Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Author's notes: So, of course I'm not done making fun of Sasuke yet. :D. And of course I would have to make a follow-up to A Trip to the Guidance Office, so you might wanna read that chapter first. Lol. Hopefully, this piece lives up to expectations and I'm hoping to make a couple of other guidance councilor ones, most likely with different characters. If you like this story, you may like my new 'How To' column so check that out if you have some sparre time. But now I should stop talking so…without further ado…

R&R.

History

"Jiraiya-sensei? Are you there?" the voice on the intercom blared.

"Nah, ero-sennin went to spy on the girls at the bathhouse again." Naruto replied.

"Oh oka-wait, WHAT?" the voice screeched.

"Ok, nevermind, is Sasuke Uchiha there?" the voice inquired.

"Hn."

"From that careless response completely devoid of all emotion, I'm guessing that was Sasuke speaking, right?"

"Hn."

"Just come down to the guidance office, Uchiha."

The Guidance Office

Complete déjà vu.

"What the hell do they want with me now?" Sasuke thought. "They already pulled me down there to inspect whether I was gay or not."

He became irritated at the thought. Two weeks hadn't been enough to erase the trauma from his memory and he shuddered at the thought of talking to Deidara again.

For the second time, he opened the door to the guidance office and walked in, heading straight for Mr. D's door.

"You're Sasuke Uchiha?" the secretary stopped him. "You're supposed to go over there."

She pointed towards another room, one that he had never been inside before. "But…isn't my guidance councilor Deidara?" he asked confusedly.

She only shrugged at him. "They told me to send you in there."

He went to the door she indicated and opened it, not knowing what to expect.

More déjà vu.

There was once again a man standing with his back to him, and he too was wearing a black coat with white clouds, ringed with red on it, but when the man turned around, he was most certainly not Deidara.

"Hello, Uchiha. I'm a guidance councilor here. My name's Hidan."

The silver-haired man did not speak any further.

"Ummm…may I sit down?" Sasuke asked.

"No. We're here to discuss your problems and I don't believe in students being comfortable in my presence." He intoned. "Now, I have no problem with letting you stay depressed and suicidal, deal with your anger problems alone, and become emo, but it seems that principal Tsunade does."

He got out a rather thick folder that Sasuke could see was labeled with his name on it. "So, we're here to figure out what is making you turn emo, the cause of your depression, suicidalness, and anger."

"What?!" Sasuke yelled. "I'M NOT EMO!"

Almost as an afterthought, he added. "And suicidalness isn't a word."

Hidan glared at him. "It is in my office. Now, SIT DOWN AND LISTEN!"

"But…you just told me not to sit down," Sasuke said confusedly.

"I changed my mind, sit." His voice suddenly became honey sweet.

Sasuke sat in the chair nervously.

"Now, it seems that lately you've been very withdrawn and distant from all your friends, increasingly antisocial. Apparently, there have been cases of you turning down offers to 'hang out' and have even refused ice cream." Hidan gave him a strange look. "Who in their right mind would turn down ice cream?"

He started to speak, but Hidan cut him off.

"Also, it appears that you are starting to display signs of an extremely bad temper towards the world, even striking out with verbal abuse at certain innocent girls."

"They weren't innocent!" he protested. "They've been stalking me!"

Hidan seemed to not hear him. "We were going to write off the fits of anger as PMS, but since we're almost sure you're not a girl, we had to cross that option off."

"What do you mean almost?!" Sasuke's voice cracked in panic.

There was still no sign that Hidan was listening. "But since you are displaying those anger signs, Tsunade has insisted that we put you on an 'anger management' class schedule. So on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, you are to accompany me to the course 'Let's all be Friends'. Don't worry, it's not so bad. And then on Tuesdays, you're to go to therapy. Luckily, Tsunade assigned you to my therapist, so you can just tag along with me."

Sasuke just stared at him, flabbergasted.

"Y-you're c-crazy," he stuttered.

Hidan paid him no attention. "We're also thinking that the depression and suicidal thoughts may have been brought on by delayed post-traumatic stress from Itachi-san killing your whole family. So we've decided that he should also attend your therapy sessions. It would bring closure."

"WHAT?! I HATE HIM!"

"See? We told you that we've observed signs of extreme anger. The anger management classes will fix that all up." Hidan continued.

"I DON'T HAVE ANGER PROBLEMS!"

"Then why are you still screaming at me?" Hidan pointed out.

Sasuke gaped at him, speechless. "Exactly."

Hidan plowed on. "Like I've said, we've also observed depression and suicidal thoughts in your behavior lately, so on Saturday and Sunday, we have you signed up for group therapy with others that are having your same problem. This way you can learn how to help yourself by sharing your experience with others. Any questions?"

He looked at Sasuke expectantly.

"I-I not e-emo," he choked out.

Hidan clicked his tongue impatiently. "We already know that you are. Hold out your arms."

Sasuke did as he was told, confused.

"Look, there are cut marks all over your arms." He said triumphantly.

Sasuke looked down at his arms.

There were indeed scratches on them. "That's only cuz the dobe can't throw kunai straight for his life!" he cried out.

Hidan gave him a pitying look.

"You don't have to cover it up any longer. We're here for you." He said soothingly.

Sasuke screamed in frustration.

A head poked itself into the office. "Hey, I heard someone screaming. Are you torturing small animals again? How many times do we have to tell you that we got you the rabbit for a pet, Hidan?" he scolded cheerfully.

Deidara let out a girlish squeal when he saw Sasuke. "OMG, MY FAVORITE LITTLE GAY!"

Sasuke flinched and started to back away from the insane blonde, but to no avail. He was instantly enveloped in a huge hug.

"So, how you doin, hun? I haven't seen you in forever, and you've totally been skipping your classes? But that's okay, how about I take you shopping today, after school?" Deidara gushed with enthusiasm.

Sasuke felt like his head was going to explode.

Hidan gave Deidara a confused look. "He's not gay, just emo."

"What are you talking about?" Dei said with an elaborate hand motion that is too hard to describe in words.

"We've been trying to help him with his…" his voice dropped down to a whisper. "…sexual attractions to the same sex."

"But, I'm trying to help him with his emo-ness." Hidan insisted.

Deidara blinked at him in surprise. "An emo gay? Wow, that's unexpected."

"That is rather strange, I must admit." Hidan mused.

"OMG, that means we'll be working together to help poor little Sasuke with being emo and being ga-"

"I'M NOT EMO OR GAY! YOU TWO ARE BOTH INSANE!" Sasuke screamed.

Both councilors looked on in astonishment as the Uchiha stomped out of the office in apparently rage.

"I told him he had anger problems," Hidan commented.

Deidara tsked. "Like oh my gawd, this denial thing is getting so old."

R&R.