Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just use them for own amusement and often make them do things JK Rowling would hate me for. Alas I thank her for letting me have my fun. I make no money off these stories. It's purely entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: Post war. Hermione is 23, young and carefree. At least in her spare time. She leads a double life, hiding her true self from her friends and colleagues at work. Deep inside, she's still struggling over the aftermath of the war, the loss of her parents, and a failed romance with Ron. She meets up with someone she didn't expect to meet, who is also fighting their own post war demons. None other than Draco Malfoy. What will happen between them? Can two enemies come together or will they still bear grudges over the past?
Authors note: This story is somewhat similar to another story I started but sadly lost the muse and did not finish. I wanted to tell a somewhat darker tale about loss and self destruction and finding oneself when the world as you once knew it no longer exists. I wanted a story about two people who are in pain and self loathing, coming together in mutual self destruction. I know it might sound terribly depressing, but I do like a happy ending. But I think these two characters need to work for it. So this story is what I really wanted to write. It won't leave my head, so I hope I can stop letting the romantic in me take over and do the story the proper justice. Rated M for a reason. No actual smut, but plenty of sexual situations. Mentions of rough sex and non consensual sex, but no actual non-con takes place. Bad language, drinking, smoking. It's a dark world, but I still believe in redemption. And that's what this story is ultimately about. Lyrics by Alanis Morissette, Three Days Grace, Poe, The Perfect Day, Lifehouse, Simple Plan, Kelly Clarkson, Richard Marx, Brad Paisley and the song Draco sings is by Ben Folds.
You used to say you wanted someone to know you inside out All of this time you told me you wished that you could figure yourself out
And as I look back on things, well congratulations
Somebody knows you now
You say you're still a mystery but no, not really, not to me
Yeah somebody knows you now
Draco was lounging about the apartment on a Sunday afternoon, just watching the telly and half heartedly glancing at a car magazine, still dreaming of perhaps purchasing one someday, while Hermione was out having lunch with Ginny. Suddenly there was a knock at the door and he was a bit surprised because they never had visitors. He wondered if maybe it was one of those religious nuts come to try and brainwash him into joining their church. He accidentally opened the door once to one of those types and he couldn't get rid of them. But the knocking persisted so he sighed and got up to answer the door. He was startled to see Harry standing there.
"Harry? What are you doing here? Hermione's not here. She's with Ginny. Didn't you realize?" Draco told him.
"No, I know. I'm not here to see Hermione, I'm here to see you actually. Can I come in?" Harry asked tentatively.
Draco was a little shocked but he just nodded. "Sure, come in."
Harry walked in and Draco shut the door and Harry took in the slightly new appearance of the flat. "I like the fish tank. That's great. Are they salt water?"
"Uh, yeah. The other fish were all boring, but these are so colorful. And look, we have some of those clown fish like in Finding Nemo. Did you go see that flick at the cinema?" he wondered.
"Finding Nemo? Isn't that a cartoon? You actually went to watch that?" Harry was surprised.
"Hermione wanted to see it. I just tagged along. I hadn't ever been to a cinema before. We watched it in 3D with these ridiculous glasses, but it was brilliant. Fish swimming right in front of your face? I didn't realize Muggle's had such cool inventions. It was like magic, but it wasn't."
"Maybe I'll take Ginny sometime? She'd probably get a kick out of it. So where's your scorpion?" Harry asked.
"Ah, Scorpius I call him. He's over here," Draco said leading the way across the room and pointing him towards the terrarium. "You know I told Hermione I wanted to name our son Scorpius as well and she thought it was a dumb name. What do you think?"
"Your son? Oh my God, is Hermione pregnant?" Harry asked with extreme shock.
"No! Oh God no. I just meant someday. A long time from now. But the name is cool right? No one would give any guff to a boy named Scorpius, would they?"
"What's wrong with a normal name, like Harry? You can't go wrong with a classic like that. I'm named after a prince."
"Harry? You wish us to name our child after you? I don't think so. But nice try. Besides your named after the useless prince and not the good one. Harry's a ginger and he'll never be king. He's irrelevant. Did you ever notice how he looks exactly like his mum's old riding instructor? Something tells me he's a bastard child, but no one will actually admit it. Too scandalous."
"Actually I did notice that. I saw it on a newsstand in the Sun. They had pictures of that bloke next to Prince Harry and they were like twins. But anyway, that's not why I'm here. I didn't come to talk about royal gossip or naming children," Harry told him.
"Right. Well why are you here?" Draco wondered.
"Can we sit down?"
"Sure."
