Touhou Doujin: Yutaka's Big Fat Youkai Wedding

Chapter 14: Village People... that aren't from the Village

The Dawitsu Mansion, seven ante-meridian

After their night of relaxation, Yutaka knew that the next day would be an intense one, if only because they had to gather everyone together for the Hen Night, and after their hard work, they would play hard. Their guests were sent home, and the household had a nice, long sleep.

Yutaka sat up in bed shortly after her bedside clock read seven o'clock, and sighed, "I guess I'm awake... well, the Boss has a lot of work to do, as do I, so I guess I have to wake him up..."

Yutaka walked out of her bedroom, and shuffled down the Private Quarters' hallway, towards Dawitsu's bedroom, and knocked on the door, "Boss? It's time to get up..."

Dawitsu's voice was suddenly heard, "Gah! I wasn't expecting you to knock... uh... one moment..."

The sound of scrambling, and clothes being put on, especially the sound of his belt being put on, and finally Dawitsu opened the bedroom door, red-faced, "Uh... hi, Yutaka."

Yutaka probably shouldn't have wanted to know what was going on in there, but curiosity forced her to anyway, "...Boss? You seem..."

"...flustered? Yeah, well, I thought I could spend some time alone..." Dawitsu muttered, "Was just looking through my photo album... and... well... Yutaka, I'm so proud of you..."

"Our photo album? What picture were you looking at?" Yutaka asked.

"The one of us two on the Eiffel Tower together..." Dawitsu sighed, "Yutaka... if I... if I did propose... you know, before... would you have... would you have said..."

Yutaka put her finger on Dawitsu's mouth, "...I would have said no. You are, and you always have been my best friend. It would be too weird... you know that..."

"...I'm sorry..." Dawitsu mumbled, "...I just... I just had to know..."

Yutaka hugged Dawitsu, and said, "Oh, Boss, you've got to stop this..."

"I... I know. Sorry..." Dawitsu held Yutaka tightly, as if this was his last day with her rather than her last day unmarried, "...Yutaka... are you going to live away from here?"

Yutaka let go of her boss, "...what do you mean?"

"Well... you're going to be married to Patchouli..." Dawitsu was finding it difficult to find words, "...and, well... it'd be understandable if you wanted to live with her rather than live here... you know, have your own place together..."

Yutaka stopped and thought to herself. She had considered that possibility, but not properly. She was surprised that of all people to bring it up, it was Dawitsu. She had grown attached to the Dawitsu Mansion, and wasn't sure what she wanted to do now that pressure had been applied to answer the question. Back when she was homeless, and powerless, she had no way of having a place to call her own. Dawitsu took her in, and insisted that she called this place home... and that was exactly what it had become... it had become more than a house she was staying in until she could get her own house, it was her home. Where her heart was.

Yutaka's eyes began to tear up, "Boss... boss... you... I remember... I remember when you let me stay all those years ago... you treated me like an honoured guest, not some tramp you picked up off the street... I can't... I can't... just abandon your hospitality..."

Dawitsu closed his eyes, and opened them again, his voice breaking up, "...but... if you don't then... what's the point of being married to Patchouli? It's okay, I wouldn't blame you... you have your own life, you have your relationship with Patchy to consider... I will support you in whatever choice you make. I will never be angry at you, not if you stay, and not if you go... I love you... what kind of love would it be if I were selfish about it? Yutaka, just... think about it. It doesn't have to be right after the wedding, you can take as much time as you like..."

"Boss..." Yutaka hung her head, "...I... I never thanked you enough for giving me a home when no-one else would..."

"...and I never thanked you enough for customising my mansion, being an advisor for girl issues, being there for me, and doing the chores..." Dawitsu replied, "...Yutaka, just letting you know..."

"...what is it, Boss?" Yutaka asked.

"...I'm gonna put on the best damn performance for you at this Hen Night. I'll slave-drive the others until they're perfect! And you'll love it so much that you'll ask for it again and again, until you all fall over laughing..." Dawitsu said, the tone serious despite it being a promise to deliver a no doubt degrading performance.

Yutaka's smile was nothing but genuine at this point, and she hugged her boss for the second time in quick succession, "Boss, you know... I'll never forget you. I'll always come to visit. I'll always make sure you're alright... I know you love to dote on me, but... but I know you'll be able to live without me... make sure Ran feels appreciated, okay?"

"So... you want to leave the mansion?" Dawitsu asked, "...I... you're my light, Yutaka. My light. I will never find anyone like you again... you're... you're the most wonderful person that I've ever had the honour of knowing..."

"Boss, that's not true..." Yutaka replied, "Come on... let's get on with our jobs..."

"I guess I should..." Dawitsu replied, letting his Shikigami go for the second time, "...should I take Ran with me?"

"That's up to you, isn't it?" Yutaka replied, "Why... is there something special you have to tell her?"

"...no..." Dawitsu replied, "...look, Yutaka, I could never try and be with someone on the rebound from you... I still think about you too much to be with anyone else, and... that's not fair! Not to Ran, not to anyone who I might happen to be with..."

Yutaka thought about this, and said, "That's one of the most mature things I've heard from you, boss. You really do care about us, don't you?"

Dawitsu began to walk towards the lift, "Well, I try. I'm still a selfish, perverted male pig, but hey... I'm a man! I can't help it!"

