Hey everyone! so as I stated for my other story...sorry for the longer wait time. I was having issues with my internet connection-boo!
Anyway here is the next chapter please let me know what you think! (ps.. I am thrilled with the response to this story so far! the number of followers and favorites is heart warming!)
oookay...on with the story.
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Chapter 12: Wielding weapons
No amount of guilt will change the past but if taken as lesson it will make the present worth satisfying and will be source of mental peace.
Maybe Hayden was right….and not just about the whole' Anne Rice vampire'- good…'teenage girl fantasy vampire'- bad, thing…maybe he was turning into Edward. Now there was a scary thought.
But he had to admit he found himself broody and sullen a lot lately- of course shacking up with your ex-wife and having a coven leader who had a determinedly 'everything will work out for the better' outlook on life might have been leading him to wanting to lock himself up in a dark room while listening to trippy, yet depressing lyrics about rain, dying and losing one's innocence.
Really, after listening to a few such songs it was surprising that teen suicide wasn't more common than it was. Oookk….maybe it was time to take a step back. Gain a little perspective and all that jazz.
So what if his partner of over half a century had just dumped his ass with really no closure inducing explanation? That's ok. They hadn't been getting along all that great lately anyway. Plus this way he might actually end up with someone who he could actually surprise once in a while on their anniversary or make believe that he really had made that reservation and the hostess was just dumb and forget to mark it down….
Next on the list: the disconnect he was feeling with not only his ex-wife but the rest of his family. It was fine…he never really had clicked with them anyway, so it shouldn't really be bothering him now right?
That annoying little whispering voice in the back of his head kept asking irritatingly, thought provoking questions….like maybe the reason he didn't click with his family was because he wasn't meant to be part of this family? Maybe he wasn't cut out for a peaceful life….maybe he just really wanted to run away with some cocky green eyed boy?...whoa okay backing up.
While he was trying desperately not to dwell on the doubts that these questions kept dredging up he didn't try quite as hard on the last one. He could admit it…he found Hayden more than just attractive. There was a definite pull he felt towards the teen and even the air of mystery and vagueness that came with the green eyed boy didn't dissuade that feeling. If anything it just made it stronger…like if he could just figure out the other boy then maybe, just maybe he would lose interest?
Deep down, he knew that this would not be the case. He had been going back and forth ever since his 'talk' with Hayden, on whether or not he should talk to Carslie. While it was true that the other blond vampire was infinitely more knowledgeable on certain things (for example figuring out if that certain someone was your true mate or simply a singer) Jasper was still hesitant to approach him.
While Carslie and Esme preached the whole tolerance and accepting everyone bit, Jasper couldn't help but wonder just how much truth was in it. After all, while Carslie saw him as a son (or at least Jasper was pretty sure that he did) he still only accepted the blond after Jasper had committed to an animal diet. With Hayden's connections to the Volturi, not to mention the other boy's attitudes on vegetarianism and humanity as a whole (something that just added to Jasper's suspicions on whether or not Hayden was actually human) he somehow couldn't see Carslie being accepting of the teen.
While the family had accepted (well most of them) Bella, at times Jasper wondered if they had only done so because it fell in-line with Carlisle's beliefs and lifestyle. So, yes he was a little hesitant about talking to his 'father' about Hayden possibly (ok…so probably) being his mate.
He knew that Hayden had to be his mate or his singer due to the pull he felt, not to mention the weird thing his gift did around the teen (though it seemed as though none of his families gifts worked around Hayden so it wasn't absolute proof) but something in how Hayden looked at him when the other boy didn't think he was watching—made Jasper feel that he was different. And while being his singer would cover the whole wonky gift thing, considering Jasper had no urge to turn him into a portable tetrus bag kind of disproved that suspicion.
So….mate. Even the word sounded weird in his mouth. It wasn't as though the concept of having a mate was foreign, hell to a vampire it was almost instinct. It was the fact that he had spent so much time with someone else who was apparently not his mate that was throwing him. Because as much as both he and Alice knew that they were not true mates…over the years it had been easy enough to convince himself otherwise.
Probably why he was fighting the whole breakup thing so hard.
He sighed to himself sending a silent prayer up to whatever deity happened to actually exist and answer such pleas (really he wasn't all that picky) that he would be able to sort his head out prior to meeting up with Hayden again.
Then again it probably didn't matter if he got things sorted because every time he was around the green eyed enigma things just seemed to get all scrambled again.
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
There was no simple way to describe him at the moment….while Edward had always known he was the more emotional, introspective one of his siblings, the way he felt at the moment was beyond anything he had felt before. And that included his first meeting of Bella Swan, the subsequent Jame's debacle and finally the Volturi fiasco.
And as much as he wanted to blame his confusion and uncertainty on the Volturi and more pointedly the annoyance that was Hayden, he knew he couldn't. The problems between him and Bella had existed before their arrival in Forks; hell, they were there even before the mistaken suicide attempt in Italy. He had just been so caught up in the idea of finally having someone that he pretended that everything was perfect.
