I woke up knowing today was going to be a better day. Mom actually made something besides waffles for breakfast - scrambled eggs, so it wasn't a delicacy or anything, but I was pretty fucking sick of waffles.

I decided to skip school, since I didn't want to deal with english or Bebe. The art teacher keeps the paint cabinet locked - I think that's where she stashes her weed - so if I want to paint that wall in my room I have to buy the paint instead of stealing it from the school.

I have understandably limited funds, so after much mental anguish, I cleaned out my porn fund and headed down to True Value. True Value is on its way to being the town's super store, the way Jim's Drugs did after we all stopped shopping at Wallmart.

And, you know, looking back, I really wish I'd gotten onboard with Cartman on that one. A turkey sandwich and a liter of coke for a buck would be a really sweet deal. Knew I shouldn't have listened to the son of a lawyer.

But True Value's prices are pretty low, so I headed down there. Turns out lead-based paint is cheaper because it's deadlier or something. I'd say everything is equally deadly to me, so I went for it.

I was going to head straight home and get started, as my parents don't really give a shit if I'm in school or not, but I saw Henrietta smoking outside the store and it drove it straight out of my mind. We hung out, i.e., we stood and smoked in silence. After a while I asked her why they'd moved from Benny's to Tweek Bros. Coffee. Turns out Jason has a crush on Tweek and is trying to convince him that his dependence on coffee is evidence of inherent gothability.

Sort of pissed me off, because I essentially got kicked out of the group for my own infatuation with the lovely Henrietta, as love was deemed 'ungothlike.' But Jason's allowed all the squishy feelings he likes, just because being queer is nonconformist. I'd say the opposite is true in this town, considering the man orgies South Park is subjected to on occasion, but it's hard to argue with someone as hot as Henrietta.

I think their love-ban is more for convenience than gothdom, though, since Andrew's too young for that, Brandon hates women, and Henrietta... I dunno. I don't know much about Henrietta. The mystery is so alluring.

Then Cartman, Kyle, and Stan showed up, ruining the pleasant silence we'd been having. I guess school let out. Henrietta gave Stan a distasteful look, put her cigarette out on the brick wall, and left. I asked her quickly if we could hang out again soon, and she said "for sure."

Very promising, considering she would usually say "whatever."

Cartman demanded to know why I was conspiring with Wendy against him, Stan wanted to know how I thought I was going to pass english if I skipped school, and Kyle said I had to tell him what kind of underwear Bebe wore because he and Red had a bet going.

I guess Bebe can't keep her fat mouth shut.

I gotta say though, Kyle's got a pretty cool girlfriend.

I told Kyle I hadn't fucked Bebe (he gasped and clutched his chest melodramatically because he's an ASSHOLE), I told Stan I'd bribe the student teacher's assistant to change my grade, and I pried Cartman's hands off of my neck and told him I wasn't conspiring against him with Wendy or anyone else, for that matter.

They were going to see a movie, but I'd already blown all my money on paint (Cartman said that if I wanted to get high off the fumes that I should buy hairspray, because it was cheaper. This is Cartman trying to be helpful.), so I told them I'd see them later.

I had to cross the river to get back to my house, and as I approached the bridge I noticed that Craig and Clyde were there. Craig was lighting fireworks and throwing them over the edge of the bridge, and Clyde was watching while eating a doughnut - they had one of those baker's dozen boxes sitting between them. Clyde turned bright red when he saw me and Craig licked his healing lip.

I wanted to sneak by without talking to them, but Craig pounced and asked if I'd be the subject of another movie. I gave him a most vocal no, and he rushed to assure me it would be a good old fashioned snuff film this time. So I gave him an even more vocal no.

Then Clyde offered me a doughnut.

It's not fair. All I'd had all day was a scrambled egg and a bunch of cigarettes. I still say bribing poor people with food is immoral.

Now that I'm finally home it's dark out, so I'm just going to stash the paint in my closet and go to bed.