A/N: As always. The characters belong to Mrs. Meyer. The plot is mine.

Florida

Part I "Angst"

BPOV

I cried the whole time I was sitting in the airplane. The elderly woman sitting next to me eyed me with a pity expression on her face. From time to time she handed me a new Kleenex I thankfully took from her but otherwise I ignored her. The stewardess tried to cheer me up but it had no effect on me. I couldn't imagine that Jake wilfully had turned me down. But what had happened that caused his absence? Charlie didn't say much after he angrily cut the phone call. The only thing he did tell me was about Billy explaining: It's a Quileute thing.

And adding one and one there must have happened something. Something happened to Jacob?

My mom picked me up and seeing her face I knew that she already knew. So I needn't tell her. But apart from that I was a mess she really seemed happy to have me here. She just wrapped me in her arms, hugged me tightly and then dragged me to her car to bring me home. I was surprised seeing my room there. It was totally new and not the slightest hint of my childhood room. I was honoured that mom left me a room in her new house, since I decided to stay in Forks. But with this room she really outdid herself. It was decorated in warm sunny and earthly colours. The bed, the desk and the cabinet were all white and from massive wood, the wall behind the bed had a terracotta shade, while the other walls were painted in a brilliant white. The whole room smelled woodsy and sunny and green.

"Mom." I whispered. „This is wonderful!" I went over to the bed, stroked over the white sheets, touched the brown wool comforter and caressed the yellow and green pillows.

Moms face gleamed with pride and joy.

"I'm so glad you like it. I'll give you some minutes to restore yourself, honey. Phil will be home soon and then I really want to show you our house."

Mom left my room and I sat down on my new bed. I discovered that I even had a telephone standing on my desk and with wobbly legs I went over and quickly pushed in Jake's number. I let the phone ring for several times but nobody would answer my call. After my third or forth try within twenty minutes I kicked the phone to the table, dropped on my bed, hid my head between my arms and fought away the tears that wanted to spring from my eyes again. I was so anxious to know what was going on. Maybe it had something to do with the missing hikers? The thought of Jake facing a vampire turned my stomach into a lump of ice and utterly freaked me out.

Before the desperate sobs could rise again I heard a car arriving. I jumped to my feet and ran to the window. I pushed it open and stuck my head out. Maybe?

"Hi, Bella!" It was just Phil. And the hope, that it could have been Jake burst like a soap bubble and was just plain silly.

"Come down, let me see you!" Phil called up to me and smiled brightly. I turned around to meet Phil downstairs. I walked through my room and opened the door just to learn that I stood in the cosiest bathroom ever and that this bathroom obviously belonged to my room. The bathroom was also customized in the white-brown-sunny theme and included a tub as well as a shower besides from toilet, sink and a wonderful white wooden bathroom cabinet. Sunny, warm Florida or not – I would take a bath ASAP.

Now I ran down the stairs, I really was glad seeing Phil again, and Phil already waited for me.

"Finally you're here. We missed you, girl. So, where is that Jake-boy of yours?" He asked hugging me in a big embrace.

I heard my mom inhaling and when I looked up from the embrace I saw her gesturing to Phil like a mad man.

"He couldn't come." I squeaked. My voice was suddenly very thin and trembling again.

"Oh, that's a pity. Why?" Phil wanted to know further even though Renee desperately shaking her head back and forth.

"Tribal affairs." I mumbled into Phils chest avoiding to shed new tears. I needed to trust Jake that he had a good reason not to come and that this reason wasn't me.

Two hours later after lunch and a tour through the house I felt utterly exhausted from all the crying in the airplane and the fighting away any tears in front of Renee and Phil. I excused myself and went to my room. On my way up the stairs I found a computer standing and asked for permission to use it.

"Bella, feel free to use everything here. It's still your home!" Renee said rubbing over my back.

I switched the computer on and quickly searched for the phone numbers of all the pack members and of some Quileute families those names I remembered. I wrote all the names and numbers down on a note pad and then went to my room. I sat down on the desk again and systematically dialled each and every one of those numbers from the list I had written on the pad. I called at Black's first, but no answer as I had expected. Then I tried at Ateara's nobody at home. Clearwater, Call – no answer either. Calling at Paul's I had his mother receiving the call. But she didn't know anything. When I rang through at Emily's place she told me last she knew from Sam was him going with Paul and Jared to Quinault.

