I promise this story isn't abandoned even though I haven't updated in a year. Honestly I don't know how that happened and I'm extremely sorry, but this story WILL be finished, it's just going to be slow going. I was looking at the date it was first published and it might literally take me 10 years to do it, but better late than never right?

Luckily I had plenty of classes the next day to keep my mind off last night's dramatic events, and I didn't have to see Silky or anyone else in the morning because they were all at practice. I winced when thinking of the brilliant hangover Rob must have, but I winced more thinking about what caused it-the same thing that made him spew out things he didn't mean.

I wrapped my scarf more tightly around my neck as I left the art building. I had to walk all the way to the other side of campus for my next class in the freezing cold.

"Cal, wait up!" I heard Julie's voice behind me.

Oh god. I'd never had a chance to talk to her about walking in on me and Robby, and now I was just wishing I didn't have to.

She skidded to a halt beside me, shoes crunching on the salted sidewalk. "We need to talk. About Rob."

I groaned, eliciting a large cloud of breath from my mouth.

"Did you think you were getting off that easy?"

"It's not what you think. It's nothing, really." I walked faster, determined to get to class and leave her behind.

She wrinkled her nose. "I don't believe that for a second."

I stopped and looked at her. "What, pray tell, do you mean by that?"

"Cal, come on. I've seen the way you look at him."

"Oh, please." I started walking again in earnest. "That was straight of a rom com right there, Jules."

"Look, I just don't want you to get hurt," she said, hurrying to catch up with me.

"I'm not going to get hurt." Of course, that was exactly when the toe of my shoe slid on a patch of ice, and I went tumbling forward. I barely got my elbows out in time, but the shock of them hitting the ground was enough to jerk my head back and it made contact also.

"Oh my god!" Julie flung herself next to me, while I lay there too shocked to move. "Are you okay? Say something!"

As soon I tried to pull myself up, my elbows and knees screamed at me and my head swam. "Son of a bitch."

"There you are." Julie sighed in relief and helped me into a sitting position. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"I'm fine," I pushed her hands away. "Just give me a second."

"Oh, there's Dave."

I looked up and saw Silky running towards us. "Oh, Christ, no."

"What happened?" Dave asked, dropping into a crouch on the other side of me. He put his hand on my forehead and I hissed. "Did you hit your head? Let me see your pupils!"

"Guys, please!" I threw my arms out to give myself some space.

"We need to get ice on this, stat." Silky announced,

I glared at him, even though it hurt my head. "Who says stat?"

A few minutes later we had ended up in Doc's office on campus, me sitting in between Julie and Silky, holding an ice pack to my face.

"I can't believe you just went down like that," Dave said, not quite managing to keep the laughter out of his voice.

I guessed since Doc had cleared me of a concussion it was now appropriate to laugh at my pain.

"So, Callie, when are we going to have that talk?" Julie asked, raising her eyebrows meaningfully.

Silky looked back and forth between us.

"Well, definitely not here, Julie," I said through gritted teeth.

Silky cleared his throat and looked at his watch. "I actually have to go to class, so you girls can chatter away. And take care of that head, Callie."

Once he was gone, Julia turned on me. I opened my mouth to protest but she stopped me from saying anything.

"Don't freak out. Just listen to me for a second, okay? Because you really need to hear this."

When I didn't say anything in response, she took a deep breath and continued.

"Cal, I know we haven't known each other for very long, but I can tell, well, you need to let someone in. I mean, really let them in. And I don't know. I'm sure Robby isn't the kind of guy you ever thought you'd be with, but I think he's good for you. Don't ask me how I know, I can just tell. So just be honest with yourself, okay?"

For a few seconds, I was shocked. My gut instinct was to tell her how wrong about everything she was. But I just didn't have it in me anymore. So instead I just said, "I can't afford to be honest with myself right now."

XXXXXXXXXX

By the time evening rolled around, I was absolutely exhausted. I didn't even want to think about how sore my head was going to be tomorrow morning. The original plan I had was to keep my distance from Robby for a little while because of the things he drunkenly told me. I was hoping that he wouldn't remember it. But by the end of the day I was cranky and tired and I didn't want to be alone. Silky was out with Lynn again, so Rob it was.

When he opened his door, I immediately hugged him and pushed my face into his chest. Fuck distance, I needed this.

Rob chuckled and reached around me to close the door. "Well, hello to you too."

I sighed deeply, feeling relaxed for the first time all day.

"You okay?"

I straightened up to look at him. "Yeah, just, I don't know." I tried to see if there were any traces of embarrassment or reluctance on his face; any sign that he remembered what he said the night before. There wasn't any. "How's the hangover?"

"It was a mother this morning, but it's worn off."

"I got you in."

He gave me a quizzical look. "I know—hey, what happened?" His hand came up to trace the already-forming bruise on my forehead. "Street fighting again?"

"I tripped. It's fine." I grabbed his hand and laced our fingers together.

His brow was still wrinkled in concern but he tugged me over to the couch. "Come on, you look like you're dead on your feet."

