Chapter 13: Unspoken Realizations

Weeks went by and word came every few days about another uprising, another attack, another list of names whose lives had been taken too early. Voldemort was on the move but his whereabouts where still a mystery. Life it seemed went on as best as it could at Hogwarts. The students still had assignments to do, books to read, gossip to spread.

Emily had kept a close eye on Harry the past weeks; her steady notion that something was deeply wrong with him began to be confirmed. For his spirit seemed to change with each new report about Voldemort's attacks. He barely spoke to anyone now. He would disappear for an hour or two, and then he would reappear for another class. He got up early to finish homework, would spend the next five hours in his classes, head straight to practice and then on some nights to their training sessions with Dumbledore. They would not return to at least ten o'clock. By that time not only was he exhausted, but he also had piles of homework to finish.

Emily was sitting on the floor by the blazing fire studying for Defense when Harry walked in from Quidditch practice. As fall began to set in so did the Quidditch season and to Harry's surprise he was nominated to be this year's Captain, which meant even more planning and stress on him. All the House teams had worked ceaselessly the last couple of weeks for their upcoming matches. Harry more than anyone. His body slouched from exhaustion; he laid down onto the couch, his brow dripping with sweat.

"Tough night?" Emily asked. She had tried to respect his space over the past weeks, but she would be lying if she said she wasn't worried about him.

"Yeah, you could say that." He said as he took off his glasses placing them on the side table.

"Ron and the rest of the team came in an hour ago. He said that you had stayed behind to practice." Emily sat up leaving her Defense notes for a while. She watched as Harry's stomach rose and fell with his heavy breath.

"I needed to work on some things."

"Oh, yeah, of course, you have a match coming up."

"Next week. Our first one, and with me being captain I have a whole set of plays to work through. We lost a lot of good players last year. I don't know if we can shape up before next week."

"I understand." She spoke softly.

"No, you don't." Harry's eyes flickered open, his head turning to look at her. He looked angry. Emily felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. "Why do people say that? I mean... people have no clue, yet they try to be sympathetic and say that they understand, that things will turn out better in the end. Well, what if they don't? I mean then, what?" Harry said as he sat up staring at her his anger full blown.

It was only when he saw the shocked and hurt expression on her face that he realized what he had done. He took a deep breath tearing his eyes away from her and towards the fire behind her.

"I'm sorry, Em." He glanced back at her. Her expression had turned from hurt to concern and he knew it was for him. "I shouldn't have gone off on you like that."

"Harry, you're right." Emily saw his puzzled face at her sudden remark. "I will never be able to understand fully what you feel or how all of this affects you. Not unless you tell me and help me to understand. The truth is Harry that people want to comfort you. They want to fix things for you, because they care about you, and they just want to see you happy." Emily replied as softly as she could. All both of them needed right now was a heated argument.

"They don't know what I want. They have no clue what I want." He said as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

"Well what do you want?" Emily's voice heightened. She tried not to sound frustrated, but she was. She wanted him to tell her the truth, to let her help him ease the weight she knew he had been carrying since the news of the first attack.

"I…" but that was all Harry could say. He glanced at her wanting to confide in her, but he knew that if he did, it would change everything. "I... I don't know." He finally spoke through a frustrated exhale. He knew what he wanted, but he just couldn't tell her.

"You don't know or is it you can't tell me or are you afraid to tell me Harry?" Emily said as she leaned in closer to him. His mouth went dry, but his heart began to beat rapidly. She had seen through his charade. She knew he was hiding something, but he didn't know how to respond.

"Emily… I just can't." Harry finally said as he got up and walked up the stairs to his dormitory leaving her sitting alone by the fire.

"He was so distant the other night, Hermione, more so than he has ever been." Emily whispered over the table. She had long given up on her Potions essay and was more focused on talking to Hermione about Harry. "Is he the same with you two?"

"He does this sometimes. He begins to pull away from us when things get tough with well you know." Hermione replied.

"Normally he just gets pissy and gets over it though." Ron said. "Remember last year, never thought we would survive."

"But this time it is different."

"How is it different?" Emily asked.

"It's never lasted this long before. Normally he just lets it boil over and then he's back to the same old brooding self." Ron replied.

"We've tried for years to get it through his head that he's not alone in this, but he still pulls away each time."

"He's afraid." Emily spoke as she glanced upwards towards the clear ceiling of the Great Hall, the heavy clouds had settled in. Looked as if it would rain soon.

"Where do you think he goes off to? I mean he disappears every day." Hermione asked curiously.

