14. Lord, I Need To Find Someone Who Can Heal My Mind.
 (Tender - Blur)

Rishid had become a stone statue when he found out about the incident. It was that same silence he had before, the silence that spoke loudly of his feelings. That he felt like a failure. They were all three of them failures.

Ishizu found herself letting the dishes go to hell and the beds stay messy. She couldn't stop thinking, stop worrying, stop wondering if she could maybe speak with Merit again, get her to understand.

And Marik holed himself up in his bedroom, refusing to turn on the light or open the door. He didn't even want to try fitting in with the world of light anymore. Maybe it was time they returned to the Valley of Kings and start where they left off. They couldn't continue to lead the TombKeepers from where they were living, and Rishid shouldn't of had to deal with them in private for Marik. It was time he went back to that prison and did his work.

How many times could she have been in danger? How many times did they lie to her? Why did she still miss them? It was the facade she missed, not them. They were liars and monsters. He was a killer, and they were his accomplices. They were going to sweep her away into a place where she would feel safe, and then they would break her. Maybe her parents had something they wanted. Who knows, but whatever they were up to couldn't have been good.

She rolled over in her bed, shoving the papers she had printed several days ago off her blankets and onto the floor. Maybe she would destroy them, or maybe not. Merit didn't know what she wanted to do at this point. She didn't know for sure how she felt other than confused and scared. She stayed home and studied most of the time or tried to help her parents out with whatever they needed to do. She unpacked her things, re-packed them. Maybe she would talk her parents into moving away again. Who knows.

Her heart was broken. She finally had a friend, a friend who at first seemed broken but was being fixed, and then it turned out he was a monster wearing a tearing mask. No wonder he was so harsh with her at first. No wonder they kept to themselves. No wonder everyone stayed away from them. They were demons.

None of them were eating right. Ishizu and Rishid felt too guilty, and Marik just plain hated himself. He made unforgiveable mistakes, committed cruel sins. Who could ever learn to befriend someone like him? How could he ever hold his head high or expect to be normal? How could he live with himself?

Death peeked into his mind several times. It had for years, and every once in a while he entertained the idea of removing himself from the world. Maybe he would actually go through with it this time. Maybe he would be doing Ishizu and Rishid a service in his suicide. Maybe it was the only thing he could do to make up for all the horrible things he had done in the past.

Merit was only the the last bit of weight to tip the scale. This wasn't something new, not something that she had caused alone. It was merely the fact that all of his fears were realized, that he would never be allowed to fit into normal society. He thought maybe he could just change himself, pretend his past was not his own, pretend he were an entirely different person. But the lying wasn't something that felt good, it wasn't something that changed anything. It didn't remove the memories, it didn't remove his shame. Pretending it all never happened only made the black tar baby with the yellow eyes fatter and fatter. The weight had pulled him down, even if he hadn't noticed it.

Marik didn't want to have to lie to be normal. That wasn't what he wanted. Marik had done enough lying for one lifetime, he decided. Maybe he'd done enough living for one, too. Maybe it was time to leave the world of the living before he caused anymore damage. Maybe it was his time to die. It was only right that he do it. It was only fair.

She wasn't accustomed to nightmares. Not ones like this. They terrified her beyond sleep, stalked her and made her question her surroundings, but she couldn't tell if the whispers were lies. She couldn't tell what was right or wrong anymore. It was all so stressful. She didn't think she ever wanted to have friends again for fear of falsehoods.

It was now more than ever Merit wished her parents were home more often. But how exactly would she tell them that the one group of friends she had managed to make were murderers? How does one explain to their parents that they had a horrible misjudgement in character? And even though it should have been the least of her worries, Merit wondered if her parents discovered this, would she ever be left unsheltered again? She was torn.

Ishizu sprang out of bed. It was the most horrific feeling she had ever felt, but familiar. It took her straight back to Battle City, and she knew this feeling must have woken Rishid, too, when she heard the heavy footsteps running down the stairs to Marik's bedroom.

She followed after, heart beating. Please, please don't take him from me! Don't take him! She slipped down a few stairs, lucky enough to catch herself on the banister.

Rishid had already discovered the bedroom door had been locked. He shoved his weight against the door, pushing at it with all the force he had. Ishizu raced over when she realized, and helped push down the door.

It fell into pieces on the floor, the two elder siblings falling with it from the unexpected tumble. They scattered to their feet, grabbing for the switch blindly, screaming. "Marik! Marik!"

The light flicked on, blinding. He sat in the corner, knees to his chin, wrists bloody, hair with streaks of red at the tips, face flooded with tears. He shook and sobbed. Was this really what he wanted?

They raced to his side, Rishid removing the razor from his hand and throwing it as far as he could. They held each other and cried until morning.

"Why won't I just die?"