14

Angela opened her eyes and after a brief moment of disorientation she knew where she was - in a hospital downtown New York. The shocked expression on Michael's face shortly before everything went dark came back to her mind. She remembered the paramedics calling her name and Michael holding her hand in the ambulance. She could picture the events in her mind's eye like a movie. She had met Michael once again for lunch because the evening before had turned out completely different from what both of them had expected and they had hardly talked about Jonathan and his career options. She remembered having read the menu at the Russian Tea Room with a constantly growing feeling of nausea. She had been terribly cold, then suddenly very hot. The world around her had begun to spin und she had suddenly felt giddy. The last thing she had seen was Michael's worried face talking to her but she hadn't heard a single word. Then only darkness and quiet. What a relieving quiet that had been!

Her room now was quiet too. Only disturbed once in a while by the gentle buzzing of the blood-pressure gauge on her upper left arm which regularly took her blood pressure. A short knock at the door, then a doctor came in, followed by a nurse.

"Ah, you're awake. Good. Hello Ms. Bower. I'm Doctor Rutherford, the physician in charge", he introduced himself. "This is nurse Sandra, she will look after you for the next few hours. How are you feeling?"

"Tired. Exhausted", Angela said, her mouth dry, her eyelids heavy.

"Well, that's pretty much what you are. It seems as if you have demanded far too much from your body lately." He looked at her like a strict teacher who censured one of his students. "A human body isn't a machine which can be operated 24/7, you have to give it a break from time to time. Given the state you're in right now there must have been signals in the past weeks. Like fatigue, headache, vertigo ..."

"Once in a while I was a little tired", Angela replied weakly.

"A little tired? Hmmmm, okay. What about headache and vertigo?"

"I've had some minor headaches and in the morning I was dizzy a few times."

Doctor Rutherford stayed adamant. He knew those kind of patients; workoholics who downplayed their afflictions and thought they could force their bodies to function with only their strong will. But with this woman there was something else. He had to get to the bottom of things.

"Any emotional stress lately? Your husband kept on apologizing to you while you were with the paramedics, so they told me."

"Ex-husband," Angela stated curtly. Emotional stress? Angela took a deep breath. Lately? She was feeling emotionally stressed for ages. "Maybe." How could she explain her hurt soul to a total stranger?

"As I see it, Ms. Bower, therapy is quite easy. You have to work less, take regular breaks, sleep more and put yourself on a healthy diet; you're underweight and you lack some vitamins. We'll keep you here for another two or three days to keep an eye on your blood pressure. As you might have noticed, we're taking it once every 30 minutes. It's a bit low which is why you have fainted in that restaurant. If it doesn't rise within the next 24 hours, we'll put you on a medication, but I'm quite positive that it will do so. The IV we've hooked you up on contains glucose, vitamins and minerals and should strengthen your system. We'll be able to release you as soon as your blood pressure has risen and your vitamin and mineral balance is restored. But if you go on living your life like before, we will have the honour to welcome you here again pretty soon. Think about it!" He threw her one more of his stern looks, then turned to the nurse. "Sandra, please make sure she drinks enough and eats regularly. Could you organize some of these high-calory muesli bars for her?" The nurse nodded. The doctor looked back at Angela.

"Okay. Any questions, Ms. Bower?"

"No." When would he be finished and eventually leave her alone? As if it was so easy to work less if work was what kept you occupied and prevented you from thinking too much about what you had lost.

"Good. I'll check on you once again at the end of my shift." He laid his hand on Angela's arm and smiled at her, reassuringly this time, not reprovingly. "No worries. Everthing's going to be fine. Just take care of yourself a little more and try to eliminate what lays so heavily on your mind. It doesn't need a shrink to see that you're emotionally worn out."

After the doctor and the nurse had left the room, Angela let out a deep sigh of relief. She just wanted to close her eyes and drift off to a relaxing sleep where she didn't have to think about work, Michael or ... Tony.

Next time she opened her eyes she saw her mother sitting on a chair beside her bed.

"Hey sleepyhead. I could have knitted a pair of socks if I had wanted to while you were strolling through dreamland."

"Hello Mother." Angela's voice was still weak and powerless. Mona looked at her daughter worriedly. She wasn't herself anymore. Something had to be done.

"Angela, how about you and I go for a vacation to a spa somewhere far away from New York. Leave your agency to your over-paid vice presidents. We take some time to relax, have some good food, get some beauty treatments - anti-eye rings for you and cleavage refreshment for me ..." She grinned and Angela smiled back at her. "Time to talk!" Mona knew it was definitely time she had a talk with her daughter. They had been avoiding the end of her friendship to Tony long enough now. She would have to drag Angela out of her shell. Bottling up her feelings for so long hadn't worked too well obviously. Mona was absolutely sure that the breakdown was a long postponed bodily reaction to the loss of Tony because Angela had never properly recovered from her emotional pain. She had tried to deny her agony and that wasn't a healthy strategy. Mona had found out herself after the death of her husband. She knew what she was talking about and she would help her daughter out of that mess!

"That's a nice idea, Mother. A bit of a distance from everything would be good for me I guess."