Yutaka's expression became warm. Trust him to lighten the mood at the most inappropriate of times...

"...you never change, do you, Boss?" Yutaka replied, and walked beside him, opening the lift doors and entering, "Come on, Boss."

Dawitsu entered, and the two rode the lift down to the foyer in silence, as if the conversation had taken it out on them. Finally, Dawitsu asked, "So, what are my jobs again?"

"You have to go and tell Hebiko... and Tokage that the Hen Night's tonight, as well as telling Yuyuko and Youmu that the wedding's tomorrow..." Yutaka answered, "Also, Boss, you haven't changed your size recently, have you?"

Dawitsu pondered to himself, "No..."

"Good." Yutaka thought to herself, "...hmm. If I am to make your outfits, I'll need to get that human fellow here so I can measure him up before making his outfits... speaking of which, who are you going to be?"

Dawitsu replied, "I'm gonna be the biker, obviously!"

Yutaka giggled, "Oh, but Rinnosuke has a better body for a biker..."

Dawitsu stamped his feet, "Hey! Hey! What's wrong with my body?"

"Nothing..." Yutaka shrugged, "Well, personally, I think you suit a cowboy outfit better anyway..."

"Do you now?" Dawitsu replied, "Well, I'm fine with that... and I can't help but realise you didn't mention Rinnosuke in getting measurements..."

"Oh, was I not subtle enough?" Yutaka replied.

Ran walked into the foyer from the kitchen, and mumbled, "Good morning, Master. Good morning, Yutaka..."

"Hi there, Ran!" Dawitsu replied in a chirpy demeanour, "...I presume you heard what we were saying upstairs, right?"

Ran did, but bluffed, "No, I did not."

"Oh..." Dawitsu replied, "...well, anyway, I was thinking of taking you along with me to ask Hebiko and Tokage to come along to the hen party... what do you think?"

"I see. So, who will look after Chen?" Ran asked.

"I'll take her along with me..." Yutaka answered, "...I mean, you two need to spend more time with each other... quality time, sitting by the riverside, slowly bringing your faces together before your lips ever so slightly touch and..." Yutaka suddenly realised she was lapsing into fantasy, and sweat-dropped, "Uh... just ignore what I said, have a good time with each other, you two! Say, is that the time? Boss, you should get going! You too, Ran!"

"I haven't even had my breakfast..." Dawitsu replied, "...and what was with that weird fantasy?"

"Nothing! Nothing!" Yutaka laughed nervously, "I'm very hungry, I'm going to make my breakfast... oh, and don't follow me to the kitchen, Boss, I'll make your breakfast too!"

Yutaka ran into the kitchen, leaving behind an intensely awkward atmosphere. Ran mumbled, "So... you don't want to be with me on a rebound?"

Dawitsu gulped, "...so you did hear what we said to each other?"

"...yes." Ran sighed, "...Master, I'm sorry for all of these attempts to be with you. I should have known it was futile. You don't have to take me with you on these errands..."

"...no, Ran." Dawitsu replied, and put his hands on Ran's shoulders, "You're coming with me, not because I pity you, but because I want you with me. We won't be kissing by the river or whatever Yutaka wants, but we will be spending time with each other. You and me..."

"You and I." Ran corrected, "Master, you're a kind person. Yutaka must be so grateful to you..."

"Of course she is..." Dawitsu replied, "...I just wish people would accept they've done me favours too..."

"What do you want, Master?" Ran asked, "People to send bailiffs to your house and demand payment for their favours to you?"

Dawitsu smirked, "I guess you're right. People probably view the favours they give out similar to how I do... that it's no big deal. People sure are altruistic, aren't they? The world's a wonderful place..."

"...it is." Ran quietly replied.

Yutaka returned with scrambled eggs on toast, one plateful for Dawitsu, one plateful for herself, "Hello again. I assume you already made yourself breakfast, am I right, Ran?"

"Yes." Ran stated bluntly.

Dawitsu sat down at the foyer table, and took the plate off Yutaka, "Thanks a lot, Yutaka. Both of you... you're both brilliant friends... I just want you to know that..."

Tokage's House, Mayohiga, eight ante-meridian

Tokage and Hebiko had both gotten up unnaturally early, and were sitting around an incense fire, their bodies slowly warming up. Tokage was writing up an original story, and was having it checked over by Hebiko, who wasn't exactly enjoying her role.

"No." Hebiko replied, "No, this won't work..."

"But the sex scene isn't contrived..." Tokage replied, "It has build-up, it has tension, it has everything as you said..."

Hebiko sighed, "Yes, but look..." Hebiko pointed to a piece of writing, "What is that? Just so you know, those things rarely are soft, or feel like velvet..."

"Shut up! You just have a thing against sex scenes! You're just jealous because I've actually shared a bed with a guy!" Tokage replied.

"I don't have a thing against sex scenes, it's just that if you're gonna throw one in, do it well..." Hebiko replied, "Most of this is anatomically impossible..."

"Well, let's see you do better!" Tokage challenged, "Come on, right here, right now, write a better sex scene!"

"Can it be any context, or does it have to be the same context as your own?" Hebiko asked in an obvious ploy to stall for time.

"The same context, obviously! Come on, I dare ya!" Tokage shouted.

Hebiko got out her notepad, and began to write. She occasionally sweated, and blushed more than a few times, with the odd grin here and there. She finally completed the scene, and passed the notepad to Tokage.

