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"I'm pregnant." was the first thing she said right before fell into my arms, it was also the first thing she said when she got out of my arms. "Emily. I'm pregnant." she says. My mouth opens, and I don't know what to say. I don't know what she would want to do. I was pregnant with my rapists baby. She is pregnant with the guy she loves. "Oh god. I have to tell Will. I have to tell David. Oh god Emily...I have to tell Erin. They wont be happy! Emily what if Will doesn't want it? What if...oh my god." she started to hyperventilate and I put one hand on her back.
"JJ you have got to calm down." I say. She nods. "Look, you're right. We do need to tell them. All of them. In fact we need to tell the whole family. I think we should tell them when you are ready, but it needs to be soon...unless you want to...terminate your pregnancy then I will stand by you then too." I say nervously. She turns around, and puts a hand to her stomach.
"No! Not that. I would...I would never." she says shocked. My lip trembles and I feel guilt consume me. You were only fifteen. You didn't love him, he didn't love you. He hurt you. I shake my head no, and try to stop the crying. I have had the worst conversations with myself about this. "I couldn't do that. Not to an innocent little baby." I look at the ground as she talks more to herself than to me. My hands go over my stomach, and I stare at the ground. I just wish the guilt would stop. I can't change what I did. JJ doesn't know anything so she doesn't know how bad her words are hurting me. I feel the tears come to my eyes, and I stand.
"I'm really sorry JJ. Just...do what you want." I say my voice cracking at the end. I'm not angry with her I just need to get away. "I'm sorry." I cry. I run into my room, and slam my door. Then I remember Derek is there. I can't stop my tears so I try to get away from him when he notices.
"What's going on Emily?" he asks me. I shake my head no, and keep my mouth shut. He will hate me if he finds out! JJ will hate me. I should be out there with JJ instead of crying in my room.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I say over and over. I am sorry. Very sorry. He wraps me in his arms, and holds me. I push him away from me, and he looks confused. "Leave. I just need you to leave." I tell him, and he puts his hands up defensively. I'm taken back to that night. The night I did it.
"Matthew. I don't know." I say standing outside of the clinic. He shakes his head, and wraps his arms around me.
"Emily. You already said it before, you are only fifteen and you can't have his baby." he tells me. "Be the tough Emily I know you are. You can do this." he tells me. I nod. We go inside, and the procedure is done quickly. After it's over I look at the nurse.
"I'm not pregnant anymore?" I ask her. She nods, and I don't know how to feel. There was a time I could see myself raising this baby with Matty, but I know that would never happen. Half of me loved my baby, then half of me hated our baby. That was the difference. I loved MY baby. I hated OUR baby. That night I screamed out for the loss of my baby. I threw things, and hit things. Angry at him for doing that to me. Angry at myself for going through with it. Just angry, and sad. I even tried to kill myself that night because of the guilt I felt. Matty was there for me though. He stopped me before it got to be too much. He held me so close.
I hear a knock on my door breaking me from my thoughts. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I sob. I thought I was over it. That I had grieved.
"Emily, open up. We need to talk. Are you okay?" it's JJ's voice, and she sounds concerned. "Emily." she knocks again, and I just rock back and forth. "What did she say to you?" I hear JJ say in a whisper tone.
"She just kept repeating 'sorry', and then when I tried to comfort her she told me to leave." Derek said. "Do you know what's wrong?" he asks JJ. There is no answer from her so I'm guessing she just shook her head no. I keep rocking, and apologizing. I think about my dreams. I think about Sadie and Dylan. I don't deserve them. Why would I when I murdered there sibling? It was his child. The voice in my head is right. I can't help the guilt I feel though. One day it was there. The next it was gone. How could I have done something like that? "Princess please open up." he says. I move away from the door, and I hear it open. They both rush to my side, and kneel to my side. "Baby, you have to tell me what's wrong." he says taking my hand.
"You'll...you guys...wi...will...ha..hate me." I get out. "I'm so sorry." I say. Neither of them notice my hand over my empty womb. "I'm so so sorry." I cry. I just cry. "Don't hate me." I say sobbing.
"Princess I would never hate you." he says wiping my tears away. I shake my head.
"Yes. Yes you will when you know what I did. JJ will hate me too." I say. She shakes her head, and puts her hand on my shoulder. "I...I killed it." I say. They look shocked for a minute.
