouring and downing another shot, I sighed and lay back on the couch. The silence around me was heavy, weighing down on me as my thoughts grew louder and more clouded by alcohol. When I closed my eyes, I saw him, confused eyes begging me for answers I couldn't provide. He was as confused as I was. I don't think he realized how pure and evident his turmoil was to me.
Frantic hips thrust seeking the release that had been building after hours of tantalizing and teasing. "Need you," a husky voice declared as Jasper's eyes relayed the same need.
How could he do it? How could he be that person with me, filling all my desires in every way and then go and do the same thing with another? I had avoided thinking about him with other clients since our first night. In my world, he was mine to be bought and purchased. Slowly, it had dawned on me that if I could purchase him, others could as well. I never did like sharing; I had never had to do it before. If Alice and I had wanted the same thing, duplicates were provided. I had led a spoiled childhood which had led to a spoiled adulthood, having the best of everything within arm's reach was something I was accustomed to.
Jasper was the best.
He was also flesh and blood and not something to be owned, but for the right price, he could be bought.
Throaty murmurs escaped swollen lips as they met again and again in the candlelit room. "So good, baby," his voice whispered as the man plunged into him one last time, sheer ecstasy on his face as he came inside Jasper.
"Fuck," I growled. Clenching my eyes shut, I pressed the heels of my palms against them, desperate to rid my mind of the images. It was useless; they flooded me, each one more detailed than the one before it. I could hear his voice, see the sweat glistening on his body, and feel his rapture as he was brought to the height of pleasure.
Downing another shot, I began to feel the effects of the liquor in my blood, my body calming against my will, my eyes drifting closed again, the lids heavy from the bourbon's influence. Finally, a fretful sleep claimed me, dragging me into the darkness.
"**~~**"
It wasn't the hazy morning sun that woke me up, the constant beeping of the alarm on my blackberry, or the throbbing of my head. It hadn't been any of those. I had been startled from my sleep by the image of Jasper lying next to me, naked and wrapped in my arms, telling me everything I wanted to hear, but as I leaned in for a kiss, he was gone. Completely vanished from my arms, only a ghostly shadow of his presence remained.
After climbing off the couch, I ordered a pot of strong black coffee and got into the shower, practically scrubbing my skin raw in an effort to rinse away the night before. I dried off and dressed in an oxford and jeans, having planned to do nothing but work in the hotel room for the day. Just as I walked out of the bedroom into the hall, room service knocked. I let him in and showed him where to put the cart, then handed him a few dollars. As the door closed, I poured myself a cup of coffee, hoping the caffeine would alleviate some of my hangover. The rim of the mug had barely touched my lips when there was another knock at my door. With a sigh, I set the mug down and glanced at my clock. It was only a bit after nine. I opened the door, readying to tell Spencer to fuck off, we could go over the files later.
It wasn't Spencer.
It was him, looking beautiful and wonderful and perfect. His hair was slightly darker, loose, damp ringlets gathered around his face, blue eyes churned with uncertainty. I wanted to take him into my arms, sooth our mutual pain. The throbbing pulse in his neck was exposed by the unbuttoned collar of his white shirt…
He was still in his tuxedo. He hadn't changed. He had been fucking all night.
"Well at least you took a shower this time," I lashed out."So tell me, was he a good fuck?"
His blue eyes narrowed to a cold stare and I saw the muscles in his jaw tense and release as he held his tongue. With a long, exaggerated sigh, he asked, "Can I come in?"
Limbs entwined in the morning sun, erections stroked until they were unable to resist and Jasper straddled the client, easing his ass down onto the man's cock, his head falling back in pure pleasure.
I went to slam the door, exactly as I had done to Spencer the night before, but Jasper reacted quicker, his hand snapping up to stop it. Glaring at me with eyes that begged me to listen, to understand, he seemed tower over me. Not backing down, I returned his stare and raised an eyebrow, challenging him to make a move.
He did.
Letting go of the door, he lowered his hand and let me slam it in his face.
Something in my chest clenched, tightening so impossibly strong that my breath caught in my throat, turning it into a weak, raspy sound.