"This is..." Tokage was about to mindlessly slate it, but then she made the mistake of actually reading it, "Oh... that's... ooh... oh, that works well... how did you describe this so... oh my..."

Hebiko sweat-dropped, "Okay, okay, it isn't that..."

"You're a prodigy at this 'writing sex scenes' thing!" Tokage interrupted, "Right, from this point onwards, you can write all of my sex scenes for me!"

Hebiko gulped, "And... how many sex scenes are going to occur in this book?"

"Somewhere between fifty and one hundred..." Tokage estimated, "So, what do you say? Is it a deal?"

Hebiko tried to wriggle out of the job, and said, "Well, about that... I've got my own books to write, and I'll be most likely spending a lot of time..."

Suddenly, a knock on the door interrupted Hebiko, who used the noise as an excuse to get away from her friend, "Oh, someone's at the door! Well... I guess that I'll answer it, eh?"

Hebiko walked straight to the door, and opened it, seeing Dawitsu and Ran, "Oh... hello, Dawitsu... and..." Hebiko's face became a little more fear-ridden upon seeing Ran, "...oh, hi there, Ran... how's things?"

Ran nodded, and said, "I am fine."

Dawitsu shrugged his shoulders, "Anyway, I was sort of here to tell you that the wedding's tomorrow..."

Tokage zipped into view, "Tomorrow? That's... that's... that's... GAHAHA! A wedding!"

Dawitsu sweat-dropped, "Uh... yeah. It's gonna take place at the Scarlet Devil Mansion, but also... Yutaka's decided to throw a hen party. Basically, what that is is a..."

Hebiko interrupted Dawitsu, "Yes, it's a party the bride, or in this case, brides go to along with their female friends to take part in debauchery..."

"...how did you know that?" Dawitsu asked.

"You can learn a lot from reading books on Nuptial Law... I'm doing so for research on an original book of mine..." Hebiko attempted to wink at Dawitsu, but her ridiculously long fringe prevented it from being noticeable, "...I do more than sarcastically narrated biographies, you know..."

"Well, that's pretty good..." Dawitsu replied, "Uh... how's your writing career going, Tokage?"

Tokage giggled, before her giggle built up into a full-blown laugh, "Heh heh... I've got myself some help with writing up sex scenes... read this!"

Tokage pushed Hebiko's notepad at Dawitsu, and Dawitsu read it over. His face became more and more red, and he smirked slightly before giving the book back, "...that was... um... different."

"Tell me about it! Hebiko's a genius!" Tokage replied.

"...Hebiko wrote that?" Dawitsu replied, and turned to Hebiko, "You sly girl, Hebiko... you didn't look the type..."

Hebiko squirmed a little, and said, "Don't tell anyone about this, okay?"

"Your secret is safe with us..." Dawitsu replied, "Anyway, there's a hen do going on at the mansion tonight, and the theme is librarian girls, so... well, Yutaka's gonna make you some outfits, so just come over at some point to get yourself fitted..."

Ran added, "The Master and miss Sakuya Izayoi's boyfriend, Rinnosuke Morichika, will be providing the entertainment..."

Dawitsu smirked, "Don't remind me..."

Hebiko sweat-dropped, "Oh my... knowing what the book I read said on Hen Nights... Dawitsu, are you sure you want to subject yourself to that?"

"It ain't as bad as you think..." Dawitsu replied, "Anyway, I've got to sort out other stuff, like the entertainment and food for the wedding tomorrow, so I won't be walking you to the mansion, but feel free to pop round. If Yutaka ain't in... I dunno, chill at the mansion or something..."

Hebiko and Tokage looked at each other, and decided they'd head off to the mansion. Dawitsu and Ran let them out of Tokage's house, and the two groups waved to each other as they headed off on their separate ways...

The Dawitsu Mansion, eight-thirty ante-meridian

Yutaka had managed to wake Chen up, and she had told her what was happening. Within the time it took for Chen to eat breakfast and get dressed, Yutaka had made outfits for Dawitsu, Rinnosuke, Patchouli, Ran, Chen, Sakuya, Flandre, Remilia, Koakuma, Meiling, Alice, Reimu, Sanae (who insisted on joining in), and herself. All she needed was to get the size of Keine, Hebiko and Tokage, as well as Jean and whoever could be with him at the moment.

According to Reimu, Jean had gone to spend time with Marisa, so she decided she'd go to Marisa's house to find him, and once Chen came downstairs from getting dressed, Yutaka said, "Okay, Chen... the first place we're going is the Forest of Magic..."

"Okay, Aunty Yutaka!" Chen replied, "So, what are we going there for?"

"To get the third member for the Boss' special entertainment tonight..." Yutaka said, "Hmm... I wonder what he could dress as? The builder? Oh, I'll ask him, he probably knows what this is all about... he is from the outside world, after all... and then, when I get him, I'll have to bring Rinnosuke here, and the Boss will practice with them..."

"What are they going to do, Yutaka?" Chen asked.

"Oh, that's a secret!" Yutaka replied, "Can't spoil the surprise!"

Yutaka proceeded to open the front door, and floated out of it, "Come on, Chen!"

"Okay, Yutaka-chan!" Chen replied.

"Yutaka... chan?" Yutaka asked.