At last I tried some more people but nobody could or would tell me about Jacob's or Billy's whereabouts.

I was very frustrated when I had reached the end of my phone list. And then the fear came creeping up my spine and I felt it reaching out to my already frantically racing heart. The back of my neck got tight and I started sweating. I tried to breathe regularly but the pressure on my chest was so hard I couldn't expand my lungs to inhale enough oxygen. I got ever more restless and frightened while I imagined the most terrible things that could be going on at the reservation.

I started hyperventilating and became dizzy. Short before fainting I laid my head on the desk and folded my trembling arms over it, burying my hands in my hair. I really tried hard to fight the fear. Over and over I recalled my memory of how the 5 wolves had appeared on the meadow to chase Laurent down who wanted to kill me. I remembered how huge they had been and how fast and I held on to Jacob's statement that a single vampire really had no chance against them. Eventually I could work my body again and drag my feet to the window. It still was open and I deeply and slowly inhaled some fresh air. The panic attack left me even more tired and I really needed to sleep for some time now. I walked to the bed, curled down in a foetal position not long waiting for sleep to come.

"Bella."

I stirred in my sleep. I knew THAT voice.

"Bella." Once again the velvety voice reached my audition and my fogged-up brain tried to wake up my drowsy body.

"Bella!" I was called for a third time and I sat up with a start. My heart was beating so fast it nearly jumped out of my chest. HIS voice.

I looked around.

The room was empty.

"Bella! Wake up. Dinner's ready!" This clearly was the voice of Renee combined with another rap at my door. The pounding of my heart slowed as I realized that I must have been dreaming, but still it was beating fast enough to hurt in my chest. The adrenaline that my adrenal gland had shot into my system now pumped furiously through my veins and made me wide awake.

"Bella!" Renee now opened my door. "Still sleeping, honey?" She saw me sitting on my bed and smiled at me. "Dinner's ready. Won't you come down, Bells?"

"Give me a minute, mom."

"Okay." Mom left my room and I walked into the bathroom, splashed my face with cold water and when I looked in the mirror I discovered my red rimmed eyes and how pale I was and how wrecked up I looked. Love's a bitch, I thought, it hurts and stings and you go crazy when you're left in the lurch. I sighed and walked into the kitchen.

The evening with Phil and Renee was nice and relaxing and I didn't think sorrowful but lovingly of Jacob as both of them asked me a lot of questions about him. The meal cooked by Renee had been an adventure for my taste buds, but I survived it. And card-playing had been fun even though I lost each time. It was close to midnight before I finally was back in my room. I tried to call Jacob again, but he wasn't home and also there was no Billy answering the phone. Alone in this room the fear was hovering over me again. But this time I avoided to get captured. I took the bath I had promised myself this afternoon and lingered in the water until it was cold and the skin on my fingers and toes was crumbled. Meanwhile I was freezing cold although the room had the right temperature. But nevertheless I opened the window again to let the warm summer night's breeze into my room. I dressed into a shirt, a warm hoodie and some soft sweat pants, slipped under my blanket and wrapped myself mummy style. As soon as I switched off the lights the unbidden thoughts came back and horrible pictures of what could have happened to Jacob appeared. I didn't want to cry, I wanted to be faithful but the tears came anyway.

I fell asleep.

Tears covered my cheeks and wetted my pillows.

And the thoughts that had haunted me changed into nightmarish dreams.

Does she think she is dreaming or does she know it is real?


Edward POV

The night was utterly dark for human eyes. So I didn't need to hide as I walked to her mother's house, climbed up the wall and glanced through her window. She lay curled up in her bed waiting for sleep to come. I heard her crying. Obviously she felt miserable about the fact that Jacob Black had ditched her. It fit my purposes and I would use my chance. Yes, I would use it. Now as she was hurt and vulnerable she maybe would be open to my apologies. I would snatch her and take her away and keep her all for my own. And then I would give her what she always had desired and she would be grateful for that. Wouldn't she? Now that Jacob Black didn't come with her to Jacksonville there was no one who could prevent what I had planned. And before the wolves would even know what had happened we would be gone and they wouldn't know where to search for us. I knew that would break the treaty if I took her with me and change her, but I couldn't stand being without her anymore and once we were gone, there was no way they would be able to find us. Alice would be thrilled when I brought Bella back. Had she already foreseen what I would do?

