A/N: Sorry I'm late. Lots of reviews since last time. I'm so happy! Love yall! This one took a while. I went back and forth about it. Should they or shouldn't they? Too soon? Anyway, you'll see what I decided on soon. One of my favorite chapters so far and also my longest. You're welcome. Excuse the errors. It's late here.
Chapter Thirteen: Everything
I stared at the box. It was such a simple thing. Black. Square. Small. But it felt heavy in my hand. It burned, and I hadn't even opened it yet. But I knew. Who wouldn't know? It was so, so obvious. I should have expected this, but I didn't. I was so, so stupid for not seeing this.
I was silent and kept eyes locked on the object. There it was. In my hand. In my possession. And all I had to do was open it. I could act happy and excited. I could act thankful and relieved. I could act like this was some special moment with a man and his mother because it is. Isn't it? It's what's expected, right? I shouldn't feel weird about this, but I do. I shouldn't wish this really wasn't happening. I shouldn't feel like a pawn on a chess board…waiting for the next move. But I do.
Esme was waiting. Her face was relaxed and so, so achingly joyful. It broke me. Her face was slowly breaking me. So I opened it. I opened it, and immediately closed it back. I was right. I am so, so stupid.
It was perfect.
"What's wrong?" she asked. Her expression turned to confusion. I was hurting her now. I hurt Bella. I hurt Esme. It was all lies. All of it.
"I can't do this." I was soft with my tone, but my words were hard and honest. This…thing was heavy. It burned. Slowly, I set the box back into her hand, giving it back.
"What are you talking about? Is it not what you wanted?"
Is this what I wanted? Is this not what I wanted? I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for any of this. I hung my head low in between my shoulders and shut my eyes tight. My stomach was in knots, and there was a prominent hole in my chest. I felt pain, but the source of it all was unknown and foreign.
"Edward, what's wrong?"
"I just can't, Ma. Please, take it back."
She shoved the thing back into my hands. "I will not! Edward…" she was scolding me like I was a child. "I wouldn't give this to you if I didn't think you were ready."
"You don't understand."
"Then, what is it? Tell me what's wrong!"
I opened it back up. It was so pretty. It looked like Bella. It was old and antique looking. It was dark outside in the front courtyard of the hotel, but there were lights from on top of the fountain from which we sat that streamed against the diamonds making them shine and turn colors. The hole in my chest grew.
"You're wrong. I'm not ready." I wanted to hold it in between my fingers. I wanted to run my fingers along each sparkling diamond. But I felt like I was tainted. I was too dirty. I shut the object once again. I shouldn't have looked at it. Why did I look? "I couldn't do this to Bella. She doesn't deserve this." I was talking about me. Not the ring.
"Bella would say yes, Edward. What are you afraid of?"
And that's just it. I knew she would say yes. She loves me. God only knows why, but she does. She loves me more than I probably realize and definitely more than I deserve. And that's exactly why I can't ask her. She would say yes without knowing my lies. She would just be that much further down into my pit of blatant lies.
"I just can't. Please. Please take it back."
"Absolutely not, Edward. You asked me months ago for my mother's engagement ring so you could give it to her. Then, when I do, you decide that you want the biggest diamond replaced with an even larger, newer one. So I did that, and the whole time it was being worked on, you pestered and pestered me about it. You were so impatient! And now that it's finally done, you suddenly don't want it? What happened, Edward? What happened between the time you asked me for it and now, huh?"
"Edward?" My name was being called from far away. The voice was sweet and fleeting in the cool breeze of the night. I whirled my head around in the direction of the voice. In the distance was Bella, running towards us. Her hair had fallen throughout the day, and her curls were now dangling against her shoulders and down her sides. She was smiling as she ran. "Edward!"
"Edward, keep it. Just keep it for now. Think about it. Whatever it is that's going on…it'll pass. I promise," Esme said. She kept her voice low even though Bella was still far away.
"How do you know?"
She smiled. "Because I have faith that it will."
Her cupped my hand with hers and closed my fingers around the thing. It still felt heavy as I put it in my pocket and stood up. Bella reached us just in time. She was smiling and panting from her run with her cheeks slightly pink and flushed.
"You gotta come get Rose's cousin away from me. He keeps pouncing on me every time I stop dancing with someone. There's only so many times that I can dance with Seth before he crashes…" Her grin slowly diminished when she took in my own expression and that of my mother's. Clearly recognizing the mood she had encountered with us, she reached forward slowly and stroked my forearm. Her touch was feather-light, but it was soothing nonetheless. "Hey. What's going on?" she asked, looking into my eyes still petting my arm.
