Every instinct Ruby possessed rebelled at what she was planning to do. Self-preservation was practically rule number one for demon-kind. Martyrdom wasn't a concept they were all that familiar with to say nothing of love itself. She'd never expected to feel this way, hadn't known it was even possible. But she loved Sam and she wasn't going to stand by and do nothing. He might have been tainted by a demon when he was just a baby but he had grown up into a man who was more kind and beautiful than any other human she'd ever met. She'd be damned if she was going to watch him go down a road that would eventually turn him into something dark and ugly.
Ruby's hand shook as she raised it to knock on the motel room door. She managed a quick double tap and stood back to wait. He wasn't expecting her. He definitely wasn't expecting what was about to go down. If there were any other way, any other option she would gladly have taken it. She didn't want to die, but if her death would save him it was a sacrifice Ruby would gladly make.
A moment later, the door opened a few inches.
"Ruby?" Sam said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
"Hiya, Sam," she replied with a forced smile. "Can I come in for a minute? We need to talk."
"Yeah, sure," he said as he took a step back and allowed her to pass beneath his outstretched arm.
To cover the shaking in her hands, Ruby shoved them in her back pockets as she walked inside. Her nerves were standing on end and she didn't have much time. The others weren't all that far behind. She knew what needed to be said, she just wasn't sure how to say it or even if she could.
"What's wrong, Ruby?" Sam asked taking her by her shoulders and turning her to face him. "You're shaking."
Swallowing hard, she raised watery eyes up to his and tried to smile. "I'm not good at goodbyes, Sam. But that's what this is, that's what it has to be."
Confusion knit his brow and he tightened his hold on her shoulders. "Goodbye? What are you talking about? Is this about Dean and me? About the fight?"
"No," she said shaking her head. "It's about me, Sam. You told me once you weren't sure you trusted me. You shouldn't. I'm everything your brother ever warned you about. Oh, God." Ruby raised a hand to her mouth as she fought back a sob. "I wasn't helping you learn how to use your powers because I wanted to help you fight demons. I was helping you so that eventually you'd be one."
The floor felt as though it dropped away from Sam's feet and he stumbled back a step until the back of his thigh hit the dresser. She was lying. She had to be.
"I don't believe you," he whispered harshly.
"I was sent to you, to gain your trust and to teach you. I was just following orders."
"You're telling me it was a lie? All of it?" he growled.
The tears she'd been fighting spilled onto her cheeks as Ruby replied brokenly, "Yes."
Rage tore through Sam, welling up from his gut and manifesting itself in one powerful swipe of his arm across the cluttered surface of the dresser he was leaning against. Books, notes and one hideous bear-shaped ceramic lamp were thrown to the floor. When he rounded on her, ready to strike, the anger left him like a balloon deflating. She stood there in the center of the room weeping, staring at him with wide, heartbroken eyes.
Something wasn't right, he could feel it. "Why are you doing this, Ruby?"
"I…" she began but stopped at a loud rapping on the door. "You'd better answer that," she said. "It's your brother."When Sam didn't move, just stood there staring at her, Ruby sighed and opened it herself. "Welcome to the party, Dean," she quipped. "Glad you could make it."
"Brought a few friends with me, Ruby. Hope you don't mind," Dean said as he stepped over the broken lamp. "Looks like you started without us though."
"Not a problem. Good to see you, Bobby, Charlie. Where's your boy?" she asked, noting the angel's absence.
"Who, Cas?" Dean said raising an eyebrow. "He'll be along in a minute. So, you ready to do this?"
"Do what?" Sam demanded. "Would someone please tell me just what is going on here?"
The older Winchester leveled a hard gaze at the demon and said, "You didn't tell him? Oh, that's just perfect. What the hell were you waiting for, Ruby? A written invitation?"
"What was I supposed to say exactly? It's not like I've ever done this before, Dean."
"Whatever," he said, waving her off. He squatted down and after pulling a piece of chalk from his bag, began drawing on the floor. Occasionally, he had to brush a piece of debris out of the way, but he managed to have the circle drawn quickly and accurately. When he'd finished, he stood and dusted his hands off on his jeans.
"What the hell are you doing, Dean? What the hell is that?" Sam asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.
"You should probably ask you girlfriend, Sammy," he answered. Then to Ruby, he said, "Do you want a chair or something?"
She shook her head. "No, I don't want a chair. Just catch her when it's done."
"You got it."
It took a moment for her words to register but Sam understood just what they implied. He watched in growing horror as Ruby took a deep breath and stepped inside the circle.
"Don't do this, Ruby. You don't have to do this. We'll find another way."
When she looked up at him, she was crying in earnest. "There is no other way, Sam. I came to Colorado to kill Dean. When the moment came, I couldn't do it. One way or another, I'm going to die. I want to die on my terms, before I hurt you. I won't let you become like me. I'm sorry, Sam. It has to be this way."
