Chapter 14 – Just following orders

There's a rhythm in things, a pattern in life that you fall into. Without it you feel lost, but in it, you can pick every detail that's out of line, that's not quite right, not quite... calibrated. Subtle things that the untrained eye will always miss as you continue to try and find out how to live, and what to live for. But in the moment, when your life is following that rhythm... spirits...there no feeling like it, there's no measure of that feeling of peace you feel. But when you fall out of it again, you can instantly feel how uncomfortable it is to live with out it, with out that rhythm. Guess what I am saying is Shepard became that rhythm, and that's the whole thing behind how really... there just no Shepard without Vakarian.

"Garrus..." Shepard said from beside me, we were in her cabin, lying on her bead as I stared up through the window on the roof of her cabin watching the stars fly by behind the blue-shift of the Normandy as we were headed... somewhere. It had only been the first night... or the second, there was so much going on then it's all a little hazy- since Shepard was let out of the med-bay and was able to walk on her own power. Shepard had herself curled up against my side, arms over my chest and behind my neck, curled between the back of my head and my collar. Her head pulled in close so her chin was resting on my shoulder, her eyes closed.

In her voice, in that one word, my name. Were so many underlying tones. Relief, love, fatigue, pain, sorrow... It nudged my consciousness back into place from the harmonious feeling of peace and at last having her at my side without any medical machines hooked up, or doctors or Chakwas in the shadows waiting to pounce at the slightest indication of something going wrong with her recovery. I could tell she was about to ask something begging my confidence to bring her back out of despair. So I braced myself and shifted my head a little indicating I was listening.

After a moment she continued "I..." she moved her arms away and she rolled onto her back onto her own pillow, arms crossed over her chest, pain...or consternation across her face.

"I don't know how to say it. I..." she huffed a breath, it almost felt like she was about to break down or was just frustrated.

I rolled onto my side and faced her, eyes piercing her peripheral vision reassuring her I would make everything ok, I had to make it all ok. "It's ok Shepard, I'm here for you..." I wasn't sure what else to say so instead I placed my free hand onto her hands, gripping hers gently.

"I should be dead Garrus." she finally said, throwing it out like some careless opinion.

A long "hmm" was all I could reply with, I couldn't come up with any words to reassure her against her thoughts because nothing I could say had any concrete logic to back it. A simple grunt in acknowledgement was all I could manage. She was right and it killed me to try and look at the details of how she was even here and the sheer force of luck that everything turned out alright. And that she was alive, she was right, and I knew it, but I didn't want to face the prospect that this outcome, this happy ending was nothing more than wrong, different from what was intended. That by her being here was breaking the flow of things, interrupting that crucial rhythm of the galaxy to support our own selfish feelings. That moment she let go of my arm and ran to the beam, that was when she became a ghost, that was me letting her go, me letting her... dammit.

And that's why my brain refused to acknowledge she was still alive when she was there right in front of me on earth battered and bruised but alive. My brain refused to believe it in those endless seconds because it broke the rhythm. No matter how painful or dark the rhythm would have to be all things must follow it, there's a logic to it and here we were throwing logic out the window and forging our own path.

"You found me on earth, I was on the citadel when... I don't want to think about there... what I am saying is how did I get back to earth? How did I survive to the beam when everyone else died? How am I here?"

I forced my brain to slow down and not delve deep into the grey, I feared what revelations it might have for me, and I had no interest in changing how things turned out with her survival. Instead I just came up with a simple, illogical but working response that put all that grey away. And we wouldn't find any more grey until that time again when EDI was reactivated and explained all that happened in detail. But that's another story.

I gripped her hand reassuringly and said "You were just following orders Shepard... that's all."

#

"So... where do we start?" I asked as I turned and leaned against the table with my arms crossed. I stared at this Shepard with my full attention. Looking for anything to suggest otherwise that this was her. That they did this to her for a reason she would eventually have to tell me. But I was getting to that, just wanted to see where this Shepard would take us.