Just a two nights before, I had been thrilled when he had shown up at my room, seeking me out, needing me, wanting me so badly that he suggested we meet at his place. He was willing to see me off the clock, on his own time, and share his home with me. I owed it to him to hear him out before I told him that even though I needed him, for more than just fucking, I couldn't do it, I couldn't be with him anymore.
Opening the door slowly, I saw him standing in the hall, calmly leaning against the wall opposite my room, warily glancing at Spencer's door. His head snapped to me when the door opened and I stood aside, silently inviting him inside.
"What?" I sighed, sounding more frustrated than defeated, as he brushed by me and turned to face me.
"What the fuck is your problem, Edward?" he asked, already defensive. He turned to me, his eyes hard.
"Why were you there last night?" I asked, folding my arms across my chest. We hadn't moved past the hallway.
Rolling his eyes, he shook his head disbelievingly. "Because he paid me to be."
"Why are you here now?"
"Because I want to be," he replied quietly. I watched him, his face softening as he stared at me, his mask lifting.
I couldn't help myself. "Is that the only reason?"
"Isn't that good enough? Or should there be another?" he snapped quickly.
Shrugging, I tilted my head to the side, sizing him up. "You could just want to make sure I remain a loyal client."
"I'm not just your dirty little secret, Edward," he snarled, his lips literally curling up over his teeth threateningly. At his sides, his fists clenched as he fought to maintain control.
"No, you're everyone else's too," I scoffed with an evil smirk. I didn't want to admit how dirty I could play.
When he took a step closer I could feel the heat and anger radiating off him, the pulse in his neck was rapid and strong. His scent careened through me quicker than the purest alcohol and was just as intoxicating. I tried not to breath. Fury laced with lust darkened his eyes to a deep sea blue-black. Taking another step, our chests were almost touching, a deep breath by either of us and they would be.
"Fuck you, Edward," he growled angrily, but I saw the flicker of something else in his eyes.
It was spiteful, I knew it. Regardless if the words were true or not, I wanted him to hurt the same way I had been hurt.
"I just might let Spencer do that."
Confusion colored his face for a brief moment before it was clouded by rage. Before I could even feel remorse or formulate an apology, he was pressing me hard against the wall and crushing his mouth to mine.
For the briefest of seconds, I thought about pushing him away, ignoring how wonderful he felt and telling him to leave, to go back to his fucking client. Just minutes before coming to me, he had been with another man, kissing him, touching him...making him come. Feeling his lips on mine, I couldn't help but wonder who else had felt them, had enjoyed their taste and texture. The visions I had struggled with the night before came back; Jasper writhing beneath him, screaming out his name, clawing at his back as he came - and I almost denied him.
Almost.
Then Jasper's tongue invaded my mouth and any thoughts of telling him no left, replaced with the need to claim, to show him that no matter whom or what he'd had the night before, I was better. I would make him forget everyone but me.
I pushed against his tongue with mine and tangled my fingers into his hair, biting at his lips and earning a growl when I thrust my hard cock into his. Ripping his mouth from mine, his eyes were fury and fire as he stripped off his suit jacket, blazing while he reached for the collar of my shirt. The buttons of my oxford scattered to the floor as he yanked the material apart, his lips mashing mine so forcefully our teeth clanked together. When I released his hair, my tattered shirt slid down my shoulders, fluttering to the floor as we rutted against the wall, my bare chest pressed against his clothed one, our grunts and groans swallowed by each other's mouths.
Then his hands were unbuttoning my pants, pushing them over my ass until they bunched around my knees. Urgently, I thrust my bare cock forward, the smooth material of his slacks rubbing me deliciously. When he pulled back, I focused my gaze, his eyes boring into mine, filled with a number of emotions; anger, possession, confusion, hurt… all the things that were coursing through me too.
He spun me around, pressing me into the wall forcefully, my entire body burned with the need to be claimed by him. I braced my hands and arched my back, my body craving and needing his touch even if my mind wanted to say no. I heard the rustling of clothes behind me, a shirt leaving his body, a zipper sliding down, all the while he was mumbling, a long stream of unintelligible words that I strained to make out. I was panting, my own breath fanning over my face as my forehead rested against the wall, simultaneously begging for more of his touch and trying to deny how much it affected me.
Suddenly, his naked body was pressing into me from behind, the heat of chest searing onto my back as he leaned in close, his wet breath tickling my ear as he spoke.