He had to admit that he was pretty skilled at lying to himself….and yet after seeing her, he really couldn't continue telling himself that Bella was his mate. There was no way to compare the draw he felt towards Leah (he had picked out her name from Jacob's mind) and how he felt about Bella. And that was even before taking into account how weird Bella had been acting as of late.
He never thought of her as clingy before…but then again it could be said that before everything had started going south that he had been just as clingy and codependent. Now that he was questioning things, all of their past behavior was starting to seem a tad….unhealthy.
He was just so confused at the moment…he hated the thought of hurting anyone, but given the situation he really didn't see how that could be avoided. He kept telling himself that he had to sit down with Bella and tell her the truth, admit that his feelings had changed. He honestly wasn't even sure if he was going to bring up the whole 'I found my mate' thing or not. It seemed like a tad cruel to do so.
Maybe he should just focus on how their current relationship had changed instead? And as much as he knew he was partially to blame for this, there are two people in a relationship. Her constant flitting between him and Jacob certainly hadn't helped things…
But every time he worked up the nerve to tell her the truth she would say something or do something that would remind him how he was her whole world. A look, a brush of her hand, a few meaningful words…if he didn't know that she was incapable of being manipulative, he would have sworn that she knew what he was going to tell her and was sending him reminders on purpose. But that was ridiculous….
The trouble was that he was still feeling incredibly guilty for leaving her last year, not to mention the whole Volturi thing…because of him she literally had no choice in becoming a monster. How could he possibly abandon her after sentencing her to such a fate?
Even if he had just met his mate and the very thought of her made him feel like his heart was once again beating and his palms sweating. He may or may not have filled up two entire notebooks waxing poetically about her wild beauty….two notebooks which were now locked away very securely in his hidden bedroom safe (his life wouldn't be worth living if Emmet ever found them).
Either way he knew that he would not be able to stay away from Leah…hell, he hadn't even exchanged words with her yet and he was already smitten. Which could be why despite telling Bella that he was off hunting, he found himself hovering near the Quileute border. If he happened to see Leah out on patrol then it really wasn't his fault…right?
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Leah felt herself freeze mid-bound as she caught the regrettably familiar scent. Regrettable because she was still not entirely sure how to deal with the newest twist in her life…well that and the fact that she was in wolf form so her thoughts weren't exactly private at the moment. Which was unfortunate considering where her thoughts were taking her when she caught that scent, yeah…not exactly what she wanted shared with the boys.
At least Sam had been distracted enough lately that he let Paul make the patrol schedule and Paul paired her and Jacob together again (even though she was pretty sure that was exactly the opposite of what Sam wanted…then again Sam's logic never really made any sense to her so who knew?). While it would still be embarrassing if Jake heard the direction that her thoughts were taking in regards to a certain vampire with the same disposition of Edgar Allen Poe (hey, she paid attention in English!), at least she could trust that he wouldn't immediately go running to Sam with the information.
Then again she wasn't sure that his reaction would be that much better considering the amount of animosity between Jacob and Edward over the stupid Swan girl….and there was the second issue with this whole imprinting thing (well besides that dear Edward was her natural enemy, that is)…Bella. As far as Leah was aware the two of them were still very much together and going strong.
If the images that Jacob had been broadcasting for the past several months (during his whole jilted lover phase) were anything to go by, then she really had no chance. Figures. First losing her fiancés to her cousin (which looking back on things she wasn't all that upset considering what a ginormous ass wipe he turned out to be) and now imprinting on someone who had basically declared another woman their soul mate. It was sickening.
She had recently found new sympathy for Jacob's plight….the pictures of Edward and Bella together were beyond revolting. It was like watching a glitterized, sunshine and rainbow filled train crash. Everything looked so friggen sparkly and perfect but you just knew that it could only end in blood and carnage. Leah figured the blood and carnage would be preferable to the former…she had always preferred watching killer zombies over Disney anyway.
She sensed movement to her right and just knew it was him. Well, she might as well shift now in relative privacy so that she could speak to him the first time actually clothed. She might not be a prude when it came to such things but even she wanted to actually speak to the man before getting naked.
After a quick shift and hurried dressing, she moved closer to where she instinctively knew he was- that was another thing that they would definitely need to talk about if they ever did get together; Bella might have appreciated the whole loner-stalker thing—but Leah most definitely did not. It's called a cell phone dammit…use it.
"I know you are there, you might as well just come out like a normal person" she called out. She knew that Jacob had started to run towards where she was as soon as she had decided to shift and talk to the vampire. She probably had ten minutes before the menace was there and both idiots went into alpha male mode.
If that happened she had no problem kicking both of their respective asses.
Edward almost shuffled into the clearing looking rather abashed at having been called out, "Hello" he stated, and Leah had to grit her teeth to stop herself swooning like a pathetic school girl at the inflection he gave the word.
Seriously! She had to doubt Bella's insistence that she was still holier then Mary (which she had apparently told Jacob—which if you asked Leah was weird), because Edward's voice was most definitely a bed room voice.
'Ooookay….concentrate Leah' she reprimanded herself glad for the many years of practice she had at being a bitch. She used all of this experience to glare at the admittedly handsome vampire.
