Disclaimer: same
A/N: Thanks to derevkobristow-spawn, daisyduke947, vademecum, Gils and Eyghon for reviews! Sorry this chapter took so long to post! I got back from vacation and the site wouldn't let me log on, so it took an extra couple of days to get this one ready. The lyrics in this chapter are "Wth >You" by Linkin Park, off the album Reanimation. Please review!! :-)
OOOOO
I didn't even leave the Rotunda, despite the fact that midnight came and went. I spent several hours searching for the Project Prodigy folder, but someone moved it or took it away somewhere. Which meant either someone knew I was looking for it, or that Vaughn found it before the debrief. He didn't have the chance to say if he learned anything from finding the project folder. I would have to wait until he and my father returned from Palermo.
And I still needed to sort out what my second flashback meant. I knew of at least two men I murdered while I pretended to be Julia Thorne. How many others were there? Now I knew that I was in contact with my mother. Why didn't I tell Kendall that? It seemed pretty important – my mother ran the Covenant. So, why didn't I ever tell him anything?
I went back upstairs and into Dixon's office. Despite the complete exhaustion I felt, I didn't want to go home until my father and Vaughn got back from Palermo, which I knew might take the rest of the evening. Dixon sat at his desk, on the phone, but waved for me to come inside. I did, waiting until he was off the phone.
"What's going on?" I asked.
"That was Jack," he replied, standing and buttoning his suit jacket to try and cover his wrinkled shirt. "He and Vaughn just got back from Palermo. They're on the way in now."
The two of us went to wait in the main room of the Rotunda. I could see that Dixon felt just as tired as I did, but I wanted to know if anything useful came from the contact in Palermo.
When my father and Vaughn returned, Will was with them.
"Will!" I exclaimed, surprised to see him. I wanted to know what was going on – what made him call Vaughn at dinner the other night – but never expected him to show up at the Rotunda. He smiled at me, and we embraced for a moment. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, that's a great way to greet your best friend," he shot back with a grin. I rolled my eyes a little. "Thanks. I appreciate that."
"Okay, okay. It's great to see you," I allowed. "Now, what are you doing here?"
"Will has some information that I think we all need to hear," my father answered. Dixon led the way into the briefing room. As we all moved to take our seats, I shot a concerned glance at Vaughn, wanting to make sure he was all right after having to go and ID Lauren's body. He smiled, letting me know he was fine.
I sat down beside Vaughn, my father taking the other side of the table. Dixon sat in his usual place just to the side of the large computer screen, letting Will take the floor. He opened a black folder he carried in with him, taking a disk out and putting it in one of the computers. A moment later, an image of a document appeared. It was page 47 of the Rambaldi manuscript – the one with my image sketched onto it.
"Okay," Will started. "Now, as everyone knows, this is one of the pages from Rambaldi's book."
"How did you get this?" Dixon asked, looking at Will in surprise.
"Director Kendall from DSR gave me photos of the entire book. I kept them on my computer. He's had me doing analysis for him ever since I got back from Graz," Will explained, smiling at me a little. I contacted him after trying dream therapy to recover my lost memories, and the two of us ended up going on a mission to Graz. He killed Allison Doren, and we got the Rambaldi cube.
"The DSR already ran analysis on the entire manuscript," my father stated, obviously confused.
"You're right – they did. They used the code key and translated all of this, but I don't think they were reading the meaning correctly," Will replied. "Now, the prophecy says, word-for-word, 'This woman, here depicted, will possess unseen marks. Signs that she will be the one to bring forth my works. Bind them with fury, a burning anger, unless prevented. At vulgar cost, she will render the greatest power, unto utter desolation'," Will read off a sheet in his folder.
"And the DSR thinks this is something to do with a weapon and ending the world, right?" I asked.
"Right. That's why they wanted me to run a check on it," Will answered. "See… I think it sounds bad because that's how Rambaldi wrote it. Now, I've studied this thing, and the more I look at it, it's like it says something else."
"What?" Dixon asked.
"Well, here. He mentions 'the greatest power', and how the Chosen One will render it 'unto utter desolation'. I think he means destroying some kind of a weapon. Something he built back when he was alive, and this prophecy is about the person that stands to destroy that weapon."
"Wait, so… Rambaldi didn't want the weapon destroyed, so he made the prophecy sound like a bad thing?" I asked, confused.
"Yeah," Will agreed. "That's what I think. I think that he wants his 'greatest power' to be realized, but you've got the power to stop it."