"Yeah! I can come up with new nicknames for you if I want, can't I?" Chen said, "I just think your name has that sort of ring..."

"I guess it does..." Yutaka replied.

Floating down onto the Hakurei Shrine's grounds, the two Youkai began their walk through the hazardous, ever-growing Forest of Magic. There were still remnants of evidence that it recently had suffered a massive fire, but it had recovered spectacularly, secondary successors sprouting from the fertile ashes of the ex-trees.

They eventually got to Marisa's house, and knocked on the door. After a rather long wait, a groggy-looking Marisa Kirisame opened the door, and said, "Oh... it's you. I didn't expect to see you here..."

Yutaka smiled, and put on the most innocent expression she could, "Hello, Miss Kirisame. I was wondering if a certain Jean Franc Levoisier was here?"

"Why would you want to know that?" Marisa asked, "...are you acting as a messenger for Reimu or something?"

Yutaka smirked, "Yes! Reimu is going to be coming to a wedding tomorrow! She's very excited, and she was wondering if Jean would come too! Also, there's a pre-wedding party going on today, and she wanted Jean to take part..."

Jean appeared at the door, and said, "There is a wedding? Who's wedding is it?"

Yutaka cocked her head, "Why, only yours truly..."

Chen clapped her hands, "Yutaka's going to get married to Patchouli! It's so exciting! And we need you for our Hen Party!"

"You... need me?" Jean asked.

Yutaka sweat-dropped, "Uh... well, Reimu really wants you to be there. You see, because there's no groom, all of our male friends are also going to be on this Hen Party, so we figured you could come along..."

Marisa folded her arms, "Hold on, something seems fishy. Why are you so specifically targeting Jean?"

"I'm not." Yutaka replied, "You can come along as well, but you need to come back to the mansion... I need to have you measured, because the Hen Party's theme is 'Sexy Librarian'..." Yutaka grinned slightly, "...it was chosen by Patchy herself..."

Marisa smirked, "Well, ain't that interesting... sure, why not. Okay, so if the girls are librarians, what are the guys?"

Yutaka put her finger to her mouth, and opened one of her eyes, "It's a secret... in fact..."

Yutaka proceeded to lean towards Jean, and whispered in his ears in a similar style to when she did the same to Dawitsu. Jean turned red, pondered over it, and finally came to an answer, "...why not? It seems like it could be enjoyable to perform..."

"So, what do you want to be, Jean?" Yutaka asked, "The Biker and the Cowboy are taken. You can be a Policeman, a Builder, a Soldier, or a Red Indian..."

Jean didn't seem sure, "Uh... I shall be..."

Marisa suddenly butted in, "Hold on, they get their own outfits? Well, I think... hold on, what's a Red Indian?"

Jean finally came to his decision, "I shall be the builder! So, I presume we shall be practising this routine?"

Yutaka nodded, "Yes, so I may need you to stay a small while until the Boss returns from his errands... come back to the mansion with me, I'll measure you both..."

Marisa nodded, and got on her broom. Jean did the same, and they headed back to the mansion, only Jean and Yutaka knowing the full story. They got to the Hakurei Shrine's grounds, and looked up to see that there were two people floating in the sky next to the Mansion's front door. Not sure who they were from the distance, all three were somewhat apprehensive to go near the potential intruders.

Yutaka floated up first, and said, "Excuse me, who are..." before she recognised the two Lizard Youkai, "Oh, I see! Hello, Hebiko, hello Tokage... um... Tokage, just so you know, you're... forgiven... for... all that horrible writing you did about me..." Yutaka looked down, and said, "It's okay! It's just Hebiko and Tokage!"

Tokage shuddered a little, and said, "Yeah... I'm sorry. I... I told your boss all about how sorry I am... thanks for letting me come here..."

"The Boss was the one who convinced me..." Yutaka replied, "You should thank him. Just what did Yuuka do to you to make you this humble?"

Tokage's skin became pale, and Hebiko sighed, "I don't think she wants to talk about it..."

Marisa, Jean, and Chen caught up, and the former said, "Hey, so what's keeping ya? Let's go in!"

Yutaka nodded, and opened the door, and let the guests in. Nodding slightly, Yutaka asked, "So, Hebiko, Tokage, I assume the Boss sent you here to get fitted?"

"Yes, apparently there's a Hen Night of some sort?" Hebiko asked, "So, will you tell us what the special entertainment's going to be?"

Yutaka looked to Jean, and said, "We're not telling..."

Tokage looked at the Frenchman, and as if she had only just cottoned on to who it was, she hugged the man, and said, "Oh! Michel! Michel! You're coming to this party too? And you know what the entertainment is? You... you must be part of it! You and that dreamboat Dawitsu... you're both putting on a show for us... it's like all my dreams are coming true..."

Hebiko extended her hand, and Jean shook it, "Hello, Mister Levoisier. Hebiko Bimyouna... it's good to see you when you aren't being Tokage's typist..."

"Jamais plus. Jamais ... jamais plus." Jean mused, and then said, "Anyway, please just call me Jean..."

"Oh, we won't call you any silly nicknames!" Tokage replied, "Your real name's Michel, so that's what we'll use!"

Marisa sweat-dropped, "Uh, no, I think it's Jean..."

Yutaka added, "It most certainly is Jean..."

Chen cocked her head, "Who thought it wasn't Jean?"

