A/N: I dedicate this chapter for all those who waited.
The Second Book
Chapter Fourteen
Sometimes
Written by: keaRy anCe
You could be my hero if only I can let go. . . – Broken Arrow, Pixie Lott
Last night's event hunted me and didn't put me to sleep. The fact that Ken liked me was the fact I set aside for the moment because of his lies and with Nobara's lies also. Plus, Natsume made things even more complicated through his words that had understated messages. Why was it so hard to find true friends? Why it was when I put my complete trust on that person, that person would do something that will hurt me? Why did life hate me so much? And after all the hurt I experienced, I was still affected. I never learned.
I touched my face and I realized I was crying. I was still a crybaby. When would I stop being such a crybaby? At this point in my life, I could not believe that there was still something that could make me cry. I removed my blanket and got out from by bed to check my appearance on the mirror and as expected I looked like crap. I was about to go back to bed when I felt my stomach growling and too bad I didn't have any food in my room so I have to open the door, walk, get some food… why was I thinking like this? I was never the detailed one and the lazy bum.
So I opened the door and found Ken standing in front of me.
"What are you doing here?" I asked with my firm voice and stiff features. I knew very well why he was in front of me, of course, to enlighten me. He could be another lying freak like Natsume Hyuuga but I wanted to give Ken a chance like what I did to the lying freak. He knew my story and I kinda knew that he wouldn't do what Natsume did. Besides, he didn't cheat on me. He just didn't tell me things, important things but I will give him a hard time.
He looked up to me, his eyes were worried and he looked tired. "I want to explain," he said in his casual tone. He looked pretty desperate to me.
"I don't know what to say about that. I don't know if I will let you because it might be just another lie or may be the truth but I still choose not to believe you," I said, my hand was still on the door.
He was with Nobara before. I knew I didn't have the right to enter in their personal deals but Ken was pursuing me so they could have at least told me so that I was aware. What if I was hurting Nobara's feeling all this time? Yes, it was a secret-almost-relationship but still… I was their friend. Ken, of all people, should have told me. I deserved that. I deserved to know.
Ken glanced at his side, his expression was showing hurt, and said, "I am not lying to you. I just didn't tell you everything."
I felt unimportance. I thought that he trusted me and he could easily open up with me since we're friends and maybe something more but he confirmed it, he was just not telling me everything. I felt like crying but I knew it would take time before I will cry in front of him today. "You had a relationship with her. You could have told me that before you started doing nice things for me. I am not stupid, Ken. I can understand your situation if it is like that," I said with so much emotions, sadness and anger were clashing.
He held my hand and lowered his head. "We didn't think it was important."
I removed my hand from his grasp. "What part of it wasn't important? If it's not important to you guys, then to me it does have a value. You guys are my friends and warning me about it is the least you two could do. No wonder Natsume told me those things."
His head remained down and suddenly, he was looking up again. "What things?" he asked with seriousness.
I could not help but smirk. I wanted him to have a taste of his own medicine. Natsume was still a sensitive topic for him and not because of me because I had the feeling that they had a deeper conflict. I wonder what that was really. "You really wanna know? I don't think it's important." I said to him using his words from earlier.
"Mikan, do not use my words against me." He stated the obvious.
I just grinned at him, my arms crossing. Ken didn't really get it. Natsume's words were nothing in my opinion. That boy could blab as much as he wanted and I won't still care. He didn't deserve my attention since he hadn't given me a real one. "But I'm not lying. Natsume's words aren't really important no matter how true they are," I assured him. "He is just a pest who keeps on talking to me but don't worry. It's not like I have something to do with him," I added. I knew those words were harsh but not harsh enough.
"You still talk to him?" he asked with his worried tone. I wanted to laugh at him and say that there was really nothing to be worried about because I could take care of myself and I knew better now. Ken was such a worry wart.
"Do not change the topic," I warned as I sensed that we will lead to the Natsume talk again.
