A very different kind of chapter with little dialogue and more "action" and inner thoughts. A bit shorter, too, but I'll make up for it in the next chapter. Thank you so much for all of the reviews on the last chapter. I loved reading all of them and there were a few that I wondered if you had somehow been able to read my outline. I hope you like this chapter. It is the only one like this in the story. We'll get back to more dialogue with the next update.
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Chapter Fourteen.
She kept her distance from him for a few days. She knew it was the only way. She had told him she loved him more than once, he didn't know how to respond and she didn't want to force or pressure him into something he didn't want. Once she left him in the woods near the creek and she had been able to walk and think on her own, she came to all of these conclusions and decided that staying away and giving him space was the only thing to do.
They still slept together in the space behind the counter. She didn't shy away from him when she woke up with her head on his chest. Sometimes, he would be staring at her like he was waiting for her to say something but she didn't. She wasn't going to say anything. She was here and so was he and they were together and that was that. There didn't need to be a discussion. Eventually, yes, probably. But not right now.
After they woke up in the mornings, he would go one way and she would go another. He was busy outside, digging trenches and working on the fences, driving the truck up to the cabins further up the mountain, stripping them down and bringing the parts back down to the station. Slowly, they became surrounded by wire and wood and he was so exhausted each evening he came to their makeshift bed. She would kneel behind him and rub his shoulders and tell him all about her day as she did her best to loosen his knotted muscles and she knew it wasn't interesting in the least but she knew he was listening to everything.
She spent her days as if she was back in the prison. She became Judith's prime caregiver again and helped with the laundry and cooking and keeping the station clean and when Daryl went out on runs, she almost always went with him because even though they were able to spend their days doing their own thing, there was still this sense between them that they didn't like to be too far apart.
Little by little, the station was beginning to feel like home. The others all had their rooms and were beginning to save belongings and Daryl and Beth were doing that, too. Beneath the counter, there were shelves next to where they slept. Beth kept her candle and hatchet there as well as her journal though she had yet to start writing in it. Daryl kept his extra bolts and a knife he could grab at a moment's notice as well as a book he had found on one of their runs. Treating Survivors of Childhood Abuse: Psychotherapy for the Interrupted Life and she didn't ask him about it but sometimes, she would see him reading it before he went to sleep at night. He had told her some stories but not all of them and she wasn't going to ask until he was ready to tell.
She sat with him sometimes when he was on watch at night even though he always told her to get some sleep. She always ignored him and wrapped a blanket around him and stayed. Sometimes, she sang softly and sometimes, she would tell him stories of her childhood but sometimes, she sat quietly, just needing to be close to him.
She didn't tell him she loved him and she caught him looking at her from time to time as if he was waiting for her to but she didn't and she wasn't going to. He already knew and she wasn't going to say it again. He didn't believe her and he just needed time and Beth stayed near while also trying to balance her distance.
Some nights, she had nightmares. Hot breath on her face and hands on her thighs and she woke up with a start, gasping for air.
Daryl was always there, his arms around her, letting her know that he was right there. He didn't ask what she had dreamed about. She knew he could probably guess. He just asked her if she was alright and she nodded her head, trying to get herself breathing normal again. They would lay down and his arms would remain around her and she would feel his lips on her head.
Some nights, he was restless in his sleep, having his own bad dreams.
He didn't wake from them and she had no idea what they were about. She never felt it was her place to ask, knowing that if Daryl wanted to talk about it with her, he would. As he tossed and turned in his sleep, she moved closer to him and rested her arm around his middle, hugging him and brushing her lips across his cheek and her touches seemed to reach him in his sleep and he almost always settled down after that.
Her daddy had said that they all had jobs to do but she had always felt – in the prison and before that during their winter in the woods and after the prison fell and now at the station – that Daryl had a hundred different jobs. He built the fences around them and solidified them and dug trenches and emptied the trenches if there were walkers who had stumbled into them, taking them and burning the bodies. He hunted for food and went on runs for supplies and Rick may have been leading them all but Daryl was the reason they were alive.