"Well. How about how I survived the citadel? I know how, and you know how much that bothered me... I'm sure it bothered you too Garrus..." She looked very solemn, but also seemed content, like she had some knowledge that made this alright, that made her accept it. Nothing about this was alright. Nothing. I looked at her eyes, searching for that look that she had when she talked about this same subject that night and I couldn't find it. As if she remembered the night but not the emotion. That shook me a little.

"That's a start." I shrugged at her, not really sure how to feel at this situation ad just running with it fro now. And so she began.

She talked about everything I already knew, about going through the beam and how she was forced into consciousness through her implants in order to press on, how the illusive man had implanted himself with reaper tech used to indoctrinate and control people, the fruits of all the research he had Cerberus do and he grafted it into himself only to fall to the indoctrination of the reapers because he was already indoctrinated. By keeping that proto-reaper as a door mat in his base the reapers were able to send their signals through to him at undetectable low levels. So when he grafted the tech onto himself it essentially sealed the deal. He forced Shepard to kill Anderson, but it wasn't completely the illusive man in control, it was the entity she later met who was orchestrating a "final test" for Shepard. It pushed hard on the illusive man to overpower Shepard's will to push forward and end her journey there. But Shepard's influence was stronger. After the illusive man killed himself, and Anderson died the entity -and that's all she called it for the length of her explanation, as if avoiding it's actual name- lifted her up to the platform and presented itself as a manifestation of her nightmares. Moved through her thoughts and memories and picked the most inflicting form. Again testing her it presented her her three choices.

Control

Synthesis

Destroy

It had calculated that Shepard would see the bigger picture, see the rhythm of the galaxy and that in truth there were really only two options. Take over the reapers, replace Harbinger and every other reaper with a cortex of her own personality, thoughts and actions. It knew her paragon actions and attempts to save everyone would eventually fade, and her ideals were nothing but a product of a limited existence, and in time she would assume the same role as Harbinger and in time the cycle would continue as she began to see it's necessity, and the entity's break in rhythm would be solved and the cycle would continue.

Then the only other correct solution, was to eliminate synthetics and organics by forcing them to evolve into one form. This would eliminate the threat of one side destroying the other; if two sides are on the same team you cant fight anyone but each other. Shepard recalled some words from long ago.

"The relationship between synthetics and organics is symbiotic. Organic and machine intertwined, a union of flesh and steel. The strength of both, the weakness's of neither."

The entity couldn't force this on organics, as it was not one. It was a sentient machine. Built to last the millennia like the reapers it created. So like the reapers it's attempt at synthesis created only abominations – the reaper forces. Only through the willing consent of a strong willed organic could it finally implement the final solution to the organic synthetic issue, the solution IT millions of years ago.

The cycle, the reapers, everything was just part of the plan to end up at it's solution. Any organic could just walk into the beam for the greater good, but without the proper measure of conviction, of purpose, willpower, the change would not work. It would create only monsters. So the Reapers and the cycle were dual purpose. To 'Trim down' organics and obliterate synthetics every 50,000 years to prevent both sides from eliminating their existence through war before a proper individual could be found. And to provide a measure of a desperate situation that could provide a better likely hood of forging and forcing such and individual such as Shepard out of the shadows and onto the tip of the spear.

And so when she became this individual, and to be sure, it instructed Harbinger to bring this individual down to their lowest point, bring them closest to death and hopelessness and every indication that they should just give up. Then watch to see if it would press forward.

And she did.

Then it guided the individual through the second test, again testing their willpower against it's own through two important figures in that individual's life.

Anderson... The Illusive Man

it waited to see is she would succeed.

And she did.

It thought it had the perfect candidate, and through it's explanation as the child it had groomed this individual into the perfect final ingredient for the machine of which it's design the entity had leaked into the knowledge of each cycle at the appropriate time. In which it's construction would be a test for the inhabitants of the cycle itself. It had waited millions of years for this moment of triumph and was finally ready to see it's plan come to fruition as she stepped up and made her choice.