He glanced at his side again and muttered, "I'm sorry."
"Are you going to tell me about it?" I asked, wanting to hear his explanation.
He stared at my eyes and based on his expression I knew I would just be disappointed. When he said what he had to say, I wanted to strangle him. "No. Nobara and I decided to keep it t ourselves."
But I had to respect their decision. After all, it was made before I came into the scene. "For privacy?" I reasoned. I was trying to convince myself that was the reason.
"Yeah, personal reasons." He just said. I think he just copied my reason.
I nodded and was about to close the door when I said, "You know what, Ken? I don't think I could survive a day with you and Nobara without thinking what happened to your past. I guess it's better to—"
"No," he interrupted.
"I'm not saying anything yet!" I quickly said.
He shook his head like I was about to steal something so precious from him, like he was witnessing a very gloomy scene. "You cannot ask me to part ways with you. I can't do that. Mikan, you know how I feel for you. Did it never cross your mind that maybe why Nobara and I decided just to be friends because we don't see each other as being together? Mikan, we never reached to the point of being a together. Believe me please. All I know now is that you are the most important person in my life. Please, do not push me away. We can still fix this."
My grip on the door tightened. "But still…"
"I'm so crazy about you," he said, breathless and instead of feeling scared because it sounded like he was obsessed with me, I felt concern and love from him. Ken was not the type to be obsessed with someone and I was sure of it. Sometimes, when we were in love, we say the most exaggerated things. Which reminds me, did he really love me?
So he said that he was crazy about me and Ken said it in his weakest voice like he was trying to say it to me a long time before but couldn't find the right time. He was desperate to defend himself and to keep me. He didn't want me away. He really was a sweet guy and I didn't think I could survive a day without seeing him also.
It was like I was connecting the dots now. That maybe the reason why Natsume had to be so hurtful was for me to meet Ken and enjoy my life with him. That maybe why after all these years of rejecting the academy, I was the one who came to them and here I met Ken. Epiphany was hitting me. Realization was coming up to me until I remembered Natsume's words last night about Ruka coming here. All of a sudden, I stared into space and the day he confessed to me crossed my mind.
"Please don't leave me. We can talk about this and I promise to tell you everything. I will never keep anything from you again."
Ken's voice had awoken me and I gasped for air. Ruka was here in Alice Academy. I didn't know what I will tell him when we see each other again. I was out of ideas on how I will greet him. It felt awkward. First, it was now awkward being with Nobara and Ken on the same place and now it was awkward seeing Ruka again because back in the outside world, he was like Ken to me; always there for me.
"Do you promise that?" I asked Ken, cutting my train of thoughts. I will just think of a solution when I will see Ruka.
"Yes," he answered and I could feel his pure honesty.
I smiled knowing how much trust and honesty he was showing me and I, myself, didn't know if I could be the same to him. I was unfair and it was eating me up. Being so trusting and honest had led me to the most miserable parts of my life. But Ken was Ken.
My smile turned into a knowing smirk. "Very well, did you get close to me to know my Alice?"
Memories were coming back to Ruka as he took a walk in the academy. It had been so long since he left his original school, the school where he really belonged. Alice Academy didn't undergo major changes for the past years but it was still giving Ruka a new vibe, like he was in this place for the first time. He was excited to sightsee, hoping to see Mikan in one of the buildings and finally talk to her again after so many months.
He knew very well that Mikan rejected her and he could never win against Natsume but he wanted to see her as a friend. For the past months that Mikan was gone, Hotaru had been there for him, not always physically present but always there somehow, sometimes. They had something going on but it couldn't go on because he knew that he would eventually leave that place and could never be with Hotaru Imai. Ruka had still feelings for Mikan, he admitted to himself and to Hotartu as well but it was not as strong as before and slowly, he knew that the feeling was fading away. His best friend wanted Mikan back and if before the girl knew that Natsume had been lying on her the whole time, he still hadn't had the chance, there would be no difference now.