"Could he make you feel like this?"
His words caught me off guard. How could he be the one that needed the reassurance? Before I could really question his line of thinking, his hand wrapped around my cock and I whimpered when I felt his erection slip between my cheeks, wanting to feel him inside me so badly. With every harsh tug of his hand, the head my cock slid along the wall, slickening it with my leaking precum as he held my hips still with his free hand so he could rub against me. His weight was heavy on me in the most perfect way when he pushed me flush with the wall, gripping my hair tightly and pulling my head, his teeth latched onto the junction of my neck and shoulder, forcing a loud cry from me as the pleasure mixed with the pain.
"Could he make you scream?" he panted, his bare cock still teasing my ass. With his hand still in my hair, his other hand left my cock and I nearly growled, ready to tell him to keep going until I heard a wet sucking noise, immediately followed by two of his fingers shoving into me.
"God, fuck," I grunted, my fist slamming against the wall, shaking the expensive artwork hanging there. I arched my back trying to get his fingers deeper.
I couldn't distinguish what I was feeling anymore. I was a jumbled mess of anger, arousal, pain, pleasure…
All I knew was that I wanted more.
"Could he make you beg, Edward?" he demanded to know. His fingers stabbed at my prostate, a guttural moan ripping from my throat as the intense pleasure wracked my body, my toes curling into the thick carpet. Teeth pinched the skin that covered my shoulder blades, the nape of my neck, my earlobe, only to be soothed with his tongue lapping at me right after. I was almost to the brink when his fingers stilled and I bit my lip, determined not to do exactly what he wanted. But my body had a mind of its of own and before I could stop myself, I was wantonly riding his fingers, the wall providing the friction I needed for my cock. Even though I was willingly fucking myself, he remained still, waiting for me to say it.
Impatiently, I spoke through gritted teeth. "Just fuck me, damn it."
"Beg," he said, his voice raw and low.
"Fuck," I spat, pissed that I was about to give in so easily. "Please, Jasper, fuck me."
"Fuck, yes," he exclaimed, his fingers immediately leaving my body. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw him bend and rummage through his jacket, pulling a condom from the inside pocket. The fact that he had one in his jacket pocket made my stomach twist painfully, knowing why he had it there in the first place. I clenched my eyes shut, trying to stop the visions from coming back again. I moaned when I heard him spit into his hand and rub it down his cock. The delicious thought of his hand stroking his dick temporarily pushed away the disgusting feelings of jealousy and hurt.
When the blunt head of his cock pushed at my entrance, I angled my hips back, wanting him in me as deep as he could possibly be, wanting to have him claim me and own me, use my body to erase his actions from the night before.
"Nothing will ever feel this way, Edward. Nothing," he vowed, quickly working his thick cock inside me, "will ever compare… to this, to us."
I knew he was right.
He wasted no time, pulling out and shoving back in forcefully. Every time he withdrew, I pushed back only to be slammed forward into the wall again when he slid deep inside me. We were tangled limbs and panting breath and sweaty bodies, unsure of where he ended and I began. It was raw and feral and greedy. Brutal thrusts had me shaking, biting my lip so hard I thought it might bleed. It was so fucking intense and I struggled to hold off, to fight against my orgasm until he was just as close as I was.
"Just me, Edward," he growled. "Only I can do this to you. ."
He punctuated his last words with hard thrusts, angling his hips to hit my prostate with each stroke, stealing my breath. The wall felt cool against my heated skin as my dick slid against it with each movement of our entwined bodies. While one hand held my hips securely to him, the other freely roamed over my body, leaving red marks from his nails in its wake.
"Only you," I declared, unable to hold it in any longer. "Fuck… only you."
"He couldn't make you feel like this. No matter what, you know I'm the only one that will ever make you feel this way."
His thighs slapped against me as he brutally pounded me, time all but coming to a stop as he used my body to chase his release. I felt something shift through him, fingers easing up, a grip not as tight, thrusts beginning to slow. It was as if all the energy had been taken from him and for a moment, my heart stopped.
I wondered if that was it, if my words had been too much, if I had pushed him away and he was about to leave me.