They went over and Harry sat on the sofa while Draco sat in his chair and they both just kind of stared at each other for a moment and said nothing.
"So, you gonna speak or are we just gonna gaze longingly into each other's eyes?" Draco joked.
"Sorry. This is just a bit weird for me. But I came to apologize again for my birthday party," Harry explained.
"There's no need, Potter. Seriously. It's fine. And you didn't do anything wrong," Draco waved it away.
"I know, but it's my fault that things went haywire. Ron's my friend and I should have known better than to have the two of you both there."
"Right, so you regret inviting me, is that what you're trying to say?"
"No. Actually, I rather regret inviting him instead." Harry admitted.
"Oh come on now, don't be ridiculous. He's your best mate. I suspect you two will kiss and make up sooner rather than later. I mean, you've been friends forever and I'm nobody to you," Draco pointed out.
"That's not entirely true. And yes, Ron and I have been best mates forever, but sometimes people outgrow each other a bit. I don't know. Ron's not exactly adjusting to adult life the same way I am. I mean, I have a very important and stressful job, and it takes a lot of my time and energy. And when I'm not working, I like to be with Ginny mostly. Ron complains a lot that I never have time for him. But all he does is stand around a joke shop all day selling Puking Pastilles to twelve year olds. He doesn't get the stress I'm under or the fact that I don't always have the luxury of rushing off to have lunch with him whenever he wishes. I thought once he was married, he'd understand better. But I don't think he's adjusting to married life all that well either, to be honest," Harry explained.
"Trouble in paradise already? He's not happy being married?" Draco asked curiously.
"I don't know. He says he is, but he also complains a lot about how Jen demands too much from him sometimes and how he'd rather just hang out with me and knock back a few pints instead. It's not right. They're newlyweds! They should be blissful and shagging each other senseless every chance they get.. He shouldn't want to be with me all the time, should he?" Harry asked.
"Honestly, no. He should be with his wife. He should be happy he actually landed a girl who's nice and decent and pretty. Plus she appears pretty smart and tough too. Does he want her to walk away? She doesn't strike me as the type who will put up with a lot of bullshit before she just bolts."
"I know. I've tried explaining that to him. He just said he thought marriage would be more fun. Plus he's just got this twisted notion in his head that everything was simpler when we were kids, which is ridiculous because my life is far less complicated now because at least no one is actively trying to murder me all the time. But when he looks back, he remembers gorging himself on feasts in the Great Hall and sneaking about the castle getting into trouble. Or stuffing his face with sweets on the train. Or Quidditch. He still wants to play that all the time, but it's kind of hard without a team anymore or any place to actually do it. It's like he just glosses right over all the horrifying parts of our lives and wants to relive the golden moments. Which is all well and good, but there are other things to think of too. I think he's just horrible with change," Harry sighed.
"Well, I don't know what to say exactly. You know I can't stand him. I warned you on that very first day on the train to keep away from him, but you didn't listen. You snubbed me and chose him. Still don't get that, but whatever. But don't say I didn't warn you he was not the right sort to mix with," Draco shrugged.
"Please. You were a total dick that day. Of course I snubbed you. And Ron isn't a bad person, he's just a little screwed up. But he refuses to admit it. I think his brother's death really hit him hard. He never wants to talk about it at all. Ever. He never did."
"Some people don't handle grief that well. I don't know. Sometimes it's easier to just shut it all down and block it out. That's what I did for many years. I just coasted along and refused to even think about the shit that happened before. But I wasn't trying to live in the past and relive my glory moments, that's for sure. My glory moments were all me being a jackass that no one could stand. I don't even think my own friends liked me," he admitted.
"You weren't very easy to like, Malfoy," Harry informed him.
"I know. You think I don't know? But that's not me anymore. But I'm not gonna sit here and beg forgiveness or hug and cry and learn and grow. I just want to move on. And Weasley refuses to do so, so that's his fucking problem, not mine."
"I realize that. I never thought I'd say this, but I was actually on your side that night. The way Ron acted was mortifying to say the least. But he gets really fucking jealous. I mean, insanely jealous. It's really annoying. This one time, back when we were all on the run and hiding together, he got fucking pissed at me and wanted to go home because apparently our little adventure was too boring for him. And when Hermione didn't agree to go with him, he acted like I'd stolen her away and practically accused her of being in love with me and choosing me over him. And then he just fucking disappeared. Poof! Gone!"
"So what do you want me to say, Potter? That you should ditch him? I told you that a long time ago. But I don't think that's what you want. Are you here asking me for advice or just venting?" Draco wondered, unsure what to do next.