Rick seemed to think the same thing and would have to force Daryl to take some downtime every once in a while. He would always seek Beth out at these times and ask her to come into the woods with him. Sometimes, they hunted and tracked and sometimes, they would sit by the creek. Beth did laundry, scrubbing the clothes up and down the washboard, and Daryl sat close by, his crossbow beside him, keeping watch even as he smoked a cigarette and read his book. She watched him sometimes; watched as he even had a highlighter and would read something before highlighting the particular passage.
She had to bite her lip to keep from asking.
The first month they were at the station passed quietly but they made sure they were always careful and on alert. They weren't seeing as many walkers in their current location – Daryl was right when he said walkers couldn't climb for shit – and some days, they passed without seeing one at all but they had all learned their lesson. They didn't want to get too comfortable and they didn't want to fool themselves into thinking they were safe.
They were the only ones who still slept downstairs, everyone else having found a space for themselves in the apartment on the second floor, and at night, when it was just the two of them, they talked. Well, she mostly talked and Daryl always listened to every word she said even if he looked as if he wasn't. She knew better. Daryl was always listening to everything.
He was the only one to know that even though she tried not to, she missed Maggie and hoped she would see her sister again. Daryl grunted at that and she knew he wasn't Maggie's biggest fan at the moment and she agreed with him but if anyone understood blood being blood, it was Daryl.
She also admitted to him that she was still uncomfortable around the group for the most part and she didn't know if she would ever feel at ease with them as she once had. And when she said this, she felt herself lying closer to him because at least she still had him and he told her as much in his gruff low voice that gave her shivers and made her feel warm.
Judith began to walk while holding onto furniture or someone's hand and Rick realized that they had to start baby proofing things around the station. He told stories of when Carl was a baby and he nearly gave him and Lori heart attacks because he was fascinated with the electrical outlets in the walls.
Daryl and Beth made a run to the dollar store again and they found a gate to put at the top of the stairs so the baby wouldn't topple down and she also got foam to tape around the sharp corners of furniture so when Judith stumbled, she wouldn't hurt herself.
Seeing Judith walk and get bigger with each day made them all happy in a way nothing else did. The world may have ended but it was still turning. Things still kept going and sometimes, most times, they all forgot that.
The first snow came – soft and light, flurries blowing in the wind and never actually seeming to stick to anything. Daryl was on watch that night when it came and Beth laughed, feeling light, and she stood from the steps to stand beneath the black sky, her face tilted up and feeling the wet flakes touch her cheeks.
"I think it's around my birthday," she then said as she sat back down next to him, his eyes having intently been watching her and now, focused solely on her. "My birthday was in the winter." She sighed then, a smile still on her face, and she rested her head on his shoulder.
The next night, as they laid on their bed, Daryl reached into his nearby pack and pulled out something, the plastic crinkling in his fingers. She gasped when she saw what he was offering. A pack of two Twinkies. She took it eagerly and looked at him for an explanation.
"Birthday present," he said in his grunt and she held the treat to her chest as if it was gold.
She leaned in and with her other hand on his cheek, she kissed him. Slow and soft and she took her time, her lips moving against his. He responded, kissing her just as slowly, and she felt like shivering as she felt his fingers in her hair, cradling her head. She found herself being lowered onto her back and she set the Twinkies aside so she could slide both of her arms around him. His body was on top of hers – heavy and warm - and she held him to his spot, never wanting him to move.
She didn't know how long they kissed and it never went further than that. Just kisses and soft moans and breathless whispers of his name. His lips pressed kisses to her throat and he sucked on a patch of skin that left her arching her back and gasping. She wanted to tell him that she loved him but she bit down on her lip and closed her eyes as his lips brushed along the line of her jaw. She knew if she said that, he would stop and pull away and she never wanted him to go where she couldn't reach him.
Her skin was tingling as if she could feel a gentle current of electricity flowing through her and her fingers ran through his hair, tugging on strands, as he pressed his lips to hers again. They were both out of breath but even then, they both seemed reluctant to end the kiss.
Only when her hands began to slid up his shirt, fingertips starting to creep up his back, did he tense on top of her and quickly pulled himself up. She looked at him, confused, and he looked away from her, panting, his fingers curled into fists.
"I'm sorry-" she began to apologize though she wasn't entirely sure what had happened.