"So good… please… I fucking can't…" he mumbled in broken phrases, worrying me even further, his hips slowing to a stop as he rested his forehead on my shoulder. Sweaty and shaking against me, his breath washed over my back, worrying and comforting me at the same time.
Confused and scared, I turned my head to question him but the words were caught by his lips as he kissed me hungrily. Heated and desperate, his tongue caressed mine, the whimper he let loose was on the edge of pleading but for what, I didn't know. He pulled his cock out of me and coaxed me to turn around, his hands still on my hips, our lips never separating as I relaxed back against the wall. It was slow, deep, more of the Jasper I knew instead of the anger and possession I had felt before. As his hands roamed my back, shoulders and neck, his mouth left mine only to finally finish taking off my pants and toss them aside. Reversing our position until his back was against the wall, his touch turned desperate and he clung to me, his lips constantly on mine, yielding and demanding at the same time. Sliding down the wall, he brought me down to straddle his lap. I wanted to do more, give more, make him feel more, anything to keep us tied together when we were apart. Selfishly, I ignored the little voice that told me I was only willing because I wanted to keep him, and let him wrap me in his embrace, returning it with fervor.
When the head of his cock pressed against my entrance again, I opened my eyes and pulled my lips from his, his intense gaze ripping the gaping hole in my chest open, filling it with all that he could give me. Something in the way he moved and wanted and looked unraveled me.
And I knew.
No matter what he had done the night before, no matter who he had been with or where he had been, he was still Jasper.
My Jasper.
That overwhelming connection was still there, strong and steady and coursing through me until it felt like my body was on fire.
His touch still felt the same. It still made my heart race and my cock harden. It still gave me more pleasure than anything I had ever experienced.
His lips still told me the same thing. That he wanted me. That he cared. That he knew me like no one else ever would.
And when his thighs met my ass, his cock fully sheathed inside me, I knew that he still owned my body. Playing it and manipulating it much like I was an instrument and he was a musician, my body literally singing for him.
Nothing had changed.
"Fuck," he rasped, his voice hoarse with arousal and a number of other things I couldn't identify.
Pulling out smoothly, his hands grasped the skin that covered my ribs and thrust back in slowly, filling me completely for the first time since we had started because it meant something. It wasn't out of anger or retaliation for my hurtful words anymore. It was apologetic and caring and everything I needed.
"Oh my God," I sighed as my entire body tingled.
I lost all track of time after that, it could have been minutes or hours. No words were spoken, we didn't need them anymore, our bodies spoke for us. It was pushing and pulling, our lips in constant contact and our hands everywhere; in each other's hair, clawing at each other's backs, until finally settling for one of his hands in mine covering his pounding heart and his other hand stroking my cock.
I was getting close, my hips grinding hard against him every time he entered me. Graceful fingers gripped my cock, our insistent rocking growing needier. Knowing I wouldn't be able to take much more, I began bouncing on his cock, trying to push him over the edge.
Unfortunately, he stopped me, ceasing my movements by gripping my hips and holding me down, his cock twitching hard as he sat deep within me. Our eyes locked, stormy blue meeting green and I watched, yet again, as a number of emotions crossed his face before finally settling on sadness and my heart clenched at the sight. Slowly, he closed the small amount of distance between our lips, softly brushing his mouth over mine.
"Tell me again," he whispered desperately.
He didn't need to clarify; I knew exactly what he needed.
"Only you, Jasper."
A small noise escaped his throat, something between a whimper and groan, and he swelled and pulsed inside me, filling the condom with come as he captured my lips again. His orgasm seemed to go on forever, his fingers digging into my hips as his hips jerked up into me erratically. It was so beautiful, seeing him so raw, so carnal like that.
When he was spent, his forehead hit my chest; his heavy breaths caressing my skin and making my overly sensitive nipples tingle. My cock was literally aching, Jasper's hand had faltered during his orgasm and I knew the slightest touch would be all I needed. As if reading my mind, he tilted his head and looked up at me through his lashes, his eyes still heavy-lidded and swimming with emotions. When his hand moved over my cock, I twitched in his palm, biting my lip hard as my hips strained toward his touch.
"Come on, baby, come for me."
And I exploded.