Harry sighed and leaned back onto the couch. "I don't know. I have no idea what I'm expecting you to say or do. I guess I was just venting. And apologizing again, because I really felt bad about how things went. Hermione loves you, and I love her. So I want to have her in my life, and that means you come along with it. I guess I just put a bit more effort into spending time with her than I did with Ron, because I felt like he and I were okay. And Hermione and I had been somewhat estranged for a long time. I missed her. I was worried sick about her, especially when she told me the things she was doing to herself. I felt like she needed me more. So I guess you could say I chose her over him. And Ron sees it more as me choosing you over him. But that's not really it."
"Yeah, well I know that. It's not about me. You're just looking out for her. She was in a pretty bad place when I met her again. I'm talking really bad. But I'm not exactly one to talk since I wasn't doing any better than her. But we were good for each other, believe it or not. Our lives are different now. We actually have lives. I don't know how much she's told you about the trouble she was in, but if I didn't come along, things would have been really ugly. I know I'm not the guy you dreamed for her, but trust me, without me? It wouldn't be pretty. I protected her when no one else could because she refused to even let you know what she was doing," Draco said seriously.
"She never really told me that much. Just enough to make me feel sick and scared. But I'm sensing there are things she's not told me. Did something bad happen?" Harry asked with quiet concern.
Draco sighed. "It's not really my place to tell you her secrets. You should talk to her, not me."
"But she doesn't want to talk about it. At least tell me this. Did someone hurt her?" Harry asked, afraid of the answer.
"No. No one hurt her. But that's only because I stepped in and stopped it. But you did not hear that shit from me, got it? Keep it to yourself. I told you it wasn't pretty. And if you want to know more, make her tell you," Draco insisted.
"Oh my God…it really was bad, wasn't it? You stopped it? You sure?" Harry asked fretfully.
"Positive. She's fine. But please, just talk to her sometime. Maybe she'll tell you? And maybe then you'll actually understand why she fell in love with me," Draco said quietly.
"Alright. I'll try. But I don't want to upset her either. It's kind of a touchy situation," Harry admitted.
"Yeah, but you've got a way about you that makes people spill their guts. Like that shit I blurted out at the party. God, I felt so stupid. I just wish Weasel didn't hear me," Draco lamented.
"If it means anything, I'm glad you told me what you did. It made me think of you a bit differently. But not in a bad way. More like I understood you a little. There were a few people on that tower that night, but you and I are the only ones still alive to remember how it went down and what it was like."
"Yeah, we're the only ones left."
"Just so you know, I'm not sure I could have let you do it. You know, the jumping bit? I don't know if I could have let that happen," Harry admitted.
Draco laughed dryly. "You think you could have stopped me? Potter, I had a death wish. Even you couldn't have saved me. I would have been better off, trust me. No one would have missed another murderous Death Eater roaming around. It would have saved everyone the hassle of a trial, at least."
"Maybe I'm just an idiot, thinking I can save everyone, even those who don't want to be saved?"
"You do have a wicked hero complex. It's kind of crazy. I read how you grew up and the way you were treated. How did you not grow up bitter and jaded and just plain cruel? I thought I put up with abuse, and I did, mind you. But I was still loved. I don't know how you stood living with those filthy Muggles all those years," Draco shook his head.
"I suppose I could have grown up bitter and angry and mean. But that's just not me. I watched my cousin turn into that sort of monster and I knew it could be me too if I wanted it to be, but I always had this foolish hope as a boy that someday life would get better. I knew I would eventually be old enough to leave that place, and I wasn't going to let those people ruin me. I always had this feeling inside me that I was special or different. I didn't know how or why or if I was just completely mad, but deep down I knew that there was something bigger waiting for me out there. I just had to be patient. And then bam! All these fucking letters kept flying into my house and the next thing I know Hagrid is dragging me off to Diagon Alley to buy fucking magical supplies. I thought I was dreaming. None it made a bit of sense at all, yet everything felt right for the first time ever. It's like I finally got it. Only I didn't really get it. Not until later. I didn't know what was in store for me. But I dunno. I just always had this burning need to help people. Maybe because no one ever helped me when I needed it?"
"I understand. I know you probably think that's bullshit since Draco Malfoy never did a single heroic thing in his life, but I get the desire to help someone who needs it. I never really did before, but now I do. I think I'm just a little less broadminded when it comes to who I'm willing to help," Draco told him.
"Yeah, well I think I'm gonna be a bit more discerning myself in the future. I can't help everyone. Namely my supposed best mate. If he doesn't grow up a bit, then I'm afraid I've had enough," Harry sighed.