"What did you kill?" Derek asks me. Trying to get information out of me.
"My baby!" I sob. My head goes into my knees, and I don't want them to look at me.
"Oh my god. Emily, when?" JJ asks me. "I don't hate you Emily. I don't." she says. I feel so bad. This was about her, but I made it about me.
"In Rome. That's why mother sent me here. I killed it. I was fifteen. I couldn't have that man's baby. I couldn't." Derek's face changed to pure sadness. He gulped, and wrapped his arms around me. JJ still looked confused.
"What man?" she asked. Derek answered for me.
"The man from her dreams. You talk in your sleep princess. I never brought it up." he says. JJ gasped, and sat back. I wipe my tears away and he just holds me. He doesn't hate me.
"I'm sorry JJ. This is about you. I'm being so stupid. What are you going to do?" I ask her. I feel Derek's arms around me. He looks at me in confusion. She deflates.
"I'm going to tell Will. This is going to change our lives forever. I only have one more year of school, and I'm going to be made fun of the whole time. Not even just that. I can handle the bullies I just...I had so many plans. I mean I can still go through college, and I will. Just...no more parties, no more soccer, no more anything." she says sadly. "I...mean...it's our fault. We should own up to the consequences." she says nodding her head. She is so brave for this. I am shocked that she's going to do this. "We can do it. It'll change everything, but we can do it together. If he wants too." she says. "If not then I'm on my own." I sigh, and wrap JJ in a hug.
"I told you guys to be safe about it." I say hugging her tight. She backs off briefly, and looks at me.
"We did Em. I don't know how this happened." JJ says.
"It doesn't work 97% of the time Jayjie." I tell her.
"I know I just...why am I in that 3 percent? I bet this is how Rachael felt when she found out she was pregnant with Ross' baby." she says. I smirk at her bringing up her favorite show at this moment. Then I laugh. She starts to too, and Derek notices. His jaw has dropped.
"JJ? Are you..?" she nods, and he looks at her in shock. "How are you gonna tell Erin and David? Or Will?" he asks. She takes a deep breath.
"Will is coming over, and I'm going to tell him tonight. When Erin and David get back I'm sitting them down and...I...I'm gonna tell them." JJ says. I take her hand in mine, and hold it for a minute.
"I can be there through it if you want me too. I know what it's like to tell someone you're pregnant." I say. She nods and holds my hand close to her. We hug one more time, and she lets go.
About an hour later JJ is in the kitchen talking to Will. During this time Derek and I stay up in my room. Penelope has been told, and so has Spencer. I trace the lines on Derek's chest. "What do you think Will's gonna do? I mean, they are only seventeen. He is a senior, but she is still just a junior." I ask Derek.
"I don't know princess. Will is a good guy. I think he'll do what's right. This will change there whole entire life." he replies.
"Don't you dare knock me up while we're this young." I tell him.
"I swear to you I wont." he says. "I can knock you up eventually though right?" he asks me moving us so he is on top of me. He kisses me, and I laugh.
"Oh yeah...I see at least two kids." I say telling him the truth. He looks at me in confusion. "I've been having dreams about our future. If my imagination does them justice, which I somehow think it will, Sadie and Dylan will be absolutely perfect." he looks at me with a large smile.
"Why haven't you told me about these dreams princess?" he asks me. I shrug.
"Because...it's nothing." I say with a blush.
"I like the sound of those dreams baby." he tells me, and I smile.
"You do?" I ask him. He nods, and I kiss him. We stay there talking about it for at least another hour. We go downstairs to find JJ and Will hugging. Will nods his head, and walks over to us.
"I'm gonna be a dad. Didn't think this would happen at eighteen." he says with a small chuckle. He sighs. " Now I just gotta tell my mom." Will says. He shakes his head, and sighs. "I'm gonna be a daddy." he says. JJ nods, and holds her stomach. She has tears in her eyes.
"Now we just have to tell Erin and David. Then my mom." she says closing her eyes. "The only thing I am positive of is this wont ruin Will's chances at going into the academy, and my chances at going to college. I probably wont go to the colleges I want to go to, but I am going. No matter what." Just then the door opens, and we hear our guardians yell through the house.
"We're home!" they then walk in the kitchen to see JJ's puffy eyes, and Will standing there. I grab her hand and she turns to them.
"Guys I have something I need to tell you." she says. When she says this they start to look worried. Erin takes a look at her, and gasps.
