A/N: Here is Chapter 14 "it's Going to make it Hard" Now... Persoanly I LAUGHED My ass off for the Most Part writing this Chapter! as I hope You Do To! NOW here's the Kicker....
I Have some of the BEST FANS in the world!!!!! Becky03, KayCannon, LOR, Delilah Black, Just to Name a few! for all of the Reviews and LOVE THat you Leave I am forever in Your Debt! You Don't have anyidea what it Truly Means to me! For those who Read and DON'T REVIEW.... Tisk Tisk a Fellow writer and I have decided this is the Harshest Form of Punishment in the world! that is all
AS For this Story... I Do NOT Own any of the names or Personalities in it... BUT I Do happen to Own this Interesting way they keep getting them selves into... hehe They are a HOT Mess But I hope that you have Fallen in Love with them as I have. and are able to feel what they Feel with the Strength that They Do.
HAPPY READING.....
It's Going to make it Hard
Chapter 14
By:Jellan Baxley
"You Finally Gave me one good Reason
Not to go,
but Being Alone is my Worst fear."
To My Wonderful Inspirations My T.S.T.A Sister! Y'all Make writing so Much fun! I hope that this Lives up to All of Your Expectations! I Love y'all More than Words Can Express!
Jackson's POV:
I Kept Calling and Calling, No one ever answered her phone. I know I just hurt her with what I told her. Because it Killed me to admit to her. But she needed to know. How in the hell do I keep getting myself into these things? I felt horrible, not only for what I Did but for how Becky has got to be hurting right now. She's so Strong I bet she's not even letting on she's broken right now. Wait how do I know she's broken up about this. She has most likely Moved on by now. Who am I? I'm just some guy that she had a fling with. Then Why do I feel so Bad. Thoughts flooded my mind of Becky Alone, Broken hearted. I wasn't there to Help. To Console her. What Can I do I'm sure she doesn't want to see me right now. And She's in Sydney right now anyway. Dammit it all to hell this is Horrible. My Heart hurt for her... for Us, for what ever we could have had. I sat alone in an empty hotel room... breaking from the inside out. My Heart longed for the one person I couldn't have.
I Grabbed my Guitar and struck a few cords and Started singing for the Love I Didn't have anymore. "Last night you gave me a kiss, You didn't know it, but I was awake when you did You were quiet, you were gonna let me sleep So I just laid there pretending to be You said some things you didn't Know I could hear And the words "I love you" never Sounded so sincere" I took a Deep Breath just trying to Sing my Heart out. To Try make this seem like it broke me a little less with every word. "It's gonna make it hard to tell you that I'm leaving Now that I know just how much you care
You finally gave me one good reason not to go But staying here is my worst fear
This morning I rolled out of bed Recalling all the sweet things you said
This was the day I was gonna hurt you bad Called out your name, but you
Didn't answer back I searched the house to find out what was wrong
Like a ton of bricks, it hit me you were gone"
I was in Shock that this was the Song I just started singing, tears flooded my eyes.... but I had to Finish the song. I Owed being Hurt to Her. It was my Job to hate myself for what I had done.
"All along I knew that there was Something missing And only one thing left to do
I had to leave behind this life that We'd been living But the only thing that left was you
It's gonna make it hard to tell you that I'm leaving Now that I know just how much you care You finally gave me one good reason not to go But being alone is my worst fear And staying here is my worst fear "I Sat my Guitar Next to me on the bed of my room., and put my head in my Hands. Cursing myself for being such a moron. Crying in Mourning for my Lost Heart. I would belt out a song trying to make myself feel better. And it be completely about a man trying to find the right way to tear apart his relationship and she be the one who broke his Heart instead. She really did break my Heart. Well I broke my own heart with my own Stupidity. She's Every Woman....I wonder if she knew? Get it Together Jackson... Be a MAN I can do this. I know I can. But how? Having the feeling of Her Next to me. Made me think I could do anything. Be Anyone.. there was nothing to much as long as I had her. She made me want to be a Better person. And I of Course went and Fucked it all up. I Stood up and made my way to the mirror on top of the dresser. Pointed at myself, "DAMN YOU LABIDO.... this is All Your fault. My Head was Saying NOO NOOOOO the whole time. It was you that had other Plans." and Now I look even more like a Crazy Man talking to my Manhood. Great... Think Jackson.. This isn't Over. Your Monroe Jackson Rathbone.. You don't take defeat! You Love her. You want to be With her.. than think Think Think.. what are you going to do about it? Just like a ton of Bricks, the fog that covered my Brain was lifted and I could see things clearly.
