Disclaimer: If I owned Final Fantasy, the Gullwings would've remained totally hard core for their portrayal in Kingdom Hearts II. Come on, you can't strip Yuna of her guns...I also don't own A Christmas Story or The Chronicles of Narnia.
Firion: Frozen Metal (December 18th)
Deep within the terrotory of Cosmos, there resided a lone lamppost in the midst of some woods. No one knew how it got there, but everyone had their theories.
Tidus claimed the pole was a dream of the fayth; Terra believed Magicite was stowed within its bowels; Cecil was certain it came from the moon; Squall thought it was some sort of time travel device; Bartz incessantly said it was proof they were all waging war in Narnia.
None of this mattered to Zidane, who only viewed it as the perfect prank opportunity.
"I dare you to lick the Lamp of Uncertainty!" he said to Firion, Cecil, and Cloud one day while they were gathering maple syrup.
Cloud grunted out his usual, "Not interested."
Cecil was far too smart for him. "No thanks."
Firion, on the other hand, was intrigued. "What's in it for me?" In response, Zidane held up a wad of what makes the world go round: gil. Naturally, Firion didn't resist.
Prior to this, poor Firion had never heard of the winter pole licking ritual. Alas, poor chap! He stuck his chubby pink tongue to the pole like a band-aid to a wound, and just like that band-aid, his tongue wouldn't come off!
"Ooh gahs!" he babbled to deaf ears; Cloud and Zdiane were sharing a chuckle as they waltzed off toward the sunset. Cecil followed, shooting Firion guilty glances as he waltzed off to watch Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with his brother. "Heeeep meh!" the rebel screamed.
Three hours later, Terra finally took pity on the ambiguously brown man and warmed up the lamp post, singing Firion's taste buds in the process. Firion vowed to avenge his toasted tongue, this he did!
Organization XIII named the Lamp of Uncertainty and everyone knows it. After all, Axel's been in Narnia for awhile now, who knows when he'll come out of the closet.
That joke was terrible.