"I'm guessing the place where he feels safe or powerful." Emily spoke her eyes glancing back to Hermione and Ron. She had been giving this idea a lot of thought over the last week.

"Which would be…" Ron asked perplexed.

"The Quidditch pitch." Hermione and Emily answered at the same time.

"Where are you going?" Ron asked as Emily gathered her things.

"Where else, the pitch. It's time Harry rejoined the living world."

"Emily, it's dreadful outside." Hermione said as she too glanced up at the ceiling windows.

"I'll be all right. Will you take care of those for me?" She said as she pointed to her books. With a quick nod from Hermione, she headed to the entrance hall heading out the main doors.

Emily headed towards the pitch as best she could, but by the time she was halfway there she was already completely soaked by the on coming rain. It had turned into a complete down pour. If it weren't for the tall goals she would have probably ran straight into the Black Lake. As she approached the pitch she hazily made out a figure sitting in the center of the field. Emily walked closer, and as she did the figure started to form. She knew it was him.

Harry was hunched over, with his arms around his legs, his head down. He was completely soaked and shivering from head to toe. Her heart seemed to catch in her throat, but she didn't know why. Emily walked further, but before she got to him he turned around. He had heard her approaching.

"I didn't think anybody would know I was here." He said as he turned back around.

"Usually when I am upset I try to hide in a place where I feel safe, a place where I feel in control. I thought that this might be yours. So this is where you've been sneaking off. We have been worried about you." She sat down beside him in the soaking wet grass, the rain falling heavily over them.

"I guess I just wanted some time alone. You know, to think."

"You done yet?" Emily tried to make him smile, but he just turned away from her. "Hey, I know the past few weeks have been hard, but you can't live your life hiding away like this afraid to face him."

"I'm not afraid of him, Emily. Like you said, I've faced him before and somehow survived. It's what I have seen him do. It's what he's capable of. I'm afraid of what he might do to the people I care about. Like my friends…like you."

Harry's eyes caught hers through the downpour. Emily could feel her heart pound harder in her chest at his words.

"Harry, we both know that he is powerful. We can't deny that. We all know there will be risks, but you mustn't dwell on them. If you do, you will lose something even more important." It was Harry who shook his head this time not understanding what she was referring to.

"Like what?

"You'll miss the moments that make this life worthwhile. You will miss goofing off with Ron here on the pitch, being teased and taken care of by Hermione, trips to Hogsmeade, afternoons by the lake, our midnight conversations in the common room. It is those moments that make you stronger against Voldemort. It is those moments that you will treasure. You can't just let them pass by; cause if you do you will regret it forever."

"It's raining." He spoke as he glanced up at the dark clouds unable to think of anything else to say. For he knew she was right.

"Yeah, it is." Emily said with a smile. "We had better go in. You'll catch a cold."

"That's what Madam Pomfrey is for."

"True."

"I love the rain."

"Me too." Emily said as she circled her arms around her knees. "It's so comforting and peaceful. When I was younger I used to lie on my bed and just listen to the rain. No matter what had happened that day, no matter how much anger or hatred I had built up inside of me, it all just seemed to slip away at the sound of the raindrops hitting the windows. It was in those brief moments that I actually found peace." Emily spoke softly; a solemn expression crossed her face. "So are you going to tell me why the great Harry Potter, is sitting out here brooding alone in the rain?" She spoke with a hint of sarcasm, trying to change the subject.

"I'm not great, Emily. I'm just like any guy. Don't buy into those things that other people say about me." Harry flatly stated.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean anything by it." Harry turned his face from her and glanced out over the Quidditch Pitch. "You're wrong about who you are. You are not just some guy."

"Really and what may I ask is so special about me?" Harry asked more as a joke than anything else, yet he was taken aback by what she spoke next.

"Your bravery, strength, kindness, but most importantly the love that you have for the people in your life" Emily replied as she shivered.

"Cold?"

"Yeah, a little." She replied.

"Here." He said as he took off his robe and placed it around her shoulders.

"Thanks." Emily said with a smile.

"Thank you." He too smiled.

"For what?"

"For coming and finding me."

"Any time. That's what friends are for right?"

"Yeah, I guess it is."

Harry couldn't help but notice how she looked as the rain dripped down her face. How many times had he been over this the last few months? He couldn't think or feel this way for both of their sake's. Yet, he was trying to deny the very thing he couldn't. He was trying to deny what he had known the minute he first saw her this summer.

