Edarchy

Chapter 14: During That Same Day...

Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd n Eddy. Or some other things.

A/N: So yes, this takes place on the dame day as the last chapter, but it will mostly be centred on Ed and his boss. Much like the last one, Eddy won't have much of a role (he'll drive Ed to Automaton's Lair, then drive to where he works), but he will be there. I think I'm starting to get better at this, though it's too early to tell (and I don't have a huge ego, thus explaining the constant self-deprecation). We'll also explain the relationship Ed has with his boss (as in how the two of them interact with each other, though, after this chapter, I won't blame you for shipping them. Though why you would is beyond me), although it might not go into detail until later on.

Oh, and to the guy (here, I'm using it to mean "person") who made it all the way through OHD – Congratulations! Your reward is a spork. Once you find one, use it wisely. Alright, now I'll get started.

On the same day (17th April 1998), Eddy was already up. He was sitting in front of the TV, eating a bacon and three cheese omelette he made. As he was supposed to be work, he was dressed in his work uniform and he was watching some crappy daytime TV show. Currently, the hosts – both of whom appear to be as manufactured as the couch Eddy was sitting on (sorry for the bad analogy, but it kinda fits). No, seriously, they – a man and a woman – look like they're in their early 40s, with bleached teeth; obviously dyed hair and casual suits, if such a thing exists. They're interviewing another person, in a flannel fleece jacket, a plain white shirt (with the words "society blows" written on it, implying that Monster Condo are fans of this guy) a pair of jeans and some black Velcro shoes, who's probably plugging his new book or something.

After he finished his breakfast and put his dish back in the kitchen, he looked at the clock on the wall. The time was 8:19am. He then grabbed his van keys and then turned off the TV. After getting anything else he needed, he then headed out the door and walked over to Ed's house. Sarah was over to Jimmy's, as his car was still in the driveway. Eddy then knocked on Ed's door. After about a minute or two of waiting, Ed finally arrived. 'Sorry, Eddy.'

After noticing a weird smell, Eddy held his nose and went. 'Never mind!' I'm glad I keep these blue moments to a minimum.

After Ed sorted himself out a little bit more, the two of them got into Eddy's van. Once they buckled up, Eddy then put the key into the ignition, turned it and began to set off. Once they left the cul-de-sac, Ed then turned on the radio and tuned it into STIL-FM, which was currently playing a commercial for a new store opening somewhere downtown. After it was over, the DJ then played some Judas Priest (more specifically, the song Grinder). Even though the latter isn't really into that sort of music, Ed and Eddy banged their heads to the music (though Eddy less so, he was driving after all).

Once they got there, Ed then got out of the van. 'Thanks for the ride!' Ed yelled. Eddy nodded and, once Ed closed the passenger side door, he changed the radio station, although what to, no one knows. Ed then walked inside the comic book store and got to work sorting out the comics, the toys and everything else. He then went behind the counter and got out his copy of Pimpsmasher #43 (where Pimpsmasher teams up with a pimp to save the mayor from a robotic Adolf Hitler "mega-pimp", who plans on transforming the Mir space station into a laser cannon, where he'll take out the entire Eastern Seaboard) and began reading it. Admit it, you wish Pimpsmasher was real, although not many people would get the joke and keeps requesting reviews on it, despite the creator constantly saying that it's a parody of Dark Age comic books.

After a while, Lithuania Shirt and Tracksuit Guy walked in. They were still arguing over who'd win in a fight between Batman and Wolverine. After selecting what comic books they wanted, they went over to the counter and paid for them. 'So, Ed.' Tracksuit Guy squinted at the cashier's nametag. 'Tomas [Lithuania Shirt] and I have been arguing for the past three months...'

'It's not 24/7, I should add.' LS interrupted.

'... And we were wondering – Who'd win in a fight to the death between Batman and Wolverine.'

'Well, Pimpsmasher would come in, grab both of their heads and bang them together. Then he'd get down on his hands 'n' knees and repeatedly yell "I AM BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR BLOOD!" whilst punchin' the floor.' For that last part, Ed pretended to yell.