He cut her off with a quick shake of his head. He then looked at her. He looked at her with dark eyes and he looked at nothing else. She slowly sat up and didn't say anything either and she kept her eyes trained on him as well. And then, as if he had come to a silent decision with himself, Beth watched as he grabbed his shirt and pulled it off. She had never seen him without a shirt on. He had always been so careful to keep himself always covered.
He took a deep breath and in the flickering flame of the vanilla candle, she could see what he always hid. His back was covered in scars – thick dark lashes, obviously old and put there long ago – but the damage would always remain, both in and out. She knew now why he read that book and highlighted things with the utmost concentration.
He looked at her then and she looked at him. He told her then, in gruff short sentences of what had happened. Of his dad and a belt and trying to hide in the closet but always being found. Of his mom dying and Merle being gone and how it was just him and his dad and this is what happened to him.
She listened to every word he said and she felt as if she was holding her breath the entire time. She had suspected but she had never known and when he was finished, he told her that she was the only one now who knew everything.
She leaned into him then and kissed him softly on the lips. "I love you," she whispered to him even though she knew he never wanted to hear that but it was so true. In that moment and all of the moments leading up to it.
She didn't pity him and she knew he didn't want her to. He didn't want it or need it. She was sad, yes, but everything that had happened to him had forged him into this man he was now and he truly was the best man she knew. She wondered if she would ever get him to believe that himself.
And then, she looked at him and he looked at her and he seemed to know what she wanted to do. She hesitated, waiting for him to stop her, but he didn't. She moved slowly, still giving him a chance. He stiffened the first time her lips touched his back but he still didn't stop her. She felt him hold his breath the entire time as she moved her lips from scar to scar, closing her eyes and breathing him in and her arms sliding around his hips, hugging him from behind.
Even with everything they had already been through together, she had never felt closer to him than she did in that moment.
And when she pulled back and gave him a small, faint smile, he stared at her and his hand lifted to her cheek, his lips going to her own scar.
They made another run up the road to Milton's and this time, Rick came with them. Together, the two of them looked over the collection of seeds that the store had sold while Daryl helped himself to a pack of cigarettes he found in the desk drawer in the back office. Looking at the seeds with Rick secretly elated her. If they were going to be planting these, that meant that Rick was thinking about staying here longer than the winter.
They broke apart, Rick heading back to the station and Daryl and Beth heading into the woods, hoping to track a couple of rabbits since Carol had mentioned having a taste for stew on this cold winter day. They walked quietly but she felt Daryl looking over at her time and time again and finally, she looked at him, laughing a little.
"Do I have something on my face?" She asked and her cheeks felt warm.
He smirked a little and shook his head. "Not yet."
And before she could ask what he meant, he leaned into her then, kissing her. Daryl rarely initiated a kiss between them and Beth felt herself reacting immediately. She stood on her toes with her arms around him and her lips hard against his. His hand not holding his crossbow rested on her hip and then slowly slid around to the small of her back, holding her as close to him as he could.
He pulled his lips away slowly, almost looking reluctant to do so. "We should get goin'. You moanin' is probably scarin' away all of the game," he teased her then.
"Stop making me moan then," she quipped back.
He smirked at that but didn't say anything else and they resumed their hunt.
They were only able to get one rabbit and Daryl stored it into the pack on her back. They began heading back towards the station and Beth felt so happy with him in the woods that late morning, she began humming a soft song.
As they neared the station, they heard voices that made Daryl raise his crossbow a bit in preparation.
"Is that…" Beth looked ahead at the entrance in the gate.
There were two figures and Rick was talking with them both. Daryl stopped walking so she stopped walking, too, and she squinted her eyes to try and see who those people were. Were they strangers? They were so hidden up here, how had anyone found them? She instantly felt a knot in her stomach at the prospect of others being able to know where they were. People were more dangerous than the walkers nowadays.
She looked harder and then gasped. Her eyes flew up to Daryl but he was silent, standing there, but she saw his jaw was clenched so tightly, muscles were twitching in his face. She looked back towards the two figures and her brain confirmed what her eyes had seen.
Those weren't two strangers. It was Glenn and Maggie. They had found them. They had come back.
Beth felt herself take a step forward but then she stopped herself suddenly. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she felt tears inexplicably burn in the backs of her eyes. Maggie was here. Her sister was here again.
And Beth realized that all she wanted to do was go back into the woods with Daryl and not come back.
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