We both settled on the couch, me practically sitting in his lap. He gently kissed my forehead. "Must you always be the one to fall down?"

I sighed. "Evidently."

He stroked my hair. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, he spoke up again: "You're very quiet."

I was dying to tell him, just spit it all out: I know we agreed this was going to be a fling but I have completely and utterly fallen for you and I think you might feel the same but this is only going off your drunk ramblings and I don't think I could handle it if you didn't.

Instead I said: "College is hard."

He smiled. "It's not so bad. You'll be graduating soon."

If I brought this conversation up now, it could change everything in the blink of an eye. Tonight I needed this, him. I buried my face into his neck and fisted my hand in his shirt. "Can I stay here tonight?" In two months all of this would be over. I was going to take advantage of every second.

"Of course." He adjusted his arms around me, rubbing his hands up and down my back. "Hey, about last night—"

"Don't." If he told me he didn't mean any of the things he said right now I would probably cry.

"Cal—"

I lifted my head and covered his mouth with mine, kissing the words away. "Touch me, please touch me," I pleaded into his mouth. I grabbed his hands and pulled them toward me.

"I am, I am," he murmured, sliding his hands up my shirt, along my sides.

"Touch me. I want you."

He held my head steady, forcing me to look into his eyes. "You have me, Cal O'Callahan."

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke up the next morning with an arm sliding around my waist and a warm kiss to the back of my neck.

I sighed and blinked my eyes open, then shut them. I could almost imagine a life where I woke up like this every morning. The thought of it made my chest hurt with a dull ache.

"What are you doing for Christmas?"

I froze. I definitely hadn't been expecting that. "What are you talking about?" I rolled over to face Robby in all my just-woke-up-puffy-eyed glory.

He smiled at me. "You. Christmas. What will you be doing?"

"I-I don't know." It was all I could think of to say.

"Well, are you going home to Boston?" He seemed amused at my flustered state.

"No, I'm not."

"So maybe you'd have time to swing by my parent's place."

I genuinely thought he was joking. I may have laughed a little.

There was a moment of silence. "Have you lost your mind?"

He smiled, small and hesitant. "Maybe. Or maybe I'm finally thinking straight."

I slowly pulled myself into a sitting position, bringing the blanket with me. "I'm going to take a shower."

"Wait. We need to talk."

My four least favorite words. "No, we don't."

"Yes, we do."

I stood up.

"Cal."

"I'm just going to take a shower. We can talk afterwards." I didn't think I was going to get out of this one.

As I washed my hair, I tried to calm my whirling thoughts. Did I have feelings for Rob? Julie was right. I had to be honest with myself. Yes, I did, I couldn't deny it. I had no idea how it happened, I never thought it would. But even if Rob felt the same, we would never work out. I couldn't even imagine it. We were too different. Besides, I could never bring myself to tell my brother and friends that I'd been going behind their backs like this.

I had dug myself into a hole and I couldn't get out of it.

When I emerged from the bathroom, clean and dressed, Robby was waiting for me. His hair was unusually disheveled from running his hands through it over and over. He was pacing around his living room. He looked stressed and agitated.

For a while no one spoke.

"I don't know why we can't just stay the way we are," I began quietly. "I'm happy with it, aren't you?"

He was quiet for a few moments before speaking. "I want more than this. I'm tired of lying and sneaking around. You deserve more than that. We both do."

"It's not about what we deserve, Rob." I said, exasperated. Was he that naive? Nobody got what they deserved.

Rob stepped forward and cupped my face in his hands. He looked more earnest that I'd ever seen him before. "Callie, I want to be with you. Really be with you."

They were possibly the sweetest words anyone had ever said to me, in Robby's kind gentle voice no less, but they made my heart feel like it was breaking.

"We can't." I tried to pull away but he held fast.

"Why not?"

"You know why."

"None of that stuff matters, not anymore."

Maybe it didn't and he was right. But Rob was only thinking of the team, and my brother. I was thinking of all of it, all I'd never told him. My past, my family. I couldn't imagine he'd still want me if he knew. I was such a liar. He deserved better.

"Cal. Look me in the eyes and tell me honestly you don't feel anything for me."

I met his gaze but I had to look away. It was time to end it. I had hoped we could carry on as we were until the Olympics were over. I should have known it was too good to be true.

I realized it didn't matter what I felt or wanted. I couldn't do this. I just couldn't.

I took a breath and steeled myself.

"Come on, Mac. That's not what we are, and we never will be."

He stared at me incredulously for a few seconds before sighing and running a hand through his hair. He shook his head, looking off into the distance before turning back to me. "I forgot. That's all I am to you, right? A bit of fun on the side?"

No, of course not. Not anymore.

"You knew what you were getting into," is what I said instead. My voice sounded far away.

"Yeah, I guess I did. I should have known how cold-hearted you'd be. You are a fucking coward, Cal."

It hurt. For a split second I wanted to take it all back, but the look on Rob's face told me it was too late.

"Get out, please." He couldn't even look at me.

"Robby," I tried.

"No, Cal," he thundered. His voice was loud but calm. "Just leave."