And she blew it all up.

It couldn't even comprehend what it witnessed, the choice she made as she charged the machine, gun firing in hand as she walking into the flames of her own doing. Her implants and her sheer determination to destroy the reapers keeping her from falling. And in that span of time the entity made a decision to salvage the situation best it could. As it's once prime individual lay unconscious in front of the tube hand bleeding from gripping a shard of glass as she fell down, implants failing and her heart quickly fading it ordered the keepers to abandon the citadel through the relays bringing itself and her with it.

As it disappeared through the portals –with the help of it's keepers- the last keepers moved up to the platform and began to drag her body back to the nearest relay in hopes it can still be salvaged in time for a new machine to be constructed and her essence and biomass be added, for what else could the entity have done at this point? This was it's best option. As the Normandy entered FTL the keepers dragging Shepard were seconds away from their relay but before the could get to it the citadel erupted in a brilliant red light shook the citadel sending everything flying. The keepers lost their grip on her limbs and she went flying down another hallway skidding along the floor as gravity pulled her down the hall. The keepers in a panic rushed through the relay leaving her behind. And by sheer luck Shepard was tossed through the same portal she entered, spitting her back onto earth right before the beam collasped and tossing her onto some rubble. And there she layed for several long moments as a sea of red washed over the galaxy cleansing it of all reapers –and functional technology for that matter- before finally by some stroke of luck, some final unfinished task, some...order... she took a breath.

#

As she finished her story the three of us stood in the room silent. Finally we all knew every detail of what went down, how she survived, where the keepers went, and why she was taken here. To this extra-galactic staging ground. I watched the light dance along the floor off her body, thinking of how everything seemed to just fall into place, and how this thing was desperately trying to restore the rhythm. This thing... it's still here... it must be that voice, the same one that was the kid to her... and now she's like it? no... it doesn't want to duplicate itself, it wants to finish the job... or perhaps it wants another leader for...oh no.

I looked right at it in the face my gaze piercing into it's eyes and through it/she knew I was looking for something out of place. It knew it's attempt at deception was likely up, that it wasn't Shepard.

I bet it didn't know. I bet it couldn't no, it's mindset could be no different from the reapers. Lacking essentials needed to comprehend life that can't live for millions of years.

"so why did you do it? Why didn't you decide to control? Or the other option? This thing told you destroy was only a temporary solution... so how could you think to choose that?"

James told me an old human saying about hook, line and sinker, and I think this would be one of those moments. This question was the hook.

She looked at me, eyes moving rapidly as it searched for an answer. Shepard would know.

"I had to kill the reapers... they were a threat to the galaxy... they had to be stopped." she said, seemingly confused by the question.

Line. Anyone who wasn't around her for as long as me would assume she would say the generic hero Shepard response and that's exactly what it gave me. It's not –and I know- how Shepard speaks to me, it not my Shepard, I know what she would say to a question like that from me. Her response to me would go deeper than that and I knew I had it.

"Hmm, funny. I swear if I knew you, you'd call back on an old conversation..mm or two. And you'd know one thing."My eyes lit up at this thing and it knew I knew that this thing was not my Shepard. This thing was a deception.

Sinker. "You were just following orders Shepard... that's all." I gave it a moment let the feeling of beating this illusion to sink in before twisting the dagger.

"You know I am a little disappointed I thought you could have been her for so long. So why don't you just tell us who you really are, then tell us where she is so I can take her back to where she belongs. Not that you'll be able to stop me now that I know she's still alive." It's facial reaction to my confidence confirmed it for me that she was indeed, still alive. An old c-sec trick

EDI moved right through Shepard—it's form and right to the console, immediately she began searching through the database. There was nothing this thing could do but watch.