Very carefully and avoiding to make a sound I opened the window a little bit more, so it was enough space for me to climb in. Bella's scent hit me with massive force once I was in her room. It hadn't lost anything from its power over me and as soon as I breathed her in my salivary glands secreted the poisonous venom. But I wouldn't give in the temptation of her delicious smell. And tempting it was although I discovered that it was no blood lust that I felt.

She stirred in her sleep, tossing, turning and talking and I could see the contours of her body as she moved under the blanket. I swallowed hard. Her body had changed since the last time I had seen her. It had become more feminine and alluringly.

As I was able to concentrate on what she was talking in her sleep I understood that it wasn't my name she said over and over again. It was HIS. I gritted my teeth in response. She was close to him now. Obviously very close. I had seen the pictures in Alice head. I should have known.

I stayed hidden in the darkest corner of her room, tried to get used to her overwhelming flavour and watched her sleeping. I had missed being close to her, I had missed watching her while she slept. Sitting here reminded me on our time in Forks and I tried to ignore that she neither had invited me to be here nor that she even knew I was here, watching her like a filthy stalker.

I couldn't say what woke her. She hadn't been dreaming for a while now given to her non-talking. Bella opened her eyes, shifted her position and looked around. I hid even deeper in the corner as her scent washed over me. Would she feel my presence? Would she smell me? Would she maybe see me although I was covered by the shadows? But she rested her head back on the pillows, closed her eyes and fall asleep again. Once more tears found her and the wetness on her checks heightened her scent. She drifted deeper and deeper and as I was sure she slept soundly enough I began talking.

"Bella."

Her lids blinked open and her eyes tried to locate the source of the voice she had heard, but she could see nothing but the blackness in her room. And given to her steady heartbeat I was pretty sure she was still sleeping, probably lingering between delta and REM stage, the two deepest levels of human sleep.

"Not real." She whispered to herself not able to fight the drowsiness. Her body was utterly relaxed and her breathing even.

"What I told you was a lie." I whispered hoping she would hear me through the veil of her sleep. "I have always loved you."

She buried her face in her pillow as if to hide from my voice.

"I only left for your own good." I explained and rose from where I sat.

"I never stopped loving you." The pained tone in my voice sounded oh so familiar to me, matching the tears she shed now in her sleep.

"Edward." She whispered barely making a sound.

"Bella…" I was standing on her bed now. So very close and still too far away.

"Go away." She mumbled, waving me away as if she could feel my presence. It cut me to the core. Her voice was flat and hollow and not really here. Was she rejecting me?

"Don't you still love me?" I couldn't help but stroking over her wonderful hair.

"You're not real." Her heartbeat skipped a beat and she barely could breathe. She had always reacted like that when I was around her. But did she react to my vampire attributes or did she react to me? Her unconsciousness obviously couldn't deny that I was present. It sensed the danger.

"Bella." I begged. I wanted her to listen to me. She shouldn't send me away.

"Leave me." She repeated with much more power in her voice now.

"Let me explain." I went to my knees, moving my face close to hers. She would smell me when I talked to her close as this. Maybe that would finally wake her.

"I don't want you anymore." She whispered while fresh tears were streaming over her face.

I closed my eyes. The pain her words caused was tremendous. And she used the words that I had said to her months ago. Was she aware she was using them?

"I want you back." I let my hand hover over her neck as close to her skin as I dared. I needed to feel her pulse and her warmth. It could be so easy for me now to take her in my arms, to wake her, to tell her that I was real, to tell her that I finally had come back. But I didn't move. I lingered in the moment not knowing what held me back to do what I had wanted to do.

"…too late." She stated quietly. Her eyes were open again, her face a mask of pain that mirrored mine, but she looked right through me as if I wasn't there, floating in a dream state beyond my reach.