"Eh, it'll work out, Potter. He'll get over it all eventually. And I know you're not gonna write him off. He's about to be your brother in law. You're sort of stuck with him, I'm afraid."
"God, I know," Harry grumbled.
"So when is this wedding of yours? Hermione never told me."
"Oh, well, we haven't settled the date precisely yet. She wants it to be Christmas day, but I want New Year's Eve. We're butting heads. Personally Christmas should be Christmas. But New Years Eve? That's when you have parties and celebrate. Plus it's a perfect way to ring in a new year, am I right?"
Draco considered the options. "I like New Years Eve too. I mean, your guests probably wish to spend Christmas with their families and such, but on New Years, everyone will probably love it."
"That's exactly what I told her! I'll tell her what you said. Maybe that'll convince her?"
"Is the wedding going to be a huge issue? I mean, Ginny is a Weasley. And then of course I assume Ron will be your best man. Should I just stay home? Seriously. I probably should," Draco informed him.
"No. I really want Hermione there and she won't come if you don't. I know my word is shit because I thought I already talked sense into Ron for the birthday party and I was mistaken. But this time I swear he will not fuck things up. Nor will his family. I'm going to have a very long and drawn out conversation if need be, with the entire lot of them," he assured Draco.
"Don't go to the trouble for me. Seriously. I'll just make her go without me. I'm not worth starting a family war over," Draco insisted.
"Look, in case you haven't realized it yet, I sort of enjoy hanging out with you. That's why I'm still sitting here. I'm not just doing this for your sake. I'm doing it for mine too," Harry said feeling slightly uncomfortable.
"You actually enjoy hanging out with me? Are you on drugs of some sort? Did I hear that correctly?" Draco laughed slightly.
"Yes, you bloody well heard me. You're not so bad. And you're kind of insightful. And also you make me laugh. It's all very hard to take in. I'm still in shock. But you're coming to my fucking wedding okay? Otherwise who will sing the song for the first dance?" Harry joked.
"Oh God, I'm not fucking singing! But hey, it's your shindig. If you want me there, I'm honored. I'm kind of confused, but honored. Thanks," Draco said shaking his head.
"Don't mention it. Just don't kiss me again. I'd rather have you sing the entire evening than have your lips touching me again," Harry made a face.
Draco laughed. "God, you're so lame sometimes. Are you a complete homophobe? I'd think not since you were best buds with gay old Dumbledore. I'm simply secure enough in my own manhood to kiss you and not make a thing of it. Men do it all the time in France," Draco shrugged.
"Yeah, gay men."
"No you dolt, it's just a standard greeting like a handshake. Have you no culture?"
"Sorry, in my world, we just don't kiss other guys. It's weird. Did you kiss Crabbe and Goyle? Because I would have literally emptied out my vault and gave it to you if I saw that happen," Harry laughed.
"No, I didn't kiss them! I'm just kinda messing with you anyway. Truthfully I never kissed a guy, not even when I was in France. But I saw it happen! I didn't make that part up," Draco said defensively.
"Then if you don't do that, why'd I get that honor?"
"Because I was completely bombed out of my wits and do not even remember doing it. If you really want to know why, I can't say because I don't remember. But I suspect I did it to annoy you. Why else would I do anything?"
"Well it worked. But it's funny. I have to admit the picture is pretty fucking hilarious. Ginny put it on the wall in the bedroom. Can you believe that? She's such a pain sometimes. She lives to drive me batty, I swear," Harry sighed.
"I like her, Potter. At first I thought she was a royal bitch, but she's actually pretty fun. I generally do not compliment Weasley's of any sort, but she's a good catch. Pity the rest of her family sucks, but you can't win them all eh?"
"Well I'm glad you like her. For some reason she likes you too. But I think it's because you made an idiot of yourself and she finds that sort of humor insanely appealing. That's why she's always trying to make me sing and dance and be a moron in public. She thinks I'm kind of stiff and unable to let loose."
"You are."
"No I'm not! I can be fun."
"Name the last time you did something completely crazy and off the wall. And no, the belly dancing thing doesn't count because you were forced to do it and well, we all got thrown out."
Harry thought for a moment but he came up empty. "Alright, so I can't think of anything offhand. But that doesn't mean I'm dull."
"No it just means you don't know how to blow off steam and let go of your stress properly. You sit there all stiff and worried what people will think of you, when you should just do something ridiculous. I mean, if it turns your girl on, then what are you waiting for? Do it, man!" Draco chuckled.
"I'll take that under advisement. Look, I should go. I've got some errands before Ginny gets home. But thanks for the chat. I know it was a little odd me showing up like this."