Jenn's POV:
"Keep Up Beck.. there are a Hundred things to see!" I yelled over my Shoulder to Becky who was walking in her own sweet time! She was not excited about being out in the world, she was VERY Upset that I was trying to make her happy and take her mind off things. She Kept her sunglasses on her Hat covering her Hair. And a Permanent look of Despair. About 3 hours of Walking around Tuscany she was finally showing signs of life. Thank God.
"OK I think we are Headed in that Direction" I said Pointing to what I think was north.
"Jenn do you even know where we are?" She asked
"Yea ass.. I have a Map." I said Smugly holding up my Map so she could see I knew what I was doing.
"Yea.. heres the thing Hun. The map only works if You hold it RIGHT SIDE UP" Becky Snatched the wrinkled map from my hands and flipped it over.
"What ever..." I Sighed "Show off." I was all but giving up on the idea of trying to Make her forget even if just for a little while. When we sat down at a table, at a little hole in the wall bistro.
"Jenn Not that I'm not thankful of what you are trying to do for me... but Seriously. I'm NOT going to feel better right now. It's not possible." She added not removing her sunglasses But from the bottom of the frames I could see a ball of moisture roll down, before she quickly brushed it off with her hand.
"Ok Beck. I'm sorry I should have Rushed you out today. But I just wanted You to have the chance to be out. Not dwelling." I Remember dwelling all to well and it still Shot pains through my Heart when I though of the day I almost Lost everything.
"I say we give up on this Site seeing Shit.. and go Find a Bar." Becky Suggested.
"OH THANK GOD" I Shouted. Throwing the Map Over my Head. This being the Emotional friend was so not my M.O.
"Lets get the fuck out of here" We had a New found mission and it was one that Her and I would gladly execute! Getting Hammered and Having a Blast doing it.
We found the first sports bar with some sort of American writing on the door. And rushed into the door. Ordered two beers and a few shots of tequila. Settled at a Table and Gave a Cheers
"Here's to Love, May is Die and Burn in HELL" Becky Lifted her Shot glass
"Here's to letting Love Bring us Down" I added we Clinked out glasses together. And downed the first of many shots and ice cold bud lights for the night. We had moved on to bigger and better shots. Picking out the ones with the funniest names. We were giggling like goobers in no time. Feeling pretty damn good about an hour into our mission. Which we slyly named "operation fuck men"
"I Don't Care Jenn.. Ive decided I just don't Give a Fuck." Becky slurred to me. Her body swaying to the song on the juke box.
"If I were to see him right now.. I would just tell him. You know what!" She pointed her finger at her imaginary Jackson "I Fucking don't CARE" yea I think it's time to go. Our sentences aren't making sense anymore. I Laughed at Becky Still Thinking over new things to call him, if he were to be Standing in front of her. I looked at my Cell phone
"HOLY HELL Beck we have been gone for 8 hours. And Kellans called like 10000 times." I was laughing uncontrollably. "I Bet he's PISSED" still Laughing I called Kellan back and did the motion for Becky to SHHHH
"Heyyyyyyy Hunnny.." I said into the Phone.
"No no no no I'm ok.. I'm Just really drunk. But Becky Made me" Over Exadurating my words. "Yea we will be back soon... we have to find our way back to the hotel..I lost the map! BABE... I was reading the MAP UPSIDE DOWN" Becky and I broke out in Laughter. And then She Fell out of her Chair.
"OH SHIT BABE... Beck fell down" I was rolling laughing at Becky who was on the floor of the bar, Still Laughing to hard to get up.
"ok Kell Send us a cab or something I don't think we can walk... I Love YOUUUUU" I yelled into the Phone. And then hit end.
"NO WORRIES BECK... Super Kellan to the Rescue!"