"That's the thing you or even the reapers could never understand about us. You can plan and you can calculate all you want but all it takes is the two of us. You think what we did to your entire army would be a hint to back the fuck off. I made her promise to come back to me, and you see? There's just no her without me. And nothing, not mercs, not synthetics, not the reapers and not even you can ever take her away from me. What we have is...hmm... it's all just beyond your comprehension. Were damn tough to kill, you should know that."

A loud rumble from the somewhere shook the entire structure and before she faded away this Shepard gave me a very very angry look. Good.

"Garrus, I know where Shepard is... she's at the far end of this large room beyond this window. This place is for... oh no." EDI said, EDI turned and gave me a truly frightened look. She pressed a button and lights started illuminating the massive warehouse -larger than even the one with the vats- that was on the other side of the window. Down and down the light went revealing a mega-vault of nightmares. Beyond the window was absolutely massive room that contained countless mechanical horrors that resembled different species from across millions of years. This was a vault of reapers. Like finished versions of that proto-reaper these were the ones that the collectors –or whoever assumed the role of the collectors over the countless cycles- managed to completely build. And they stored them here, like some kind of terror trophies. Prepare for ascension, we are your genetic destiny, we are the harbinger of your perfection. All those taunts we had to suffer through back when harbinger would actually talk to us all led to this. Not only did the reapers destroy everything every 50,000 years, but they also create reapers in the forms of the most dominate species in the galaxy at the time, and the ones they manage to complete, they store here. In this massive room.

"uhh.. EDI... let's not make this any worse by pressing any bad buttons. Lets hope none of those things are active. I've had enough go wrong today."

"That would probably be wise. I'm ready to leave now."

instead of looking for stairs I decided that would take too long, so I smashed out the window and we climbed through it. It was a short fall down to the floor and we began to move towards the other end, where EDI knew they were had Shepard.

"This thing wants to restart cycle. It knows that with Shepard alive, it's original plan to use her body to attempt to synthesize the galaxy once we finished rebuilding the relays would no longer work. And without any reapers Shepard's essence has changed and using her to synthesize would not work. It would have no purpose. So it seems it is attempting to force her to control the reapers." EDI explained, she inflected much disgust in the word thing.

"Whats that about no reapers? You see this room?" I exclaimed as we ran past endless rows of endless variations of these monsters. I guessed that each were about 3-5 times the size of the proto-reaper and they were tightly packed next to each other.

"While these are reapers, many lack the proficiency for destruction as the original model. That which resembled the leviathan race. It seems only a strong mind is needed to control the reapers, as such from what I found, Harbinger was the leader of all the leviathan and this entity –who was created to bring peace between synthetics and organics- had the first reaper built right under his nose through countless people. Millions upon millions, significantly more than required for other reapers."

"Sounds like Shepard's report back when she went face to face with the leviathan. How could they just let this thing take all those people?" I asked, panting a little from the long run. You could make out some structure way ahead. Shepard had to be there.

"It seems they trusted the intelligence, and that's what they referred to the construct as. They trusted it in it's creation of this remarkable machine in the likeness of their leader. And upon completion, the intelligence invited the leader to connect with the machine, insisting only a mind as great as his could bring this creation to life, copying his personality, his essence and providing a leader for the synthetics to follow while he could maintain control over organics. Two gods of the same mind. This what the intelligence had the leviathan leader believe. And he was consumed. He became harbinger the leader of the reapers."

"And now this thing is trying to make Shepard the new leader." I said back.

"Yes, and in time, the cycle would eventually continue."

"Lets just get Shepard before that can happen. I just don't think it would work out between us if she was a reaper." I said humorously. Cheer, coming from me. And at a time like this. Hah.

"Although an interesting situation, I too do not wish to test it." EDI replied.

#

It took the last of my suits stim packs to get to the base of the platform where the were holding Shepard. We must have run for 15 20 minutes in order to get to the other end of this place. But EDI insisted this is where she was. The running took way too long, but at least we didn't stop once. Heat was radiating off my face and my eyes were having a hard time focusing. We were at the base of the platform, just a few flights up some stairs. There was some giant contraption with tubes and wires leading off the platform on the other side and feeding into Harbinger. Or rather, a reaper corpse that looked exactly like him. This construct thing must only be a few moments away from taking her away from me forever, we have to hurry.