Suddenly the atmosphere in Bella's room changed. The air around me stirred and it was as if a blow of heat tried to push me away from her. I resisted the urge to follow its command and stayed close to her. And then something happened what I had never expected to be granted for me: Her mind opened and I got free access to all of her memories.

I wasn't able to see a lot of her thoughts but the still very present memories of me and of the day I left her. Deeply burned in her mind where the words I had said to her and the mimic of my face when I broke with her. I saw the forest around her as she lay there for hours, getting colder and colder. I learned that she had wanted to die at this very moment and the weeks after. Too much for her the torment she felt.

I dropped my head, clenching my hands. I wanted to withdraw and run away. How could she still love me after I had put her through something like that?

I couldn't stop following the pictures in her mind. I saw her sitting in our meadow, lost and alone, writhing in pain, rocking back and forth and then Laurent stepping into her view. He nearly attacked her but was stopped and chased by five huge teenage wolves.

Guilt washed through me as I realized that she would be so very dead right now if it hadn't been for the wolves to protect her. I had left her alone and never thought of the danger I had still put her in because she knew of our existence.

Her memories became happier now. It was as if she would see the world through different eyes. Everything around her became brighter, more colourful and more brilliant. And as written in a book I could read in her mind how the bond between her and Jacob had developed and deepened. It became obvious that she was in love with him. And I was surprised by the way she assessed him: Blessed with a sunny and jaunty but still regardful and attentive mind not only defined over his glorious, muscular body. Glorious was the word that ghosted through her brain. It nearly knocked me off my feet the way she desired him. Coming to bodily contact Jacob Black had successfully shoved me aside as he was willingly giving her what she wanted. She once had desired me like this too, but I had pushed her away not trusting my killer instincts. And still the lust for her blood was so prominent I would never dare kissing her like he was kissing her. I could only give into my desire for her, when once she would be equal to me, changed, a vampire. But how far was I willing go? Minutes ago I was convinced that I would rob her from her bed, her parents, her life and take her with me. But now after sharing her happy memories I wasn't so sure anymore…

Once again the air stirred and I saw a big russet wolf marching towards me. It was as if he was detaching from what she was dreaming now. While in the background I saw her embracing Jacob Black, the wolf looked into my eyes as if he could really see me. Right before my very eyes he came closer and closer until I had the feeling he would jump out of her memories and into this room, into my face.

A tremor rocked through the wolf's body and his form changed from animal to a huge man. And the wolf's face became the face of Jacob Black. He didn't carry the body of the boy I had seen in Bella's memories. He seemed to be changed, looked older, had grown larger. I was sure that would he be standing before me for real he would overtower me for several inches. I felt danger emanating from the picture projected by Bella's brain. Another fiery wave collided with my ice cold body, much stronger now, pushing against me with mighty force. I backed away from her, nearly losing my balance. How very vivid a dream could be? How was it possible that I felt threatened by a vision of the wolf boy?

"You ever haunting nightmare get away from her!" He spit. His hot breath left a burning path on my skin.

Bella's memory talked to me? I shook my head back and forth.

"LEAVE. HER!" The Jacob-vision said with strength and power. I couldn't deny that I was curious and frightened at the same time. I had seen much and I knew from some abilities humans and vampires could develop. But this was just freaking me out. How dangerous could he become to me? He was just a vision, a dream, right? What had I to fear?

I stretched my hand out, longing for Bella's neck, but before I could end the move he had tackled me down to the ground. One of his huge hands held me by my throat. I clenched my hand and hit my fist in his face but I met only hot air. His frame blurred as my fist rushed right through him and then he phased again into wolf form, deeply growling at me. This wasn't real? He was only a spirit. How could he do what he did? How did he affect me but I couldn't fight him off?

"You will leave her now." He said in his mental voice delivering through his very graphic memory pictures of him and Bella together.

All my will to get her back left me. I had seen into Bella's mind. I had seen her happy with this boy. I had seen into Alice mind and knew Bella's future – which didn't include me. And now I couldn't shut off the vivid pictures of Black's brain, bombarding me with Bella pictures from past to present. He was switching back and forth in time confronting me with Bella's torment when she was so hurt from my leave but also he showed me her happiness and pleasure when she was together with him.