She managed to get off the floor of the bar with my drunken help and some other guy from the bar. We stumbled our way outside to wait for the car that Kellan had sent for us. My whole world was starting to spin already. And Becky didn't look like she was Doing to great either. She was on her ass, Sitting on the Curb of the street leaning slightly to the right. With one eye closed. The car pulled up right on time I think I was about to fall over, the Cabby got out and helped both of Our Drunk asses into the car and we pulled away. Our wonderful night of debauchery did the trick we were Singing all the way back to our hotel. Walking through the revolving doors, and hit the elevators just in time for the second chorus of Drunken Lullaby's by Flogging Molly. As soon as the doors opened to our floor we Staggered to the door, and I dug elbow deep into my purse that eats Everything I put in it.
"DAMN THE PURSE it DIES... It's on the LIST" Becky screamed at the top of her Lungs!
"AMEN" was all I could Follow up with! When I Found the Key Card and swiped it through the door, a few times the wrong way. And then FINALY we got the little green light to go in. We started singing again walking inside, I didn't feel so bad because I was Drunk out of my MIND first off, and second off I knew Kellan was up waiting for us to get there. With the last words of the song we busted into the living area of our room. Kellan sat in the conner in a huge chase lounge chair, looking incredibly guilty of something.
"Hey Girls" he said with a smile
Becky and I looked at each other, and knew he was up to NO good I'm sure. We were in no condition to deal with it tonight.
"Kellan I'm far to drunk to figure out what your up to... but tomorrow when Ive got my A-Game back on.. I will know" I Smirked! Kellan and I got Becky into her bed ad the he Carried me to ours. Made sure I was Snoring and then covered me up and Snuggled into the sheets Next to me, Wrapping me up Close to his Chest, Inhaling his sent deep into my lungs, I knew I had WAY To much to drink when the smell Made me sick to my stomach, I Jumped out of the bed and hauled ass to the bathroom where I spent the remainder of the night. All was Right for now. Becky was passed clean out in her room, I was throwing up every problem her and I drank away that night. Kellan was staged outside the bathroom door Most of the night with Crackers and water. I swore to him about a hundred times I was Never drinking again. Bless him, he just stayed there. Thats how you know someone loves you, when your face down in the toilet he would just pull my hair back for me, place the cool wet rag on the back of my neck. Even make me some broth like an old Southern remedy. Not asking for anything in return, He Just wanted me to be ok. And that made me feel better than any words I could think of.
"Jenn.... Jenn!!! WAKE UP Dammit." Becky was Yelling at me. As I lie on the bathroom floor, arms Wrapped around the base of the toilet.
"If You don't Fuckin Move, I SWEAR I'm going to Piss my PANTS." I Looked up with one eye open, My head was POUNDING and everything seemed to Eco inside my brain. I didn't manage to keep anything down, my stomach was in knots. I felt like Run over Hell. I managed to push myself across the tile floor, away from the toilet bowl, to the other side of the bathroom.
"i think thats as far as I can go" I mumbled to her so she could use the bathroom.
"I ordered Breakfast! Our Favorite Day After drunk food... BREAKFAST BARRITOS" She squealed. "are you ok...?"
I have Never been hung over like this. And I Didn't even think I drank that much.
"Becky... stop Yelling at me. I can't handle food right now. Keep it away from me." almost banging my head onto the floor.
"Ok the Jenn I know Doesn't get Hangovers. I think Your getting old.. What kind of Irish are you???" She asked Sarcastically. She was right though I've never had a Hang over.. not really sometimes a Slight head ache but nothing I couldn't handle. This felt like I was going to die. I would Currently welcome it!
Becky got on the floor next to me, put her hand on my for head to make sure I wasn't running a Fever, and said she was going to get me something to drink. Going all Dr. House on me. Talking about dehydration and things. Groans was All I was able to let out.. I was hurting and Hurting bad. Kellan picked me up out of the bathroom, and put me on the couch making sure I had something to drink and Crackers to eat.
"Just because you watch Grey's Anatomy Becky doesn't make you a Dr." I said Gulping down glass after glass of water.
After a few hours I was feeling back to normal! And needing Coffee in the worst way. I pleaded with Kellan who was standing in the kitchen Making me a Light Breakfast.
"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE for the Love of all things holy Let me Have Coffee Babe.. I can Smell it. I NEED COFFEE" I was officially seconds away from poltergeist head spinning. I need Coffee to Function at all.. Kellan just stood there. Shaking his head no at me.
