"Morning, gorgeous."

I woke up, warm and comfortable in the arms of Sirius Black. Recently things had been going real well between us, it was almost as if we were beginning to be a couple. Of course, if that was the case then I was cheating on him. Lately Rabastan has taken a keen liking to me, always stopping me in the halls, inviting me into abandoned classrooms and such. I didn't mind it. He treated me decently, meaning he didn't force me to do things I didn't want to do and he wasn't cruel about any of it. He was very aggressive on the other hand. Either I, or Rabastan had managed to get all the others away from me which was a relief. All I had to do was hide my side activities from the boys, mainly Sirius. They would lose all respect for me if they found out.

"Mmm, let me go back to sleep." I whined and covered my face with the blanket that covered the both of us.

"I need to eat then get to quidditch practice." Sirius said but not making a move to get up.

"Well, have fun while I sleep." I smiled, my eyes still closed and covered with the blanket.

"You told Lily you'd come watch with her." Sirius said and I could sense the amusement in his voice. He just adored ruining my relaxed moods, especially when he couldn't join in.

"It's freezing outside Sirius. There is practically snow on the ground." I argued, not wanting to leave the warmth of Sirius' bed.

"How do you think I feel? I have to practice in it." Sirius wrapped his arms around me tightly. "I'd much rather stay warm and relaxed here with you, but James would kill us both if I missed practice."

It was true, James was the most strict person I had ever seen when it came to the quidditch team. They had already played Ravenclaw and won but their upcoming match against Slytherin was apparently going to be much more difficult. I was never all that good at the sport and nor did I really care. It was fun to watch and all but it didn't matter to me whether the team won or not. James would kick me out of gryffindor if he knew that.

I sighed and agreed to get out of bed finally, still not wanting to. Sirius hugged me close to him and placed a gentle kiss on my lips before smiling at me.

"I'll make it up to you." He promised and I laughed slightly.

I stepped out of bed, with only my underwear on and bent over to pick up the clothing I had been wearing the previous night. This was a frequent weekend activity. The marauders and Lily, Alice and I would hang out after dinner and usually Sirius and I would end up going somewhere to make out. He never pressured me to go any further which I was grateful for. It wasn't that I didn't want to have sex, it was that Sirius and I actually had something special. When I was with him I felt nervous and excited at the same time, while on the other hand with Rabastan I usually felt annoyed and nervous. Never did he want to do anything with my outside of sealed off rooms because he didn't want his reputation to be ruined. To him, and almost all of his friend, having casual sex with a Gryffindor was taboo.

I never argued this, both because I didn't want my friends to find out that I was shagging one of the most brutal guys at Hogwarts and also because I didn't feel anything other than lust and fear while around him. It seemed that my encounter over two months ago with Tomas had changed me more than I thought. I was no longer the girl who enjoyed flirting and hanging around with boys. Now I never hung out with any guy alone other than Rabastan, my brother or any of the marauders and despite telling everyone I was over it and back to normal, I still had reoccurring nightmares and rarely walked the halls alone.

I think the only one who noticed my change in behavior was Remus. He always was very observant. Thankfully he never said anything. It was hard enough keeping a secret from everyone, but I knew it would be harder if everyone knew. Besides, I was slowly getting happier and less twitchy. I began trusting guys again, even if one of them was someone who constantly used me for a random shag once in a while. It was nice to feel wanted and not just something that was disposable like Tomas had treated me. Rabastan at least treated me like he wanted to keep me around.

Even Tomas had left me alone, somewhat. There were times when he would try talking to me and try to lure me away from the crowds. It was usually during parties that we were both attending. We would dance, when Sirius was off chatting up other girls, but it never went further than that. I didn't forgive him and I most certainly didn't forget what he did to me, but I knew there was nothing I could do to change the past so I decided to live in the present and not make him angry with me again. No one terrified me as much as he did. I never worried for my safety around anyone other than him, not even Rabastan scared me that much. It was a strange relationship I had with Rabastan. By the way people have talked about him I would've thought he would be much more intimidating than he was with me. I was beginning to think that maybe he was starting to actually like me. We would laugh, and talk with each other during our 'dates' and he was always somewhat kind. I wasn't stupid though, I knew he was nice to me because he enjoyed my easy company. Deep down he was just as cruel and violent as Tomas, he just controlled it better.

