A/N: Oh how the years go by…after years here's the latest chapter of AHTH. It's short but it's a chapter that needed to be written. Unbetae'd but really after all these years did you guys expect anything different?

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Ch.14 A Hand To Hold

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Kanda couldn't sleep that night. He tossed and turned trying to find just the right position to fall asleep in, but sadly sleep didn't come. He had two things on his mind, or rather two people who he just couldn't seem to stop thinking about. Alma and Allen.

Alma had been his world for what felt like forever. They'd been friends since they were children and when they'd grown into teens they'd realized that the love they felt for one another was stronger than that of two friends. That's when they became lovers. They'd started dating when they were only sixteen but they'd been so sure that they didn't need anyone else but each other. Kanda had never said it out loud but he knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Alma. Alma brought out the best in him and he saw what others around him couldn't see. When he was with Alma he felt loved, something he'd never felt so strongly from anyone before asides from his father and siblings.

It's because of this "love" that he couldn't understand why Alma had left. He couldn't understand why after so many years of living in what felt like bliss he was so rudely awakened by a single piece of paper and an empty house. He didn't understand why his lover had left without a trace leaving behind a note that read "I'm sorry". What was he sorry for? Leaving? Loving Kanda? Had he left him for someone else? He didn't know. He didn't know and he'd tormented himself every day for three years for not knowing the answer.

Allen was his secretary but he'd be lying to himself if he let himself believe that he only thought of him as his secretary. The young-man was stubborn, dedicated, hard-working and a great father. When he'd first hired him he didn't expect for the young-man to last long. No personal assistant had ever managed to keep up with Kanda Yuu and he sure didn't expect a bean sprout to be able to do so but he was wrong. Time and time again, Allen managed to exceed every single one of his expectations.

It wasn't until he started living with his personal assistant that his admiration for the young man had grown into something more. He'd started to enjoy their daily banter, teasing and having dinner with not only him but also his daughter. He doesn't know when it happened but ever so slowly he'd started to fall for the younger man. It was completely unethical, unhealthy and insane but he couldn't help himself. It wasn't until he kissed Allen that he realized that there could never be anything between them. They were both two broken people unable to love again because they couldn't let go. It was at this moment that Kanda realized he wasn't over Alma. When he kissed Allen he didn't do it because he "loved" the younger male, he did it because all of these emotions he'd developed over the past few weeks reminded him of how he felt when he was with Alma. In his quest to forget Alma he'd ended up falling deeper into the rabbit hole.

He thought that if he tried hard enough he could forget Alma, but that was a lie. No matter what he did or where he looked all he could see was him. Some days were better than others but most days Alma continued to plague his mind like a parasite. He was so sure that he could cover his emotions behind a mask of indifference but this too was a lie. He thought he could pretend to be over Alma, stop seeing Allen as him and maybe move on with his life but things are never that easy. It's hard to move on with your life when you can't let go and little by little everything starts to build up. Everything gets to be too much and you reach a breaking point.

It was at this point that Kanda made a decision that he felt he should've made years ago. He knew what he was about to do was stupid but he needed to do this, it's what he should've done in the first place.

After doubting himself for a few minutes he finally picked up his phone and dialed the one person he knew would be up at this ungodly hour.

"Is this a booty call? Because if so I need to get a few extra things before I come over."

"I can't do this anymore."

"Kanda…what are you talking about?"

"I need to leave, I have to go out there and find him. This is what I should've done in the first place."

"No. NO! You called off the search Kanda you can't go back to this again!"

"I need you to help Allen manage the company while I'm gone. You know how everything works right down to the core so there should be no problem."

"Kanda! Are you even listening to yourself?! You're leaving everything behind just to go on a wild goose chase for someone that couldn't give a damn about you! Listen to me! You're better than this! Please just give me ten minutes and I'll be there! Just…for the love of god…please don't do anything stupid!"

The line cut off after that and Kanda knew he only had a few minutes before the rabbit arrived at his house. Without wasting any time he got out of his pajamas and changed into a black long sleeve shirt and faded skinny jeans. After he'd made himself presentable he started to pack two of his suitcases. He packed one full to the brim with clothes and the other with shoes and other things he might need such as his passport, extra money, toiletries, etc. Without wasting a minute he finished packing and reassured himself that he could always buy something he'd forgotten with his credit cards.

He closed the bedroom door silently as he rolled the two suitcases behind him. Any minute now Lavi would be arriving and he had to make sure that he was gone before the rabbit got here. He knew that if he stayed to chat with the red-head he'd talk some sense into him like he always did. However, this time he didn't want to be talked sense into. He was done trying to pretend like everything was alright.

It was finally time for him to leave.

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A/N: I'm sorry for the long wait and hopefully this time I'll be able to finish the story. Wasn't this chapter great? I told you guys this story is a fucking emotional roller coaster and you're all stuck here until the very end. Feel free to drop a review…or not it's your choice.