"I Love you, But I will Hurt you for Coffee." Becky came and sat down on the couch next to me with her Coffee in hand.
"Becky Do not give her any of that" Kellan Barked at her.
"SHUT IT LUTZ.. Like I share my coffee.. you must be stoned" she laughed as she handed me her cup. I Mouthed the words THANK YOU and took large Gulps
Ahhhh It's like Crack in a Cup for me. I needed a Coffee IV put in for such occasions like this.
"Becky I thought you got Breakfast ordered to the room?" I asked. Trying to keep up the conversation so Kellan wouldn't see me drinking her coffee.
"yea I Kinda Lied... just to see if You would VOM if I mentioned food." Giving me a Sly grin..
"thats sooo not Funny Beck. I have never had a Hang over like that" I was still shocked, I had all but licked the inside of Becky's cup when I handed it back. She flipped it over not a single drop left.
"Damn Jenn. Maybe it's because your getting OLD.. I dunno?" Becky said in retaliation to me drinking all of her coffee. I gave her the same Sly grin in Return!
"I Did order food though about thirty minuets ago it should be up soon. I relaxed on the couch flipping Channels on the t.v. Ignoring Becky's request to stop on a Channel. I was sick and I was milking it. Even though I felt fine again!
:Knock Knock Knock: Becky and I looked at each other and then at Kellan because I wasn't getting up to answer it. I was "Sick"!!!
"Becky thats Your Food." Kellan said pointing at the door with a spatula
"Yea well I'm Nursing a broken Heart. You get it." she said trowing her hands in the air.
"Your Not Nursing anything Your still Drunk from last night ya Lush... Go get the damn door"
She looked at me and Whispered "OH Yea He's a Keeper.. I Like him" as she got up to go answer the door.
"I'm coming I'm coming Keep your Panties on" She yelled across the room. "It's just a Burrito Your Banging on the Door Like the Police!" she was still Yelling at the door
she swung the door open and I heard nothing. Which worries me when it comes to Becky. Kellan was poking his head around the conner to see what was going on. When he came back into my eye sight he was white as a ghost. Then I heard Becky scream
"NO" and Slam the door. What in the FUCK is going on.? Becky Came in to the Living room sat down on the couch next to me, Crossed her arms and Looked Pissed. No Burrito in hand. She stared at Kellan Like he was the spawn of Satan.
"OK Where is Your Food.. and why are you slamming doors?" I was so Confused.
"Dude we can get you another if it wasn't right. BREATH BECKY" I yelled, she still did Not break her death Glare from Kellan who looked like he was caught red handed stealing from the cookie Jar. Who ever was at the door was still there Knocking,
Becky Looked at me, and said.. "It wasn't my Burrito.. it was something else that gives me the Shits!" She returned to glaring at Kellan "Or should I say Some ONE" she threw her self back on the couch like a Kid throwing a fit. I was pissed I had no idea what the fuck was going on? So I took matters into my own hands. I walked to the door still in my Pajamas, Flung it open to make the effect of me being pissed off more believable! As soon as I saw Jackson standing there bags, Guitar and Devilish Grin on his face.. For the first time I wanted to Divorce Kellan. And then Kill him. I knew he was behind this and I knew he was up to something last night. I was just to busy DYING and completely forgotten he was being mastermind-ish. My Jaw hit the floor and my words left my head. All I wanted to do was Beat his face in. I could feel Kellan walk up behind me. So before I thought he could reach me I Lunged at Jackson giving him a Hit to the Gut. Watching him drop all of his things on the hall way floor. When Kellan wrapped his arms around my waist. My Feet not touching the floor.
"You Son of a Bitch,.. What the hell are you doing here?" I was Kicking and screaming like a Kid trying to worm myself away from Kellan's Clutches. "You have got some fucking balls to come all the way here just to get your ass kicked." I Screamed at him again. "Put me the Fuck DOWN" I yelled at Kellan
"Becky.... You wanna come Help me Here." He begged for help
"Not really Big Man" she said still fuming from the living room.
"PLEASE Do something Beck" He Yelled. She got up from the Couch and walked past Kellan and me still kicking trying to break free. Mumbling Obscenities of what I was going to do when I escaped Kellan's Iron clad grip around me.