I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help but start to like him. I would never feel for him how I felt for Sirius, that was something completely different, something I couldn't even explain, but I was starting to feel for him nevertheless.

"You haven't talked much." Sirius commented on our walk down to the great hall.

"I'm tired Sirius, you woke me up when I was perfectly comfortable." I answered, yawning in the process.

"Darling, you don't want to miss out on a beautiful day like this do you?" He said, draping his arm over my shoulders as we walked into the great hall, earning me a few dirty looks from Sirius' admirers.

"Yes I do." I said annoyed which caused him to laugh. We took a seat next to James who was already there with the other two marauders as well as with Lily.

"Good morning Ana!" Lily said excitedly. I knew she hadn't actually expected me to be awake and willing to go to the practice with her.

"I hate mornings." I complained as I reached for a piece of toast.

"Don't we all?" Remus commented. I looked up at him, happy that someone else knew how I was feeling when I noticed how sick he looked.

"Are you feeling alright?" I asked concerned. His face was extremely pale and his eyes were tired while his body shook slightly.

"I think I'm coming down with something." He said, averting his eyes.

"I hope it's not contagious." James said, leaning away from Remus who laughed.

"I assure you it's not Prongs." He said, giving him a look I couldn't quite figure out.

I smiled and turned my attention back to breakfast. The only way I was going to make it through the practice and the rest of the day was if my belly was full. Food always made me happy in the mornings.

We finished our breakfast with random conversations between all of us, most revolving around James' excitement for the upcoming game. Remus and Peter left to the library to finish their homework while James and Sirius made for the quidditch pitch. Lily and I went back to the dorm to change into more weather appropriate attire. I wore a long black jacket with my Gryffindor scarf and mittens. Lily was dressed similar to me, though her jacket was gray and longer than mine. We walked together to the pitch, her admiring the frost covered grounds while I hugged my jacket close to me, trying to keep warm. My theory was that it was too cold to be sitting outside when you could see your breath in front of you.

We sat high in the stands and watched as the team practiced. James was yelling orders and getting mad with Sirius and Andrew who were fooling around on their brooms.

"So what's going on with Sirius and you?" Lily asked as the team started a scrimmage.

"What do you mean?" I asked, not wanting to talk about it. I really had no idea what was going on with him and I anyways.

"You two spend a lot of time together. James and I have been dating for over a month and we haven't slept in each others dorms, but you and Sirius sleep with each other almost every weekend since well, you know, that thing happened." She said carefully.

"We enjoy each other's company I guess."

"There's nothing more going on?" She asked, turning to me.

"Not that I know of." I looked at her questionably. "Why the sudden interest?"

"I just think it would be good for you. I mean I know Sirius was kind of a... well, whore in the past but it seems that he really likes you. He's told James, you know, how he feels about you."

"I know how he feels about me." I said and she looked at me, eyes wide.

"You do? And? Do you feel the same?" She asked, almost too excitedly.

"I don't know Lily. It's complicated." I said honestly.

"What's complicated about it? You two are perfect for each other."

"We've known each other since our first year Lily. It would be weird to date him. It was weird doing what we did, and it's just now starting to go back to normal and I don't want things to fall apart if something goes wrong." I said casually.

Lily looked at me, curiously for a moment before turning her attention back to the players.

"I don't understand you." She said, after a few minutes.

I ignored her, not really wanting to hear her reasoning behind her words but instead of taking my silence as a cue to stop, she continued.

"Sirius is a great guy. He was there for you in your hardest times Ana, and I know he's been a jerk in the past but all guys are like that. Even James is like that from time to time, they all get moody. I just think you should give him a chance. Obviously you like him or you wouldn't be spending nights cuddling him in his bed."

"I do like him Lily, trust me, I do. I'm just not ready to dedicate myself to someone." I answered.

"You don't have to dedicate your life to him Ana, all you have to do is go out, get to know him in a different way. What's so hard about that?" She asked.

"It's not just that..." I began, but the look on her face forced me to continue.

"He told me, that I was the one person he wanted to be with, as in always wanted to be with. If we get together now, he's hoping that our relationship will continue out of school and that we'll end up being married and together and stuff."