"It's cool. I didn't mind talking to you. I wish I could fix your Weasel problem, but I'm afraid I can't help you there. But I'm glad you stopped by."
"Alright then. Um, see you some other time?" Harry said as he stood and headed towards the door.
"Yeah, sure. Hey, wait! You never said what you thought of my scorpion."
"It's unique, kind of like you. And by the way, Scorpius is not that bad of a name," Harry admitted with a small smile.
"Thanks. Alright, get out. You've worn out your welcome," Draco joked as he playfully shoved Harry out the door.
Then he closed it and sat back down and just thought for a moment. How weird was that encounter, he thought to himself. He never featured Harry to ever visit him personally or want to sit and gab about life with him. It was completely odd. But it didn't suck. Draco actually liked it. Obviously he'd had a brain transplant somewhere down the line and he just didn't realize it. Suddenly people he once hated and who hated him were all his best mates or his lover. It made no logical sense whatsoever. But the tide had changed. Everything had changed. And Draco just kind of smiled to himself because he actually felt like he fit into the world now, whereas he'd been all by himself for so long. He didn't belong anywhere before. And he didn't actually realize how much he wanted to belong somewhere until now. But this time it was a place he'd chosen, and not a life that was handpicked for him. These were his choices and his life and his friends now. He didn't know how liberating that would feel until it actually happened.
Later that evening, after Hermione had come home, he told her that Harry stopped by. And he told her how weird it was for him to actually have Harry want Draco's company. He still hadn't quite processed that yet.
"Do you think he actually meant what he said about enjoying hanging out with me?" he asked her as they lay on the sofa together cuddling up.
"Why would he lie? I told you he said he liked you," she assured him.
"Yeah, but it's so strange. I mean, we just sat here and talked like two regular people."
"Well you are both regular people."
"No we're not. I mean, not exactly. We were arch rivals. Enemies. We don't just sit and talk about life," he explained.
"You and I detested each other. A lot. I couldn't even stand to see your face. I called you a loathsome cockroach once. Yet, here I am cuddled in your arms. And yet that's not strange to you?" she asked glancing up at him with a smile.
"Alright, that's strange too. It's downright ridiculous probably. But it still feels right. I mean, we're different now. Everything's different now," he told her.
"Yes, it is. Which means that it's not really that odd that Harry wishes to befriend you. I know part of it is for my sake, but I also think he genuinely likes you now. Plus he's just had a huge row with Ron and he's probably just desperate for another man to speak to."
"That's true. He is pretty upset with him. I didn't know what to tell him though. I'm not exactly unbiased."
"He'll figure it out on his own. Don't worry. I'm sure they'll eventually patch it up," she sighed.
"You know, Harry cares an awful lot about you. We sort of talked about that a bit too," he admitted.
"You did? What was said?" she asked curiously.
"Oh just how he worried for you for a long time. You kind of scared him a bit. I think he was just glad you seemed happier and wants to make up for lost time by seeing you more now."
"Well I was pretty much a raging bitch for awhile. I was dreadful. I knew he cared, and I knew he'd be there for me if I actually turned to him, but I just shut him out. And I know it hurt him. It hurt me too. But we patched it up," she explained.
"I think he still wants to talk about stuff with you. He wants to know more."
"More? Didn't I say enough? I'm still embarrassed by the way I blurted those horrid things out to him that one day," she shook her head.
"I don't know. Maybe you did say enough? He just asked me some questions that I felt you should answer and not me," he admitted quietly.
"Oh. He has questions?"
"Yes."
"What does he want to know? How much I debased myself? I think I already gave him a good enough picture of my pathetic old life."
"He just cares, that's all. You sure you two never…I mean, you weren't ever together?" Draco asked cautiously.
"What? Together? Like romantically? No! Why would you ask that?" she inquired giving him a weird look.
"I was just wondering. I mean, I know how close you guys are. And I also know you spent a lot of time alone together for awhile on that endless camping trip you told me about. But forget I asked. It was a silly question," Draco dismissed it.
"No, it's not silly, I just thought you knew that we were always only friends. It just surprised me, is all, that you'd ask."
"So you never slept with him?"
"I just told you we were never romantic!"
"I know, but I mean sleep. Like on the camping trip. Alone in a tent. The two of you? Did you guys share a bed?"
