Yeah, so...yeah. Hope there are still some of you out there. I still can't promise regular updates, but hopefully they will be much more frequent. If you follow me on Twitter, you pretty much know what my life has been like for the last few months. I won't even get into it here except to say, sometimes things really can get worse. Anyways, life is settling down a little, and I'm back.

If you're not already reading, check out Big Gay Story by the slashtastics. I wrote chapter 14, which posted last Friday. It's a great story with alot of twists and turns, and I am really looking forward to seeing what the other authors have in store for our boys!

This chapter is very short, and I apologize, but it just works this way. Plus, I wanted to get something out for you guys so you know I am definitely not abandoning this story. I love these boys as much as you all do, and I am so grateful for the support I have received from all of you! It is also unbeta'd, so I apologize for any puncuation or grammatical errors!

Disclaimer: I don't own. If I did, my life might not be nearly so stressful!

Chapter 13

I knew it was going to be hard being away from Jasper. That knowledge was confirmed after our long weekend together. I thought I had been doing well, that I was being strong. But as soon as I saw him in the airport, it felt like I could suddenly breathe again, and I never even realized that I was drowning.

His visit was too short. I could spend every day with him and it would never be enough. For now, though, we had to take our time together when and where we could get it.

When it was time for him to go, it was even harder than when we were first separated. Maybe because now I was the one being left behind, or maybe because I loved him even more than I had a few days before. All I knew was that as I watched him walk through the gate to board his flight, it felt like I was losing another piece of my heart. The only way to put the pieces back together was to be with him again.

Over the next few weeks, I kept myself busy with my day to day life. I spent the majority of my time at the hospital, but when I was home I tried to find little distractions for myself. Jasper and I talked nearly every day, and we continued with our twice weekly Skype chats as well. I was thankful that we could be in such close contact considering the physical miles between us, but I was also very glad that I knew exactly when I would be seeing him again.

About three weeks after Jasper's first trip to Chicago, we had planned for him to come back for another long weekend over the Columbus Day holiday. I had somehow managed to get a couple of days off over the weekend, and I know we were both looking forward to reconnecting again.

Jasper's mother continued to call me, and while I was surprised at first, I quickly became accustomed to our once or twice weekly chats. Sometimes she asked about Jasper, sometimes she asked how things were at the hospital, and sometimes she just wanted to chat about nothing in particular. Talking to her somehow made me feel even more connected to Jasper, and I was glad for the chance to get to know her better, even if it was only over the phone. When she called the night before Jasper was to fly in from Boston, it never occured to me to consider it odd that she would ask me to promise that I would always take care of him. She told me that sometimes he could be stubborn, and that he had always carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

She made me promise that I would never give up on him, even when things got tough. Because that, she said, is what being in love with somebody is all about; loving enough for both when one partner wasn't strong enough to hold up their end.

Looking back now, I guess I should have known, or at least had a clue that something was wrong.

~*T*~*S*~*C*~*A*~

I met him at the airport again, exchanging tender kisses as we embraced. It never failed to amaze me how my body seemed to come alive at his touch.

I took a moment to survey the face of this man that I loved. I couldn't help but notice that, while he was totally relaxed in my arms, his eyes were tired with dark, bruise-like shadows beneath them. Cupping his face in my hands, I carefully stroked my thumb over the area, watching as he closed his eyes and leaned into my touch.

"Is everything okay? You look exhausted."

He sighed softly and turned his face, kissing my palm gingerly. "Yeah, just...Something's wrong with Mama, I just know it."

It didn't escape my notice that he seemed to be looking to me for confirmation. Unfortunately, I had none to offer.

"She called today before I left," he continued. "She just doesn't seem like herself; hasn't for a while now."

"I talked to her last night and she seemed okay. Did you ask her about it?" He nodded in reply but didn't speak. "Well, what did she say, Jasper?"

"She says she's sure it's nothing; she has a physical scheduled for the first of next week and she'll talk to her doctor about it then. She also told me to 'stop frettin' and come out here for some quality time with my young man." He smiled at the last bit, and let his arms slide in around my waist as he laid his head on my shoulder. "Am I overreacting?"

I let my fingers slide through his wavy locks, kissing his cheek as I thought about how to answer his question. "Overreacting? I don't think so; I'd probably be the same way if it were my mom. But she's right babe. It probably is nothing, but at least she's going to see her doctor, and that is a good thing. There's no sense worrying until you know that there's something to worry about, okay?"

Looking me in the eyes, he smiled and nodded his head. "Okay. Thank you."

After a quick kiss on the lips, I answered, "I love you, and I'm always here to help."

"I love you too," he replied, sliding his hand in to mine. "Now, let's get back to your place so I can get you naked."

Even though he tried hard to lighten the mood, I knew he couldn't help but be worried. An ominous feeling settled in my stomach as I remembered the conversation I had had the night before. What if there was something wrong with his mother?

~*T*~*S*~*C*~*A*~

Another too short visit and we were saying goodbye again. If I had known then what I know now, I might have done it differently. Held on a little tighter, a little longer. Or maybe I would have packed it all up and just gone back to Boston with him that day.

I guess hindsight really is 20/20, because there are alot of things I would change if I could go back.

I kissed him goodbye in the airport that day and told him that I loved him, not knowing that it would be the last time I would see him that way; open and happy, loving me as I loved him. Not even for a moment did I consider that the next time I saw him would be the end of us.