Warning: tissues may be needed. Because while Erin has been in this story, the Linstead has not been there and I just watched the last episode and well, this is happening.

Its LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEEEEAAAAADDDDDD!

Second to last chapter y'all. Pride.

Erin's P.O.V.

"You did not say that." The statement should be more of a question or something, but it comes out as a joking reprimand.

"You're damn right I did! I mean it was Voight of all people. I actually had no idea how to respond and that just slipped out and well, it was interesting after that."

"Still can't believe he didn't call me." I huff, buttoning his dark, navy blue shirt. It's gotta be my favorite on him, brings out the color in his eyes. Not that normally, he would need the extra push to look handsome, but his skin is still pale, face still drawn, and eyes still retaining that dull exhausted look he's had for the last two weeks.

"Erin, you were so exhausted, even if he did call you, you would have slept right through your ringer."

"Then he should have keep calling!"

"At which point you would have thrown your phone across the room." Rolling my eyes, I smack him in the bicep, turning back to face the bed where I retrieve my purse, stuffing my phone, makeup, money and other essentials into the small silver clutch. As I stand a strong pair of arms encircle my front, a warm chest meeting my back. He nuzzles my neck, lightly peppering it with kisses making the skin tingle.

"You okay?" He mumbles into my ear, nudging me with his nose when I refuse to turn my head to him. Instead I nod, tipping my head to the side in a small effort to drag my face away from his tantalizing touch. Unfortunately this only gives him greater access to my neck.

"Jay-" I gasp, breathlessly catching his hands as they start to slid lower. Sighing he pulls his hands back up around my upper abdomen, lightly squeezing me closer to him. Resting his head on my shoulder, I'm able to see his pouty face in the mirror. I know what he's trying to do, even if he doesn't.

The police and firefighter multitask association's charity ball will be the first thing in almost two months that we are going to go to as a couple. The first time in two months, where Jay has to be around a lot of people, a lot of noise, and a lot of expectations. Sure, he got used to the people in the hospital, and all of us were around as much as we could be, but it's not going to be anything compared to this. He's afraid, I know he's afraid, although I am just as scared to admit it as he is, because then it'd mean he isn't ready and we both so want him to be.

"You don't have do this tonight." I whisper, scared to break the calm silence we held moments before.

"We both know I do if I ever want to get my badge back."

"Jay you never lost it. Voight made sure of that. And you know that whenever you're ready to go back, it's going to be there, waiting for you." I turn to face him, still wrapped in his embrace.

"We don't want you to rush this. If you aren't ready then...you just aren't. That's all there is too it." A shadow crosses his face and I know I wasn't successful in hiding my disappointment. He pulls away.

"Jay…" He pulls on his suit jacket, snatching his wallet and phone to stowe in his pockets. I surge forward, mouth open to ramble some apology because really, it isn't fair of me to be angry or discouraged if he didn't go. I was worse than him after Nadia and he still stuck by me afterwards. I've no right to judge him yet…

"I'm not going to go backwards Erin. If I didn't think I didn't think I could do this, I wouldn't be." There's a note of doubt in the sentence, but I don't call him on it.

"I just-"

"Hey, Linds, I get it. You're scared if I don't take this first step now, I never will and then you'll be stuck with a depressed me, which would drive you insane, because you don't think you'd know how to fix it."

"Oh?" I say, a raised eyebrow in response to his half joking tone. "And how, would I, dare me say, figure out how to fix a depressed and mopey Jay Halstead?" Suddenly there's a pair of lips on mine, for some reason tasting oddly like that salty caramel they always do. Course he doesn't believe me about that one, but what's he to do, kiss himself to prove me wrong?

As he pulls away, I smile, giddiness flooding through me for a moment.

"Just like that." He murmurs before I pull him in for another. This one has the potential to lead to...other activities, but then my phone buzzes and I realize the time.

