14
CLARY
"Ms Fray?" I opened the door, just a fraction, enough to peer out and see the UPS man standing on my porch, clipboard in hand.
I slipped it open a fraction more. "Yes?"
"I have a delivery for you, sign here please." He indicated to a small area, with my name next to it. Once I'd signed he handed me a large brown box, and nodded before muttering a brief, "Have a good day," and returning to his van.
I turned the box over in my hands a few times; I'd not ordered anything from eBay for months but I tore into it nonetheless, pulling open the cardboard to reveal three more boxes nestled inside bright pink tissue paper.
My hand shook, a light sweat broke out on the back of my neck.
"Ri, you been ordering more shoes on eBay girl?" my new housemate, and friend, Jenny called, sauntering into our now shared kitchen.
I looked up at her, eyes wide. When I didn't answer she crossed the room, reached her hands into the box and lifted out one of the smaller ones, covered in the tissue paper. She parted the soft layers, to find a brightly coloured face staring back at her.
"Fruit loops?" she scoffed. "This is a little extreme even for you, Ri." She laughed.
"I didn't order these, Jen," I told her, backing up, trying to get as much distance between myself, and the object as humanly possible.
My house mate continued rifling through the box, eventually pulling out a small white, envelope, my name printed clearly on the front.
"There's a letter!" She grinned automatically tearing at it. This shot me into action and in seconds I was yanking it from her hands.
"Hey! I was reading that!" she huffed indignantly.
"I'm pretty sure that the name on the front said Clarissa, not Jennifer," I mumbled in retort. That didn't deter her though.
"You're right, it did, and in the time I've known you, not once have I heard anyone call you 'Clarissa', so tell me, Miss Fray – who's the letter from?" She raised a perfectly arched eyebrow in my direction.
I unfolded the piece of paper, slowly. I knew what I'd find in there, I recognised the hand writing.
Clarissa,
You have no idea how many times I've written this letter, and to be honest, it never seems to get any easier.
I know you asked me not to contact you, and I intended to respect that request. However, I wanted the chance to tell you I'm sorry, and thank you. You leaving was probably the best thing you could have done for me. It forced me to stop living in a bubble and face my problems.
Things have changed a lot since you left. I've rebuilt my life, I'm working again. And I still see the shrink once a month.
I know that none of this really makes a difference after the way I behaved, but I can honestly tell you Clary, I still love you. I think I'm always going to love you. I've learnt that I don't need you to be able to function and live a productive life, but I want you there. I want to see your smile, I want to hold you in my arms the way I used to before all of this shit happened; I want us.
I'm not going to ask you to forgive me, but I wondered if you would ever consider perhaps calling me? I miss you Clary. I've made so many changes and I know that I can be the man I should have been – the man you deserve.. Please? You have my number, or if you want to see me too you can find me at the Hilton. Please come, even if it's just to say goodbye forever.
- All my heart
Jace
I sat down heavily on the sofa, letting the letter fall to the floor beside me. I had a million thoughts coursing through my head, the loudest one telling me to get off my ass and get to that hotel.
It wasn't a question really, as much as I would like to tell myself I was over Jace, and that I didn't want to see him; it was a lie, my entire being ached for him.
"So, are you going to tell me what that's about or are you gonna sit there looking like a sheet all day?" Jenny's voice asked as she sat next to me pulled me out of my internal musings. Silently I handed her the letter, she knew bits and pieces about Jace, enough to know that this was a big deal.
"Tell me you aren't gonna call him," she blurted, throwing the letter on the coffee table next to her.
I shook my head, I didn't have it in me to lie, and we both knew that it was only a matter of time before I hurled myself into his arms.
She sighed loudly. "Clary, I'm not gonna tell you what to do here, but I would like to suggest, that you sit on this for a few days… just think it through – you guys, you have history, and sometimes it's better to leave it as just that – history."
She walked out of the room, leaving a cloud of her trademark vanilla scented perfume in her wake.
I sat and stewed over the letter and everything my friend had said for a considerable time. My heart yearned for me to just pick up the phone, it would be so easy after months of separation to call him and tell him just how much I missed him. But my brain told me that really, I needed more than words to prove that he really had got his shit together, because one thing was certain – I would not be able to walk away from Jace a second time.
