Sorry I didn't mean to keep you all waiting for so long. Had to take some time for myself and I might have lost my Beta along the way :'|

If anyone wants to help me make this story better please do so and write me! 3

ALSO, I reread the whole story and regret not going darker at some points, I might do that on AO3, preferably with some help
Not just for gramma and basic stuff but IF someone wants to rewrite this with me, describing scenes a bit better and giving it all a bit more emotion
I would be glad :)

ah.. If this wasn't clear before... this Chapter is my mess ;) Not beta read

and short... sorry

3

Chapter 14

John

The peggies around them cheered loudly and John felt he urge to throw up. He played his part so convincingly that he feared he might lose himself in it. He had been this person before, for different reasons but still,… it was a part of him.

But he had to push those fears away and keep going, because so far it had all played out exactly how he intended it to. Well actually he had expected Emily to fight back more, maybe she had listened to him after all and did trust him. Or maybe she had just lost hope and gave up…

John couldn't think about that or he was certain his cover would blow up, even though being cruelly convincing before gave him a bit of space around his men. But he wouldn't risk getting emotional now, they were so close to the exit,… so he kept pushing her forward without another word.

Once they were out of the bunker he would take them to the Seed Ranch and there he would fly Emily out of here and leave everything behind. She would have never agreed to it, since it meant that she had to leave her friends and the resistance behind as well… and Hudson. He only had room for two people in his plane, pilot and co-pilot.

He knew he lied to Emily… he had told her he would let Hudson come with them, well he did. But he wouldn't fly her out… Or maybe… if Emily could be convinced… maybe he could let them fly out of here but only if she would stay away.

„Get in!" John ordered Emily and pushed her into a van. Hudson was placed in another car and John joined Emily in the back of the van after he told his peggies to drive to the Seed Ranch.

Once the doors were closed and Emily and John had some sort of privacy he tried to reach for her hands. He needed to … but she flinched away from his touch.

Emily

What was his game? You couldn't read John and as he tried to touch you your instincts kicked in. Judging by his look this hurt him but you remained silent, you were hurt too.

All you wanted was for this madness to be over with and you caught yourself still wishing this was just a hurtfully realistic nightmare, but it wasn't. Your aching and burning body was a too clear of a reminder of that.

After a while you looked up only to see John watching you anxiously. His eyes caught you off guard and, even though by now it was almost beyond you why or how you even could but still, sympathy washed over you. There was a gloom of sadness surrounding him and you could tell he was struggling with his emotions.

It felt like forever, the two of you watching each other silently, trying to figure out what was going on and how the other one felt. Some sort of understanding overcame you as you realized this might have been the only way for the three of you out of the bunker. John had to keep up this charade in case this all went sideways, giving him more options, you understood that now.

But there was no denying that it wasn't all an act. This sadistic cruel person was a part of who John was. He might have switched sides, and you were mostly still certain that you could trust him with your life but you also knew the lives of others meant little to him, but a part of him still was a Seed, maybe even longing to be reunited with his brothers and that thought sacred you.

There was no telling how this would all end and you had a really bad feeling. Ultimately death was the only way out of this. Either the cults or the resistances. You knew by now that the Seed family wasn't to be captured, Joseph would rather die than abandon his cult and vision…

Still, you knew that no matter how twisted he was you would still try and safe John, either way. You saw the good in him and that he wasn't just pure evil…

A loud clash and unexpected loss of gravity tore you out of your thoughts. Sh… Wha..?! UGH!

The van must have been ambushed considering with how much force you were knocked out of your route and probably on it's way crashing down a hill due to John and you flying through the back of the van. It was all a blur, and as fast as it happened it came to an sudden halt, knocking you both on the van's roof.

John came back to it way faster then you and was already slamming his body against the doors, without success. Still tipsy and out of focus you got up and pushed John away from the doors. Softly taking a hold of the handles, you gave the doors a rough thug and almost too easily pushed them open.

You stumbled outside and felt to the ground weakly. Shook still controlling you, you stayed on the ground and weren't able to focus on anything. All noises were muffled but you could feel John yanking you up roughly.

John

„Em!" She wasn't responding to him no matter how hard he tried. The resistance had attacked the convoy, probably well aware that she was in one of the vans. John couldn't tell if they knew he was here as well, but he couldn't risk it.

They were clearly outnumbered by the sounds of it. He had to get out of here as fast as possible and he wanted Emily to come with him. But she was non-responsive…

He let go of her and went to the drivers cabin to check if his men were conscious, which of course they were not. He was on his own.

So he reach inside to grad the guns his men had lost during the crash and made his way back to Em.

„Em… EM! Come on!" He shook her again, at least she was on her feet now and looking into his eyes.

„We have to go! Come on!" He was desperate. If they didn't leave soon the resistance would catch up and … most definitely shoot him. He knew they hated him,… knew they were after his blood and would make him pay for all the horrible thing he had done to them.

Finally Em babbled senseless words and it looked like the situation finally caught up with her.

„Listen, I know you're in shock, but please… We have to go,… NOW!" He pleaded holding her close again.

„I-I… I d… I don't think I can…" she stuttered as her knees gave up again. She was too week, too shocked… John realized that he had only three options.

He could be stubborn about it and try and drag her with him as far as possible, hoping to reach safety, but the chances of them not getting caught were near to nothing… Or he could stay with her… get captured. There might be a slim chance that the resistance would not kill him right away and just torture him, but this way he could be with her. But it was highly unrealistic that they wouldn't shoot him on sight… This left him with only one option if he wanted to survive.

Leave her behind.

„… Go." She whispered. Her eyes told him everything he needed to know. She understood the situation. It was his only way out of this alive.

Tears were forming in her eyes as she said more determined, „Now… they want me, they might not even know you're here… go. Please! I'll be alright."

And with that John knelt down to Emily to give her a soft kiss goodbye… It broke his heart but he tore himself away from her and ran away from the van. To the woods, to find cover.

After what felt like hours to him he slowed down his pace only to realize where he was…

He had headed to the wrong direction. He was no longer in his area,… but close to Josephs compound… He was slightly wounded from the crash and John knew he had to rest soon or he might put himself in danger again.

So he swallowed down his anxiety and kept heading towards Joseph…

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