I have seen this place before.
And I was now very nervous.
"Hey, I'm back!" Anna called out once she entered a seemingly empty apartment.
It was smaller than mine but it felt more homely. There was a big easel and canvas by the window and a couple splatters of paint on some parts of the room.
Some of the walls were ecru and maroon with a dart board, a nice coffee table and a large sliding door.
"Over here, in the kitchen!" A girl replied. The place smelled like butter and cooking meat but it was obvious the girl was washing his dishes.
I follow Anna to the kitchen and see a blond haired girl and a purple sweater.
"My friend here is gonna stay for the night. Hope you wouldn't mind." Anna introduced me and I swallowed.
"I thank you so much for the favor." I say. The girl turns around and I am almost speechless.
"Elsa Ryans!" Rapunzel squealed and stopped washing to hug me.
She smelled nice, but seriously. No hugs.
"H-Hi..." I breathed out.
Anna gasps. "You guys have met?!"
This could be a long night.
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"And I've got a boyfriend named Eugene. He's back at home in Florida but ugh! I miss him!" Rapunzel was on the floor while I sat on her couch. There was enough space but this girl just really likes wooden floors. "I heard you and Hans Westergaard are dating."
While we were talking, Anna took her time singing in the shower.
"Umm... We are." I squeak. "Just recently."
"Gosh, news travels quick around campus. You guys sure are popular."
Popular.
It made me sick.
"But can I be honest with you?" Rapunzel leaned in and I couldn't help but back away. "I have no idea why you said yes to Hans."
"Oh, really?" Was all I could say. I didn't know how to react to that, it was awkward and straightforward.
Should I get mad or laugh? It wasn't funny, it wasn't offensive either.
"I'm sorry, that was rude of me." Rapunzel but her lip and I shook my head shyly.
"No, it's nothing. I mean... Hans is nice. He's caring, maybe that's why I said yes."
"Can I ask a question?" Rapunzel was clutching her mug of tea and I nod.
"Okay, sure."
"Have you... Done it with him yet?"
I tried my best not to roll my eyes in front of her. Why did everyone have to ask me that question?
"No, of course not." I didn't want to sound rude but it came out a bit mad.
"I don't trust Westergaard." Rapunzel was serious. "I've seen the way you like hiding behind bushes all the time and pretending you don't exist. He could do something to you."
I was speechless and somewhat embarrassed now. She was telling me things about my boyfriend and I can't even talk back nor defend him.
But right now, I didn't care.
"I guess you're right." I shrug it off and she nods once.
"Maybe... Staying on tier one would be safest." Rapunzel smiled and Anna bursted out of the shower in her towel as she yawned widely.
We both watched her as she made her way to the fridge to get water.
"Elsa, you can stay in my room if you want. I'll take the couch." Anna says.
"What? I-I mean, no. It's okay, the couch is fine." I put my hands in front of me and wave them to her, which she responds with an eye roll.
"Stop being so shy." Anna says and turns away. "It's not healthy."
It annoyed me a little when people use my shyness against me. Though I didn't care, they did it often.
I didn't have to say anything for them to get my bag and transfer it to another room since both of them were already gone.
"You can't say no to this!" Anna called out to me. I roll my eyes with a smile, though I probably would have enjoyed it more on the couch.
"I'm not." I say.
After making a couple decisions, I follow them to Anna's room. It was actually not what I had been expecting.
Anna's room was white, a typical guest room. But it had more personality and life compared to the room of someone who is supposed to be just 'staying in'.
She had two guitars and one ukulele hanging on the wall. She didn't have much makeup on her vanity, but lots of pictures stuck to the sides. She had a big stuffed reindeer on one side and on the other, a fair stack of notebooks. Her room smelled just like her; good. There wasn't any particular scent but I loved it.
"Enjoy your stay!" Anna giggled at me and I was shocked that both of them had opened my suitcase and had sprawled a bunch of my clothes on the bed. Including my underwear.
"A-Anna." I felt myself go so red. "What are you doing?"
"Uh.. Helping you unpack?" Anna seemed to have guessed and I couldn't help but bite my lip.
"That's okay. Now that really is." I let out a nervous laugh and pulled all my clothes back inside my bag.
"Sorry! I was curious!" Anna admitted and Rapunzel put her hands behind her back like a child.
I shake my head. "It's okay. Umm.. We should just get some rest and-"
"Rest?" Rapunzel snorted. "Oh, come on! It's too early, let's just chat more!"