"What do you want?" she asked her voice guarded, doing her best not to sound like she really, really cared what he was doing; which she didn't… not at all.
"…er…I-I was hoping to, um see you?" he stated though it sounded more like a question. In the back of her mind she was amused with the fact that he didn't sound all that eloquent at the moment.
She was trying really, really hard not stare at him though her every instinct was telling her too…then again her every instinct was also telling her to establish her dominance, something she thought Edward probably wouldn't appreciate…at least during their first meeting.
"Well here I am" she said sarcastically, raising one of her eyebrows in challenge.
Edward shifted again running a hand through his former perfectly styled hair, "…I-I think we have something's to discuss" he stated falling back into the formal pattern of speech, that from what Leah had gleaned from Jacob's thoughts was his normal speech pattern.
Leah sighed but nodded her agreement…might as well just dive right into it, "Look I don't know how much you really know about our tribe…and…"she took a deep breath to steel herself before continuing, "…and how we chose our mates but…"
She didn't get to finish her sentence as Edward broke out in a face splitting smile, "so you have felt it too then? That we are mates?" he stated the words rushed in his relief.
Leah saw no point in denying the fact so she nodded, "Yeah…I-I um imprinted on you"
Edward's brow furrowed for a second while he processed the word, then smiled "it is your equivalent of a mate, yes?"
Leah nodded again, then a sudden thought struck her "Wait…Jacob told us that you can-are you reading my thoughts right now?" she demanded not sure how she felt about it.
Edward shook his head, "no my gift should not work properly on my mate…or my singer" he added the last softly. Leah tried to recall what the term meant, but shrugged when she couldn't. It wasn't that important though she did have a sneaking suspicion that it somehow related to Bella.
Speaking of which…
"Ok…so we established that we are-are mates" she swallowed again still not comfortable with what that term implied, "so what about your girlfriend?" she asked (and no she was not singing Avril Lavigne's ridiculously annoying 'girlfriend' song in her head…at all). She needed a clear answer on this, she was not about to play second fiddle to a pathetic high school girl.
Edward's brows furrowed and he looked uncomfortable again, "…um I- ah we're still together" he admitted quietly.
Leah let out the harsh breath she had unconsciously been holding…of course they were. "Fine, I have to go" she stated before turning to retreat back into the forest where she could shift back.
"Wait!" Edward called out in panic, "where are you going?"
Leah turned slowly giving him her best 'you are a complete moron and not worthy of my time or attention' glare, "Where do you think? I have things to do"
Edward stood there looking confused and truth be told kind of like a kicked puppy, "b-but what about…what about us?" he asked.
Leah stared at him incredulously…was he serious? "There is no us. There will never be an us…at least until you are rid of your—girlfriend" her lips curled around the last word in disgust, "If you are serious about this, then you need to figure your shit out, until then we have nothing to talk about"
Edward looked like he wanted to protest but he didn't…which was probably a smart choice.
Leah sighed again, not quite able to leave him without at least a bone (and no not that kind you perverts) "Give me your phone"
Edward shot her a confused look, "I know that you have it on you" she continued making an impatient gesture for him to hand it over.
He finally did so and she entered her own number in it, "there when you figure out what you want you can call….oh and tell Hayden that he needs to call me; you can give him the number" she stated tossing the phone back at him before moving away for real this time.
She didn't need to look back to know that the vampire was still standing in the clearing staring down at the number she typed in.
As she ran in the direction that she knew that Jacob was coming from she couldn't help but shake her head, men….certainly were the inferior gender at times.
Well at least the men that seemed to gravitate towards her anyway, but this time around she would be nobody's fool…even if it meant ignoring her imprint.
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Argus shuffled down one of the dark, rarely used Hogwart's corridors, clutching the creased letter to his bony chest while a gleeful and all together frightening smile pulled at his lips.
Oh how he hated this place and these people.
He hated everyone, really. He hated the children—to noisy and messy; he hated his co-workers—to superior and condescending; hell, he even hated most of his family…then again it wasn't like anyone could blame him on that account. They had after all cast him aside like yesterday's garbage…all because he couldn't make a light come out the end of a stupid stick. Even his 'mutated' relatives from America were irritating as hell. For the most part Argus avoided any form of contact with the entire lot of them.
Really, he had almost just thrown his cousin's letter away when it arrived- he barely even knew the Uley's as in his good opinion, they had always been rather full of themselves and you could tell that they thought he was a little on the crazy—collecting plastic dolls—side of things, so he hadn't made a real effort at it. But something stopped him from simply throwing the letter away.
And for that he was rather glad.
In his hand was a veritable treasure….a nugget of information that could very well prove to be invaluable. Why if the boy his cousin described was who he thought it was…well, let's just say there were a whole lot of people who would be willing to pay a small fortune for that information.
He wouldn't have to continue cleaning up nervous first year's puke or being subjected to the older year's dung bombs…he could-well he could retire!
Oh yes….today was a good day for one Argus Filch. Today he was going to sell the location of the missing savior to the highest bidder.
A good day indeed.