"Shit Halstead we're late!" He laughs at my change of mood, always thinking its funny when I'm flustered. Quickly I slip on my silver heels, keeping my eye on the man behind me as he stifles a groan bending over to tie his dress shoes. The infection may have finally run its course, but the aches and muscle pain from the fever have yet to subside. The doctor said it's like an aftershock for the body, telling me to imagine if I had just completed a really intense workout. I guess I can understand that. I mean if I was shot, (almost died from that), had an infection (almost die from that also) then have a massive bacterial spike of said infection, (literally get two inches from death on this one) all in the same three weeks, I would be sore afterwards as well.

We finally leave the apartment, (his of course) me locking it as he pings the elevator. Even though we have been going for walks every day when I get home from work, he still hasn't built up his strength to anywhere near what he used to be. And we are both going to need our energy to last through the night that is sure to be packed with music and alcohol that I'm going to have to keep him from.

Jay is still on his antibiotics and I don't want to have to be the stumbling drunk of a girlfriend so we both agreed to stick to nonalcoholic beverages tonight. As I drive through River North, I take a moment to double check our outfits and make sure we don't have some horrible wardrobe malfunction. Jay's dark navy shirt matches my open backed, empire waist dress with a full, draping skirt. His silver tie matches my satin ribbon that wraps underneath my chest. He has jell in his hair, mine is done up in the back in a mass of curls with small fake diamond chains hanging half hidden from them.

Good news: we look fantastic and it's all because of me. Bad News: this dress and these hells are making it really hard to drive. Eventually I hit West Washington street, falling into an entourage of care that all turn onto La Salle, the road home to city hall. A chauffeur takes the keys and we don't get two feet inside when a wolf whistle stops with hackles raised, Jay's angry aurora instantly melts as Antonio and Atwater waltz up to us, a huge grin on both their faces.

I can see relief just under the happiness of Dawson's face. He was probably more afraid than I was that Jay wouldn't show up. I plant a smug smile on my features, intending on looking confident while scanning both men's appearance. You gotta give Intelligence one thing, we can definitely dress nice. Don't ever tell the guys that though. They're cocky enough.

"Shit Antonio. What are you wearing?"My grin widens at my boyfriend's teasing.

"Yeah Dawson, don't you know this is a black tie event? Jesus show some respect, put on something better than that!" Kevin laughs, giving my a high five before pulling me in for a more formal hug. Tony pulls Jay into a bro hug as well, only I can see him saying something in his friend's ear. They pull away from a moment, heads together then Jay nods, staring sincerely at Dawson who squeezes his shoulder before turning back towards us.

"Oh my, my, my, you are a site to rest eyes on Erin Lindsay." Jay and I both groan as one Adam Ruzek makes his presence known, Al and Hank behind him. The latter pointedly stares at him before giving me a hug, his long time friend gibbs slapping his rookie partner. As the two groups mesh into one we slowly make our way to the main ballroom, our entrance anything but spectacular although we are met with a bazillion smiling faces as Firehouse 51 comes to great us, follows by the people from Med. A huge body of law enforcement, paramedics, doctors, nurses, and firefighters moving from the doors to the bar and our designated tables.

I feel Halstead tense next to me, his hand entwining in mine, squeezing so hard it hurts, but I don't mind. If that's what he needs to stay grounded he can break my fingers if he has to. We drift around for an hour or so, sharing crazy stories with one another as the orchestra plays gentle melodies in the background. Voight doesn't so much as blink when I inform him neither of us are drinking tonight, instead letting a small smile play on his lips and bringing us a couple sodas from the bar. He does however, allow me to catch him a couple times eyeing Jay. It doesn't go unnoticed by him or Al or even Dawson how he refuses to leave my side the whole time, never saying many words if speaking at all.

Luckily the party is so loud and crowded none of the firefighters or medical persona notice, and if they do, they don't care to comment on it. About an hour passes, then we all take our seats as the Police commissioner, Fire Sargent, and Mayor all make their speeches. None take to long, and as the mayor wishes us a good night the main meal comes out on steaming plates, at least seventy waiters needed to bring all the food, and even then some return on a second trip.

