PART FOURTEEN

He was standing on the deserted Plas, the rain falling in gusts of icy wind from a gun metal grey sky. The cold water and wind had pervaded his pin stripes, leaving him chilled to the bone. Gulls cawed and arched on the air through the bitter weather, their mournful calls scattered against the winter. He looked up blinking the wetness out of his eyes, clouds churned and boiled above his head as light pierced the greyness, like the rays from heaven reaching down. The wind and rain was suddenly gone and the silence itself was too loud to bare. His gaze remained firmly fixed as the clouds evaporated in yellow and white light. The rays touched his cold face, warmth bleeding through his tired body.

"You must follow the path."

It was in his head, not a voice, just a command, a knowledge he had no comprehension of.

"You must keep following the light, no matter where it takes you, otherwise everything will end, the world will die and the children will no longer be born."

"I do not understand." He replied, his voice was lost in the silence.

"Understanding is not a requirement, you must just do. You must walk into the fire to find salvation."

"But I will die."

"Yes, everything dies."

"Not everything, not Jack."

"Jack is wrong, he is chaos, disorder and should not exist."

"But he does exist."

"You will die, but you must remember that it is how you die that counts. Look at this world, look at this desolation."

"This is me, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Is this all I am?"

"You are what you make of yourself, you must define yourself by what lives, not by what has died."

"There have been so many."

"There will be many more."

"Who are you?"

"The Bad Wolf...... The Big Bad Wolf."

He looked down at his feet and could see through the concrete into the Hub below, like he was standing on glass a tableau played out beneath him. There he was in Jack's arms, struggling, angry and very afraid. He saw himself being pushed on to the invisible lift, being desperately kissed and then Jack was standing back watching him rise to..... safety....... Jack.......Jack

"Jack!" Ianto lurched up and fell off the couch with a thump, catching his head on the corner of the coffee table as he went down. The last vestiges of sleep wrenched away by the pain.

"Ow, shit!"

Hands were on him lifting him back on to the couch and Ianto opened his eyes to see Jack looking at him with concern.

"Hey, are you ok?"

Ianto blinked and rubbed the back of his head, his hand came away wet and red.

"Shit."

"Here, sit. I'll get something for that."

A few moments later and something cold and damp was pressed against the back of his head, easing the pain immediately. Ianto closed his eyes and sighed.

"You ok?"

Ianto nodded allowing Jack to hold the cold compress in place and relaxing into his body his head resting on Jack's chest.

"Thanks. Sorry did I wake you?"

Jack was chuckling. "No, got a shock though. Was it a nightmare?"

Ianto wasn't sure so he nodded. "Sort of. It's blurry now. I'm not really certain. How long was I asleep?"

"Not long enough, come on, you should go to bed and try to get another couple of hours."

Ianto yawned, but the last thing he wanted was to sleep again. He breathed in Jack's unique scent and smiled to himself when he realised just how comforting it was to be near him again.

"What are we Jack?"

Jack sat back on the couch, gently moving Ianto with him.

"I haven't a clue..... Jack and Ianto......Ianto and Jack, you know me I don't do labels." He replied, gently prodding at the sore spot on Ianto's scalp and checking the bleeding had stopped.

"I don't understand it Jack, I feel so lonely some days. I feel as though I have no connection with the real world. When that offer from UNIT came I thought it would help me find myself but........ would I sound stupid if I told you that something bad is coming?"

"Ianto, we work for Torchwood, there is always something bad coming."

Ianto smiled against Jack's warm skin.

"Are you going to Gwen's wedding?"

"We've all been invited, I think it will be a fun day, a chance to kick back and relax."

"I was planning on staying at the Hub, to keep an eye on things."

Jack wasn't surprised to hear that. "I think you should go."

"I don't want to go. Gwen and I don't exactly get on. I wouldn't feel right about it. I'm jealous you know?"

"Of whom?"

Ianto shifted and extracated himself from Jack's embrace, he got up and stretched.

"I'm going for a shower."

Jack grabbed his hand and stood up next to him, turning so they faced each other.

"Stop doing this, talk to me."

Ianto looked at his feet.

"She has everything that the rest of us don't. Gwen is so normal, right down to loving someone else more than the man she is marrying. She has a future, mates to go to the pub with, a father to watch rugby with.... in laws to cooe over her first baby.... a fucking morgage. She has all that, all those ordinary things.... the things the rest of us expected to have and didn't get and I am jealous. Does that make me bad Jack?"

Jack was gently touching his pale cheek. "I can see it makes you sad, not bad. Is that what you want? All those things?"

Ianto shrugged. "I honestly don't know. Everything is just..... empty and I keep thinking of poor Owen and realising I am lucky."

"You're still angry with me about that?"

"No Jack." Ianto took a pace back and Jack released him. "So long as I remember he is still Owen. That's what he needs from us, not pity or anything, he's still the same cranky bastard we all know and love."

Jack smiled. "Yeah, he sure is."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gwen had been jittery all day and it was seriously getting on Ianto's nerves. He couldn't blame her of course, she was only three days away from getting married and it was clear to him that Rhys was not the one she wanted to walk up the aisle with. She was bouncing in her seat as she worked at her computer and kept getting up and wandering about, with regular glances in the direction of Jack's office. Ianto kept quiet and fed her regular cups of hot chocolate, for which he received cheery smiles and even a peck on the cheek.

"Thanks pet."

Ianto hated being called a pet, he was not a dog. He walked away and disappeared into the archives to nurse his bad temper in solitude. Gwen sighed with relief at his departure and immediately headed up to Jack's office, not bothering to knock before entering. He greeted her with that smile she loved so much as she sat in the chair in front of his desk.