Hermione was quiet for a moment, contemplating what to say. She finally sighed. "Once. But only once. The whole ordeal was a nightmare from start to finish. And it had been a particularly rough day for both of us. Ron was gone, I was upset, we were getting no where. Plus we had this stupid bloody evil locket that made you go crazy if you wore it too long. And I think I wore it a bit too long that night. I was lying in my cot trying to sleep, but instead I started crying. I couldn't stop. I tried to be quiet and I thought Harry was asleep, but he heard me. So he got up and crawled in with me and held me. And he promised me he'd keep me safe and that we'd make it and that everything would work out. I didn't believe him, but I wanted to. So I just let go of it all and let myself take comfort in his words. And then we fell asleep. It wasn't planned. And it wasn't romantic. But it did mean something. He was all I had then, and I was all he had. We were scared and tired and both missing other people. But nothing happened."
"I see. Well, it wouldn't matter to me either way. I just wanted to know what your friendship was really like. I never had a Harry in my life. I don't know what it feels like to have a friend like that," he said quietly.
"He's always been wonderful to me. Right from the start. We just sort of clicked immediately. But I always thought of him as the brother I never I had. But when the war ended and I lost my folks and Ron and I got together, things were a bit off kilter. Ron wasn't really open to discussing the things we all went through, and I felt like I couldn't be close to him. So I pushed him away. But Harry was still there for me. So I leaned heavily on him. Too heavily. My emotional needs were not being met in my relationship with Ron, but Harry never left my side when I needed someone. Then one day I woke up and realized I was getting too attached. Like embarrassingly attached. So I panicked and started pushing him away too," she admitted quietly.
"Embarrassingly attached? You mean you had feelings for him?"
"Yes. But it was fleeting! It was desperation. It was completely insane. He was happy with Ginny and I was with Ron and it was just very wrong of me. So I freaked out and just closed it all up and kept everyone away from me. I had to. I was so screwed up. Like really fucking stupid and fucked up."
"Love, it's only natural to develop feelings for a person you feel that close to. Hell, I'm honestly shocked as shit you and Harry never had a relationship. I always thought you did back in school. Everyone thought so. Do you think it's really such a horrible thing?"
"Yes! He was my best friend. Like a brother! You don't get confused and weirdly attached and overly sentimental with someone like that. It just complicates everything. It's not like it was reciprocal. It was only me. And I put a right stop to it immediately. And believe me, I'm all clear headed now. I have been for a very long time. So no need to worry or anything," she assured him.
"I'm not worried. I've told you before that whatever came before me, I don't care about. And I'm not so daft to think I need to be jealous of him with you. I'm just glad you told me the truth. I wager you've never told anyone else," he remarked.
"God no. Never. Ever! I'm rather mortified I even told you. If Harry ever knew about my stupid wayward feelings he'd probably never come near me again," she said miserably.
"I highly doubt that. He'd probably be flattered. But it's all the past anyway. And I'm not telling him, so don't freak out. I wouldn't tell him anything you said or did or felt unless you expressly told me to. I'm safe, remember? Nothing leaves this room," he promised her as he leaned down and kissed her forehead.
"I know. I trust you. I wouldn't have told you if I didn't. I just never planned to ever tell anyone about that. It was my secret to take to the grave."
"We don't need secrets like that. They only eat you up inside in the end. I mean, I didn't want to tell anyone my secret either. You know, the one about me throwing myself to my death? But I let it out and even if I was upset about it at first, it's better to have told someone. You're the one who said that to me," he reminded her.
"Yeah, but my secret isn't the same. Mine could mess up a lot of things if Harry ever found out."
"He's never going to find out. Promise. And it was a very long time ago anyway."
"It was. Ages ago. I guess I just feel silly because I've always been so self righteous and adamant that men and women can be only friends without someone getting other ideas. And I'm a big fat liar."
"You're not a liar. So you had some feelings? So what? They went away. Thus proving men and women can be friends without anything else involved. You're doing it right now, aren't you?" he pointed out.
"True. I guess it just took me by surprise when it happened. It certainly was never my plan," she insisted.
"Who ever plans to fall for someone? It just happens and we're helpless to stop it," he said with a sigh.
"I guess that helpless feeling kind of scares me a little. I mean, when I first started having feelings for you, I tried to stop those too. I don't like feeling out of control of my emotions."
"Neither do I. I totally get it. This with you? I knew it was wrong, but I just couldn't help myself. You were all I could bloody think about. It really pissed me off at first," he admitted with a small grin.
"Yeah? Well it pissed me off too. I just wanted you to go away, but every time I turned around, you were there."
"I know. I did a lot of lurking about. I'm not proud. But it served it's purpose well that one night. If I hadn't been lurking…well, we already covered that before."
