His eyes meet hers for a split second and suddenly she feels as though they are back to square one. She wants things she shouldn't, and he is without a family. In a way, they are Special Victims, of their own creations. Surely the horrors in their personal lives warrant investigating.
He glances away after a moment, slams his locker shut, and inwardly she sighs, readying herself for an argument.
"Here to ask me to do something else? I've let you go and Kathy has moved on from me, maybe this time you want me to give up my kids? My job? I really don't have much else to lose."
This time her sigh is audible.
"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt—"
"You never mean to hurt me, but exactly what do you think you do every time you walk away?"
His words, interrupting her apology, sting and it takes almost all she has not to visibly recoil.
"I'm sorry that I put my needs before our partnership. It won't happen again," she mutters and he looks at her, anger and curiosity evident on his face.
"Why do you always do that? You never tell me when you're hurting and when I find out you never tell me what causes it. I followed you to France, and you still fought me when I tried to be there for you! Come to think of it, why aren't you in France? Shouldn't you be waiting for me to let you go? 'Cause I gotta tell you, I don't know if I ever will."
The look of curiosity has left his face and once again anger has taken up residence. She really studies his face for a moment, finding the sadness, stress, worry, and frustration that are masked by his anger.
"I'm not in France because Casey had to get on a plane to come tell me that my best friend was hurting. I came back to help, and to be perfectly honest I don't think I should be here, but I am. You wanna know why I'm hurting? Fine, here it is. I want stability, I want something that belongs to me and nobody else. I wanna feel love and give it in return. I want a child that has my DNA in my arms. I'm sick and tired of work being the only thing that I wake up for every day! So that's why, why I can't be normal and why I'm here when it probably was just another screw-up!"
His face changes again, and now sadness is there.
"You don't screw up. Don't ever think you screw up," he tells her.
"Too late," she retorts. "I screwed up my mother, my relationships, and our partnership. The good news is I don't have anything else anymore, so I guess I'm all set."
In a normal conversation she would've sounded happy, but now she doesn't, bitterness and resignation is what remains and she wonders if he can still hear it.
He does.
"You didn't screw us up. We aren't screwed up. We're the dynamic duo, remember?" his tone is joking but she just shrugs.
"It's fine, Elliot. I'll get over it. What happened between you and Kathy?" she asks him, and it's clear she wants to get the conversation away from her problems.
"It's over," he answers shortly. "We never really had a chance this time around. I want the kids, I want to be there for EJ like I wasn't there for Maureen or Katie or the twins. He's my chance to do it right."
"How is EJ?"
"A handful. During the day he's restless but at night he sleeps."
"That's good…" she says and there really is nothing else to say at all. Both of them seem to have lost their ability to talk, unwilling to confront what hasn't been resolved between them. She doesn't feel up to fighting him, doesn't want to guard herself against what she isn't willing to face.
She doesn't realize it, but it seems that she's been spacing out on him and she snaps back to reality when she hears him calling her name softly.
"Did you hear me?" he asks her.
"What?"
"I'm asking you to stay. With me."
XXXXX
I had a bit of a struggle with this one and I'm super sorry for the long wait. As always, reviews make me smile in the midst of my hectic life. I'm eternally grateful for all the support.