Sam reached out for her, cupping the side of her face. "I don't believe you," he said softly, wiping away her tears with the pad of his thumb.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered. Looking past his shoulder to where Castiel now stood, she nodded. "I'm ready."
Dean nodded. Handing the journal to Charlie, he said, "Do it just like we talked about in the car. Read the Latin word for word and don't stop no matter what happens."
"I don't know if I can do this, Dean. I haven't read Latin since high school," she replied, looking at him with terrified eyes.
"You're gonna do great," he assured her then impulsively placed a quick, hard kiss on her lips. "We'll be right here with you."
Bobby raised an eyebrow and shot the younger man a dark look that promised retribution. He was no idiot. He'd noticed a difference in the way his daughter looked at Dean and vice versa ever since they'd met up that afternoon. He wanted nothing more than to wring that boy's neck but right now wasn't the time, they had bigger fish to fry. Stepping beside Sam, he took a hold of his left arm and the collar while his brother took his right.
"Now, Charlie," Dean said.
Wind whipped around the room, lifting papers and causing the metal blinds to sway. Ruby's body began to writhe and convulse as the words were spoken. Pain riddled her body and she dropped to her knees, crying out.
"No!" Sam screamed. "Stop this! You have to stop it. Please, Dean!"
"It's okay," Ruby managed to say, her voice small and weak. "I have to go. I love you, Sam."
"Ruby! NO!!"
Seconds later Charlie finished the incantation and the black cloud of smoke that erupted from her mouth was replaced by blinding white light as Castiel unsheathed his sword and took Ruby's life. It was over almost as quickly as it began. The woman who had been her host swayed on her feet. Dean caught her just before she fell to the ground. Her eyes were cloudy and unfocused but she was breathing. Moaning, she raised a trembling hand and gripped his jacket. "Get me the fuck away from him," she whispered just before she passed out. Dean scooped her up and carried her next door to Charlie's room.
Sam didn't speak as his brother took the woman from the room. He stared sightlessly at the circle unable to believe that Ruby was gone. A knot formed in his stomach and he suddenly felt like he was going to be sick. She'd said she loved him. She'd died to save him, just like Dean. But unlike his brother, Ruby wouldn't be coming back. The angel had seen to that.
"Why?" he croaked.
"You got me," Bobby said. "You're better off asking him." A shrug of his shoulder in Castiel's direction told Sam who he was. He was the last person or being he felt like talking to at that moment.
"Ruby made a choice, Sam," the angel said softly, ignoring the scathing look that was sent his direction. "She chose you."
"So someone else died because of me. That's just fucking great. Excuse me if I fail to see the good in that."
"Sam, Ruby was a demon but she found something her kind rarely ever do: redemption. She found that in you. Her love for you was real, it was her salvation. Don't take that away from her."
Closing his eyes, Sam sank down onto the bed trying to absorb what had just happened. He'd cared for Ruby but he didn't know if he could have called it love. Guilt had eaten away at him all the times he'd had sex with her, knowing full well that the body she inhabited wasn't her own. It had eaten away at him with every demon he'd exorcised, knowing that he should have done the same to her. She'd kept that woman a prisoner in her own body for months and he'd done nothing to stop. He'd been so consumed by his own grief and his own need for revenge that he'd ignored what he knew to be right. He hadn't been lying when he promised Dean he was done using his powers. But he hadn't been ready to let Ruby go. She'd been there for him when life had been it's darkest. They'd shared a bond, something indefinable and now it was gone, she was gone.
When he looked up, Castiel had left and Bobby was sitting at the small Formica table in the corner watching him.
"You gonna be okay, boy?" the older hunter asked concerned.
Sam shook his head. "I don't know."
"I won't pretend that I understand where you're at, because I just can't. But I can listen if you need to talk."
"Thanks, Bobby," he said. "I might take you up on that later."
A half-empty bottle of Jim Beam appeared before his face. "Take a swig or two of this," Charlie offered. "Tastes like shit but it will help with the pain."
Snorting, Sam took the bottle from her and after uncapping it, took a long drink, swallowing down the bitter liquor. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and muttered a thank you.
Charlie squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek before hugging her father goodnight. "I'm going to check on...things, then turn it. See you in the morning, Dad."
When she closed the door to Sam's room, Charlie leaned her forehead against it. She'd just participated in an exorcism, had performed it in point of fact. Nothing in her life could have prepared her for such a thing. She'd watched on shaking legs as Ruby had been ripped from that woman's body and then cleaved in two by the angel's sword. It was suddenly too much. Stumbling to the bushes near the stairwell, Charlie threw up.
She was bent over with one hand braced on the stucco wall and the other on her knee when she heard someone saying her name.
"Charlie, Charlie, Charlie," the smooth, cultured voice admonished. "How the mighty have fallen."
Slowly, she turned her head. "Fuck you, Aaron," she spat before her stomach started heaving again.
"Oh, yes," he said tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear and laughed when she jerked away from his touch. "You will."