"Oh god you're pregnant." she says. We all look at her in shock. "A mother always knows. Jesus, what are you going to do?" Erin asks. JJ took a deep breath, and told her about having a plan during school, after school, and college. Will will be there to support her all the way, and they will talk about marriage when the time is right. "Wow. You really have thought a lot about this, haven't you?" JJ nods.
"Well I'm not a stupid kid that doesn't realize how big this is." JJ says with a slight frown. "I'm gonna be a mother." she says. I can see the tears in her eyes. "I can choose to regret it, or accept it and be happy. I chose the latter. I already love this baby, and I'm not gonna have any regrets about it." JJ says. My hand flies to my stomach instinctively. Will takes her hand, and holds it tight.
"And I'm not gonna let her do this alone. It takes two people to make a baby. I did this, and now I am responsible too. We know it isn't going to be easy, and we aren't ready." he says. "But I'm not gonna leave her." Erin and David nod. David pours himself some scotch, and downs it. He runs a hand over his face, and we all leave.
"Erin this is a big deal what are we going to do?" David asks. I can hear them from where I am standing near the door.
"We do what we can. She told me about it when it happened. I knew, I just didn't expect this." Erin says sounding shocked. "We're such great guardians aren't we? Emily get's raped and beaten. JJ is pregnant. I don't understand what we're doing wrong." Erin finishes.
"We aren't do anything wrong honey. They're just...special. All of them have been through so much, and they're gonna come here with a certain amount of issues. They're gonna go through even more. It's not our fault Bella. It's not their fault. They're kids. We watch them as much as we can, but...they're still gonna be kids. At least JJ told you about what happened. She could have just showed up, and told us she was pregnant. We would have no clue to anything. It's like Emily, and Derek hiding their relationship." I can practically see the quotation marks above "hiding". "The way they sneak into each others rooms at night. I can't believe they don't think we know. We're aware of what happens, it's just sometimes we can't stop it." he says. David has always been a wise man. I glance toward the kitchen and see them wrapped up in each other. He kisses her once, and they hug again. I walk into the kitchen, and grab some juice.
"Emily. I saw you standing there. It's true we do know. Don't hide stuff from us for now on. Also because of JJ's situation you better tell me when you and Derek take it to the next level because I will murder you if you get pregnant too." Erin says. David nods. I laugh, and shake my head.
"Don't worry about it. He promised not to knock me up while we're young." I say with a smile. It's the truth. David walks over, and hugs me tight.
"I know how this must be for you. If you ever need to talk I'm here for you. You know that right?" David asks me. I nod, and hug him again. I feel Erin's hand on my back.
"We're here kiddo. If you ever need us." she says. I smile because Erin isn't that affectionate usually.
The rest of the weekend was especially hard for JJ, and Will. Me too in a way. JJ is being so calm about this. She broke down for a few minutes, and then she had a plan. She knows she isn't ready for this, but somehow she isn't freaking out. Will is scared what his mom will do. She's not the nicest of people, and she has started to drink heavily due to something that happened to her. I think her new husband died. Will says that she was also upset about his dad. She isn't being kind to him right now though. JJ is scared too. He says he's gonna hold it off for a little bit, but he needs to tell her. I think he does. Especially since they're keeping it. Erin and David talked to her about adoption, but she says she wouldn't be able to do it. She says that if she created something out of love then she should be responsible for what she did. If anyone can do it, she can. I know that sounds odd, with her only being seventeen, but she is the most responsible good girl I know. She doesn't regret what she did with Will. She wont regret her baby. She knows she didn't want this to happen early, but she also knows she can't change that. I admire her in a way.
On Monday school was hard for JJ. She walked in, and you could tell she was uncomfortable. She kept looking around. Worrying if anybody will notice. At lunch I found her crying in the bathroom. I wrapped my arms around her, and she just cried. Soon her tears dried, and I stroked her hair. "I just feel like everybody is staring at me. It's like I have a sign on my back that says 'I'm pregnant'." she whispers to me just in case some one is in here. "Emily, what about when people really do start staring at me? They'll look at me like I am a slut. I'm not. My baby was made from love." she says quietly. I nod, and try to think of something.