"It's so strange now for me to think of a life without you in it. But it hasn't even been all that long since we've gotten together. Yet, I feel somehow like you've always belonged here," she told him.
He smoothed her hair and kissed the top of her head. "I know. I feel like this is what I'd been waiting for my entire life, but I wasn't even aware I was waiting for anything at all. I thought I was just fine, but I really was not. Not even close. I was that shut down that I didn't even notice how empty I was."
"Don't they say that you'll never find anything if you're actually looking for it? The best things happen when you're not prepared or actively seeking it out. It's like if you wish to wear a certain shirt and you simply can't find it anywhere, so you give up and put on something else. And then you come home and suddenly the shirt is just sitting right there on a chair waiting for you. But you were looking so hard before that you completely missed what was sitting right in front of your face the entire time."
"You think that's how this was? We were both too busy looking for something else that we didn't see what was right in front of us all this time?"
"I don't know. Maybe? Who knows?"
"Do you believe in fate?" he asked curiously.
"Hmm, yes. I do. I think some things are always meant to happen, or not happen. And I think that some people are always meant to meet and be in each other's lives. It doesn't have to be romantic, but I believe everyone we let into our lives is supposed to be there for some reason. It's just sometimes they aren't meant to stay there forever, even if we want them to," she explained softly.
"Do you think I'm meant to stay forever?" he whispered.
She nodded. "I think so. I really do. Do you think I'm meant to stay forever?"
He leaned down and kissed her softly. "Absolutely. In fact there's this song I heard and it reminds me of how I feel for you. I've been listening to it a lot when you're not around. It's really sappy and so not my style. But it speaks to me."
"What is it? Sing it to me," she urged him with a big smile.
"Sing it? Hell no. I could just play it for you, you know."
"Yeah, but it'd be sweet if you sang it. No one else will hear it this time. It's just me," she pleaded.
"I don't have music! You want me to just sing without the tune?"
"Sure. Oh come on. I'll love it."
"I don't remember all the words. Just some of it," he told her.
"So sing me what you remember. Pretty please?" she batted her eyelashes at him.
"God, do you see what you've reduced me to? I'm actually considering this. That's how much I love you," he informed her.
"Good, so sing for me then," she grinned happily.
"Alright, but like I said, I don't remember it all. And I sound awful, you already know that. But fine. Just imagine I had a piano and actually knew how to play it."
"I know how to play the piano. I could teach you someday," she offered.
"Really? Well perhaps we'll start our own singing group then? You play piano and I murder the song for everyone," he laughed.
"Okay, you're stalling. Just sing me what you know. I'll shut up and listen," she promised as she lay her head down on his chest and waited.
He took a deep breath and let it out and knew he was going to sound ridiculous. But for her, he'd do it. So he began to sing softly.
"I don't get many things right the first time, in fact, I am told that a lot. Now I know all the wrong turns and stumbles and falls brought me here. And where was I before the day, that I first saw your lovely face, now I see it everyday. And I know, that I am, I am, I am, the luckiest."
She looked up at him and actually had tears in her eyes. "That was beautiful. I loved it."
"I sucked. But that's all I remember. I'm glad you liked it," he said, feeling his face actually turn a little red.
"It was wonderful. The most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me. And you actually weren't that bad. Perhaps you sing better when you're sober?" she offered with a smile.
"Really? It didn't make you cry because it was painful to hear?" he asked.
She laughed. "No, those were tears of joy. It was just so sweet. I've never heard the song before. Was it on the radio?"
"Actually no. I sort of have been spending some of my days at the library. They have computers there with that internet thing. I did that Google thing Ginny talked about and sort of ended up discovering that they have music on there too. This kid next to me showed me how to find it and then he showed me this little device you carry around and you put the music on that. It's really cool."
"You bought an MP3 player? I had no idea. And why didn't you tell me you were sitting at the library all the time on the computer?" she wondered.
He shrugged. "I dunno. It was just something to pass the time. But now I'm hooked. So I'm gonna buy us a computer soon, just so you know."
"I can't believe how easily you get hooked on all these things your parents would never let you touch before."
"Well I had no idea what I was missing! I mean, magic is great, don't get me wrong. But Muggles have way better shit to play with," he told her.
"So then you really like living amongst the common Muggles? You don't miss the exclusivity and the old world mystery and charm of your old home?"
"Are you kidding? No I don't miss it. It was boring there. Especially since I couldn't do any actual magic until I was seventeen, and by then I was too preoccupied with trying not to die that I wasn't thinking about entertaining myself."