All hopes I had built up broke apart. Although he hadn't come with her as otherwise promised she still held tight to him, wrapping her future around him. I had no right to steal away her mortal life as it was meant for her. Reason had me again. This was why I originally left her. This was what I could give her. No, I wouldn't risk stealing her soul. If I truly loved her I would let her live her life with Jacob Black as long as she wanted to share it with him.

The Jacob-vision unfastened his grip on my neck and shifted back into his human form. But he wouldn't let go of his position right in front of her bed so I had no change to get near her. I realised that if I had come earlier in time I maybe would've had a chance to get her back. But now I had lost her. To strong now was the bond between Bella and Jacob. She had given me up. She had told me by herself, even when it was only in her dream. But human dreams mostly hit the truth and were more honest than a deliberate decision.

With one swift motion I was back on my feet and stepped away from where both of them were located. I saw Bella sliding closer to where Jacob's form was lingering in the air. I watched her bending towards the heat he was emanating. She hadn't leaned into me like this when I was close to her only minutes ago. It was time for me to take my leave. It was time for me to let her go.

There was a better man waiting for her, able to protect her from a predator like me even if he wasn't present in a physical form. What more could I wish for her?

"Be happy." I whispered and vanished as fast as I only could.


BPOV

"It scares me that I thought about leaving Jacob for him…"

I slept for long hours this night but I didn't feel refreshed when I finally woke up in the late morning hours. I stayed in bed listening to Renee laughing and talking to Phil in the kitchen. After all the months being in Forks with Charlie working all day long, it felt good not to wake up entirely alone. I turned on my belly, pressed my face in my pillow and enjoyed this moment of peace. I knew I had been dreaming this night. And there had been moments when I felt so very close to Jacob. It had been as if he was sitting right by my side. I was slumbering in and out of sleep remembering some things I must have been dreaming this night.

There had been Edward in my dream, trying to convince me to take him back, who wanted to have me back. First I had been delighted to hear his beautiful voice and the words I had longed for so desperately. And I played with the idea to be with him again. Our hours in the meadow, the evenings and nights we had talked, the careful and tender kisses we had shared, everything had been present at once. But even in my dream there was a bitter taste in this. Would I ever, could I ever entirely trust him again? Wouldn't I be afraid eternally that he could disappear again?

As I became clear of that I tried to thrust his haunting images out of my head. In my dream I told him the words that I would probably never could have told him being awake and standing in front of him dazzled by his mere presence.

"I don't want you anymore!" I had whispered and it had felt good to tell him good-bye. Though I had been dreaming I had known he would ever have a place in my heart, but I didn't want the pain of his loss to rule and dominate my life anymore.

And I knew for sure, that in reality there was someone waiting for me. Not a memory, not a dream but someone who had never given up hope and faith. Someone, who trusted that one day I would find my wits and finally realize how much he meant to me.

Whatever had been the reason that Jake couldn't come with me I trusted him that he would tell me and that the explanation would be the utter truth. Whatever it would be I maybe had to fight with, I would face it and I would fight for. Jacob was worth it! Jacob, my Jacob!

As I concentrated all of my thoughts on Jacob I remembered another scene of my dream. It had been as if Jacob had walked straight through my head into this room. His presence had been overwhelming. He had been much taller and broader than I remembered him to be. He had ordered Edward to back away from me.

"You ever haunting nightmare get away from her!" Jacob had rumbled and when Edward refused to go, Jacob behaved utterly territorial and aggressive and lunged for Edward, pressing him to the ground. And while hovering over Edward he had been phasing into his wolf form, frightening Edward to the core. Even though it had been only a dream it was for me as I could touch both of them.

"You will leave her now!" Jacob had demanded one more time and then he had showed Edward very graphic memories of me and himself. To my utter amazement I could see the pictures too, it was as if we were linked through our minds and I could feel everything that Jacob was feeling.

The pain which had mirrored on Edwards face shook me even now that I was awake.

"Be happy." Edward had whispered before he left through the window moving with vampire speed almost impossible for me to follow his movements.