Jay seems more calm at table that's just Intelligence, the noise level a lot lower as everyone eats. He actually releases my hand after I tease him about needing to hold my fork. Soon desert is coming out on platters, a fantastic chocolate cake (swear to god they planned it just for me) that I devore and then proceed to steal from Halstead. Not that he planned on eating it he was just stabbing it with his fork, but it still doesn't go unnoticed by the rest of the team.

Weird fact: as much as I love chocolate cake, Jay loves it a million times more. I have come over his apartment numerous times to find him staring at his oven waiting for one to be done. Ask him why and he'll just respond with a mouthful of the stuff and a barely discernable 'because it's delicious'. We often joke about it: the perfect match, a chocolate freak dating a bigger chocolate freak. Match made in chocolate heaven.

However right now I'm thinking it might have been a good thing he didn't eat it as he abruptly stands and walks off, making a beeline in the direction of the bathrooms. Everyone stares pointedly at me, all accept Kev who more stares at them, slightly confused. I don't know how much Atwater knows, but I am aware that Ruzek and Alvin told him something about what happened.

Quietly I excuse myself and follow him, barging straight into the guy's room without a care. He is leaning against the marble counter, arms his supporters as he trembles, head down. Not making a sound I wrap my arms around one of his, resting my head on his shoulder and looking into the mirror.

"We can go home if you want." Shaking his head he lifts his face to look at mine in the glass before us.

"I just wish...I wish he was here. He should've been able to see this. To be a part of this."

"He would have been great at Med you know."

"I know." Turning towards the material him now, I gaze unabated at his face.

"He'd want you to be happy Jay. We both know moving on isn't forgetting...it's letting go. And if you ever want to be happy...you need to let go. All the anger, all the guilt, you gotta leave it behind." His head drops again, this time leaning towards me in comfort.

"It's hard." He whispers, voice full of too much pain to be put into words.

"I know. God Jay, you know I know. But you have to do it, you need to. You aren't leaving him behind, you're just changing. Who knows? Maybe...maybe you'll see him again one day." My throat progressively closes up as I speak, so that the last words come out choked and in through tears. Jay squeezes his eyes shut and envelope him in a hug, crushing him in an embrace so hard it's probably cutting off his air flow.

Because honestly I don't want Jay to see Will again, in the fear that it will be too soon that he does, that he'll leave me behind, leave me young and broken and that I will find myself repeating the words I have just said, only to myself over his grave.

I feel every silent sob that wracks his too thin body. I can almost imagine Will standing next to me, berating me for letting him get so skinny, then ragging on his brother for his poor self care.

'Shit Jay, I know you're not used to thinking about yourself but eat every once in awhile okay?'

I can practically hear the words, ones laced with anger to cover his worry. Just like I do. Just like all of Intelligence does when Jay gets hurt. As much as I love his bravery and courage, he's something like a trouble magnet because of it. Still, we are his family, and I'll be damned if we let him fall.

Slowly his sobs subside and I pull away from him, sniffling to keep my own tears at bay. Gently I cup his face with my hands, not breaking eye contact even when he looks at me, all shields broken and down, all his walls crumbled and gone, every emotion plain at day in his sea green eyes. Weird how they look almost blue with his outfit.

I wipe away a single tear on his face with my thumb as I hear music start up, notes that definetly come from a DJ not a band.

"Come on." I whisper. "We need to go and dance. And laugh. And maybe cry some more. But I am not doing that in the bathroom." His eyes keep staring, not so much as a blink.

"You need to show everybody your secret dance moves." I smile at the closely kept secret of his. Believe it or not, Jay is a tremendous dancer. Of course, none of the guys know that so what the hell. I take his hand in mine.

"Let's go have fun. And you can Will all about it when you see him again." Again my throat constricts, but then he leans down and kisses me hard, so much passion in it, it steals the breath from my lungs. Pulling back, stares at me with love, squeezing my hand, a low rumbling sentence exiting his mouth.

"One day."

I actually got teary when writing this, and the last time I cried during entertainment was when I watched Million Dollar Baby. (phenomenal movie btw, go watch it)

So it might just be girl hormones. But still. Also sorry its short but the ending just seemed perfect to me.

Review and tell me what you think!