I let out a slightly disapproving sound and the girls pleaded more.
Just as they had expected of me, I gave in and soon we were giggling and throwing jokes at each other. And by we, mostly Anna and Rapunzel.
While they laughed, I drifted off to though for a second to wonder where my mother was and what she was up to. It was almost 10 so she must be still out. Or back at my apartment ruining it so by the time I return there it would smell and it would look like a human pigsty.
"Hey, Elsa. You're quiet." Anna snaps me out and my head turns back to her and Rapunzel.
"Sorry," I tell them apologetically. "I was thinking."
Rapunzel grins at me. "How are things with your parents? You know, back home?"
I didn't feel too comfortable around Rapunzel. It wasn't that I didn't trust her, it's just that I wanted to trust Anna more.
"My dad's... somewhere, while my mother could be back at my apartment probably messing the place up."
Rapunzel did not respond to this with words but gave a little nod.
"Do you draw?" She averts the attention and I was a bit grateful. I nod and muster a small smile.
"A little. When I want to picture movements on the characters I have to make." I mutter and they both give pleasant looks.
"You're so talented," Anna sighs and puts a hand on my shoulder. "I mean... You've got so much!"
"Anna, that's-"
"You're a filmmaker! And a screenwriter!" Rapunzel cheers me on and I just felt a bit dizzy. I didn't like compliments. No, I just wasn't used to them. Insults were... Something else for me. More of a warm hug. "And sooo pretty."
"Thank you." I choked out and looked at the wall clock. "Oh, it's um.. I should go do some things. For school, I mean."
The two girls had their smiles a bit flattened but I stood up anyway to leave for Anna's room.
Even from inside with the door closed, I could her them speaking softly.
"She's really shy." Rapunzel spoke first.
"Not too shy, honestly." Anna pipes up. "She just has her moments."
That made me smile a little. After staring at the door for a couple minutes, I continued working on a project that needed a little polish before sending it to my other professor.
It didn't feel right that I was here. I felt like I wanted to go back home because even with the door shut and the lights dimmed, I didn't feel alone. And I didn't think they'd understand what I meant.
I want to be alone. I always do. But I didn't want to be lonely.
And it was hard to find because I don't know what it's exactly like to have a life for myself, no boundaries to any of my own secret desires but still knowing in my heart that someone will be waiting for me at the end of the path; to walk along with me whenever I needed someone to listen.
But that was selfish. And here I am, dreading the moment that any one of them would enter this room and wish me goodnight.
I was almost done with my project when I hear a soft knock from outside. "Elsa?" One of them whispered.
"Come in." It was Anna, and she sat on the bed.
"I'm sorry we got you a bit uneasy back there. We're both just kinda energetic." She said honestly.
"It's nothing." I say, which is partially true."But thank you for helping me out."
Anna flushed in satisfaction and folded her legs on the bed. "I'd do anything for a friend."
It was silent for a short while until Anna stood to go over to the desk.
"What's that-?"
"No, that's nothing." I swiped a folder over the papers which startled her.
"Sorry." Anna scratched the back of her neck and sat on the floor. "I didn't mean to pry."
I couldn't help but give a tiny sigh and began writing again. "S'okay."
Anna sat on the floor staring at me like a little kid. I felt it through the back of my eye and then I feel her smile come on.
"What's wrong?" I spoke up first.
"I just remembered something funny.." Anna giggled silently. "Wanna hear it?"
No, not really. "Okay." I say.
"Knock knock!"
I sigh and turn around to face her. "Who's there?"
"Pfftt.. Interrupting cow."
"Interrupting cow wh-"
"MOOO!" I almost jump from my chair and finally I see her lose it completely. "You should have seen yourself!" She giggled madly while I just stared at her in shock. Never have I seen anyone like Anna.
I couldn't think of anyone with just the same amount of life this girl had. Was it even humanly possible for her to be this content with such a joke?
I guess I admired it.
"Haha, very funny." I roll my eyes playfully and she sighs.
"Never gets old." Anna shrugs and wipes a tear away from her eye. "Hey... Elsa?"
I look at her and her eyes are twinkling at mine like a puppy's. I couldn't help but purse my lips at her.
"How are you never mad?" She asks.
What kind of question was that? I mean, I always get mad but I didn't quite understand if she realized that. Maybe it couldn't be seen at all. Maybe I was blinding everyone with my deathly personality that it seemed almost strange for me to cause an outburst.