Tokage stepped back, as if her whole world-view had been challenged, "What? You mean... all this time it wasn't Michel?"

"J'ai essayé de te le dire..." Jean said in French, before saying, "...yes. Where did you get that idea, anyway?"

"You just look like a Michel, and no-one told me otherwise, so I assumed I was right..." Tokage replied.

Yutaka sighed, "Look, let's get down to business, because I have one more person to invite..." Yutaka took off her shoe, and transformed it into a measuring tape, "Now, tell me, who wants to be measured first?"

Marisa put her hand up, "Me!"

Yutaka smiled, "Okay. Stand still for me..." Yutaka proceeded to wrap measuring tape around Marisa's chest, "...okay... now, I'm going to measure your waist and hip size, is that fine with you?"

"Um... this is a little weird..." Marisa replied, "...um... is this the only way you can measure me up?"

"How did you expect I'd do it?" Yutaka asked, wrapping the measuring tape around her waist regardless of Marisa's doubts, "Right, I'm moving onto hips, and then leg length..."

So, Yutaka proceeded to do Marisa's hips and leg length, and then moved onto Hebiko and Tokage, who had equal problems with the measuring process, but Jean, who was very much familiar with the process, was surprisingly relaxed by Yutaka's measurements of his physique, even when she began to compliment him on his 'compact, but not too compact' body, which surprised Marisa most of all, seeing as this was the same person who would be afraid of anything more powerful than a stage four boss...

Finally, Yutaka went off into a room alone to make their outfits, and came back out to say, "Alright, all of you may go back to do whatever it is you want to do... except Jean, that is..."

Jean nodded, "I understand."

"I'm going to nip to the human village to get someone... Chen, you can stay here if you want..." Yutaka said, "Also, Hebiko, Tokage, Marisa, you can stay, but unlike Jean, you don't have to... okay, goodbye for now..."

Yutaka walked out of the house, and left the five in silence. Marisa looked around the room, and Jean had clocked on to what Marisa's first idea was, and said, "You are not going to steal the mansion's books! You do remember what happened the last time you tried that, do you not?"

"Aw... you know me too well..." Marisa replied.

Chen folded her arms, "I wouldn't let you do that anyway!"

Marisa pouted, "You're no fun, the lot of you..."

Tokage smiled slightly, "Well, I know what I'm going to do... now, if I remember rightly, the thing to take us to the bedrooms is..." Tokage pointed to a lift entrance, "That one!"

Hebiko shook her head, "Not this again..."

"What do you mean 'not this again'?" Tokage asked, "I'm not going to do anything creepy! Just check Dawitsu's underwear drawer for dangerous stuff!"

"Oh, of course, the underwear drawer, an assailant's most common hiding place..." Hebiko remarked.

Chen stamped her foot, "Hey! I'm the only one who lives here! That means I'm in charge! And I say no creepy Lizards in Dawi's room!"

Jean thought to himself, "Well, if there is nothing that you people consider fun to do here, feel free to leave... I will stay, but you don't have to, Marisa..."

Tokage thought to herself, "Actually, yeah, I need to go home and write a bit more... hey, Hebiko, you're coming with me! I'll need your help..."

Hebiko sighed, "Fine... just remember we're coming back here at some point... in fact, what time does the party start?"

Chen scratched her head, "Uh... I think Yutaka said... nine o'clock tonight? I'm not sure..."

Hebiko smirked, "Well, I'll get there for nine thirty. Everyone loves to be fashionably late, am I right?"

Tokage folded her arms, "But I want to see Dawitsu in a cute outfit! We're getting here early!"

Hebiko sighed, "Fine, I guess I'll get here for ten to n..."

"...we'll get there for half-past eight!" Tokage replied.

"...whatever." Hebiko replied, "Tell Yutaka thanks for the costumes and hospitality..."

Chen saluted Hebiko, "Okay! So, are you leaving too, human witch?"

Marisa shook her head, "Nope." Marisa looked at Jean, "I'm gonna stay with this guy here."

Tokage and Hebiko started to walk out, and Tokage fell out of the open door, seemingly forgetting the mansion was floating, and Hebiko seemed to roll her eyes, and said, "Okay... see you tonight, guys..."

Chen, Jean, and Marisa all said, "See you later!" in a rather friendly tone, despite they all only knew each other very loosely. It was as if the event was making all the potential party-goers that little bit more peaceable than usual.

Jean looked around, and said, "So, what shall we do while we are waiting?"

Chen walked away, and brought back a chequerboard and a box, "How about we play chess? Do you know how to play chess?"

Jean nodded, "Yes... how does a... cat youkai like yourself know of the chess?"

"Yutaka taught it me!" Chen replied, "Do you want to play?"

"Ah... I see." Jean replied, "Well, if you wish..."

Marisa couldn't help but notice she wasn't getting involved, "Hey, how come I don't get to play?"

"Explaining the rules of the chess is difficult..." Jean replied, "It is... easier to learn by watching the others. How about you watch the first game, and you shall play... the loser?"

Chen nodded, "Yeah! That works! So, do you know about the four-move checkmate?"

"Ah, the fool's mate? Yes, I am aware..." Jean replied.

"...aw..." Chen mumbled, "...I thought I might stand a chance at beating you..."