"Jayjie, it'll be okay. Who cares what they think? I'm not gonna lie, and say you won't get picked on. You will, probably a lot. Tell me, or Derek, or Will. We'll get 'em. We can put a stop to it. You know you aren't a slut. You know what kind of love your baby came from. You know, we know, and that's all that matters. You'll be a great mother. I know you will. You and Will already care so much about that baby, and it's only been one day." I tell her softly. "You got this. Don't let bitches get you down." I say and hug her again.
"How did you handle it?" she asks me. "I know it's sensitive, but I'm so lost right now." she says. I can't resist those big blue eyes.
"I cried a lot. Thought people were gonna hate me more than they already did. I lost my boyfriend. It was bad. I didn't handle it well. I was only 15 though. You wouldn't believe how much more of a perspective you have when you're seventeen rather than fifteen. You can handle it better than I did. You're more stable, and much more responsible." I tell her. She smiles, and looks at the ground.
"This is all so crazy. Part of me is elated. I mean, we're going to have a baby. A cute little mini version of one of us. Then the reasonable part of me keeps telling me I'm too young. Which I am, but I can't change it. I have to accept it. I choose to be happy about it. Not everybody will be though." she tells me. "Will is telling his mom tonight, and several things can happen. His mother gets angry, and does something drastic; she doesn't care...so many things could happen. I just want her to not be angry with Will." JJ says. "It takes two to do what we did. I should know. I was there." she says with a smile. I nudge her, and she smiles at me. I remember where we are and I cringe.
"We should get off this floor. Lord knows what has happened here." I say with a smirk, and a laugh. She smiles, and nods. I take her hand in mine, and we go back to the lunch table. The rest of the day is a little bit easier on JJ, but I know it will only get worse. She has her first doctors appointment this Saturday, and she wants me to come along. I agreed, but this has been weird for me. I have seen JJ, and the way she loves this baby and my body fills with guilt. I know it shouldn't but it does. I wasn't a willing participant in the making of my baby, but I still created a life. I push it away and head towards the car. Mother bought me and brand new one for my birthday, and gave it to me outside of the house. She hugged me, and told me that she loved me. I told her about JJ, and she says she'll help out JJ if she ever needs it. I grab Derek's hand, and when we get to my car he pushes me up against it. I smile, and wrap my arms around his body and lean on my tip toes to kiss him. He kisses me back, and his hand goes to my waist. Mine goes to the back of his head. Penelope would have killed us if we had been doing this against her car. I open my mouth to him, and smile when his tongue hits mine. We break away and I smile up at him. "We have two more hours, then Erin and David will get home. Wanna go somewhere?" I ask him. He smiles, and grabs my keys. I yell hey, and swat him on the chest. Instead of giving them back to me he gets in my car, and starts it. I get in the passenger side, and we get in. He leans over and kisses me.
"There is a really nice field about three miles up that way, and a tiny bit of walking. It's a pretty sight. Wanna go?" he asks me. I kiss him again, and nod. We drive a little ways out. I text JJ and tell her where we are. When we get there he picks me up, and starts moving through some grass. I giggle at him, and tell him to let me down but I know deep down I don't want him too. When we get to the field I notice it's on a hill. It's a nice and warm day for October which is slightly odd, but I'll welcome it kindly. He grabs the blanket I didn't notice he had, and lays it out on the soft grass. He lays down and extends his hand to me. When I take it he pulls me down on top of him. I giggle, and kiss him. Soon kissing turns into hot and heavy kissing. I feel his hands wanting to move, and I think about it for a minute. I keep my eyes closed, and break away from him. I bite my lip, and take his hand in mine. I move it to my breast, and lean in close to his ear.
"Touch me." I tell him, and he gasps. He looks at me with wide eyes.
"You sure?" I nod biting my lip with a smile on my face. I reach down, and take off my shirt. He gapes at the sight of my breasts. He has seen them before with accidentally walking in on me, or those many times he had to examine my bruises. This time though they are bruise free, and he can touch. He reaches out, and touches me. I kiss him hard, and he undresses me. He trails a hand up my thigh, and I nod. When he first does it, it takes me minute to come back down to Earth. He knows what to do. He lost his virginity several months ago before I came here. He was seventeen. He must have learned from her because he knew all the right places. I moaned into his mouth while he kissed me, and moved his fingers. After it was all over we fooled around a bit longer, and made out a bit longer. He put his hand to my face, and I stared into his eyes. He couldn't stop smiling. "I love you." he whispers. My mouth goes wide, and I guess he takes it the wrong way because he frowns and moves away. I stop him by leaning up, and grabbing his arm.