"What's he mean by 'vulgar cost'?" Vaughn questioned. Will shook his head a little.
"I don't know. Most of this stuff is pretty hard to read, and I could have it completely wrong," Will answered. He picked up a sheet of paper, looking at it for a moment. "But, there was a reference further into the document that I couldn't make heads or tails of. He says something about a triumphant return, and a device called 'The Sphere of Life'."
"Sloane," my father stated, looking across the way at me.
"He has Nadia with him – they might have already found it," I stated.
"We never considered that it might be some kind of a weapon," he continued. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Will looking from my father to me and to my father again, obviously confused.
"Yeah, but Doctor Lee said that we would find 'Rambaldi'," Vaughn threw in. "You don't think that's what he means by the 'return', do you?"
"I guess it's possible. But, I thought they burned Rambaldi at the stake as a heretic," I replied, looking over at my father in question.
"Okay, I missed something. What just happened?" Will asked, looking at all of us in question.
"We've discovered that there's another Rambaldi artifact, called the Sphere of Life. The organization responsible for Sydney's disappearance recently started a search for it, but at the wrong location. We believe Arvin Sloane now has access, through Sydney's sister Nadia, to the correct location," my father explained.
"Since when do you have a sister?" Will asked, looking at me.
"All right. We have to find Sloane. If the Sphere of Life is some kind of a weapon, we need to make sure that it does not fall into his hands, or the hands of the Covenant. I'll stay and try and find a lead, but I want everyone else back here at seven tomorrow for an options briefing," Dixon stated. He stood, going back to his office.
"You should get to a CIA safe house," my father said to Will, getting to his feet as well. "We still don't know if the Covenant will try to locate you."
"Right," Will said with a nod. He glanced at me again, obviously questioning what the hell he just witnessed, but knew better than to say anything.
"You two," my father continued, looking over at Vaughn and I. "Get some rest."
OOOOO
I have to escape.
There is something I know – something they want. I don't want to think about it. Just memorize the number. I've already hidden the source. I knew it would be better to destroy it, lessen the chance that they would ever find the code, but if I did that, they might kill me. I can't let that happen. I have to get back; I have to stop them before things get any worse. I can't do that if I'm dead.
I'm pacing my room; blonde hair pushed angrily out of my face every couple of minutes. I want to pull it back, but Julia never does that. I'm so sick of Julia. I don't want to remember her.
My plan is in place. I've got the appointments all set up tomorrow. I'll leave first thing in the morning, Disappear. Change my hair back, and then meet with the doctor. I've already sent the disc to Kendall. He'll be mad, but he has to understand… I didn't even tell him the truth. They can't know that I knew – that I was cooperating with the CIA the entire time. Or, once again, they'll kill me.
I'm scared. Terrified, and I can't stop shaking. I don't know if this is going to work. There's a good chance that I'll die trying to erase my memories. The doctor is the leading professional in the field, and he's never had a full test case like this before.
That's what I am. A test case.
The door opens.
"Julia?" I look over at the sound of that voice. That voice grates on my nerves. Every time I hear it, I want to choke it out of that woman. Her naturally blonde hair and her dark eyes, her pale skin… I don't want to see her. I would hate her on principle alone, but there's so much more reason for it than that. I wish it was that simple.
I wish I only hated her because she married him.
"Lauren," I reply, calm and collected as soon as she enters the room. "Did you need something?"
"I need to speak with you," she answers. I nod, and she closes the door. I feel the fury behind my eyes, the anger. I know exactly what she is doing, and while I want to run off to LA and find Vaughn, tell him everything… I know I can't. Because if I disappear with my memory in tact, they will find me. And they will kill us both.
"Of course," I reply. Lauren walks into the room. She is angry about something, but I don't know what it is. She narrows her eyes.
"Where is it?" she questions.
"Where is what?" I play dumb. She shakes her head.
"You know perfectly well what I mean," she answers. "The artifact. I know you retrieved it from the cave. What did you do with it?" I smile. I can't help myself, and I smile. She looks surprised.
"You would like that, wouldn't you? Take the cube back to Derevko and pretend it was your victory," I snap. There is a rivalry here, I realize. Always has been. She is competing with me for Irina Derevko's attention, not realizing that I get so much of it because I am her daughter.
"My mission is already set, thank you very much," she shoots back. This time, she notices the flash of anger in my eyes. She realizes that something has just happened.
I have just slipped.
