Chapter 14

Xander woke up with a headache, an ache in his stomach, and with sunlight blazing painfully down on his face. He groaned and rolled over away from it with a growl, grumbling a curse at it in some language that Darien had known. Slowly he opened his eyes and managed to get them entirely open as Faith entered the room with a mug of what smelled like coffee in her hands.

She blinked at him for a moment then set down the mug on his dresser with a shaking hand. Slowly she walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed, her expression suddenly strained.

"You scared me," she said in a low voice. Her fingers tensed where her right hand rested on the bed and she ducked her head. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me about the Rogue?"

Xander blinked then closed his eyes in shame.

"I didn't want you to be afraid of me," he whispered. "Buffy fears me. She doesn't know that I smell it every time she's around me. Willow and Giles do too but they manage their way around for the most part."

Faith looked up at that and reached out to touch his face. He opened his eyes to look at her in confusion.

She smiled and growled out, "I. Don't. Fear. You. And I never will."

"I wish I could believe that," breathed Xander. He shuddered and continued, "Faith…you don't know what the Rogue is. It…it is nothing but a monster. And it would kill you and everyone else without a second thought."

"I don't believe that."

He blinked at her and she bared her teeth in a fierce smile.

"I don't believe that," she repeated. "I don't believe that you could so easily lose to something. Even if it is a monster. You're stronger than that, Fangs."

He stared at her for a moment then nodded slightly. Then he groaned and curled up underneath the sheets, arm sliding around to hug his stomach. Faith's eyes went wide at the motion and she said, "Shit. I'll be right back."

Xander just nodded and closed his eyes, grimacing as the pain rose and fell in waves for a moment before settling to stillness again. By that time Faith had returned with another mug and handed it to him, watching with some awe as he drank it all in a matter of moments. She then took it back and asked, "More?"

He just nodded and lay there waiting for her to return. It was rather surprising when she came back balancing three mugs on a plate and with a sleepy-eyed Giles in her wake.

As Faith handed him one of the mugs, Giles smiled and said, "Its good to see you awake again, Xander."

"Good to be awake," he growled out before turning his attention to the mug in his hands. He grimaced a bit as he swapped it out a moment later for another but it wasn't because he wasn't adjusted to drinking blood. It was just rather disgruntling to be waited on in his current state.

When he finished off the last mug and waved aside Faith's question if he wanted more, he looked up at Giles and asked, "How long have I been out?"

"Almost two weeks now," replied the former Watcher. He took off his glasses and polished them briefly before slipping them back on. "We rather unfortunately lost the Books of Ascension because Wesley is a fool and a buffoon. Buffy was briefly telepathic and we had a large debacle over that whole matter with one of the lunch lady's attempting to poison the school. Luckily some youth named Jonathan stumbled onto it and we were able to stop that. Then we failed to retrieve a box crucial to the Ascension once again thanks to that fool's bumbling."

"One good thing though," pointed out Faith, "whilst Willow was kidnapped she managed to get pages out of the Books of Ascension. Turns out he's going to turn into a demon."

Abruptly it seemed like the room turned twenty degrees colder. The Slayer and former Watcher both turned wide eyes on Xander, who was almost shaking with fury.

"They. Kidnapped. Willow?" he growled out, his eyes focused on a point beyond either of them.

Giles frowned then replied, "Yes."

Xander nodded then looked up, red flooding over the green-tinged hazel of his eyes.

"Whatever happens, Giles, I'm going to be the one to rip out the Mayor's throat when he goes through with this." He clenched his fists and snarled out, "No one hurts one of my girls. Not anymore."

---

"So this is the headquarters of your little group?" The Mayor smirked as he looked around the library, ignoring the looks of shock on the faces around him. "Hmm…not much, is it?"

"Get out," spat Buffy, venom in her eyes.

The Mayor chuckled and said, "Now, now, that's not very ladylike."

A low, feral growl from behind her made Buffy suddenly aware of Xander's presence. He rose from his seat at the table next to Willow and took a step forward, his eyes flooded red with anger and his fingers twitching into claws. Another growl rumbled up from deep in his chest and the older Slayer was reminded of the panther she'd entered the library to find him shifted into one day.

"She said 'Get out'," snarled the vampire.

The Mayor turned his gaze on him and smirked.

"Ah. The young knight poisoned by the dark. I could help you with that you know."

Several in the library jerked at that revelation but Xander just laughed, the sound harsh. He then sneered and fixed the man in front of him with the coldest look he had. "Do you actually think you could get me with that? I accept what I've become." Then he blurred and was right in the Mayor's face, his red eyes flecked with traces of crimson. "And I promise you I'll be the last thing you see after you have your little Ascension."

"We'll see," said the Mayor, looking not the least bit worried. He then turned and smiled at the all, saying, "Well then. I guess I'll see you all on Graduation. I promise it'll be one heck of a speech."

With a flippant little wave and that continuing smile, he turned and left the library without a glance backwards. Xander growled again and his whole body tensed, limbs quivering as he fought himself back from springing after the man.

Willow's hand on one shoulder and Faith's presence at his other side very firmly brought him back and he took a deep death, closing his eyes. When he opened them again most of the red was gone except for a few faint flickers. "Thanks, girls," he breathed to the two young women standing on either side of him.

His best friend's fingers tightened slightly on his shoulder and he sensed her smile. Faith just grinned and said, "No problem, Fangs." She then looked at Giles and added, "Guess its back to researching then?"