"Jackson.. I'm sorry" she looked down I was Wigging out surly She was Not letting him off the hook. I squirmed harder to get to him. "Jenn Stop Kicking me" Kellan said holding on to my tighter. Jacksons face lit up with hope!
"There are none of my friends here drunk enough to Fuck you" She said as she slammed the door closed in his face again, and walked casually back to the couch. Continued to flip Channels.
"YES" I screamed throwing my arms in the air in Victory!
"Thats Not gonna make anything better Becky" Kellan said bringing me back to the couch.
"Don't get up Jenn.. Your Not Helping Matters." he scolded me.
"I'm not going to help Either Dammit... What in the Hell were you Thinking." I yelled back at him pointing my finger at him.
"I can't Believe you went behind my back and Becky's Back and Got him out here. I hope His flyer miles are enough to get him Home" I said getting up Kellan Looked at me like he would tackle me back down to the couch.
"Calm Your self ass I'm going outside to smoke. I'm so Pissed right now I can't see straight. Come one Becky" She followed me to the Balcony.
I shut the sliding door to the outside Harder than I should have but I didn't care. I was getting a Point across. We both lit up a Cigarette and sat there just fuming pissed off. Ready to just rip human flesh apart mad. I saw Jackson out of the corner of my eye.. and Yelled through the glass
"He is NOT Staying here. And if He is I am not." Kellan looked pitiful I know it's his friend. And I know that they are close. Well until I slept with him. I was kinda hoping that we would all just have a mutual hate for him right now. At least Becky and I were on the same page.
After about an hour on the balcony it got to be to hot to sit out side. So we relocated inside. I was not going to let Jackson Ruin my engagement. Or Run me away from my best friend. Or My Finance for that matter. Damn a lot of that.
We sat down at the small Kitchen table Kellan was not about to give me shit about drinking Coffee right now. It was the only thing Keeping me from a double homicide!
"can I talk to you in the bedroom Jenn" Kellan was standing a safe distance from me.
"NO. I don't want to talk." I shot back at him.
"come one Tex... come talk to me." he smiled ear to ear, my knees went week. Becky rolled her eyes knowing I would follow him, I looked at her pleading for forgiveness with my eyes.
"Go" She said lifting her cup up.
"Thanks Becky" Kellan said Not going any closer to her.
"Eat a Dick Kellan" She flicked him off. We walked away I was worried not for Becky but for Jacksons safety. As we passed them I saw Kellan's Cell phone Fly across the room from Becky's Direction and slam into the side of Jackson's Face.
"It's like a Fridge to the Face" Becky Yelled holding up her Hands in the field Goal stance! At least I knew I had bail money if needed.
"Don't think that "Tex" Shit is going to get you out of Trouble" I said as he tried to put his arm around me. I sat down on the foot of our bed. Arms crossed over my Chest. Ready for him to beg.
"I wanted to make sure they can work this out. I Knew what he did. Before you did Tex.." thats all it took for me to see Red again.
"WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" I screamed and jumped to my feet.
"How did You not tell me this.? Is this a foreshadow of what our Life our Marriage is going to be together. Lies, Deception.? You Hiding things from me? Kellan because if this is what I have to Look forward to. I'll Gladly rethink things." I was on a Rant as Much as I loved him and it would physically kill me to leave him. I would not stand by and be lied to knowing something was always going on that I Didn't know about.
"I Can't believe you knew about this. And said Nothing. You watched her. Kellan You Saw her heart break, every tear, every Empty plea for help. You watched it with your own eyes. And still said Nothing to her. Or me. Your Fucking FUTURE WIFE. How Could you do that.?" I was so Mad I wasn't even giving him a Chance to Answer
"Are You going to let me speak.?"
"I HAVENT DECIDED YET" I yelled. I realized I was Pacing the length of the bedroom
"this is going to break Becky's Heart all over again. You do know this Right?" I said
"Listen to me Jenn I had Every intention of telling you and Becky that I knew. I knew they day we got engaged. Jackson called me and told me what happen. I knew She would come running to you! So I waited. And I wasn't going to let that mess up the last few days we had together. So when she got here it was perfect that Y'all go out. I knew You two together would get hammered and let the drinks take things off Your Mind. It Killed me to see her like that. To see you suffer not being able to Help your friend. I know how that hurt you. So I made the plans to tell Y'all that I knew everything. I was prepared for the wrath. then he called I Told him about Becky being in Italy and how Broken she was. He said he was on his way so we made the agreement he would stand here and take whatever you two dished out to him. When I saw you Lunge at him. I couldn't let you kill him before they have a Chance to work on them." He was pleading his case and Yea I felt a little bad but not bad enough to mask my passion to Kill Jackson right now.