O.O.O.O.O
My palms were soggy, covered in sweat as I stood in front of the doorway. I'd been standing there for what felt like forever, desperately trying to find the courage to lift my hand to the wood and knock.
Just as I raised my hand, steeling myself to go through with it, there was a sound from behind me, a throat clearing. Quickly I spun, sure that my face was white as a sheet of paper. My heart thundered in my chest, Jace stood before me, his blonde hair shining in the sun.
"Clary," he breathed, voice full of reverence, eyes shining brightly. "You came."
I nodded, swallowing thickly, he was a vision standing in front of me. Thick, corded muscles strained against the arms of the plain white t-shirt he wore. I couldn't help but stare.
His eyes were wide, and shining with… hope? I didn't know, but I certainly liked what I saw.
"Of course I came, you knew I would." He nodded once and stepped in closer, leaning forward just enough so he could turn his key and throw the door open wide.
"Would you like to come in?" The uncertainty in his voice threw me. The Jace I knew was never unsure of himself, he always knew exactly what he wanted and exactly how to get it. Instead of commenting I slowly made my way through the door, walking into the peach toned motel room. It wasn't particularly nice, but at least the place was clean.
"Can I get you a drink?" he asked, pulling open the fridge door.
"Um, yeah, thanks." I didn't seem to be able to muster more than a few words for each sentence and I felt terribly conspicuous.
He set a tall glass of water down on the coffee table and gestured towards the couch. My eyes flickered from him to the door and mentally I calculated how quickly I could get through the door and back out to the safety of my car. The apprehensiveness I was feeling wasn't totally unfounded, a big part of me knew that this man could hurt me more than any other on the planet and rightly it sent the flight impulse to my over worked brain. Stiffly I sat down and gingerly sipped at the water. It seemed like an eon until either of us could address the other – I certainly didn't know where to start… an ice breaker that's what we needed.
"So this is awkward…" Trust Jace to point out the obvious, still I couldn't help but grin.
"You seem well, Jace. You look good." I finally puked out in a vile case of word vomit.
He grinned coolly, "Thanks, Clary, you too." Then we were back to silence.
Jace huffed loudly as he stood, raking his fingers through his now long blonde hair. "Fuck, I didn't think it would be like this!" he suddenly blurted, pacing back and forth.
It amazed me that I could simultaneously have equally strong desires to run, fast and hard as far as I could away from here, but at the same time give my soul just to run my fingers through the silken threads of his hair. I shook my head slightly forcing myself to focus. Jace continued to pace the room muttering to himself all the while, then he'd stop to flash me an anguished look, his mouth opening and closing as though he desperately wanted to say something.
"Tell me why? Why did you push me away, Jace?" I finally asked.
He visibly sagged, his shoulders hunching forward, head hanging low.
"I had to, Clary. You wouldn't have left any other way, and I could never ask you to go. I needed to be on my own, after the…rape, I couldn't see past my own nose – I was screwed up and the one thing I knew was that you deserved better. I gave you up so that I wouldn't screw you up. And in the process, I lost the thing that means most to me in this whole world. You have no idea what it was like to watch you drive away that day. I was sure you'd turn around and come back."
"You hurt me, Jace." I whispered, tears already running down my face, thick and fast.
"And I'd give anything to fix it!" he cried out, falling to my feet.
"Please, Clary. Let me try." There were actual tears running down his cheeks, and before I could stop myself I leaned forward, capturing the evidence of his sorrow, and wiping it away.
It seemed wrong somehow that this beautiful man, one that so often had been my angel, would suffer. In moments I closed the distance and hesitantly placed my lips against his, slowly, testing to see if the spark was there. My fingers ran across his cheekbones, down along his jaw. I'd been kidding myself; I needed him like I needed air! I threw my arms around his neck, drawing him up, closer, needing to feel him warm and hard against me. Still he wasn't really responding and I took a moment to pull away and really look at him.