"You're back." A voice said from his side and as he glanced he saw Sumire Shouda with her arms crossed and her features were fierce.
Ruka was not the type who would be disrespectful to a person and especially to a girl but Sumire had never been one of his favorite people because she had an attitude that he didn't like and the girl didn't care if she was hurting others just for her to be happy. Ruka faced him and said, "Yes, I am." He said shortly, his tone was nice but edgy.
Sumire scoffed him with her short but strong gasp. "That's a laugh. Another Mikan-lover is here."
He shook his head slowly as he said, "I see you haven't change, Sumire. You still like to meddle with other people's businesses." He wanted to mock her and enrage her.
Sumire simply narrowed her eyes and her lips were in a thin line. She stepped forward to Ruka and eyed him like he was a pathetic thing to look at. She broke the gaze and focused on the hallway ahead of her and said, "That's me. Insult me all you want but I won't care." She said the last line glancing at Ruka.
Ruka lifted his hand on midair and looked at her apologetically though she was not looking at him. "Nah, I don't plan on doing that. It's just a waste of time."
She glared at him and spat, "Speak for yourself."
"What do you want?" Ruka asked directly. He was tired with all of the charades that had been going. He knew that Sumire wanted something from him, may it be information or a not-so-friendly advice. "You didn't wait for me just to argue with me, right? So, what is it that you want?"
Sumire looked at him. Finally, they were talking. "Your best pal. He changed." She said. "He is not like that before and you know it," Sumire added.
Ruka gave her a look like he was thinking about what she said until he smiled mischievously and said, "Good for him. I have never liked you for him. If there is one person who had not done anything good for him, it will be you. You abused his feelings. You made him cheat to a girl. This is all your doing so don't complain. You are the reason why he realized he doesn't love you anymore and he wants to be with Mikan now. You made him realize that you are no good."
Sumire was shocked at Ruka's short speech. She tried for many years to get along with him and she still hadn't got him. Her mouth opened in surprised and gritted her teeth afterwards. "How dare you say that? You know of all people that I am honest with my feelings for him. I want nothing but the best for him!" she said.
Sumire was really honest and never lied about her feelings for Natsume that was why she was getting sensitive when people were doubting her feelings for the boy because if there was one thing she was sure about her life, that would be her love for him. Ruka was pushing her buttons unconsciously. Telling to her face that she was nothing but a bad influence to Natsume was mean because, as she already said, she wanted nothing but the best for the raven-haired boy.
"Yeah, I know. But that's just it, Sumire. You just love him. But you are not willing to do any good for him unlike Mikan who accepted Natsume even though he's a jerk to her," Ruka retorted.
Sumire lifted her pointing finger and said, "Do not compare with that girl. We are a lot different. Natsume and I broke up because I don't want him to get hurt. I am protecting him. I don't want him to be the target again."
The blond-haired boy nodded like he understood and accepted her words but he didn't. "Have you really? Because if you did, then why did Mikan see you together more often than her being with Natsume? You broke up. For real? Then why did you still act like a couple? Why didn't you care about Mikan's feelings? Why did you let Natsume do all of that?" Ruka asked, desperate for answers because if there was one person responsible for all of this chaos, that would be Sumire.
"It's because Natsume didn't love her," Sumire answered in full confidence.
Ruka was stopped momentarily by her reply but suddenly he remembered that that was in the past and this was the present. "Now he does," he said to her face.
Fear crept into her composed features. Sumire was aware that Ruka was right and she was now the girl who was denying to herself that the boy she loved found someone else already. "That's impossible, don't you think?" she mocked.
Ruka frowned and said, "Look, why don't you just accept it like every other girl?"
Sumire refused to do what Ruka just said. "You know what Natsume and I have been through? We had our ups and downs and we survived together. We have plans. That Sakura girl could not just take all that away."
"She already did."
Sumire frowned her lips, her eyes narrowed, and said, "I won't let her have her way."
