A/N Okay so I took a lot of liberties in this one. I don't know anything about bilgesnipe (other than what Thor said in The Avengers). I don't know what Asgard looks like (other than what little I saw in Thor). And I don't know what kind of animals (if they even have any) that are in Asgard. Basically all I know is what was on the movies and the rest I made up. So, that being said, if anything is wrong please don't get mad at me.

WolfAngel62, I'm not sure if this is what you had in mind but it's what popped into my head when I read your request. I hope you like it. :)

Requested by WolfAngel62: Could you write something with Clintasha, a bilgesnipe, and a Roman/Asgardian floor? Oh and make sure to include Thor.

Not In Kansas Anymore

Being woken up by someone poking you in the face is not the most pleasant experience. In fact, if Clint had to describe it, irritating would be the mildest word he would use. Part of him (a pretty big part actually) wanted to deck whoever (Tony) it was that was poking him, but decided to make sure who it was first.

As it turned out, Clint opened his eyes to see not Tony but a small animal of some kind. It wasn't exactly a monkey but that was the closest description he could give the strange creature. He wasn't sure what it was, certainly not anything he had ever seen or heard of, but one thing was for sure if that thing was indigenous to Earth, Clint was a monkey's uncle.

When it saw Clint's eyes open, the monkey creature stopped poking him and man and monkey stared at each other for a few seconds before Clint slowly sat up. At Clint's movement, the monkey creature let out a startled squeak and ran away from him, disappearing from the room Clint found himself in.

It was a dome shaped room with an open hole in the wall that led outside. In the middle of the room was a kind of raised platform or dais. All in all it was a bit strange and definitely not somewhere Clint had been before. The room/dome was on the whole, foreign. What wasn't foreign, though, was the unconscious man laying next to him.

"Tony!" Clint barked loudly.

"Pepperony!" Tony yelled as he sat bolt upright.

"You were dreaming about pizza?" Clint asked with a chuckle.

"Pizza? What gave you that idea?" Tony asked once he got his barrings.

"You just yelled 'pepperoni,'" Clint answered.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Pizza. That's what I was dreaming about all right," Tony said quickly. "So where are we?" he asked, effectively changing the subject.

"I haven't quite figured that out yet," Clint replied.

"Then let's find out," Tony said climbing to his feet.

Together they walked out of the domed room and looked in awe at what they saw. They were standing on a long bridge of all different colors. In the distance was what could only be described as a huge and magnificent castle. The bridge stretched over a large body of water and connected to said castle.

"Wow, that's something else," Clint said with a whistle.

"We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto," Tony said.

"Call me Toto again and you're going to be 'off to see the wizard,'" Clint said.

"What are we waiting for let's follow the rainbow streaked bridge," Tony said.

"One more terrible Wizard of Oz reference and I'm going to slap you," Clint warned.

Without any further words Clint took off walking, Tony following beside him. They walked for the next ten minutes before they reached the castle.

"Oh, look. An open door. That's handy," Tony said walking right in before Clint could stop him.

"Yeah walk right into the strange unfamiliar, otherworldly castle without even a bit of caution," Clint grumbled under his breath while mentally swearing to make Tony pay if the billionaire got them captured or in some other trouble because of his lack of self preservation.

The two men entered into what appeared to be a huge, high ceiling hallway. Posh furniture, drapery, and carpets lined the way.

"So should we just start opening doors or what?" Tony asked.

"Why don't we just wonder down the hall and see if we run into anyone before we start an invasion of privacy?" Clint said.

"I don't know I actually-"

"It was rhetorical, Tony," Clint said effectively cutting off what was sure to be a long winded and very nonsensical monologue from the billionaire.

For someone so smart, Tony could be a bit scatterbrained at times and just plain confusing at others. So Clint quickly took off up the hall before Tony could comment or argue. They ended up walking for several more minutes before they heard voices coming up the hall. Not knowing where they were or if the people were hostile, Clint was about to grab Tony and find a place to hide when he recognized one of the voices as belonging to Thor. The archer relaxed and stayed where he was but a second later he recognized the other voice and the urge to hide rose up in him again. The second voice belonged to Natasha and she sounded mad. It was too late to hide, though, as said people appeared around a corner and caught sight of them.

"My friends, we have been looking for you everywhere!" Thor cried as he jogged toward them and grabbed them both in a bear hug.

"Thor, let go," Tony rasped out.

"Can't breathe," Clint added.

"Sorry," Thor said sheepishly as he turned them loose.

"Where are we?" Tony asked once he got his breath back.

"We're in Asgard, thanks to you two idiots," Natasha half snarled and Clint suddenly wanted to hide behind Thor for protection.

"Hey, Tasha," Clint said and he would swear his voice didn't shake. It didn't.

"Don't you 'hey, Tasha' me," she said poking Clint in the chest.

"It's your fault that we're here," she said looking at Clint and Tony both.

"How do you figure that?" Tony asked.

"You requested to come here, my friends," Thor replied.

"Thor you need to learn to never listen to us when we're drunk," Tony said.

"How do you factor into this?" Clint asked Natasha.

"I was trying to get the two of you under control when a burst of rainbow colors surrounded us and the next thing I know we're in Asgard and the two of you are running off to 'explore.' I was able to find Thor and we've been looking for the two of you the rest of the night. Now give me one good reason not to shoot you," Natasha said her tone becoming more angry as she spoke.

"Uh, you complete me?" Clint asked nervously.

Natasha slapped him on the back of the head and walked away.

"I could have told you that never works," Tony said speaking from personal experience.

"It was all I could come up with on spur of the moment and while panicking," Clint replied.