"Ana, that's cute." Lily smiled.

"It is I guess, but I'm not ready for that. One day I'd be happy to be with Sirius. He's the perfect guy, and someone I've always been able to picture myself with but we're both young. Sirius can hardly keep it in his pants at the best of times, and I want to get to know other people, date other people before settling down."

"Ana you know we're in the middle of a war right? That kind of stuff won't be possible to do once we leave school." She said sadly.

"I know, which is why I want to get it over with now."

"Well, I hope you're making the right choice." She sighed, obviously disappointed she had gotten no where.

The practice was over, and the team was now making their way to the change rooms so Lily and I left the stands and waited at the front of the pitch to greet them. It took them a while, but when they finally came out of the change rooms they all smiled and greeted us. All their faces were pink, both from working hard during practice, as well as from the cold weather. It seemed the longer we stood and talked outside the pitch the colder it got so I pulled on Sirius' arm, signaling him to head back to the castle. To my surprise he actually listened and took my hand, leading me through the grounds.

"You must be freezing." He said as we walked swiftly towards the warm awaiting castle.

"Me? You must be, you had to fly around in the cold air."

"It's not that bad after a while. Adrenaline starts to kick in and warms you." He shrugged.

We were back at the castle before anyone else and I looked behind me to see where Lily and James were. I saw them so far away from us that they looked like specs in the distance and decided not to wait for them, instead we went back up to the common room.

"What do you say we get back into bed and get cozy?" Sirius asked, smirking as he grabbed hold of my waist and pulled me close to him.

"I have way too much homework Sirius." I whined and wrapped my arms around his neck. I wished that I could get back into bed. I was still freezing from being outside so long and the unmade bed looked incredibly inviting.

"It's only saturday, you have a whole day to finish." He complained, pouting slightly which made me laugh.

"I want to get it done, I'm not like you I can't leave things to the last minute and put together a perfect essay."

"Fine." He said, letting me go. I smiled at him and turned to walk up the stairs to grab my books from the dorm when I heard him say my name softly.

"Ana?"

"Yeah?" I answered.

"Can we talk, before you go work on homework?" He asked.

"Sure." I nodded and followed him to a vacant couch.

"Things between us, have been going well." He started and I nodded, not fully understanding where he was going with this.

"Is there any chance of it going further Ana? I really want to know if I'm wasting my time."

I sat there, silent, not knowing how to answer. I was already so conflicted about this inside and now Sirius wanted a straight answer?

"I really like you Sirius, you know I do. I just don't think it's a good time." I answered as honestly as I could.

"See I don't understand what you mean by that. You said that a month ago Ana, I've waited patiently and you seem to be more interested in me."

"I am interested in you Sirius." I said.

"Then what's the problem? Is it because of what happened to you? Because you know I would never force you into doing something you didn't want to do." He said, his eyes wide and sincere.

I felt awful. I cared so much for him and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him, but I just couldn't give in. Not yet.

"It has nothing to do with that." I lied.

"Then please, tell me what it is." He said, almost pleadingly.

"I don't know what it is. I just can't do this now, I'm not ready." I said. I didn't know what else to say. I know it didn't make sense, what I told him, what my reason was but it was the best I could come up with.

I knew part of it had something to do with Rabastan, and part of it had to do with Tomas. It was ridiculous that two horrible people could influence the way I thought about one amazing person. He treated me so well, why was it so hard to just give in. I wanted to, so badly but I knew I would just end up hurting him and it would end up hurting me.

Sirius sighed and looked down.

"Sometimes I wish I could read your mind Ana, but then I wonder if I could handle the truth." He said before getting up and leaving the common room and going up to the boys dorm.

Good going Ana. You're so good at screwing things up.

I groaned loudly before standing and grabbing my books from the dorm. I knew it was stupid but I left the common room and made my way to the library.

Authors Note: I know it's a shorter chapter but the next one will be much more interesting. I'm a bit upset with the lack of feedback with the last chapter. I'm hoping it has to do with the site's issues and not with people losing interest in my story! I hope you all are still enjoying and still reading, I'll do my best to update sooner! I love to get reviews so let me know what you think. :)