'Alright, then...' TG felt a bit weirded out. 'Thanks for the comic books and thanks for your answer.'

'Okey-dokey!' Ed smiled as the two hackers (if you've read Chapter 6, you'll understand this) walked out of the store. And, from the looks of things, they're still continuing their argument. He then got back to his comic whilst thinking about moving out for some reason. Foreshadowing, maybe?

As it was nearing 11:55am, Bob's head peered out of the stock room. 'So Ed, what do ya fancy for lunch?'

'I dunno. Chinese?'

'The usual?'

'Yeah.'

'Alright, now I need to find that takeout menu...'

After a while, the delivery person arrived. Bob walked up to the door, paid her $35 ($20 for the meal, plus $15 tip) and closed the door as she walked off. The store was empty, just consisting of Ed and Bob, the latter of whom was eating in the stock room. Ed, meanwhile, was trying not to spill his lunch on his comic book.

The time is now 1pm. Although there had been a number of customers in the store between the last paragraph and this one, it was empty again. Despite long periods of emptiness, the store always made enough money to stay above water, mainly because I don't want to be that cruel. So apologies for wasting what could've been a good story arc. But yeah, if there are any problems, Bob has some money stashed somewhere upstairs.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Ed was there still reading his comic book. He then put his comic book down and went into the stock room. The walls were mostly grey bricks and mortar with a grey "industrial floor", compared to the more colourful main room. But hey, there were posters of Luke Cage, Jonah Hex, Youngblood (somehow the previous owner managed to find a poster containing every member up until 1995), John Hartigan and, on a door which lead to the restroom, (from my interpretation, considering how it wasn't really explained. I'll go a bit more into detail in the closing author's notes) Evil Tim and his "good twin" Hero Jim. Next to the restroom door was Bob's computer on a desk, with him sitting on the seat playing Doom (he had just started E2M5 – Command Center – and was planning on getting to the secret exit).

'Hey Bob, I got a question.'

'Sure, Ed, What is it?' He paused his game. 'If it was someone givin' you crap, I can get them. After all, I'm a former boxer.'

'Nah, it's not that. 'Sides, you coulda heard them.'

'Well, what is it?' Bob asked with genuine concern.

'I'm 23 years old and I've been thinkin' about moving out of my parent's house.'

'Any idea where? Which is why I'm askin' if you have anythin' to give me.'

'So you want some advice?'

'Yeah.' Ed nodded.

'Why do you ask?'

'It's one of those things. Like why I'm not allowed to say...' Ed paused, trying to pronounce the word. '"Det-tree-men-tall" to my friend Double D.'

'Alright, I recommend waiting for the right moment. For example, if there are people living at home that have pissed you off, you can explain all their faults to them.'

'Why, did that happen to you?'

'Nah, I was an only child and I loved my parents very much.' Wish Ed could feel the same way. His father was mostly apathetic; his sister was a spoilt brat (but luckily, some time after the movie, she got grounded for a week after she was caught cheating in a test) who hung around with an accident-prone wuss (for lack of a better word); and his mother seemed to favour said sister. Not to mention his two best friends were an eloquent, germophobic genius who always wore a hat and a greedy megalomaniacal conman with an abusive older brother.

'Alright, anythin' else?'

'There's also moving in with people you know and trust until you are able to support yourself.'

'Thanks.' Ed smiled, for some reason, and got back to work. Just as well, there are a few people in the store, browsing for comics. And he wanted to make sure they weren't shoplifting. After all, the last person who tried to shoplift (all the way back in '94) ended up with a broken arm (although that was caused by him accidentally slamming it into a lamppost). And now no one dares to piss off the staff, considering that the cashier is 6'6" and has picked houses up from their foundation and dropped them on his two best friends and the manager is 6'3" and, as previously mentioned, a former boxer.

'No problem.' Bob turned down the volume and got back to his game.