"Damn it, Jace! Would you kiss me for God's sake!" I demanded, frustrated in his lack of enthusiasm. Thankfully my words seemed to snap him out of whatever spiral of pity he was in and finally he responded, snaking his arms around my waist and pulling me so close that I lost my balance and fell from the chair, directly on top of him.
His body was harder than I'd remembered, his stomach muscles more defined, the muscles of his arms, clearly straining his t-shirt, and I felt every single one of them as he held me in an embrace so tight that there was no way I could escape him now, even if I did want to.
Slowly he rolled us over, placing me beneath him, still secured in the cage of his arms. He drew back, brushing a stray hair behind my ear.
He was breathing hard, and looking at me with the most puzzled expression on his face. With an effort Jace released me, standing then pulling me to my feet too.
"Clary, I won't lose you again. I need to know that you're mine, now, forever – always."
I searched his eyes, trying to gauge where he was going with this, and gasped very loudly as he pulled a box from his pocket and dropped to his knees in front of me.
"From the second I saw you I've loved you, Clary. It's always been you for me. And if you say yes to me today, I will spend every second of every day of the rest of my life doing everything in my power to make you the happiest woman on this planet. Please, Clary, I'm asking you to marry me."
My hand fluttered at my breast, water flowed from my eyes in a steady river of tears as he opened the velvet box and presented me with the most beautiful ring I'd ever laid eyes on. My knees went weak, and like a giant sack of potatoes I dropped on to the couch behind me. My breathing picked up pace, and the room spun a little as little crystals of white light flickered In my peripheral vision
"Stay with me now, Clary…" he begged, reaching for my hand. His soft command brought me back to reality and I watched in awe as he slid the platinum band home onto my third finger. It fit perfectly, the diamond blinking a rainbow of colours in the dappled light of the room. I could only stare at it twisting my hand a little one way then the other to see the fire burning in the jewel. Finally Jace put a finger to my chin and pulled it up – his eyes were burning with the same fire, deep and fierce.
"You haven't given me your answer," he prompted.
In one movement I flung myself at him, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck, raining kisses on his cheeks, his chin, his ears, finally coming to his lips. I placed one soft kiss there before breathing one word to him, "Yes!"
He picked me up and spun me around letting out a whoop of triumph before running to his balcony and throwing open the doors.
"SHE SAID YES!" he screamed, apparently for the whole world to hear before coming back and gathering me back in his arms.
"You've no idea how happy you've made me," he murmured into my hair.
Suddenly emboldened and wanting nothing more than to make up for all the time we'd lost I answered, "Why don't you show me?"
"That's not funny, Clary," he warned darkly.
I raised an eye brow at him and slowly drew my t-shirt over my head, throwing it with perfect aim at his head when I was done. "Who's joking?" I replied, fingering the lace of my bra.
"You asked me to marry you, haven't you heard the term "Try before you buy, Jace? I want to make sure im taking on quality goods!" I purred, looking up through lowered lashes.
"I'll give you try before you buy, wench" He growled before taking three large steps towards me, losing his shirt and jeans in the process.
God, his body was even more glorious than I remembered all hard muscle and long limbs, my skin prickled with anticipation of his touch.
Goose pimples raised themselves on my arms and I trembled visibly.
Jace stepped in closer running his hands down the sensitive flesh.
"You're trembling," he whispered. "Are you afraid?"
I shook my head hard, leaning further into his touch.
"God, I've missed you," he breathed before stepping away and turning down the bed. When he was done he held out his hand in invitation, easily I took it, allowing him to pull me down and into his embrace. He lifted my hand and placed a tender kiss on the ring I now wore before deeply muttering, "I can't believe you're finally mine."
He lowered his head and rubbed his face against my neck, leaving a trail of fiery kisses as he went, nipping and licking all the way to my collarbone. I'm certain my eyes rolled back in my head, the feeling of his hard body on mine almost instantly more than I could take. But Jace was insistent, and even without the words I knew this was something we both needed, as physical manifestation of our reconnecting.