"No need," said Angel as he suddenly appeared out of the shadows. Since his return, the ensouled vampire had taken careful pains to avoiding the group, though mostly Xander in general. But what he had found was too important to waste time avoiding them on. "I found these in the murdered professor's apartment."

Giles took the sheaf of papers from him and sorted through them, immediately muttering a "Dear Lord" which put every member of the Scooby Gang on high alert. Willow moved quickly over and looked at it, a grin spreading across her face at what she read.

"What is it?" asked Buffy.

"He'll be vulnerable," breathed Giles. "As a demon…"

Willow smiled and finished, "We'll be able to kill him."

There was silence after that then a cold, feral smile twisted Xander's lips.

"Now that," he purred, "is news that I like."

---

"Hey, Fangs."

"Faith." Xander turned and his eyes widened as he saw the dark Slayer leaning against the doorframe of his room, wearing only a t-shirt that just barely provided her modesty. And he knew she wasn't wearing anything else because he could smell everything about her. "Wha…"

She smiled in a sultry way and moved away from the door, pushing it shut behind her and twisting the lock. Then she stalked towards him like a cat on the prowl and spoke in a low, smoky voice.

"I want you."

"Faith, I…I can't."

"Don't give me that bullshit about you being immortal and me being mortal and us being hurt." She moved closer to him and grabbed his face, dragging it down to hers before he could react. "We could die," she hissed. "At any time. Either of us. And I want to feel something real before I go."

"Faith," breathed Xander. Then he was cut off as she pressed her lips to his and all sane thoughts left him. He grabbed her, tugging her body close against his as he wrapped his arms around her. His senses were full of her presence and her scent and he was acutely aware in that moment that he was in desperate, mind-reeling love with her.

When they pulled away from each other, he saw Faith's lip was bleeding and felt his fangs pressing hard into his lower lip. She smiled and licked it away without a word before dragging him back down into another kiss.

"Faith," he breathed as they paused for a moment, "I can't do this. I can't bear the thought of having you and then losing you someday."

She smiled and reached up to run her fingers through his hair, saying, "I give you my permission then."

He blinked.

"Wh-what?"

"I give you my permission," said Faith in a sure voice of stone, "that if I am about to die, you can turn me."

"Faith, I can't."

"I'm not afraid," she breathed, silencing his words with her fingers. They quivered against his lips and he kissed them gently. "I know what I want, Fangs. And its you."

Xander just stared at her, acutely aware that a scene from Darien's life was having a parallel in his own. Only Arana had been no Slayer and it hadn't been Darien that turned her. Then he lifted a hand and touched Faith's cheek, his fingertips brushing lightly across her skin.

"I want this too," he breathed.

"Then what's stopping us?" asked Faith. She arched her body against his then and he groaned as his own reacted instinctively. Tugging her close with his other arm, he growled low in his chest, the white that had dominated his eyes a moment ago shifted to tinges of yellow and pink amongst the hazel. He bent his head to her shoulder and nipped her lightly with his fangs, causing a reactive hitch of breath that he hadn't expected.

His entire being ached for her, palms itching to know her every curve, his mouth burning as it longed to taste her blood and skin. But he closed his eyes, shoving all of that back and away from himself. Slowly, he pushed her away from him and shook his head firmly.

"I can't," he repeated. Lifting his eyes to hers, he breathed, "I swore I wouldn't repeat Darien's mistakes. He…he fell in love with a mortal woman – Arana – and she eventually asked another to turn her. I…God, Faith, I love you but I don't want you to have to live next to me like this."

She stared at him for a moment then slapped him, hissing, "You bastard." Then he was surprised by her shivering and wrapping her arms around him, to which he wrapped his own around her, leaning his head against hers.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, I know," she said softly. "But…I understand, I think. So, its just friends from here on out."

Xander nodded weakly and replied, "Just friends. I can't give you anything more without hurting you, Faith. And I never want to do that."

"And this doesn't hurt me?"

"I want to see you live," he hissed, grasping her chin so she looked up at him. His expression softened as he continued, "I want to watch you grow old. Fall in love with someone who you can grow old with. Have kids that I can be an uncle to."

"Love someone else?" she queried, looking at him closely. "You really think I'm gonna be able to do that, Fangs?"

"I can only hope."

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess so…"

She sighed then smiled, asking, "Can I at least stay here for tonight? I'll be good, I promise. I just, I don't want to be alone tonight, y'know?"

"Yeah," he said, smiling, "I know the feeling. C'mon."

Shutting the door and turning off the lights, he carefully moved her towards his bed, nervously climbing into it next to her. Shoving a pillow up against the headboard, he leaned against it then pulled her back against his chest. She shifted for a moment then leaned her head back, turning so it was nestled against his neck. Her arms folded over his where he wrapped them around her and she sighed contentedly.

"It feels safe here," Faith mumbled. "With you…it's the only place I've felt safe for a long time."

Xander smiled and leaned his head against hers, closing his eyes. "I'll keep you safe for as long as I can."

"You want to keep everyone safe."

"You most of all," he murmured, tilting his head to kiss her forehead. "I do love you, Faith. Just…I can't."

"I know," she breathed, smiling despite the sadness she felt. Then she curled up against him, content in the safety she felt in the comforting circle of his arms. And slowly they both drifted to sleep together, two souls that wanted so much to be together but whom circumstances could not allow.