Shawn wanted to just die, curl up into a ball and die. She sat by Derek's side and watched him sleep. He had been sleeping for hours and he wasn't exactly in the best mindset when he fell asleep. After they told him that he and Sarah were no longer together and he was with Shawn, he was stunned. And he was absolutely shocked to find out that he was the father of Shawn's baby.

Shawn sat there and cried alone for hours. Julianne left a couple hours ago and she had been alone with him. She rubbed her thumb across his hand and the tears ran from her eyes. She couldn't believe this happened, she never thought something like it couldn't even happen. She squeezed his hand and entwined their fingers.

She was happy Derek believed her when she told him that they were in fact together, but it killed her to know that he didn't remember any of it. They no longer shared memories. All the ultrasounds, the kicks, and decorations. None of it. They no longer shared those moments.

She felt the baby kick as she sat back in the chair and she sobbed as she took his hand and placed it on her stomach. He didn't wake up but he moved a little and readjusted himself. His leg was in a cast and his left was in a sling, he literally looked a mess. He squeezed her hand and she looked up at him, he was smiling at her and she smiled back through tears. "Babe? Why are you crying?"

"You remember me?" Shawn's eyes widened and she wiped her puffy eyes. He looked at her and furrowed his brows, "didn't we go over this? You're my friend, former dance partner and apparently the mother of my child."

"Do you remember any of it?" Shawn hoped that he wasn't rehashing what they had told him. Derek squeezed her hand and smiled again. "Not really, everything is very fuzzy. The last thing I remember is my break up with Sarah. Everything else is fuzzy and in pieces."

"Do you need anything? I could call the nurse or something." She reached for the pager but he pulled her hand back. She looked back at him and he looked like he was battling with his thoughts, "how long have we been-"

"Together?" Shawn smiled and he nodded, "about 6 months." He nodded at the information and cleared his throat, "have we, we, you know…" He looked so embarrassed and that was probably the first time he had seen him get flushed. She laughed and shook her head, "Not since the night I got pregnant."

"Oh," Derek said quickly and shifted in the hospital bed, "Do you know when you get to take me home?" Shawn honestly wasn't listening when the doctors were explaining what was wrong with him, "Umm.. I think they said something about next week. But I was going to stay in Jules' house and she was going to stay at your place and take care of you."

"You dont have to do that. If you were living with me, then you're going to need to stay there with me. I heard the doctor say something about keeping the normal routine going. So my memory can come back." He didn't really want her to leave anyways, something about being with her felt natural, and he didn't want his baby sister taking care of him. " want you there. I want to remember."

Shawn sat in the rocking chair in the nursery wiping rogue tears from her eyes. That nursery had become a room of solitude, and she found herself in there more often than not. She found herself abandoning her classes for the past couple weeks and the only time she left the house was when she went for her check ups and sonograms. It was too difficult to leave the confines of the apartment. She still got weird stares except now they were stares filled with sympathy, and that was worse.

Derek's memory still wasnt back and they hadn't sat down to have an actual conversation since they came home. There was a rift in there relationship and it was tearing her apart. Nothing about any of it felt normal. Even when they argued they still didn't go a day without speaking, touching, or even looking at each other. To make matter's worse, she believed he was going through some mid life crisis or something, and he wasnt even thirty yet.

He was gone all the time and she never knew where he was. When she called or texted him, he didn't answer until hours had passed and it was always an "I'm fine" or "I'll talk to you about it later." His answers were never clear. She talked to his family, Melissa, Sabina, and Mark, and they all said he would come around. But she wanted to know when, was he going to wait until she was in the hospital giving birth?

She was almost 2 weeks away from labor and they still hadn't talked about baby names. It's not like he would be comfortable with it and neither would she. It was Derek, but it wasnt. He wasn't the same person and Shawn wanted him back. But she had also come to terms with that not happening. She just didn't want to accept it.

She pushed herself up from the rocking chair and headed out the room and to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror, she hated her reflection. Her eye make up was smudged and smeared, her eyes were puffy and red, and her nose had a bright tinge, and her hair was frizzy because she kept passing her hands through it. She had been a wreck for the past weeks and she didn't even care. The only thing that kept reminding her that her life used to be semi normal was her belly. she looked like she was going to burst.

She sighed as she flipped the light switch down and walked down the hall toward her room. She shlept toward the bathroom and headed to the tub. She turned on the warm water and poured some shower gel in the water and swished it around with her hands. She walked back into the room and picked out an oversized t-shirt and underwear. She rushed back into the bathroom and turned off the water and got in the tub. After about an 1 1/2 she got out and got dressed.

After cutting off the water, she headed to her bed. She and readjusted the her pillows and pulled back the covers before she got into it. She shifted around to get comfortable but she wasn't able to gt comfy, so she quit trying. After about five minutes of sitting there, she decided that she didn't need Derek to pick out baby names, so she got a pen and notepad from the nightstand. Before she could write anything, Derek waltzed into the room, "You're home early."

"It's 11:30." Derek said deadpanned as he pulled his shirt over his head, kicked off his pants and got into bed next to her. Shawn rolled her eyes and clicked her pen and started scribbling names, "I'm just not used to seeing you before dawn."

"Are we going to argue about this again?" He looked at her and irritation was written all over his face. Shawn let out a loud sigh but she didnt look up at him and continued to write on the notepad. She felt tears threaten to leave her eyes, but she held them in and whispered under her breath. "I just miss you sometimes."

He didnt hear her and a silence fell over the room. He laid on his back and watched her write on the page, "What are you doing?" Shawn looked up at him and looked a little lost, "Huh? oh. I'm just jotting down some baby names. But I'm not sure on any of them." Derek nodded slowly as he reprocessed his feelings about having a baby, "So, what are they."

"Riley, Haley, Caeley, Kaydence, Amelia, Charlie, just to name a few. Well those are the ones a like. But I havent decided which ones I like together." Shawn said softly and tapped the pen against her chin. Derek nodded again and sat up, "What about we use your middle name?"

"Hmm, I don't know." Shawn looked at the list of names, "What it go with?" Derek thought for a second, "I like Haley and Riley." He took the note pad and scribbled on it, before he read it out loud, "Riley Machel, or Haley Machel. Pick one." Shawn took looked at the names for a about two minutes before she decided. "I like the second one."

"Then Haley Machel it is." He smiled at her. They were so close that Shawn could feel his breath. But he was being a tease, "good night Shawnie." He fell back onto his pillow with his back to her. Shawn pretended to kiss him, when in reality it was the air, before she laid down, "Love you too."