Marisa shrugged her shoulders, "Well, if you lose, then you'll be playing someone who doesn't have a clue, so you'll at least beat me..."

So, Chen and Jean began to play chess, and Marisa watched intently at what they were doing, and picked up the capabilities of each piece by eye, occasionally asking Jean why he made a certain move, which allowed her to pick up on some basic strategy. Jean was actually having a rather good time relaxing and playing chess, and wasn't particularly looking forward to when Dawitsu would get back to practice their... brand of entertainment for the Hen Night.

The Netherworld, ten ante-meridian

Dawitsu had made the somewhat idiotic choice of, upon going to the Netherworld, trying to find Yuyuko first, as opposed to Youmu. Because after climbing the stairs of the Netherworld, Yuyuko was nowhere to be found within her house, which meant that Dawitsu had been aimlessly searching around the Netherworld for Yuyuko, a task which was just as hard as it sounded.

"Ran, have you caught a scent of her yet?" Dawitsu asked.

"Master, she's a ghost..." Ran mused, "Ghosts don't smell of anything..."

"But she's a glutton..." Dawitsu pointed out, "Surely the smell of food should direct to her presence, because I don't imagine any other people here actually eat..."

Ran pondered, "Hmm. You may have a point." Ran sniffed the air, and said, "Ah, there is a little something in the air... but I'm not sure if that's really... oh, hold on a moment..."

Ran began to walk single-mindedly towards a small house on the dimly-lit Netherworld streets, and said, "I can smell food being cooked here, but... why would Yuyuko be here of all places?"

Knocking on the door, Dawitsu waited for something to answer. A small, glowing, floating orb seemed to open the door somehow, and simply hovered in silence, and Dawitsu didn't quite know what to say, "Um... I see you're making food for mortals here, I was just curious as to... why that is?"

A voice from the house asked, "Oh, is there a mortal at the door? One moment, I'll come over to speak to him for you..."

After a brief wait, Yuyuko Saigyouji appeared at the door, "Well, hello there, Decorator Man..."

"My name's Mateyuu Dawitsu. Please use it." Dawitsu replied.

"No." Yuyuko giggled, "Decorator Man is funnier..."

Ran got to the point, "Miss Yuyuko, the wedding is going to be tomorrow. So you'll have to be prepared for cooking a banquet at the Scarlet Devil Mansion..."

"Oh, Ran, you're assuming I didn't already know that..." Yuyuko replied, "So, Mister Decorator Man, have you figured why you were necessary to me?"

"Um..." Dawitsu couldn't honestly say he'd been thinking about that, "...no..."

"You're so silly." Yuyuko held a fan over her face, "Well, if you want, you can see the cake I've prepared. That's why I'm here... this phantom you see in front of you was a cake enthusiast in her former life, and she decided to get good at making cake herself after she died from a poisoned chocolate cake... I guess so that she could trust the cake she's eating..."

"I see..." Dawitsu replied, "So, you've made the cake?"

"Well, I can't take all the credit." Yuyuko replied, and offered them to come in, "Come on, I'll show you..."

Dawitsu and Ran walked into the quaint, Japanese-style house, and Yuyuko led them to the kitchen. The phantom floated towards the covered-up cake, and began swaying left and right, as if trying to say something.

Yuyuko smiled, "...oh, that's funny. She said that even though she loves chocolate cake the best, she's made it carrot cake, so that she isn't tempted to eat it herself..."

"Phantoms can eat cake?" Dawitsu asked, "Well, you learn something new every day..."

Yuyuko proceeded to unveil the cake, and revealed a three-story stacked cake which was completely and expertly covered in an even layer of white icing, with butter-cream swirls dotting the circumference of each circular story, and red icing forming patterns around the cake's perimeter. On top were a pair of scale models of Yutaka and Patchouli in wedding dresses made of marzipan.

Dawitsu instantly noticed the latter aspect of the cake, and said, "Wow, those models are really awesome... like... uncanny..."

Yuyuko smiled with pride, "I made those myself..."

The phantom formed itself into a pair of rolling eyes, and Yuyuko looked down, "Well, I did eat the first set I made... but that was only because they weren't right anyway..."

Ran was looking over the cake rather ravenously, as she had eaten breakfast far earlier than Dawitsu, but stopped herself, "So, what is in the cake apart from carrots?"

"Oh, there's some raisins, sultanas, ectoplasm... although only in trace amounts, this woman sheds it when she's cooking..." Yuyuko explained, "If you ask me, it adds flavour..."

"If you say so..." Dawitsu mused, "Look, we'd better get going, I've got other errands to run..."

"And what errands are these?" Yuyuko asked, as if she was onto the mimicker, "Are you looking for anyone in... particular?"

Dawitsu thought to himself, and wondered what she was getting at, "...you're odd... alright, Ran, let's get out of here... the cake's great, by the way..."

Ran bowed, and Dawitsu walked out of the house, waiting for his Shikigami to follow. Once she left, she closed the door, and left Yuyuko and her phantasmal compatriot to it. The phantom floated upwards, and then downwards, and Yuyuko nodded, "Yes, that's right... yes. Wow, you're a lot smarter than you were in life, aren't you?"

The phantom shook itself left and right erratically, and Yuyuko smiled condescendingly, "Well, that's just what you think... you still know you should have taken the carrot cake..."