My fists tugged at his curls as my head lolled back and a harsh cry escaped me, my cum shooting in strong bursts from my cock, covering his hand and stomach. Still semi-hard, he continued thrusting into me, prolonging my orgasm until I was drained both physically and mentally. After the whirlwind of emotions I had been through, I didn't think I could handle much more, my head and my heart sore from the battle I had been fighting.
When I was able to open my eyes again, Jasper was staring at me, sorrow and regret written clearly on his face. I had caused that, his pain was from me. Shame and guilt overcame me.
"I'm so sorr-"
"Don't," he urged gently, giving me a small, sad smile and using his clean hand to brush the damp clumps of hair off my forehead. I couldn't help but lean into his tender touch.
Wordlessly, I nodded and raised myself off his cock, feeling empty as soon as he slipped from me. Kneeling beside him, I reached for my ruined shirt, wiping off his abdomen and his hand before cleaning my cock. He remained still, intently watching every move I made, nothing escaping his gaze. When I was done, I tossed the shirt aside and pulled the condom off his softening cock, throwing it onto my shirt. He quirked an eyebrow at me and I shrugged.
"It was ruined anyway," I replied to his unasked question.
Then he opened his arms and I moved between his spread legs. Laying my back against his chest, he drew me close and wrapped his arms around my middle. I let my head fell back onto his shoulder and I felt his lips brush my cheek as he gently nuzzled me, my hands went to his, entwining our fingers as the last of my orgasm began to recede from my body.
"I told you not to watch," he murmured softly, but unapologetically.
He was right, he had warned me. He had only been doing his job, but some masochistic side of me had needed to see the reality of him being an escort, of him fucking others for money. We could pretend that's not what he was when we were alone, but we both knew better. Whether it be in the form of Spencer, his clients, or the fact that my work in Seattle would eventually be completed and I would no longer be making the biweekly trips, the real world always had a way of crawling back into our lives.
"I can't do this, Jasper. I can't be with you knowing you're…fucking other men," I responded, but even as the words left my mouth, I knew they were a lie.
I would do it, I had to do it.
"It's my fucking job, Edward," he reasoned.
With a heavy sigh, I nodded. "I know…your job is fucking," I whispered, closing my eyes. As he shifted his weight behind me, the rug scratched my tender ass and I knew I would be sore the next day. Tightening his hold on me, he angled his head to so he could see my eyes.
"What do you want from me?" he asked quietly.
I didn't answer him because I didn't know. There was no way I would ask him to quit; I had no right to ask that.
"So," he paused, taking in a shallow breath, "would you rather we end it?"
There was a long moment of silence, his question sitting heavy in the musk-scented air. Even as that possibility threatened both of us, my fingers moved with his, touching and adoring, and my body relaxed against his even more than before. My mind might have warned me about what I was getting into, the reasonable part of me screaming to walk away, he was giving me an easy out, take it and be done. But my heart…that was a fixed point, and it was not leaving him.
Honestly, I had known from the minute he walked into my room that night months before, the minute he had touched me and held me and spoke to me, that he was it. I had never experienced love before. The closest I could come was my relationship with Mason, but we had been so young, curious and inexperienced, it had all felt so new and exciting, it had been easy to mistake it for love.
"No," I finally replied in barely a whisper. The sigh of relief that escaped him brushed over my shoulder and cheek, and I felt his forehead against my temple.
"Baby…" he began but never finished, not able to find the words he wanted to say, the words he felt.
Lifting one of his hands to my lips, I kissed it and then placed it on my chest over my heart. "Can I ask you something?"
He nodded, turning his head so we were cheek to cheek.
"How do you do it? How do you have sex with other men even though we're…we're…" I stumbled for the right word but came up empty.
"Together?"
When I nodded, I felt him tense behind me, his fingers stilling in mine as he considered my question. Perhaps he didn't have an answer, or perhaps thought the answer would hurt, but nothing could have hurt more than having had seen him with a client.
"It's okay, tell me," I implored.
"It's hard to explain, Edward."
"Please try."
He lifted his head from mine, his eyes staring at our hands over my heart, his entire body on edge behind me.
"Every since I was …young, I've been able to separate my body from my mind, disengage it somehow. At first it was to just imagine myself someplace saf-… someplace else. I got very good at it and now my body can experience the physical pleasure, feel everything, but my mind isn't always necessarily there. "
"How?"