"Hey."

"Hey, mind if talk for a bit?"

Jack put down his pen, more than happy to have an excuse to abandon the paperwork.

"What's on your mind?"

Gwen fingered the hem of her t-shirt, all the things she wanted to say suddenly abandoned her tongue, she gazed at him, her eyes wide a small smile up curving her lips.

"You could stop this Jack."

He frowned clearly lost.

"Stop what?"

"You and Ianto, it seems to be......the two of you. Are you with him?"

Jack arched an eyebrow suddenly comprehending.

"That isn't really your concern."

"There's still time Jack. For me to..... for us."

He shook his head. "There can be no us. I have my reasons Gwen and none of them are about you personally. I just know how it would end. Rhys is an incredible guy, who loves you and puts up with all the Torchwood crap. Believe me, he's a rare find."

"I know he is. I just can't helping that we would be amazing together, I've seen the way you look at me. I feel it Jack."

"I can't deny that. But the answer is still no, for both our sakes, please trust me. Ianto can handle me, he doesn't want anything, doesn't expect anything..... he knows me. I'm not the man you think I am or hope me to be."

"But I can make you happy Jack, does he?"

Jack glanced down at his hands then offered up a rueful grin. "It isn't about being happy Gwen. It's about not being alone in a crowded room. It's about never having to ask. He scares the shit out of me because he is so perceptive, so loyal. Ianto just is, and I don't understand it, don't care to. I think we need each other in some strange love/ hate sort of way. He isn't in awe of me Gwen, he just accepts and occasionally gets very pissy with me when I do something stupid."

Gwen was watching him closely. "Don't you want to be happy?"

"Everyone wants to be happy Gwen and I know that I am not the one to give you that. Every day you come in here and tell us about Rhys and all these neat little things that he does for you and when you're talking your eyes are alive. Your whole body is animated and you are excitable and funny. That what Rhys does for you. He's your anchor and knows he has to be there whilst you're kicking alien arse and saving the world."

Gwen found herself smiling as she realised the truth of it.

"You just seem so alone, Jack."

"In some ways I always will be, it's the nature of this 'gift' I have. Everything will pass me by. I don't want to have another family Gwen. Ianto understands that on some weird level, I don't think even he really understands why he understands....does that make any sense? What would make me happy is to see you married to Rhys, watch you guys flourish and grow old together. It's a beautiful thing to behold Gwen, don't throw it away for a fantasy because the only loser would be you."

"You will be there at the wedding, won't you?"

Jack grinned. "Of course I will, we all will be, even Ianto will be dragged along."

She got to her feet. "Thank you Jack."

"For what?"

"For making me realise without me feeling stupid and embarrassed."

"You're welcome. Now I need coffee, where is Ianto anyway?"

"He went down to the archives."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ianto rolled his eyes and held the phone away from his ear for a moment, Bridget Spears certainly knew her insults well enough. Ianto half wondered if she'd been a witch in a previous life.

"Yes, Miss Spears, I fully appreciate that, but Captain Harkness is not in the building, you can either talk to me or call back later." He replied using his most patient voice, with just a hint of patronising.

"Yes, of course ma'am...... no I don't know the team are dealing with a situation and I have no idea how long they will be..... Yes..... the reports were couriered to your office this morning, I saw to it myself." He flicked his pen and caught it and began doodling a picture of a broom stick. "Yes Miss Spears, I'll be sure to tell him..... yes.... yes.... of course.. Good day." He hung up and blew out a sigh. He could hear Owen chuckling in the autopsy bay. Bastard!

Ianto rubbed at his temple and cursed the return of yet another headache after another sleepless night of rounding up weevils and then something that turned out to be someone's dog wearing a glow in the dark coat and collar. He was tired and achy and really not looking forward to Gwen's wedding the following day. His team mates were currently chasing down a shapeshifter that had been eluding them most of the day. Ianto was very glad to be Hub side for once, though he was totally unimpressed with Jack's insistence that they all attend Gwen's wedding tomorrow. He gathered the various mugs and put them in the dishwasher and then made his way into Owen's lair.

Owen was working at his computer..... well actually he was playing Halo, Ianto soon discovered.

"Owen, any chance of some pain killers?"

Owen quickly looked up through narrowed eyes. "Another head ache?"

Ianto nodded, it was only natural really he'd hit his head three times in as many days. Owen gestured to the exam table.

"Let me give you a quick check over, first."

Ianto didn't argue.... It was time for another counselling session anyway.

"You feeling ok apart from the head?"

"Tired, I'm not sleeping so well."

"That wouldn't have anything to do with Jack would it?"

"No, well not exactly. I'm having weird dreams again, ever since I started on those tablets you gave me."

"Yeah, they can do that. It should settle soon, but let me know if it doesn't."

"Ok."

"Tell me about the dreams?"

"Why?"

"I dunno, maybe you've got something lurking in your head that only comes out in your dreams?"

"You mean, like I am a closet cross dresser or something."

"You're shagging Jack, that's enough to confuse anyone. Or are these dreams of yours pornographic and way too embarrassing to admit to?"

"I'm standing the Plas, the floor is made of glass. The Plas is empty and it is always winter. When I look down I can see into the Hub. Jack is pushing me onto the lift and he looks frightened and then I am looking down on myself looking down at him. He's looking up at me and he is afraid..... I can hear this voice, but I don't know what it is saying."

"That's it?"

"Yes, it's identical every time. I've had that dream six times now."

"So maybe something is bothering you? Perhaps you are worried that Jack is pushing you away?"

"I think he is trying to save me."