A/N: So there we have it. Not as long, interesting or as heartwarming as the last chapter, but hey, at least it's something. Unfortunately, this won't happen with Eddy, seeing as I think I've used him a bit too much in the first few chapters (it wasn't until Chapter 9 that I only had him at home, ill, explaining why he doesn't fully appear). And, with any luck, I'll be able to not mention him throughout the next chapter (not even in the author's notes or anything like that). But yeah, we shall see how I get on. And now... You know what it is.

1) I'm sorry if I'm forcing you to like Bob, so apologies if it looks like it. I'm just expanding on his character, explaining why Ed likes the guy. And who could blame Ed, really, considering his home life and his friends (not to mention how the rest of the cast can be a bunch of dicks). So yeah, Ed deserves something good to happen to him (not just having his dream job and an awesome boss, but also playing guitar in a band) so I decided to reward him.

2) As I've mentioned quite a few times, Bob was a boxer. Though it's not really all that important, I think I should elaborate on this. Basically, he was active from 1967/8 (no one knows for sure) to 1987, when he retired due to health and personal problems (in other words – a hereditary condition he found out he had; and a divorce). During this time, he got into comics, which lead to him getting a job at Automaton's Lair. That's pretty much it explained. It'll be revisited over the course of the story, don't worry.

3) I mention my interpretation of Evil Tim. As I've never worked on the original show, what I've come up with isn't canon (and may also contradict anything you or anyone else has come up with). But, to me, it's basically a horror comic (with some humorous moments) about a group of cultists who have summoned the titular Evil Tim (who appears as a dark purple gaseous cloud, but can inhabit bodies – living or dead), who plans on taking over the world. Meanwhile, his "twin brother" Hero Jim (who also has the same powers – except he's a light blue cloud – but uses them for good) tries to stop him by merging (in other words, ET can only be truly defeated by him and HJ combining their gaseous clouds). However, if this happens, then there's a huge chance that all life in the universe is wiped out (if not, then some of it is). Of course, this is my interpretation and should not be taken as fact (considering that I also "created" Pimpsmasher, a guy who goes around brutally killing pimps whilst shouting a lot of random crap).

4) Despite me giving Lithuania Shirt's first name (his real name is Tomas Astrauckas, not that it's important), I'll still call him and Tracksuit Guy "LS" and "TG" respectively.

5) The presumable hosts of that breakfast show Eddy was watching early in the chapter weren't actually based on anyone (but if they reminded you of someone, please let me know). But the guy they were reviewing? That was me. I didn't explain what he looked like or what hair colour and style he had because... something. You may not notice this, but it's quite probably the only time in this story where I'm not putting myself down, considering how this guy's reasonably successful.

6) Yes, the word Edd said which caused him to not be so eloquent was "detrimental". This was – ashamedly – based on a real life event where I used "detrimental", thinking it meant "support" or something like that. Then again, I bet that, most of the time, the writers didn't know what the hell Edd was saying, which may have lead to some mistakes, I don't know. Again, let me know if they did.

7) Admit it – Some of you wish Pimpsmasher was a real comic book (I should also add that he's my favourite character so far, so apologies if it looks like I'm metaphorically shoving him down your throats). Although I should point out that the "mecha Hitler pimp" wasn't me acting like... that (you can find an explanation on my profile page, but I really don't want to talk about it). Oh, and no one knows when Pimpsmasher is set (not even the creators), which explains why Mir (think of it as a Soviet – then Russian – version of the ISS) is still up there when, in reality, it was decommissioned and deorbited over a decade ago (at the time of this writing, of course).

So I think that's about it here. I could've made it longer and better, but I don't know what stopped me. But now, I'm going to get to work on the next chapter. Hopefully, it'll be OK, although one or two things would probably be a bit... unexpected, unannounced and out of the blue. Either way, it only depends on whether or not you consider it a good read. Alright, take care and I shall update soon (after all, this gets at least two updates a month – this is the second one).

P.S. If you do have a favourite character, feel free to tell me about it. It's not really that important, I'm just curious is all.