"What is the matter with you, Angela? The day before yesterday you still seemed to be okay, a bit stressed and exhausted maybe, but nothing like this. What happened? Does it have anything to do with your meeting with Michael?" Mona's sixth sense was telling her that something must have happened between the moment Angela had left the office yesterday and her fainting in the Russian Tea Room one day later; the proverbial last straw to break the camel's back.

"I slept with him, Mother! I slept with Michael!" Angela still couldn't believe that it had really happened.

"Oh, good", was Mona's unexpected remark.

"Good? What's so good about it?" Angela couldn't believe what her mother had just said.

"It shows me you're human, Angela. Everybody needs a little bit of love sometimes - emotionally and physically. Even you! I'm glad you let somebody love you; even if it didn't necessarily had to be Michael though ... " She raised her eyebrows and rolled her eyes. She had never really taken him into her heart while they were married and after he had left her daughter and grandson, she disliked him even more. "Maybe this could be a start for you to open up your heart again to the male part of the human race?" Mona had witnessed the way Angela had been keeping her emotions away from everybody - especially men - since Tony had left the house and it had broken her heart.

"No, Mother. I'm through with men!" Angela sounded firm and determined, her voice suddenly strong. "All the men I relied on and trusted in my life have disappointed me. Daddy was the first. He meant the world to me and he left me far too early. I know he didn't want to, but he did nonetheless. Michael promised to love and cherish me until death would part us and he left me after only ten years of marriage. And Tony ..." She closed her eyes. A single tear ran down her cheek and seeped away in the pillow right beneath Angela's face. "Somehow I thought he was the soul mate how I could always count on in my life. He asked me to wait until he would know how far our relationship can go. And I waited. I waited so long until he left me for another woman. That's even worse than being left alone for some wild animals or when death takes away someone you love." Another tear joined the wet spot on the pillow. "And he not only broke this committment, he also abandoned our friendship. He assigned his priorities and I'm not one of them. Period!"

Angela's features had stiffened during the summarization of her experiences with the three most important men in her life. Mona was shocked about how hopeless and final she had sounded. She knew the feeling of losing a beloved man. She hadn't even been fifty when her husband had died and it had taken her a long time to get over it. But eventually she had opened her heart again, although none of the men she had been dating since then had come close to taking Robert's place. But Mona could imagine that losing the man you love to another woman was even harder to live with than losing him to death. It would take her a lot of work to raise Angela's morale again.

"Oh, my dear little angel! I'm so sorry. Maybe you should see a psychiatrist to talk about your losses and disappointments. The human soul is not made for being single, it needs a match."

"I've had mine, Mother. I've had my perfect match. At least I thought so. But I lost it and I won't look for another one."

Angela closed her eyes and turned her back towards her mother. It was obvious that the conversation was over.

Tony was on his way back to the physio's office because Lynnie had forgotten her jacket at the morning session. He rushed through the aisles of the hospital and had to let a bunch of doctors and nurses pass. He pressed his back to the wall and his view coincidently fell on a name tag at one of the countless doors - 'A. Bower'. He stared at it, unable to move, and swallowed hard. He didn't know how long he had been standing there, nailed to the ground, when the door suddenly opened and a nurse came out. Tony could read the name which was embroidered in her tunic.

"Excuse me, uhm ... nurse Sandra, is Ms. Bower in her room?" he asked without really knowing what for.

"Yes, she is, but she's sleeping. You may go in, Sir, but please be sure not to wake her up. She needs her sleep - doctor's orders!"

"Of course, thank you, nurse." Sandra smiled at him, excused herself and went away.

What did she say? Angela was sleeping? He could go in there and have a quick look, couldn't he? Only a very short moment, just to see whether she was alright according to the circumstances. He slowly opened the door and peeked inside. He scanned the room and saw no other visitor, so he tiptoed in. Angela was lying on her side with her back turned towards the door, so he had to walk around the bed to be able to see her face. Tony had tears in his eyes at the sight of her; she looked so delicate and worn out! She was much thinner than the last time he had seen her, she had dark circles under her eyes and her blond hair had lost all its shine. He had to put a hand over his mouth to prevent a feeble cry slipping out. On the small bedside table he could spot the remains of her last meal and a bitten into muesli bar; she hadn't eaten much. Suddenly the blood-pressure gauge started to do its work and took Angela's data; 80 over 50 - wow, that was low! Tony couldn't remember that she ever was hypotensive. He stared at the liquid which made its way drip by drip through an IV access at the back of her left hand. He was startled when Angela suddenly took a deep breath in her sleep and shifted her body to lay on her back. Tony hold his breath, praying for her not to wake up. And his prayers were answered, her ribcage was soon lifting and lowering rhythmically again, a sign that she was still fast asleep. But he definitely had to get out of this room! He slowly backed out and receded from her bed. One last glance, then he turned around and sneaked through the door.

As soon as he was outside, he took bounding strides and hurried to the physio's office. On his way he panned himself. 'Clear cut, huh? Is that what you mean by a clear cut, Tony? Leave her in peace! If you love her, you have to let her go! And you do love her, don't you?!'