I sighed and turned my face to the window and now I saw the window curtain moving and flowing with the wind that blew through the opening. I hadn't opened my window that wide yesterday before I went to sleep. A new fresh breeze made the curtain move and a shudder ran over my spine. Too clearly I remembered now the features of Edwards face as he came closer to my bed. Too clearly I heard him telling me that he still loved me. I even felt the touch of his hand, as he had stroked over my hair. Too evidently I remembered my own words as I told him to go. And so very lucid Jacob's presence still lingered in this room, even with my week human senses I still could smell a Hauch/Erinnerung of his fresh woodsy scent. I stared at the place where Jacob had pinched Edward down to the ground. Something was glistening in the morning sun. I didn't dare to stand up and check what was sparkling there.

I opened my mouth to draw in a shocked gasp but instead hysterically started to scream.

Only seconds later Renee ripped the door open.

"What's up, honey? What's up?" She yelled obviously sharing my hysterics.

"Mom,…"

Once she closed me in her arms nothing could hold back my tears now. I cried my heart and my soul out. I cried every single tear I'd already cried for Edward and I cried the tears I wanted to shed for Jake because I was so afraid for him and because I missed him so terribly. There was so much confusion in me that I almost couldn't handle it anymore and I honestly was scared for my sanity. How could that be? Had both of them been here this night without me even noticing that it was real and not a dream?

"My little girl…" Renee held me tight. "Did you have bad dreams? What scares you? Tell me, I'm here, Bella."

"Oh, mom, mommy…" I cried even harder and before I could stop I babbled the forbidden words, words that were secret and not mine to tell:

"Jacob's…"

Sob.

"…werewolf and…"

"Edward …"

Sob.

"…vampire…"

"And they both were fighting and I wanted to go with Edward but then I wouldn't and Jake threatened Edward away and I… I… "

Renee embraced me even tighter. "Oh, Darling. No wonder you are scared like hell. Dreaming such things would scare me too…"

She made me stand up on my feet and lead me down in the kitchen.

"I'll make you some coffee, dear. That will help you. And then we will talk." She put a mug in front of me pouring the steaming black liquid in. I grabbed the mug and brought it close to my chest. I needed the heat to warm me up from the inside.

Phil came in and dropped his huge gym bag on the floor. His hair was still wet from the shower he had minutes before.

"Man, Bella. You're hell of a screamer. I thought my shower would freeze to ice…" He shuddered and encouraging rubbed over my back. "I'm gone. I've got a game today and you girls clearly need some alone time…"

He kissed Renee good-bye, took his bag and some seconds later he pulled out of the garage and drove away.

Renee looked at me with a curious expression on her face.

"Feeling a 'lil better now?" She wanted to know. I shrugged my shoulders and my head dropped to my chest. Still the sobs were shaking me.

"I want to talk to you, Bella. I really want." My mom took a seat beside me. "I can only guess what you made through the last months. But Charlie told me you're getting better and I thought, you would be happy with Jacob? Why are you still so sad and desperate?"

"Don't know, mom." I whispered. "Edward is still so present in my thoughts."

"But you love, Jacob, do you?"

"He is so very important to me. And yes, I think I love him."

Renee raised her eyebrows. "Bella, you think or you know?"

"It's hard to explain, mom. Jacob helped me through all of this. And he said he would be waiting for me until I would be ready to fall in love again…" My tears finally stopped and I just loved what Renee tried to do. Would she help me to analyse my confused feelings.

Mom took my hand. "But you wanted to have Jacob with us. You wanted to spend your vacation with him. He must mean something for you."

I had to smile. "Of course, Mom. Jacob is far more than a friend. I know that I love him, but it is so different. Everything is so different now."

It was Renee's part to laugh now.

"Oh Bella, my sweet innocent, silly girl. Of course it is. Because HE is different. You cannot compare him with Edward. Each person is different."

"But Edward was so…, and Jacob is … hmm." I didn't know how to explain the differences without making a complete fool of me. I already had told too much and I needed to make sure, that I wouldn't repeat this mistake.

"It scares me that I thought about leaving Jacob for him…" I finally managed to say and my face became deep red at the revelation. "I feel so bad for that. I even hate me for that, because I don't want to leave Jacob. I honestly don't." My tears started to flow again.

"Ok, honey. May I tell you, how I see the things?"