Her eyes get wide. It only takes me a second, and then it occurs to me that she knows. I go for the gun on my end table, but she stops me. Rushes at me, grabbing my hair. I cry out as she hauls me back, snapping a kick into my chest. I fall back, and she is on me. She grabs one of the pillows off the bed, knocking me to the ground. She tries to suffocate me.
I choke and fight for breath. I struggle, but she has me held fast. She says something about how my acting almost worked, but I slipped up – how she suspected that I was acting from the first time we met.
My body goes limp. She moves the pillow, loosening her grip on my arms. Once I am sure I can move fast enough, I throw her off me. I stand and grab the gun. But, I know what will happen if I stay.
So, rather than killing her outright and ending this whole mess before it really starts, I turn around. I run. Out the door and down to the end of the hall, out the emergency exit and down the stairwell. The alarm blares behind me, and I know Lauren will give chase.
I run.
OOOOO
When I awoke, I was completely out of breath. It was another flashback. Only this one… I coughed, feeling the pillow over my face. All of a sudden, the part of my dream therapy – where I fought Lauren and she suffocated me with a sheet of plastic – made sense. It confused me because it didn't seem like a memory, even though the doctor assured me that it was. She tried to kill me.
"Hey." I turned, looking over at Vaughn. He sat up a little, looking concerned. "Are you all right?" I nodded a little, swallowing thickly.
I knew. I knew that Lauren worked for the Covenant. She and I met while working for my mother. I knew she worked for them, and that they sent her to marry Vaughn as a mission – to get into the CIA. I knew it for at least a few months before the doctor erased my memories.
And I didn't tell him.
"Was it another flashback?" he questioned. I told him about the one from before – the one about knowing my mother was the head of the Covenant and wondering why I never told Kendall that. Now it made sense. If I told Kendall, the CIA would have gone after her. She would know I wasn't really brainwashed, and kill me.
"Yeah," I answered. "It was… Right before I escaped the Covenant. Before I had my memory erased."
"What happened?" he asked. I sighed, shaking my head a little. My breathing returned to normal, but I could still feel Lauren pinning me down, trying to smother me with a pillow. "Was it Simon again?"
"No," I replied. I paused for a moment. I had to say something. "It was… Lauren." I watched Vaughn's expression go from confused to realization, and then to anger. He looked away, nodding a little.
"You knew she was Covenant."
OOOOO
It was Lauren.
At first, I didn't understand what Sydney meant. She had some sort of a flashback that involved Lauren – some piece of her missing time that was somehow reawakened by something her mother did. Then, I figured out what she meant. She saw Lauren during the time with the Covenant. Which meant she knew.
"You knew she was Covenant," I stated, nodding a little.
"Vaughn…" I didn't let her finish, getting up from the bed and walking towards the door. I turned back to look at her.
"You knew?" I asked. Sydney didn't respond. "How long?"
"I don't know," she replied. "Maybe a few months."
"A few months?" I echoed. "You knew she worked for the Covenant – you knew what her mission was, and you never did anything about it?"
I woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static
And put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering
I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore
"Vaughn, it's not like it was all that simple," she answered, protesting. "I did what I did to keep them from killing us both. If I came to Los Angeles, my mother would know that she didn't brainwash me."
"You didn't even tell Kendall?"
"What would have happened if I did? Lauren would be exposed-"
"She almost killed me!" I shouted. Sydney swallowed thickly, not responding.
A little taste of hypocrisy
And I'm left in the wake
Of the mistakes
Slow to react
Even though you're so close to me
You're still so distant
And I can't bring you back
For a moment, neither of us said anything. I looked down at the floor, shaking my head in disbelief. Sydney knew about Lauren, and she didn't say anything. I married a traitor – someone sent on a mission to steal secrets from the United States Government – and she knew that, and chose not to say anything.
"I'm sorry," she finally said quietly. "You know I would tell you if I had that option. If it was safe to tell you or to tell Kendall, I would have done it – you know that!"
"And it was safe not to tell me?" I shot back.
It's true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you
I knew that getting angry with her wouldn't accomplish anything. But… Ever since I learned that my wife was a completely different person than I thought she was – not only did she lie, but she also betrayed me – I struggled with a whole array of emotions. Fury, pain, disgust, anguish… It hurt me to know that Sydney knew Lauren's true allegiance, and didn't say anything to anyone. She erased her own memories, and so much went wrong because of one small thing she could have fixed, but chose not to.
"Vaughn?"
"You could have said something. You could have told Kendall, you could have… God, Sydney, you should have said something!"