Shaking his head, he trembled behind me and I felt the walls of his carefully built fortress beginning to crack.
"I honestly don't know," his voice cracked a bit.
I didn't believe him, there was more, but I let it go, knowing that whatever had caused him to perfect such skill was traumatic and we had already been through enough.
"So you have sex with other men-"
"Women, too."
"And women," I sighed, "and you enjoy it?"
"Not always, but with some, yes, it feels very good. But Edward," he paused, the rough pad of his thumb caressing my nipple. "With them it's just sex. You know it's not like that with you."
I tried to resist the smile, but I felt it pulling at my lips regardless. His wheat curls ticked my cheek as he dragged his nose along my jaw, deeply inhaling my scent.
"Do you cuddle with any of them?"
Do you hold them, cling to them like you do me?
There was a pause before he replied, "No."
Snuggling into his grasp more, I began to feel an unquenchable thirst to know more about him, anything, just something his other clients didn't know.
"Is Jasper your real name?" I blurted out, catching him off guard. He had been expecting a sexual related question, not something as mundane as a name.
After considering for a few seconds, he whispered. "Yes." Then he supplied me with what I really wanted. "Jasper Whitlock."
Jasper Whitlock.
"That's a beautiful name," I smiled. "Jasper Whitlock…."
"Thanks," he murmured, even blushing a bit. The boy fucked others for money and he blushed when I complimented his name? Then I realized it was because his name was more personal to him then sex was, it was something he didn't easily share with others, something he had trusted me with. My heart swelled a bit at the thought.
Greedy, I released one of his hands on my chest and let it fall to his thigh. Slowly, I trailed it up his sweaty muscle to his hip where I blindly felt for the scar I knew was hidden in the crevice there. He flinched when my finger traced the jagged line, but he remained relax and sated.
"And this?" I asked, my finger repeating the pattern of the white line marring his perfect skin. "How did you get this?"
Clearly uncomfortable with my question, he shifted behind me, his arms tightening around me even as I felt his hands move to my hips to push me off. Lifting me, he separated us a bit but then stopped, as if he couldn't decide to continue or give in. I felt the battle raging inside him, his body trembling in fight or flight mode against my back, his heart pounded and I relaxed into his touch, letting him know that he could push me away if he wanted, but I wasn't leaving voluntarily.
It was his choice.
Pulling myself from his embrace, I turned to face him, my body aching with the movements. With my knees bracketing his thighs, I placed one open palm on his cheek, the other low on his left hip over the scar, the current source of his torment.
"Jasper?"
Biting his bottom lip, he stared at me, so uncertain and frightened. In those deep blue eyes, I saw past his defensiveness and confusion, straight into the truth in his soul that struggled to show itself to me.
But he refused, shaking his head, his eyes finally lowering from mine.
"I can't, I…"
There was something naïve and childish in his actions, like a child afraid of a monster under his bed, but I knew it went so much deeper than that. Whatever Jasper kept hidden deep inside him caused his body to quiver and tremble in front of me. Resting my forehead to his, I closed my eyes and wrapped a hand around his neck, burying my fingers into his silky hair. His thin breaths were warm on my face as he tried to regain control.
"Love, it doesn't matter what you're too afraid to tell me. I'm in too deep already. I'm not walking away…I can't."
He nodded, although I wasn't sure if it was for me or him, and then he took a deep breath.
"You're not going to like this."
"**~~**
Thanks for reading~
Lots of news…
First, my profile has been updated with a new multi-chapter J/E slash called "If on a Winter's Night." A story I've been dying to write for 9 months.
Second, Round two of The Slash awards! Nominations are going on, so pick out your favorite slash kiss, ILY, Domsper, Inkward etc. Details are here http:/ theslashawards DOT blogspot DOT com - Follow us on twitter theslashawards
Third, M&A has been nominated for a Golden Lemon Award for Best Slash, and a Glove Award for Best Jasper. You can vote for your favorites here:
http:/www DOT goldenlemonawards DOT com/ (voting until Aug 30th)
http:/thegloveawards DOT webs DOT com (voting until August 13th)
Finally, come join us on the M&A thread on Twilighted…. http:/www DOT twilighted DOT net/forum/viewtopic DOT php?f=44&t=9674