"Well I'm glad you like those things. I never would have guessed you'd feel that way given how you were brought up. But I'd like to have my kids exposed to both cultures. After all, it's how I was raised. I was a bit worried you might want to move back in with your family and raise kids there."
"Don't be crazy. Did my mum tell you that was my plan?" he wondered.
"No, not exactly. But she did sort of mention how once you finally settled down, you'd go back where you belonged."
"When did she mention that?"
"When we were over there the last time. You were busy telling your father something and she spoke to me a bit," she shrugged.
"Well that's not the plan. I mean, when I was younger it was expected of me to marry and live there and join the family empire and raise my wonderfully pureblood children in the proper environment. But do you honestly think I'd do that now? I've been in the regular world far too long. And we both know our children will be half bloods. And I do not want them raised in a stuffy old boring mansion in the middle of nowhere, with two overbearing grandparents trying to undermine my every move. No thanks," he said firmly.
"So you're really never going back there to join the family empire?"
"No. I'm not. I honestly have no idea exactly what my future plans are, but it's not that. I've got my own money and perhaps I'll make my own empire? Does it bother you that I'm a bit of a loaf about? That I don't have a job or any idea what to do with my life?"
"It doesn't bother me. I'm a little envious, actually. I mean, if I had enormous riches stored away, I don't know that I'd do much of anything either."
"Well, my money is your money, as far as I'm concerned. If you wanna quit your job and just hang out with me, go right ahead," he said with a smile.
"Are you serious? We're not even married. Your money is still yours. Not mine. Besides, I might get bored. Don't you ever get bored?" she wondered.
"Eh, sometimes. But I usually find something to do. Or someplace to go. And I don't know, but before I settle into some kind of career path, I want to go places. Travel. See the world. You know what we should do? We should go to Disneyland. In America! It'd be brilliant. We'd see Los Angeles and perhaps movie stars? Wouldn't that be a blast?" he asked her.
She started laughing. "You want to run off to Disneyland in America? Are you joking?"
"No, I'm dead serious. I want to see that stupid rat mascot and maybe ride a rollercoaster. Have you ever done such a thing?"
"First off, it's not a rat. It's a mouse! Mickey Mouse, not Mickey Rat. And second, no, I've not ridden a rollercoaster. How did you even learn of Disneyland? The computer?" she asked.
"I saw a commercial on the telly. They've got one in Paris and Florida, but I want to see California. That's where all the famous people live. And they also have the ocean where you can surf. I've no clue what that actually entails, but I hear it's fun."
"You want to go surfing? They always get eaten by sharks. You'd hate it. What if a shark eats you?"
"Love, a shark won't eat me. People do it all the time," he insisted.
"Have you seen Jaws yet?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
"What's that?"
"It's a movie. Go out and rent it and then tell me you wish to go surfing. Trust me, you'll change your mind," she told him.
"It's a movie about sharks eating surfers then?"
"Yes. It eats everyone! I saw it as a child and I wouldn't even go in a swimming pool for fear that a shark would jump out of the drain and eat me."
"Now that's just crazy talk. There are no sharks in a swimming pool."
"I was seven! I thought it might happen. I wasn't even supposed to watch the movie, but I snuck from my room and peered at the telly from the kitchen while my parents watched it. It was horrifying."
"Alright, well maybe no surfing. But Disneyland. Come on, you know you want to. No one's ever been eaten by anything there, have they?" he asked.
"I don't think so. Are you actually serious though? You want to take a holiday?" she wondered.
"Yeah. We should. Could you do it? Or are you desperately needed at work?"
"I suppose I have a lot of holiday time available. I never use it. I didn't wish to go anywhere before now."
"Well let's plan something then. It'll be great. And we can fly on an airplane. I've always wanted to do that."
"Okay. If you're really serious, we'll go. I'll talk to my boss and let you know when I can leave," she smiled.
"Perfect. I can hardly wait. We'll see everything there is to see. Hollywood, the whole works."
"You're so cute when you're excited about something," she remarked as she touched his face.
"Everything's exciting when it's with you."
She just snuggled down closer to him and held him tightly. He was exactly what she needed in her life. He was impulsive, where she was cautious and sensible. He brought out her fun side. And in turn, she kept him grounded too. They just worked. And for the first time in a very long time, she was actually looking forward to something. And it was all because of him. Together they'd have their own adventures, but this time they wouldn't be life or death matters. It would be purely fun. And she was desperately in need of more fun in her life. She couldn't wait to go away with him. It would be the time of their life. And thank God this time there would be no camping.
To be continued…I hope you're enjoying this tale. I'm having fun with it! Please leave a review and thanks to all of you who are following along!