"I can't get mad." I say simply. There wasn't any other option and that was my best answer. "I'm a doormat."
"A doormat?" She repeated. It meant what it is. A doormat is something you use to dust dirt off of the soles of anyone's feet. They're gum scrapers. Magical flying carpets for the kids but in general, doormats would sit on the ground, waiting for someone to step on them and they'd be fine with it. Because they know their nature. They were made to be stepped on and just like me, I'd wait anywhere for people to shove shoes over my cheeks.
Even if I didn't mean it literally, it was possible that I would still do it.
"It's nothing." I shake my head for her. "A metaphor."
Anna scratches her hair then flops on the bed.
"Elsa, I wish to be as accomplished as you."
Accomplished? If only I could appreciate something like that. I took self judgement all too seriously and sometimes, or most of the time, I embrace it.
Anna was much more accomplished than me. She had everything I never gotten nor possessed.
She was talented. She had friends.
She was happy and she knew what to do with her life.
"Anna.." I say and at first I was skeptical about asking her.
"Yeah?"
"What..." Should I? Did I always have to be afraid of asking? "What do you want to do?"
"Huh? Right now? Umm.. Talk to you, you're fun and you're good with people."
"No.. What do you want to do. I-In the future." I say. I was nervous right when I said it because I didn't want to hear her future. I did, but I didn't want to know she was making better plans for herself than I was for me.
"Oh," she laughs and looks up at the ceiling. It was hard to look at her, I couldn't keep my contact with her straight because I was so focused on the floor. "I want to make enough money to go to school first. College isn't far and I need to finish high school."
I almost forgot. I was already making better plans for myself, and she probably didn't want to talk about her state now.
Maybe because she knew she might not make it.
What if she was just as low thought as I am? Maybe she also had a depressing side, it was just so far in her heart that fishing for it would take a while.
But Anna was my friend. I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable.
"How about you?" She asked and I could see the slightest shine in her eyes, hinting that she was holding something back. "You have a lot ahead of you. I'd love to hear it."
"It's nothing." I say and turn away from her to continue my work. "I am not as accomplished as you think."
Anna was silent. Had she been thinking of me as someone... To look up to? I couldn't be. I wouldn't get her anywhere and thinking of Anna adoring me this way made me feel mortified and sad for her. I was mad at one point that she wouldn't stop admiring me.
"I like your eyes." I tell her and I could almost see her blink back something. "They're blue."
"Yours is blue." She smiles. "Very, very blue. Like blue velvet.. Or satin."
I nod with my back facing her while I write down my name as a final mark before giving it one more inspection so I can type it down to print.
"Elsa... Can I sleep with you tonight?"
"What?" I can't say no to this, so what's the point.
"This bed is big enough for the both of us and... It would be a good way to understand you more."
"I have... Low sleep tolerance."
"That's okay. I won't do anything to you."
Like I said, I can't just say no.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
Later that evening, I wake up at around 1 am to find myself staring at the unfamiliar ceiling, almost wondering where I am. Next to me, Anna is snoring softly and I couldn't help but take a very small glance at her.
She was so pretty even in her sleep. Anna looked like an innocent child which caused me to hold back a smile.
What was life through her eyes? Probably cotton candy and unicorns. Acoustic songs playing everywhere she went and rainbows leading to silly jokes and crazy interrupting cows.
I was jealous that she could see interrupting cows.
In these blue velvet eyes of mine, I saw streets and lit lampposts waiting in the blur of each evening where I dread the next morning which I wake up to and live in each millisecond of discomfort.
Was there something I had done wrong? Was it just the responsibility of coincidence? What about chance?
I go back to staring at the ceiling as I slowly drift back to the state I sometimes wish I could stay in for much longer than awake.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
Alright, I'm done with this chapter. Hope you guys enjoyed it and I'll be making more in the near future. School is coming soon since I only have a week left of freedom which kinda sucks and means that I won't be posting as often.
I actually enjoy the comfort of social media and the Internet other than the 'joys' of going to school where everyone is much more judgmental and scary in real life (Said basically every teenager). I guess I have a hint of Elsa in me since I am also very self judging.
Anyway, you guys should PLEASE follow my new
tumblr account frozenrelevant
and my Twitter akh_andre
Thanks for reading and ily all X
(I'm listening to 400 lux by Lorde, so I can barely concentrate rn!)