The Poltergeist Mansion, during the former events

Youmu Konpaku had gathered all of her band-mates together to tell them the news that they'd been hired by a certain man to play at their wedding, something that made Merlin more than a little proud, while Lyrica and Lunasa remained neutral to the revelation. She stood at the living room's 'performance area', and decided to address her band-mates, who had only just arrived at the place.

"Okay, guys... I have something big to tell you..." Youmu blushed slightly as Merlin cheered despite the speech not warranting one, "...we all knew this day would come at some point... a man has hired us to play at his friend's wedding!"

The whole room cheered this time, and Demi was the first to express his opinion, "So, like, when do we play?"

"Um, I don't... know... the guy should be getting back to me on that..." Youmu unsurely replied.

"What songs are we gonna do?" Semi asked, "Should we go for our more blues-inspired stuff, or our heavy ballad-like stuff?"

Hemi closed her eyes with confidence, "I think ballads are the obvious choice..."

Demi smiled, "Yeah, if we're gonna be singing at a wedding, we'll need to sing somethin' that'll wish the lucky guy and gal the best of luck in their life..."

Youmu sweat-dropped, "I'm not sure if it's a guy and a... 'gal'..."

Demi sat back, "Doesn't matter what it is, we gotta wish the lucky couple the best wishes... perhaps we could write something original?"

Point-five sighed, "But I don't want to be saddled with that burden... it's my turn to write a song, and what if the wedding's like, tomorrow?"

Merlin sat back, "Don't worry about it! How about we all work together on a new song?"

Lyrica smirked, "Oh, wow, it's like a miniature peace on earth, ain't it, Merlin?" Lyrica proceeded to put on a mocking voice, "Let's all work together!"

Lunasa shook her head, "Lyrica, of all people you should know the value of co-operation. Come on, let's do this..."

Just as they all got up, presumably to get their respective instruments, the door knocked, and thus Youmu walked to the door, as she already had her instrument as part of her. Opening the door, she stepped back as she noticed it was Dawitsu, "Ah! Hello there, delivery tengu fellow..."

Dawitsu sighed, "What is it with people not just addressing me with my name?"

Ran muttered, "You don't mind it when Yutaka does it..."

"But that's different..." Dawitsu made up an excuse to Ran, and then turned to Youmu, "Okay, Youmu, here's when we're gonna have the wedding; tomorrow, at the Scarlet Devil Mansion!"

Youmu gulped, "H-hold on... tomorrow?"

"Um... is that not good?" Dawitsu asked.

"Well, it's just we were thinking of writing a song specially for the wedding, and we'll need time for that..." Youmu replied, "Is there any way it can be changed?"

"Yutaka seems to have everything set out, and sees no reason to change it..." Dawitsu said, "I'm sorry, it's gonna be a mess, isn't it?"

"It's okay... we'll compose like we've never composed before! Hey, you wouldn't want to help us with the lyrics, would you?" Youmu asked, "You know, seeing as you know the people getting married?"

Dawitsu sweat-dropped, "Um... I would love to, but it's just that I've got a lot of preparations to do at home, so it's gonna be a little bit of a stretch for time..."

Youmu sighed, "Oh, I see. Well... see you tomorrow, I guess."

Dawitsu held out his hand, "See ya tomorrow..."

Youmu shook Dawitsu's hand, "I hope your errands or whatever get done... you're not running around after Yuyuko, are you?"

"No, no, nothing like that..." Dawitsu replied, laughing to himself, "Look, we'd better get off, we've got to go back home now..."

Ran smiled, stealing a rub of Dawitsu's back, "From what I hear, there's something good to be seen tonight..."

Dawitsu suddenly went cold, and squeaked, "Um... okay, see you..."

Youmu smiled, "Goodbye!" Youmu turned to face Ran specifically, and winked as she said, "Good luck!"

Ran took in what had been said, and turned away from the mansion first, "Come on, master... let's go home..."

Dawitsu knew his only choice was to ignore the back-rub, "Okay... by the way, Ran, you don't have to keep calling me 'master'. It's really quite creepy..."

"What do you wish me to call you, master?" Ran asked, "Sir? Boss? Honey?"

Dawitsu laughed, "...okay, okay, you have a point... but Ran, you know, you don't have to be all subservient and stuff, you know. You can speak to people if you want to..."

Ran sighed, "I don't really know how to, if I'll be honest... Master, if you weren't in love with Yutaka, would you be with me? Be honest..."

Dawitsu choked on nothing, knowing she was effectively using his own words against him. He stammered, "D-does that matter?"

"It matters a lot to me." Ran stated.

"Ran..." Dawitsu sighed, "...look, Ran, it's not fair to you... it's not fair that you should be given false hope..."

"So... so you would?" Ran asked.

Dawitsu face-palmed. She saw right through him, so Dawitsu stopped the façade, "Yeah, alright? Happy now? You're a lovely woman who's just as into video games as me who happens to be extremely attractive, intelligent, kind, and a good, strong parental figure to her shikigami! Anyone who turns you down would have to be an idiot. It's just I happen to be that brand of idiot..."

Ran turned from him, "...I see." Ran looked down, "I guess you and I have nothing but fate between us."

"There's no such thing as fate." Dawitsu replied, "Now, look, I'm gonna be in a ridiculous outfit tonight, and I'm going to give you full permission to ogle me, okay? Drool over me, even. If anyone else does it, they're an objectifying, sexist woman who thinks being a pervert is only one-way, but for you, I'll make an exception. Is that a deal?"

