AN: So I want to apologize, kind of. There was a serious death in my family, kind of lost the inspiration to write, which is why this chapter may seem a little shitty. I'm sorry for the long wait, and for those who have stuck with this fic so far, thank you.

Much love.

There were many ways the next few days could have panned out, you rehearsed the potential list in your head going over each scenario like you were dealing with a crisis situation. In hindsight it was ridiculous, after all you had known for a while that some sort of confrontation with Piper was inevitable but you thought you had more time, a specific day to count down towards.

But there was that voicemail and two text messages to follow it up afterward and honestly for the first time in your life you felt completely unprepared to handle a situation. You were pretty sick of throwing all your shit at Nicky, you could physically feel your friend's patience wearing thin with insistent complaints on the matter, despite the fact that she would never tell you that.

So you spend most of the day finishing up your required tasks, more or less on autopilot your mind constantly falling back to your latest emotional ordeal. You smile at the people who you worked alongside with, talking about the meaningless routine that was taking place, putting up a good front acting like you weren't mentally collapsing under the idea of facing Piper Chapman.

So, maybe that's how you ended up here. For the first time ever, in front of your mother's gravestone. It was a bitterly cold day, the wind blistering the skin on your face and forcing your hands into your pockets. The grass underneath your feet crunched with every step, protesting against your weight as frost turned the blades ridged and unforgiving.

It seems bizarre, looking at this stone, one you ordered but never actually seen in person. Her face was transposed onto a small plaque right above her name, the trademark smirking smile that you learned to mimic so well in your life filling her face.

You try to swallow past the lump that has formed in your throat, looking down at the frozen ground scuffing the earth slightly with your boot. Suddenly you feel ridiculous, like it really matters what you do now. You can imagine her giving you that look, watching you stand here like some sort of child ready to be reprimanded.

A solitary shaky breath escapes your lips, the wisps of warm air meeting cold coiling out into the quickly darken sky. "I wish you were here mom."

It's not like you're expecting a response, but for some reason you feel the need to pause, to let the quiet plea really sink in, your gaze fixed on the small portrait.

"Of course, if you were you would probably would have slapped the shit out of me by now."

The thought makes you smile a little. "Piper and I, we're really good at fucking things up. Like truly fucking brilliant at it." You adjust your glasses, looking at the ground once more. "So much shit has happened. You left way too early, I still need someone to look after my dumbass."

You stall for a moment, considering just leaving, heading back to your apartment and figuring out your next move but guilt bubbles up right on cue. "You should've had more time mom. I should've been around more, called more, anything."

You reach out towards the gravestone hesitantly, laying your palm against the cold marble. "I'll visit more often. Maybe next time I'll have good news."

.

"I'm just say, you really shouldn't leave your door unlocked."

Your mother looks over at Piper a look of feigned annoyance flickering across her face. "I appreciate the concern, kid, but honestly if someone breaks in here to steal something they would be pretty shit out of luck."

You try to resist the laugh slips from your mouth but it's pointless, Piper shoots you a look but eventually a small smile takes place of the frown on her face. She leans forward a little unsteady as she takes another sip of wine. A gift you had bought for your mom's birthday only for you and Piper to consume most of it anyway, along with several different liquor before that.

Diane stretches her arms, reaching behind her to grab her pack of cigarettes. "Alright you misfits, it's late and I need to get up early for work."

You nudge Piper softly with your elbow. "You ready?"

She nods through another sip of wine. "Gotta pee first."

You and your mother watch as she takes the familiar route to the bathroom before she slides a cigarette across the table towards you. You shake your head. "I'm trying to quit."

"You mean Piper is trying to make you quit," she states pointedly. "That girl sure knows how to pull your strings." She offers the cigarette again. "You've been staring them down like a hungry wolf, just take it so you don't feel tempted to buy your own pack later."

You concede taking the cigarette, lighting it seconds after it's between your lips. Your mother narrows her eyes, glancing briefly down the hall to check for Piper before she continues in a hushed tone. "So, when are you gonna make that girl yours?"

You start choking on the smoke that invaded you lungs, wiping your head around, a trill of fear that Piper might hear the statement running up your spine. "Mom, what the fuck are you talking about?"

She raises an eyebrow at you. "I see how you look at her."

"Piper is straight."

"How do you know?"

"She has a boyfriend. Mom can we please drop this?"

She raises her hands in a defensive manner. "I'm just saying, the world isn't black and white." She pauses to note the confusion on your face with a nod. "And you used to have boyfriends too, kid."

"Yeah, let's not talk about that," you mutter with a raise of your eyebrows.

You try to maintain the serious façade but eventually you and your mother devolve into laughter.

"What's so funny?" Piper plops down next you with a hooded expression, her gaze flits to the cigarette in your hand. "Those things will kill you."