I Barge back into the living room to See what was going on. Jackson went to sit next to Beck on the Couch. She let him know Quick that was not a safe place.
"Awww Come one at least say something... Tell me what Your thinking at least" Jackson begged.
"I'm going over different ways this could play out in my head.. and not a one of them turn out good for you" if Looks could kill Jackson would be a pile of dust.
"He knew... He knew the Whole Fucking time. Since the day he asked me to Marry Him He Fucking KNEW" I screamed
"What are you talking about Jenn" Becky looked confused.
"That Jack Ass Called Kellan and Told him what he did." I Pointed at Jackson
"HE said Nothing to me. He acted like nothing happen. He had no plans on telling us He knew EVERYTHING." I Yelled as kellan walked out of the bedroom head hung low I knew he felt awful for not saying anything.
"I'll Deal with you Later" Becky gave kellan the look of Death as he hid in the kitchen behind the bar
"Way to throw me under the Fucking Buss Tex" He added. I glared at him.
"I'm not done being pissed off that you are hiding things from me. I Don't even know what to think about this." I was Livid.
So there we were four grown ass people all fighting. Damn this was suposto be the happiest time of my natural life, and I'm so Mad I can't even sit down. And all I can think about is that I'm Starving.
"You know I didn't mean to do it Becky I'm so Sorry I really am. From the bottom of my Heart. I'm dying inside with out you." Jackson was on his knees in front of Becky. I was standing in the kitchen Munching on a Chicken salad I ordered for lunch. Watching hell unfold in front of me.
"You know out of all the other Cullen's... You just didn't live up to the Hype!" She spat at him trying to make him feel worse. Looked over at Kellan standing next to me. "Your Next Big Boy" and gave him a Wink.
Kellan got a Look of shock taking over the features on his face. Pulling me in front of him looking to be saved.
"I Don't think so Lutz I'm not getting in this" I said grabbing my salad, walking over to the couch and turned on the t.v. Again.
"So where does this Leave us" Jackson asked.
"This Leaves YOU out on your ass. And Me still Fuming pissed off, Plotting your Death. Believe me son... no one will point a finger at me when I'm through with you" She raised her eye brow at him.
This just didn't seem to get any better as Dusk fell over Tuscany, Becky stood up and looked at me.,
"Jenn. Lets get the Fuck out of here I know a bar that is calling our name!"
the sound of drinking made me sick to my stomach. But I didn't want to sit in the room anymore than she did.. you could cut the tension with a knife.
"Tex Don't Leave Please" Kellan grabbed my arm trying to hold me close to him as I walked towards the door.
"I Love you Kellan... but I Don't have to like you right now. I'll be back when I'm Back" and we walked out the door. Neither of us needing to speak we were so Pissed. Becky wanted to drink her self in to oblivion and I couldn't even FATHOM Drinking again right now. Which again is WAY out of character for me. I could drink till I pass out and then wake up and start all over again! Maybe I am getting old. The thought made me sad!
NOW That your Allllll Done with Chapter 14.. How do You Feel? HAPPY??? Upset? Mad? Am I crazy???? Yes but thats besides the point! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Im NOT Above Begging for the Reviews that I think my Chapters have Earned... Weather you Love them or Hate them Just TELL ME... If You want to see Jenn and Kellan Do something if You think Becky and Jackson Should Just stand in the Middle of the Room and Fight it out in a VAT of Pudding (Evil Grins) Tell me! You never know How Your Comments Influence the Up and Comming Chapters...
and LOR.... If Kellan is going to be Your Date.. You Tell him to call me Ive got a Story He needs to Read hahaha and Best of Luck in Your Studies (I would Totaly Blow off my friends for Kellan... and they all know this too) lol and I would be THRILLED TO see Your Movie on the Big Screen one day... if You have anything I can see Or Even something I can Read over Let me know I would be MORE Than Thrilled!!!
as Always I LOVE you all
~Jellan~