"Go on…" I encouraged my Mom. I had always loved her crazy way to look at problems. Maybe it would help me. But it help just to be with her, to tell her everything, to have serious woman-talk.

"You've got to understand your dream not in a frightening, but in a more symbolic way. You know, dreams are sometimes like symbols for the things we seek to understand." Renee started.

"You told me, Edward had been a vampire in a dream. A vampire is a great charmer. I mean, remember him, hasn't he been a cute, handsome, charming boy? My dear, but a vampire is not only a dazzling creature but ultimately harmful, don't you agree? What does a vampire do? He feeds from people. Right! And that it what Edward, …ahem, no…, your spooky memories, still do. They suck your energy. And deep inside you already know this but yet you can't let him go."

My eyes opened wide. Way crazy Renee! She hit the point perfectly.

"And on the other hand you have Jacob. You feel drawn to him too. You told me Jacob had been a wolf in your dreams? Right?"

"Yes, werewolf…" I corrected her.

"Werewolf? You mean that freaky man-thing that turns into a beast at full moon?" Renee scratched her head.

"Ahm, no, actually, he was more like a real wolf and he could turn into his wolf form per free will…" I decided I could give her this information since my Mom actually thought we were discussing only a dream.

"Anyways, wolf, …" She blinked at me. "And you said, that this Jacob wolf was threatening Edward away?"

"Ye-yes."

Renee smiled and rubbed my arm. "I like him for that."

Now she brought forth her Jacob theory: "Ok, I guess, the Jacob wolf protected you. He wanted you to be rid of the 'vampire' Edward. See, the wolf stands as symbol for protection, care and loyalty. And so the wolf protected you from getting drained from the vampire. Did you know, that seeing a wolf in your dreams means survival, self-confidence and pride?"

"Yes, he is very self-confident and proud, but…"

"No, Bells, I didn't mean what Jacob's character is. What I wanted to say is, that maybe YOU need to have more self-confidence and pride."

My mouth fell open.

"Bella. Look, you have always been so unsure of yourself, but you are beautiful and you have a wonderful character, you're loyal, caring and selfless. You are someone who simply must be loved. But you never see your qualities. And you let it happen that your first boyfriend almost broke you…"

Ouch. That hurt. And it hurt even more because Renee was right.

"Bella, you need to become strong and independent. You need not to define over me or Charlie or a boyfriend. You are Bella. And we simply love you for that. You are good the way you are. You don't need to hide. And if Jacob wants you, you don't need to run away, because you think you cannot love again or that you are not good enough. You will love again. That is what your heart is made for. That is what makes us human. And Bella, there is someone waiting for you. Someone who seems to love you so deeply that he even waits and stays with you although you still grieve for someone else. Don't let Jacob wait any longer. Life waits for no one, dear. Live it up!"

I guess this was the longest speech Renee had ever said to me and I was completely stunned. There was so much truth and wisdom in her words. I hadn't expected to hear those words from my crazy mother.

"Ok, Bells, and now I'll show you Jacksonville."

She laughed and took the now empty coffee mug from my hands. "Go dress and be down in some minutes. You need to do something stupid, like girls of your age do. Maybe we get you a silly dolphin tattoo or a navel piercing. You know, something of what you will say in some years: How could I? And still you will be laughing at it."

I shook my head over and over again. And I couldn't help but to laugh with my Mom.

"We will spend some funny days here in Jacksonville and when you're back home in Forks, you will go and get you your Jacob. Will you?"

I went to my room and searched for some sunny coloured clothes. I dressed into a bright blue shirt and white pants. When I was ready with my sightseeing preparations I took the small glass vessel that was standing on my desk and once had contained my childhood treasures. The things that were still in it I poured into one of the drawers. Then I took a piece of paper, went to the sparkling fluid on my floor and kneeled down. My heart was beating very fast as I shoved the paper under the silvery fluid. It formed a perfect drop on the paper and rolled easily into the vessel. With grim satisfaction I closed the vessel and stared at it. Now I finally had an evidence of Edwards existence and that he had been here. Although I still was confused I could honestly tell to myself that I would close that case now and look forward into my future and what it would behold for me – maybe together with Jake.

A/N: And you know folks, replies cheer up the author!