"Mikan ran away from Natsume. She definitely is not having her way. Face it. She is not trying to get him back. Natsume is the one who wants her back in his life and this time without you," Ruka said, trying to make a point.
"How can you be so mean?" Sumire asked, disbelieving the character Ruka was showing her.
"I didn't say I'm not," Ruka told her, smirking a little.
Sumire's eyes widened in disbelief and said, "But you are the nice one!"
The boy shrugged and placed his hands on his pocket, turning around. "Maybe, I am. But I'm only nice to people who actually deserve it."
"Damn you," Sumire said sharply.
"Speak for yourself," Ruka retorted and started walking.
Sumire got alarmed and yelled, "Don't walk away from me! Where are you going? We are still talking."
Ruka turned his head to see her and said with an unpleased expression, "Bug off. I'm going to Natsume."
"Ruka!" she called out loud, "Ruka!" she yelled but the boy continued his exit.
I wanted nothing from him but his honesty. Ken couldn't look straight at me and from that I already knew the answer. Now, all my problem was, I didn't know how to react. I continued looking at him. He looked restless and problematic and I had the hint that I am the cause of all of that. It was really unexpected on how things turned out this way because just the other day I was missing him and now we're fighting like we were already a couple.
"Yes," he finally answered which caused me to hitch a breath. "But that was at first," he quickly added.
I gulped and stared at the view in his back for not knowing what to say until I got an idea and blurted it out. "Then you got to know me better and realized that I am a deeper person than you think and then you saw something in me that made you interested in me. Because of that, you felt something and suddenly it wasn't 'knowing' about my Alice anymore. That's it? That is what you're trying to say?"
Ken scratched the top of his eyebrow and smiled shyly at me which was an adorable act and at the same time questionable because I asked myself when did he become so cute. "Kinda. You beat me out of it."
"Tell me something I haven't heard before, Ken." I dared him. "Make me believe in you again. Put back my trust in you and make sure that you will never break it again. Come on, prove it to me." Challenging him wasn't as hard as what I was asking him to do but it was still tough because I had no idea if I would be disappointed or satisfied. I was giving him another chance. He deserved it. I knew.
"You're… you're different!" he yelled childishly that made me surprised. "I know something is wrong with you the very first day we met. I was interested in you the very moment we chatted. Because of that, I want to know your Alice and I discovered that you're a Multi-user and that's when I want to know more about you. I really don't know how, why, when but I just came to like you. You are special to me and I just don't know it. I feel it."
I was speechless with what he said. I had been longing for those words for a long time and hearing it from the person that somehow changed my life was great and I had never felt this special before in my life and with all of that, I didn't know what to say. "Prove it," I said, my tone was demanding.
"Prove what?" he asked, his eyes showed me his questions and confusions.
My lips made an evil grin, "Prove to me that you're different to Natsume."
He didn't look surprised and just shrugged his shoulders. "That's easy. But why do you still let him run your life?" he asked and I was caught off guard.
Natsume was not running my life anymore. He was my bitter past. He was the boy I was so in love it that I didn't care if he didn't love me back or was lying to me the whole time. Natsume was not all bad because after all he took me on a date and he knew what he did. Now, Natsume was back in my life and he was giving me these subtle messages that I thought was only for a show. He said he wanted me back. What a foolish thing to say. I would never want him back again. Never. So if it looked like that Natsume was running my life today, it was wrong.
"I don't."
Ken gave me a look. "Do not compare me with him."
"I can't help it. Must be the trauma." I reasoned out.
He took a breath and placed his hands on the mid-part of my arms. "Listen, I am not like Natsume Hyuuga."
I stared at him for a while until I said, "I guess you are right. Ken?"
"Yes?"
"Please do not keep any secrets from me again," I said, my tone indicated that I was serious and worried at the same time.
He nodded. "I'm sorry. Sure."
"Are you keeping a secret from me now?"
His eyes focused on the ceiling for a while before he said, "I don't think so."