"Hurry up the stairs! Lets go! Were out of time!" I yelled, exhausted or not I took those stairs three at a time, up the first flight and onto the second the whispering came back and hit me like a tidal wave. A massive headache felt like it was tearing my head in half. I tripped on the stairs and had to catch myself. I could feel EDI grabbing my shoulder and yelling something at me, but the whispers were too loud, the pounding was too loud.

"YOU CANNOT STOP WHAT HAS ALREADY BEGUN. YOU PETTY ATTEMPTS TO STOP ME END HERE. NOW DIE. DIE AFTER WATCHING HER BODY BURN AS HER CORTEX IS DOWNLOADED INTO THE SHEPARD OF THE NEW CYCLE!" His voice shook my mind, it felt like a earthquake from the inside, everything hurt I chocked, something warm was running down my face, I put my hand up to it, and caught a bunch of blue on my glove. Blood, blood was running down my nose, this thing was trying to kill me, and it was doing it somehow. Go. NOW.

I launched myself up again and pushed myself further, the next flight, and the next, the light was getting stronger, my visor pinged me of a heartbeat, still beating, then the next flight of stairs, it registered the heartbeats IFF as Cmdr Shepard. I coughed on my own blood, spitting it out so I could breath again, and I just kept going. Eventually at some point I found myself being helped up by EDI, I wanted to tell her to just run ahead and get Shepard, but I couldn't speak, I could hardly think. I could feel his control start to overwhelm me, like bulkhead doors closing down on parts of your brain. Your thoughts, your memories the closer I got to the top, the more powerful it became.

I just kept going and going fighting through it's influence for as long as I could, trying to keep my goal in mind and hoping it was enough. Then I reached the top platform and saw Shepard.

She was attached to some kind of chair and her hands were on these weird handle things. The chair was hooked up to the giant machine that fed into the reaper and I felt everything shift for a moment. Like the inertial dampeners on a ship.

"WATCH HER BURN, YOU HAVE FAILED."

And then the chair lit up with electricity and her eyes opened up in terror and she looked at me with a look of fear and a look that said help me and then in an instant she was vaporized right in front of me. I Screamed fell to my knees and collapsed I watched her dust fall to the floor and her Reaper's eyes light up, a moment later the red light from it's laser started to charge up and darkness overtook me.

garrus, Garrus, GARRUS! Suddenly I was pulled from the darkness to see EDI standing over me.

"Garrus wake up, I need your help!" EDI was yelling at me and tugging at me to get up.

"but Shepard she-" I tried to say, my whole body shaking "She's stuck to the machine and it's starting up, hurry you must help me destroy it before it destroys her!" EDI kept looking over at Shepard, then back at me.

EDI helped me up and I noticed the voices were replaced by a loud ringing in my ears, I could think a little more clearly now. I stumbled over to the contraption and to Shepard. I was about to reach down to grab her hand but EDI pulled me back "no wait!"

"what? Just pull her out this thing is about to start I'm not gonna watch her die again!" I screamed.

"we must all touch the panels at the same time, the system will overload and it will destroy the reaper, much like how the crucible's random energy overloaded the reapers, three sentient beings will overload the system and it will destroy the system and the reaper attached to it. You must TRUST ME"

Then all in a moment, one look at EDI, another look at Shepard, and right at that moment the electricity started to jump again and Shepard opened her eyes and gave me a look of relief, exhausted relief and our eyes connected and EDI and I held one pair of hands together and placed our other hands atop Shepard's and I could feel the jolt surge through my body and I gripped both hands tightly and closed my eyes.

And all light, feeling and sound just faded away to nothingness.

There is no Shepard without Vakarian. I'm with you till the end.

End Chapter 14