"Believe me, I understand," Tony said patting Clint on the shoulder. "I do have to say, even though we were drunk at the time and Natasha is mad at us this actually wasn't such a bad idea. I've been wanting to see Asgard. Let's look around."

"It may have seemed like a good idea at the time but now I'm not so sure. I think maybe we should just go home," Clint said rubbing the sore spot on the back of his head.

"Oh, come on we're already here and we're sober now. Let's take advantage of the opportunity," Tony reasoned.

"Okay," Clint said reluctantly. "I guess it couldn't hurt."

"Great, it's all set," Tony said slapping Clint on the shoulder and jogging to catch up with Thor and Natasha a little ways up the hall.

"Why do I have the feeling this isn't going to end well?" Clint mumbled as he followed.

Thor led them up the hall a ways before stopping at a huge set of double doors. He pushed one of them open and the four of them walked in. The room was massive with hanging tapestries and statues lining the walls. At the far end of the room was a wooden table, which had to be at least forty feet across. Behind it there were maps, drawings, and other strategic looking documents hanging on the wall.

"This is my father's war room," Thor said as they walked in.

The room and the furniture was the first thing Tony noticed, but as they moved on into the room the floor caught his eye. The entire floor looked to be a kind of tile mosaic design. The design was made up of hundreds of triangles placed in a circular formation and was arranged in such a way that it seemed to spiral in on itself. The closest thing Tony had ever seen to it was some of the floor designs in Rome back on Earth. This floor was much bigger of course. In fact it was so big and intricate that it was a bit disorienting to look at.

"Man this floor is making me dizzy," Clint said, actually wobbling just a bit.

"My thoughts exactly," Tony agreed, just as disoriented.

"Yes, the design can be a bit much," Thor added. "I find that it helps to not stare directly at it while you're moving."

Tony and Clint took Thor's advice and made sure to focus on the walls instead. It was a strange feeling, having motion sickness while walking.

"Are all of the floors like this? Because if so I think I'll take a rain check on the tour," Tony said.

"Do not worry, my friends, this is the only room with a floor such as this," Thor assured.

"Good," Clint said in relief.

He and Tony chose not to acknowledge the fact that Natasha wasn't having a bit of a problem with the floor. She was just good at hiding it. That was it.

Fortunately, it didn't take them long to make it across the room to the door in the opposite wall and exit the room. For the next half hour, Thor gave them a tour around the castle showing them many of the extravagant and elegant rooms. Eventually, Thor led them to a door and stopped to address the rest of them.

"This leads outside. I thought perhaps we could tour the grounds and the nearby forest a bit," Thor suggested.

There were no protests, so the four of them ventured outside. They made it through the grounds and were exploring the forest, which was made up of gigantic trees so tall and big around that the three humans felt like ants amongst them. Everything was going rather well, Natasha had calmed down and was actually walking beside Clint when there was a rumbling in the ground and a crashing sound in the distance.

"What is that?" Tony asked.

"We should head back to the castle," Thor said.

"Why what's wrong?" Natasha asked.

"Nothing too troublesome. But to be on the safe side I think we should return," the warrior replied vaguely.

Thor turned to begin to lead them out of the forest but didn't make it far before there was a loud crash and a giant creature came barreling out of the trees.

"What is that!" Clint cried.

"A bilgesnipe," Thor replied. "We should probably run."

"No duh!" Tony cried as he, Clint, and Natasha took off, Thor hesitating but a moment before following on their heels.

The four of them sped through the forest, the bilgesnipe right behind them. The three humans were caught off guard as Thor suddenly began laughing.

"Isn't this great fun!" he yelled.

"What about this is fun?" Clint shot back, but the laughter was infectious and pretty soon Clint and Tony were laughing as well, unsurprisingly Natasha did not join in.

"Does the fact that we're laughing hysterically, while being chased by a giant creature bent on trampling us to death, make us crazy?" Clint asked.

"Probably," Tony answered.

They didn't get trampled, though. They made it out of the forest and once they were clear the bilgesnipe stopped following them in favor of returning to its own domain.

"Well, that was fun. What's next?" Tony asked.

Clint was about to answer when he caught sight of the not so happy look on Natasha's face and his original words died on his lips.

"I think we should probably just go on home," he said instead.

"What? Why? We're having so much fun," Tony said.

Clint cleared his throat and unobtrusively motioned to Natasha. Tony glanced at the female assassin and cleared his own throat.

"Yeah, home sounds good," he agreed.

"All right. Then to the bifrost," Thor said, oblivious to the look on Natasha's face and the nervous fidgeting from her boyfriend, who she was still glaring at, silently promising to make his life not quite so pleasant for the foreseeable future.

Thor also didn't notice when Clint purposely positioned himself so that both Thor and Tony were between himself and his irritated girlfriend. Fifteen minutes later they arrived back in the domed room that Tony and Clint had woken up in.

"What are we doing in here?" Tony asked curiously.

"From here I can transport us through space back to Midgard," Thor explained.

"There's no place like home," Tony said and a beat later Clint's hand collided with the back of the billionaire's head. "What was that for?" Tony asked rubbing his head.

"I told you, one more Wizard of Oz reference and I was going to slap you," Clint replied.

"No. You said one more terrible reference. That one wasn't terrible," Tony argued.

"That's a matter of opinion," Clint stated dryly.

A/N If anyone is curious about what the floor looked like, I just Googled Roman Floor and it was one of the first pictures that popped up. Just looking at the picture made me dizzy I can't imagine it as a huge floor. Anyway, until next time, feel free to write a little something in that box down there. :)