Ran smiled slightly, and said, "Master, will you hold my hand on the way back home?"

Dawitsu sighed. He'd given her enough by admitting he'd be with her if it wasn't on the rebound, as well as giving her a free ogle pass... now she was asking for this? However, Dawitsu couldn't help but find himself wanting to say yes.

Dawitsu rolled his eyes, "Okay, okay..."

Ran held out her left hand out to her side, and Dawitsu his right. Gently grasping each other, the two hands came together in an extremely awkward, forced show of affection. Ran seemed only adequately content on the surface, but on the inside, she was running circles with joy. Dawitsu himself wasn't actually that upset by it either, and was more happy to see Ran smiling than he was to be holding her hand...

The Dawitsu Mansion, eleven o'clock

Yutaka had just returned from the human village with Keine, and had picked up Rinnosuke on the way past, saying there was something very important he had to do for the Hen Night. Naturally, the simple-minded man fell for it hook, line, and sinker, and Jean, who was just as aware as Yutaka and Dawitsu, couldn't help but feel sorry for the man, but didn't let it show as he was in the middle of playing a gradually improving Marisa at chess.

"Check." Jean declared, moving a Bishop so it was diagonally in line with Marisa's king.

Marisa laughed, "Ha! I'll just move my king! You can't get checkmate from that!"

Jean smiled, "I believe that I can..." Jean moved his Queen so it took one of the pawns shielding her King from his bishop, and trapped her King, "Checkmate."

Marisa was stunned, "But... what... how... why..."

Keine folded her arms, "Ah, if it isn't Marisa Kirisame! You here to cause trouble again?"

Yutaka walked up to Keine, "Actually, she's a guest here..."

Keine turned her head to Yutaka as if the concept was alien, "A... guest?"

"Yes. I've had her fitted for the Hen Night too..." Yutaka explained.

"I'm an honoured friend of Yutaka's!" Marisa proudly declared, "Read it and weep, loser teacher!"

"I'm Yutaka's employer." Keine replied, "So, you are the one who should be weeping..."

Jean rolled his eyes, "Pour l'amour de Dieu, pas pour cette fois..."

Yutaka giggled, as she knew what Jean had said, and decided to break it up before it started, "Say, Keine, how about I show you some of the books in our library?"

However, the door had different ideas, and was kicked open by its less-than-respectful owner, who declared, "BOOM, BABY! I'm back!"

Keine, Marisa, Jean, Rinnosuke, Chen, and Yutaka all looked to the mimicker with duplicate faces of confusion. Dawitsu looked around the room, "No-one get the reference? No-one? Eh? Oh, what was the point..."

Ran, who seemed more than a little warmer than usual, said, "I didn't get the reference, but I found it funny anyway, master..."

Dawitsu looked over the inhabitants of the room, and noticed both Jean and Rinnosuke were there, "Oh... I see that they've... arrived..."

Yutaka began to laugh, as did Dawitsu, and they both built each other up into a state of hysteria, before Yutaka sensibly stopped laughing, and said, "So, do you want to give them their briefings and start practising? I've left the outfits in the house on Locria's Level..."

Dawitsu smirked, "Oh... is that so... right, come here, young men..."

Dawitsu led the two men towards a lift, and pressed the call button. Rinnosuke asked, "So, what's going on? Why am I... we so important to this 'Hen Party'?"

Dawitsu sniggered, "Oh, well, let's just say all these young women are counting on us to look as wonderful as possible... you're going to look fantastic, Rinnosuke... you'll look like a superstar..." the lift doors opened, and the three men entered.

Waiting for the doors to close, Dawitsu finally finished his line, "...but, if you want to entertain these fickle hens, then I've got to show you... how to dance like a superstar!"

Jean smirked, "It is not that difficult to learn the..."

Dawitsu shushed the Frenchman, "Sssshhh! This routine has had a lot of build-up in this chapter, don't waste it! I mean, look below, the chapter's about to end, we need to keep it suspenseful!"

The other two men looked downwards, not knowing what on earth the mimicker was talking about, but assumed that because he was acting like someone utterly barking mad, he knew exactly what he was doing, and that he would lead them to success in their big performance.

Yet, something was bugging Dawitsu, right back in his mind... why did he have to be so nice to Ran? Maybe he was going soft, but if so, he wished he wouldn't be doing in a way that would ultimately give the Kitsune false hope... he didn't want to build up the woman's hopes when there was ultimately no way he was getting with her. Commitment was not his strong point, and furthermore, he was an emotionally unstable wreck only this morning... surely Ran heard as much, yet she seemed to have only become more dogged in her pursuit of him. Also, what was up with Yuyuko?

She seemed to have confirmed the basis of whatever trick she had hidden up her sleeve... yet, Dawitsu was still not sure what it was she had confirmed... the mysteries in Dawitsu's head continued to pile up, but ultimately, he had no time for this monkey business... instead, he had to use all of his effeminate nature to teach the manly man, Rinnosuke, how to dance within the day... this would be tough...

Author's Notes: Come on! You gotta know what the 'big surprise' is now! C'moooon! It's blatant! I even threw in a little code in the epilogue there! Wow, this is a long chapter, isn't it? It took me all day to write, I know that much...