Emily looked up at the rain; it was truly wonderful and refreshing. Her heart quickened as she turned her head to look at Harry. He was staring up at the rain as she had been, his brilliant emerald eyes glowing. Emily all of a sudden became aware of how close they were sitting to each other, their arms closely holding the blanket, brushing against each other. Why hadn't she been aware of how close they were to each other? She should have been feeling something this whole time. Where were the dizzy spells, the nausea, and the headaches? She sat in silence for a few minutes trying to see if anything came. Yet, nothing did.

"Emily?"

"Yeah, Harry." Emily answered, his voice snapping her out of her thoughts.

"There's been something I, what I mean is, there has been something I have wanted to tell you."

"Okay." Emily spoke, her eyes finding his.

"The day that I arrived at Grimmauld Place from Privet Drive, I took a portkey. When I grabbed it, a searing pain escaped through my forehead where my scar is." Emily could tell he was thinking hard about what he should say. His brow was furrowed as if he was deep in thought. "It has happened before but not like it did then. I think I blacked out because of it and when I did I heard a voice."

"A voice?" Emily asked trying to concentrate on what he was trying to tell her rather then the fact that her condition wasn't taking its toll yet. "Whose voice was it?"

"Yours." Harry's eyes caught hers and it made her stomach tighten. He was quiet, fixated on how she might respond.

"You heard my voice?" Emily asked baffled by what he was revealing to her after all this time

"You called my name and said…you said that I was your only hope." Harry's voice spoke over her.

It was real. Her mind drifted back to that night thinking through all that had happened. She had slipped through the Death Eaters attack. They had been trying to take her back. She was walking alone down London's streets. She had whispered something underneath her breath. Even now she could feel the power of that moment. She had felt it then, but hadn't give it a second thought. She had been desperate, alone, seeking comfort. It was a simple thought, a hope, to the person she had seen only a couple of days before. He had really heard all of that?

"Emily."

Harry's voice brought her out of her thoughts. She turned her body towards him and it was the sudden nearness of his face that made her regret doing so. Before she knew what was happening, Harry had placed his hand slowly and gently on her cheek, a heat igniting within her the moment he did so.

She couldn't help but wrestle with why she was not reacting to him? Her curse normally would be taking it affects long ago, from the minute she sat down next to him. It never allowed her to even get this close to a man without feeling something. She had never felt this before, she had never been able to. She felt trapped, paralyzed, and yet despite it she realized that didn't want to move. That being with him, like this, felt...right.

"What I am trying and failing at saying is that I…"

Harry eyes never left hers, and she felt herself drawing closer as if of her own accord, but she couldn't remember deciding to do so. Harry rested his forehead gently on hers, there bodies inches apart. She felt the warmth from his touch radiate through her, it's power growing every second that passed.

It was the sudden familiarity of the heat, the warm radiating power that seared through her. The image of Harry's arm around her that day on the train that made her heart skip a beat. When she grabbed him it was only then that her strength and energy returned! He was the one who made her symptoms go away so quickly. It was not the curse wearing off or being able to overcome it. How could she have been so blind to it all this time?

"Emily, I am..." Harry's voice once again washed over her. She felt his head tilt back, and she sought his eyes, she found them searching hers, as if asking her a question or rather permission.

It all was true. Everything she had said that night wandering around London, everything that her heart had whispered, everything that Harry had heard was was her only hope but she was his one downfall. She had never thought it possible, but the evidence was here, the reason, the exception was moments away from placing his lips onto hers.

Despite how right it felt, everything within her suddenly screamed at her to stop. She had to get away from him. Now. Now before the worst happened.

"No, Harry!" Emily forcefully pulled herself away, out of his tight grasp. "I can't. We can't. I'm sorry, Harry. I can't stay out here any longer. I have…I have to go." Emily spoke quickly, frantically throwing off his cloak.

"I thought, I mean it seemed..." Harry rose with her, concerned about her sudden change of character. He didn't understand what was wrong. Emily turned to leave, but Harry grabbed her wrist. His sudden touch again only confirmed what she had just realized, for she felt nothing but a growing heat from his fingers over her skin. "Emily."

"I have to go, Harry." She spoke fervently. She couldn't take it anymore, she felt herself slipping, she felt the emotion rolling over her.

"What's wrong, Em?" Harry's voice deepened in concern upon seeing her distress.

"Let me go Harry!" He waited a second before releasing her from his grasp. She ran with tears in her eyes, leaving Harry standing there alone in the pouring rain.