"I love you too." I say quickly. "I was just a bit shocked for a minute. I do love you. So, so much." I say leaning towards him. I capture his lips in mine, and he wraps his arms around me. "I'm not going to do anything else soon, but I liked what we just did." I say with a smile. He nods.
"I did too baby." I hear my phone going off, and I answer it.
"Where the hell are you!?" JJ yells into the phone. I put it away from my ear.
"Derek, and I are still hanging out at the field." I say turning to him.
"Emily. We have a situation, and you're David's favorite. I need you to get home quick." I furrow my eye brows, and grab my clothes. I get dressed quickly, so does Derek.
"We have to go. Something is going on at the house." I say shaking my head. I drive home quickly, and turn to Derek. "One kiss before we find out what else has gone wrong in our wonderful life?" I ask him, and he chuckles. He leans in, and gives me a passionate kiss.
"I love you princess." he whispers running a hand through my hair.
"I love you too." I reply. We get out, and I gulp before walking into the house.
"He isn't staying here and that's final!" I hear David say.
"David. Where is he supposed to go?" I hear Erin respond.
"Please, it's just until he get's enough money to get his own place. He is already working a job, and going through school. Please, you help damaged kids. Why can't you help him?" JJ asks obviously sounding pissed.
"Where will he sleep, and don't say with you because that is NOT happening in a million years." David says. I walk in, and see Erin sitting down at the table, David standing drinking scotch, and JJ standing in front of them holding Will's hand. Will turns around, and I see a giant ass bruise on his face.
"What the fuck happened to you?" I ask him. I run over to examine it. I go to the fridge, and make an ice pack. I walk over, and put it against his face. He struggles away from it. But I smack him on his head. "Don't move. This helps." I say. I turn around. "What's the situation?" I ask. Everybody looks at me. JJ raises her eye brows.
"How did you do that? I tried to get him to ice it twenty minutes ago, but he wouldn't." JJ says.
"You ain't scary." Will says. I laugh a little bit, but soon turn to David.
"What's all the yelling about?" I ask them. Will answers first.
"Mom kicked me out after throwin' an empty bottle at my face. She called JJ a bunch of mean names, and told me to get out. I ain't got a place to stay. JJ has convinced herself that David would let me stay here. I was right though. He ain't gonna. This is a waste of time Jay, like I told you. I'll just sleep in the car till mom decides to let me back in." he says. He grabs his bag, and starts walking out the door. He was dead serious too. It wasn't an act to get them to let him stay. He is genuinely going to do that. I look at David in shock.
"Really?" I ask him. I see JJ run after him, and I sigh. "Why not?" I ask David. "Give me a good reason why." I say seriously. Erin turns to him, and cocks her head with attitude. Obviously angry with David too.
"He got her pregnant. I can't have them living in the same house. She's my little girl." he says. I sigh, and I understand but it still isn't right. "I know, I know. I don't want him out in the cold either." he says.
"You let me and Derek stay in the same house." I say matter-of-factly. I notice now that Derek has gone. Probably to check on Spence. We all know how he get's when there is any kind of fighting. David takes a swig of his drink.
"Yeah, but you two aren't having sex." he says looking at me. I sigh.
"No, we're not." I say.
"I couldn't kick you guys out anyways. You'd have no place to go." David says with a smirk.
"Neither does Will. He'll sleep on the couch, or the spare bedroom. JJ can sleep in my room tonight if you don't trust her." I say. He sighs because he knows I just won. "I'm gonna go get his bag. Be nice." I say. David gives me a shake of his head, and I watch Erin stand.
"It'll be okay. Your little girl will be fine. She's already pregnant. What worse can happen?" Erin says. I chuckle a little bit on my way out. I take his bag to the spare bedroom because I refuse to let him sleep on the couch. He thanks me for convincing David, and we hug.
"No probably buddy. You're gonna be like...my brother in law technically one day." I say with a smile. I hug JJ, and she smiles. I know they wont stay in the same room tonight, but hey David doesn't have to know. Plus, I won't be in my room tonight either.
Thank you for reading. Wow, so much has happened. This chapter got much longer than expected. Eh, more to read right? Anyways REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! If you are enjoying my story, or having anything you wanna say PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! REVIEW or PRIVATE MESSAGES are amazing!