I smiled at him, glad that I knew he was telling the truth and I smiled wider when he smiled back at me. "Good. It's just that I care for you and you are one of my closest friends."
"A friend. Right." He said in a hurt tone.
I chuckled and grabbed his hand. "Yes, now, let's eat."
"Mikan," he called out as his grip on my hand tightened a little
I turned my head to face him and asked, "What?"
He grabbed my free hand, his head looked down for a quick second and immediately looked at me. I swallowed my saliva, my heart beat was racing. He opened his mouth but nothing came at first showing that he was nervous then he made a quick and light chuckle before he broke into an awkward smile and said, "My feelings for you haven't changed. It's still the same and I am sorry for making you doubt on me. I know what you've been through and been experiencing and I cannot promise you the world or everything but I promise to always be there. I will be there if you don't even need me and I will be there more when you need me."
This boy. Gosh. Ken was not perfect and I knew it. He could do and go wrong. He was like an angel in disguise that came into my life and made it better. I could almost fall in love with him here and now but there was a part of me saying that I didn't like this feeling. I was afraid to be hurt again. But I think I would regret it if I wouldn't take the chance. Hearing those words from Ken made me want to cry and tell him that I would do the same for him, that I would always be there also.
"Ken. I'm giving you another chance. Don't blow it. Show me that I have no reason to be afraid of being with you. Prove me wrong in that and erase all my doubts," I said heartily as I placed a hand on his cheek.
He grabbed my hand and kissed it. "Promise, I won't."
I bit my lip. "Do not promise me. Do it."
"Does this mean that there is a big possibility that you and I can be together?" he asked, his face turned from a determined expression to a grinning one
I removed my grasp from him and crossed my arms. "I don't know. Maybe, maybe not."
He shook his head as he smiled in defeat. "Well, it's not like I'm impatient but sure I'll wait. You're worth it."
I felt that my lips made a big beam and all I could hear were the beatings of my heart. Right in front of me was a boy saying that a girl like me was worth the wait. I could not ask for more. I had a feeling that this day would be one of the bests.
Because I didn't know what to say anymore, I just continued the interrupted walk I was doing before and headed out somewhere where food was. He followed me and stayed side by side. We decided to dine at this place near the school but inside the perimeter. Ken and I were talking about a lot of things like what our classes had been like so far. I told him that I had no ill feelings for Nobara because first of all, that would be pointless and unreasonable and second one, she was my friend too so talking about her wouldn't make me awkward at all.
He was teasing me because he thought I was gaining weight for the past few days and I smacked his shoulder because I was not since I was not eating very well then he stared at me with those worried eyes again and told me that if it will took him to eat with me all the time just for him to be sure that I was eating healthily, he would do it. I told him it was unnecessary but he insisted and we left it that way. I told him that I felt I was distant to my Mom, that I wanted us to get closer and he said that would be great and I should really do that because it should be that way.
We were having a light and comedic conversation when I saw Natsume on the diner. I almost stopped walking but I decided why would I do that and I should continue on. Ken saw him too. We already entered the diner and what shocked me the most was that Ruka was there. Natsume told me that he was here and I kinda readied myself for the possible encounter but I was still surprised.
"Mikan, what's wrong? Is it Hyuuga?" I heard Ken asked.
"No," I choked out.
Natsume stared at me as I uncomfortably looked at him and Ruka seemed to notice that Natsume was focusing on something and after that Ruka turned his head and finally saw me. He looked as shock as me.
"Mikan," he said.
I shouldn't feel this way so I confidently said, "Hey, Ruka"
End of Chapter
There is this saying that if it is boring to you, then it is boring to the readers.
I have written this chapter back in May and I just finished it now. I apologize for the slow updates. It's just that I am near to the point of not knowing what to do with this story anymore so your suggestions can be a big help. I can really understand if you don't like this chapter but I will finish the story, that's for sure.
Review? Suggest? Leave some words of encouragement?