You, now I see, you're keeping everything inside
With you
You, now I see, even when I close my eyes
"And what?" she asked, now angry as well. She got to her feet, voice rising as she spoke. "Watch them kill you? That's what would have happened! Would you rather I let that happen? God, I probably knew when I saw you with her that night – after I got away from them. The only reason I didn't say anything was because they were there! Vaughn, if I disappeared on them and then you found out Lauren was Covenant, they would have killed you!"
I didn't respond.
I hit you and you hit me back
We fall to the floor
The rest of the day stands still
Fine line between this and that
When things go wrong
I pretend that the past isn't real
"You don't have any idea what it was like for me! To be kidnapped, to be tortured for nine months by my own mother! I spent two years of my life pretending to be someone else. You think that was easy for me?" she snapped.
"Don't try and make this about you," I shot back. She recoiled instantly as if I hit her. "When you came back, you accused me of giving up on us. What else was I supposed to do? I stood on your front lawn and watched your house burn – I watched you die, right in front of me. I moved on because it almost killed me, and you could have stopped that at any time, and you didn't."
I'm trapped in this memory
And I'm left in the wake of the mistakes
Slow to react
And even though you're close to me
You're still so distant
And I can't bring you back
"I'm sorry," Sydney stated, tears in her eyes. "I didn't know what to do! I don't know what my mother wants from me. I'm sorry that I had to keep it away from her, whatever it was. I didn't mean for that to mess everything else up, but that's what happens sometimes. Maybe keeping that from her was more important than risking telling you the truth about Lauren – I don't know!"
"Maybe keeping that from her is more important than I am."
It's true, the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you
"You know that's not true," Sydney said, looking hurt.
"What else am I supposed to think?" I snapped. "You knew what this would do to me, and you let that happen to keep some secret from Irina Derevko. So, yeah. Maybe that is more important to you."
You, now I see, you're keeping everything inside
With you
You, now I see, even when I close my eyes
"I didn't let this happen!" Sydney protested. "You think it was an easy decision to make? Going to Los Angeles, seeing you and Lauren and knowing who she really was, but knowing if I told you that the Covenant operatives parked outside your house would kill you, and me for telling you? I had to take that chance, and I'm sorry it turned out this way, but you cannot blame me for that!"
I just shook my head.
No
I won't let you control my fate
While I'm holding the weight of the world
On my conscience
No
I won't just sit here and wait
While you weigh your options
You're making a fool of me
"Maybe your dad is right," I finally stated, lowering my voice. "Agents shouldn't have personal relationships because it creates problems. There are too many questions, too many stupid risks we're willing to take."
"You don't believe that," Sydney stated. I looked at her for a long moment, tears running down her face. "You can't give up now just because of this."
"I can't do this anymore."
No
You didn't dare try to say that you don't care
And solemnly swear
Not to follow me there
No
It ain't like me to beg on my knees
Oh please, oh baby please
That's not how I'm doing things
Even as the words came out of my mouth, I was surprised to hear them. Sydney's mouth practically fell open, and she stepped back a little. I took a shaky breath, running a hand up over my face and through my hair.
"No… You said, it was worth trying, just to see…" I nodded a little. "You're saying…"
"Sydney… I can't do this," I stated again.
No I'm not upset
No I'm not angry
I know love is love
Love, but sometimes it pains me
Never without you
I'll always be with you
You'll never forget me
I'm keeping you with me
"I can't spend all my time wondering if you're going to be up front with me," I continued. "We've both been through a lot, and kept things from each other, made stupid compromises and risks…"
"You're right – we've seen a lot. But, we're still here, aren't we? Doesn't that mean anything to you? The fact that we're still here? Giving up is letting them win."
"Maybe they already have."
No, I won't let you take me to the end of my rope
While you burn it and torture my soul
No
No I'm not your puppet
And no, no
No I won't let you go
Another heavy silence filled the room. Finally, Sydney nodded a little, looking anywhere but my face. Her entire body shook. And, as much as I wanted to step forward and apologize, pull her into my arms and say I didn't mean it… I couldn't do it.
I couldn't do it.
No matter how far we've come
I can't wait to see tomorrow
No matter how far we've come, I…
I can't wait to see tomorrow
With you
"I have to…" She didn't finish her sentence. She turned away, walking into the bathroom and closing the door. I closed my eyes, holding back tears. Then, with one last look at the closed door, I left.
You, now I see, you're keeping everything inside
With you
You, now I see, even when I close my eyes