I ran my fingers down the taut lines of his back, slowly memorising the exact feel of each muscle, even as he lowered his head further, finally reaching the over-sensitive bud of my nipple. His tongue swirled around it so lightly at first, then harder before he gently blew across the now damp skin. I shivered at the unusual but not unpleasant sensation, and moaned when he lifted my hips and tilted them at just the right angle to feel his hardness press into the spot I most wanted it.
"Jace, please, don't drag this out. I need you so much." It was selfish – even as I said it I knew that but damn it, I'd agreed to be his wife and we had a lifetime to spend worshiping each other's bodies. Right this second I just needed Jace, deep in that place reserved just for him.
He didn't hesitate, and in what seemed like one swift motion, I felt him bury himself deep within my body.
Again and again he surged forward and back, taking everything I offered and marking it as his own, as it was and had always been. It wasn't long before I felt the familiar coil, deep down in my stomach winding tighter and tighter. Tiny beads of sweat formed on Jace's brow, and thought, I'm certain it isn't possible, I swear her grew harder in that split second before I hurtled over the great cliff of bliss that was my orgasm, his name on my lips the entire time. Moments later, Jace followed, his release rocking through him with the same intensity that I'd felt moments before. When it was over, I lay in his arms, listening as he murmured words of love, praise and thankfulness into my hair, before I finally fell asleep, safe in the arms of the man I loved.
"Jace!" Clary demanded, her small hands gripping her hips, and a look of pure fury on her face. I grinned, loving her like this more than anything – my little kitten a tigress at play.
"Sorry, Giuvaer, what was that?" I asked in my most soothing tone.
"What colour do you prefer?" she huffed.
I rolled my eyes. "Clary, I don't know why you insist I come to these things. I don't give a shit what colour you use – Pick black for all I care..."
She sighed, running a hand through her hair before turning to the consultant and asking for a moment's privacy. It was exactly at that moment that I knew I was about to be castrated and in an effort to save myself and well my balls, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "The green – I think we should go with the green!"
The two moments are repetitive, I'd change one.
"See now, was it that hard to pick the damn colour?" she muttered, shooting an apologetic smile at the sales man and handing him the tin of green paint.
Five weeks after I made Clarissa my wife, I was given the second best gift of my entire life – Clary was pregnant. Her stomach, even now sixteen weeks into the pregnancy was slightly rounded; a definite bump visible where our child rested in her womb. I couldn't help myself, despite the presence of the sales consultant I pulled her into my arms and kissed her long and hard.
"God I love you!" I told her earnestly, placing my hand ever so lightly on the swollen spot where our baby lay.
"As I love you," she replied, swiping my wallet and Amex before handing it to the cashier.
we made it THIS is officially the end! WOOOOOOOO!
I'd like to make a few small notes of thanks, if I may.
Firstly to my friend Tiffany (AKA ReadingMama / VampMama), I can't thank you enough for holding my hand through this. You encourage me, give me ideas when I'm stuck, beta my terrible, terrible grammar and make it sparkle and shine. You inspire me to do better and to learn more. Thank you so much for everything!
Next I'd like to thank three of the best chicks around – Feralness-is-me, MezzmerizeMe and SkyChaser; you girls are the best friends anyone could want. Love you my squishy les'
This Fic was a lot of fun for me to write, and im so beyond happy that in just a few moments I'm going to be pressing that 'complete' button – There were a lot of times that I thought I'd never get there.
I want to thank every everyone that has been with me throught this journey – the reviews I get honestly make my day. Those of you that sent me PM's politely asking me to get my ass in gear and post this – THANK YOU for pushing me, I needed it. I have my own internal conflicts that made this chapter especially hard for me to write, and there were times where you weren't going to get the happy ending that I know everyone craves. I hope I've done you all justice and that you are happy with where I've left this.
No, there will not be a sequel – Possessions is finished and im more than happy to now let it go – that said, if there is an out take that people particularly want to see, you might be able to twist my arm – let me know in your reviews.
Lastly – and im sorry this Authors note is stretching to epic proportions –
I have started a new Mortal Instruments fic – its is called Midnight Oil, it is set in Australia; stars a ballsy Cary and Cowboy Jace – please, I'd love it if you'd join me for this new journey!
Thank you again,
with love,
TGB.