You ash the cigarette, trying not to be amused by her antics. "Are you ready now?"

"Yes," she states theatrically. "Take me home."

"You mean back to my place?"

She has to the good graces to look disorganized. "What did I say?"

You say goodbye to your mother, promising to visit soon and call even sooner, ushering a slightly inebriated Piper out of the door. It's not a far walk from your house, so you don't bother with the pretense of a cab especially because of the fact that Piper is clinging to you and her warmth was radiating across your skin.

When you reach your apartment, Nicky is out, as usual so you guide Piper back to your room and to your bed, when you pull the blanket over her shoulders and turn to leave the room she grabs ahold of your hand.

"Stay."

It's barely audible and for a moment you debate the wisdom of listening to her but when she gives your hand another firm tug you pull your boots off and slide in next to her. She curls up next to you, ducking her head underneath your chin. For the better part of a few minutes you feel your heart beating out of your chest, at one point your hand comes up to gently stroke her hair pulling it away from her face to tuck it behind her ear.

She mumbles something sleepily, burrowing even closer to you.

"What's that Pipes?"

"I meant what I said before." A single eye blinks up at you, before closing again. "About taking me home."

Oh.

You start to pull away, more than a little upset by the recent turn of events but she holds on tight. She pulls back just enough to look you in the eyes.

"Being with you feels like home."

.

"That was last call Vause."

You narrow your eyes. "It's not even ten o'clock Nick."

"Yeah, but I just watched you down five drinks in an hour." She nods, pretending to think about something. "So, I'm gonna say last call."

A part of you wants to be angry, but the small rational side of you that hasn't been drowned away knows that she is simply looking out for you. So instead of protesting you pull out your wallet, collecting a small wad of bills but when you try to hand it over Nicky just shakes her head.

"Tonight is on me," she announces. "Go home, take care of yourself. Let me know when you get back."

Despite her offer you leave the bills on the counter, sliding off the barstool in a rather undignified manner. Grabbing for you jacket and making a hasty exit.

The cold air blisters your skin, but it doesn't stop you from blindly fumbling into your pocket for your cigarettes. The next few steps were made blindly, staggering as you tried desperately to light it despite the wind buffeting you from every side. Finally an ember ignites, and the smoke drifts away seconds later in torrent of air.

For a second you didn't realize your phone was going off, until it becomes too much of an annoyance to ignore. The name blaring across your screen does nothing to stabilize you.

Piper.

You consider answering the call, but think better of it silencing your phone to let the opportunity fade away. You can't deal with Piper right now, not like this.

It's started to snow, the frigid air stilling for a moment as the flakes gently fall around you. It makes you stop, glancing up at the sky gazing sightlessly at the image of them falling through the streetlights. You sway backwards for a moment feeling the full effect of the alcohol leaching through your system and you close your eyes taking one small sharp breath before continuing down the street.

Piper always had wondered why you prefer to walk home after a night out drinking or not, it was something of curiosity to her and you would always catch her watching you with this small sense of wonder in her eyes like some great portrait to look at.

Stop thinking about it.

So much easier to think than actually do, she has a hold on you like you'll never understand. Why? Just why, why, why?

Your phone goes off once more, this time you're nearly a block from your apartment. You silence the call without even bothering to look at who it is; besides a part of you knows that it's her calling again.

You're walking up the landing to your apartment when the first text rolls in, and for some god awful reason you decide to take a look at your phone.

Of course she is texting you now.

Piper:

U know, if you don't want to talk you could just say so.

You stop outside of the door for a moment, feeling a fire raging through you as you read that solitary message. Because honestly, how does she even have the right to say something like that to you, she spent the last few months pretending that you don't exist and all of a sudden everything has to be on her terms once more.

Fuck her.

Alex:

Fuck you.

It seems appropriate given the circumstance, and if were in a more coherent state of mind you would have second guessed the actual statement. But you think back to something that Piper told you a long time ago.

Drunk words are just sober thoughts.

Oh how true.

The elevator reaches your floor the next time your phone goes off, once again you can't bring yourself to ignore it, even though you know what kind of shit is waiting for you when you look at the message.

Piper:

At least I got a reaction out of you.

We need to talk.

You slowly make your way to your apartment door, looking at the message the whole way causing you to stumble more than you know you normally would. It causes you to pause for moment, your key held unsteadily in your hand outside of your door.

You want to say something, but at this moment you don't trust your judgment anymore. So you shut off your phone, pushing the key into the door.

There were a few ways the next few days could've gone, but you should've known that none of them would go according to what you wanted or planned. It was obvious from the moment Piper had first reached out. But there were a few things you didn't expect.

One of them being Piper, sitting on your sofa with that painfully familiar all expecting look in her wide eyes.

You couldn't have prepared for this in any way.

AN: Next chapter is in the works I'll have it to you asap.