"Nothing, dear. I'm sorry for keeping Edward so long. I just had to apologize to him for my behavior this morning. I believe I was a little overwhelmed with the wedding and everything," Esme replied, smiling as reassuringly as possible. To me, it seemed comically forced and fake. "I'm just going to go back inside. Don't be too long. Rose and Emmett will be leaving soon."
She patted my shoulder and cupped Bella's cheek before leaving us in silence. I could feel Bella's questioning eyes on me still. And I was such a coward so I kept gazing at my ridiculously shiny shoes and trying not to think of the heavy burden in my pocket.
"Edward?" She said my name so sweetly. She really cared. She really cared. "What's wrong?"
And I should have told her. I should have recounted every lie and owned up to everything because that would have been the right thing to do, right? It wouldn't have been easy, and she would have probably still loved me and cared for me the way she has known how to for years. But there was always the possibility of her running. And that was what stopped me. If there was even the smallest likelihood of hurting her even more than I had already, then I would not tell her. I would keep lying…keep playing this role because as much as I hated all the lies and bull shit I needed her more.
Her eyes were dark and searching as I looked at her beautiful face in the soft glow of the night. I ran my thumb against the swell of her cheekbone with my hands holding her face delicately as I smiled at her. "You're so goddamn beautiful."
She smiled back at me but allowed her eyes to keep searching mine, looking for answers. Something I didn't have for her. "I…uh…I got something," she stammered.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. It's kinda silly, and you may not want to use it. But…" her voice trailed as she looked down at her purse in her hand.
"What is it, baby?"
She slowly opened her bag and took out a small card with the Fairmont Olympic Hotel's name written across one side. "I got us a room for the night."
I took the key and smiled. This might have been the opposite of what should have been happening. Scratch that, I was positive that this was not the proper way to do this. But I was tired of fighting it. I was tired of denying her. I was tired of not giving into what seemed so natural. I was tired of acting like I didn't want her every second of every day. I was tired of being alone. And right then, nothing in this world…not a ring…not a very fucked up dream…not an internal struggle within me could have kept me from saying anything but yes to her over and over again. I was tired of it all.
I wrapped my arm around her waist, pressed my lips to hers briefly and said, "I don't think there's anything silly about that."
We went back inside just in time to watch Emmett and Rosalie leave. I was at Bella's side when she wrapped Rose in a bone-crushing hug, whaling and crying between the two of them. While they were grabbing onto to each other for dear life, I hugged Emmett and whispered, "Congratulations" in his ear. He said something about getting laid tonight for the first time in a very long (too long) time tonight, but laughed afterwards and promised me that this would be me in his place soon.
It hurt me more than it probably should, but I ultimately smiled and agreed with him wholeheartedly. Another lie.
But for tonight, I wouldn't let it get to me. Tonight, I was hers, and she was mine. Tonight, my lies to her would cease, and I would be honest in my actions and in my words. Tonight, we were nothing but two people in love. Tonight, she owned me. Tonight was the night.
We watched as they came out in regular clothes to get on their plane to Hawaii for eight days and dowsed them in birdseed and more joyful tears and farewells. Finally, they got in their decorated car and left us behind as they rode off into the darkness together. Afterwards, we went back inside and kept the night going. I was talking to my grandparents about work (which I honestly was making up the entire time) and some about Bella when I looked to my side, and she wasn't there. I was turning my head in every direction searching for my petite brunette in the simple black dress.
"Uh, honey," my grandmother said. She was pointing out on the dance floor in the very middle where the object of my desire was once again laughing and dancing with arms wrapped around her waist. I saw a tall man with sandy blonde hair by her side. My dad. Again.
My grandparents were chuckling behind me as I whispered, "Every damn time." I sighed and shook my head, but ultimately couldn't help but smile as my father laughed, enhancing the small but prominent wrinkles in the corners of his eyes. Bella was awkwardly dancing with him to Usher's song "Yeah". Her head was thrown back in deep, hysterical laughter while watching my father dance embarrassingly to the hip hop song. The usual popular yet over-played wedding reception songs had been blaring from the DJ stand all night long.
"Think we need to be worried?" Esme asked with an amused smile as she came to stand by me and watch the happy couple on the dance floor.
I snorted with a laugh. "They're always dancing together. If it wasn't so funny to watch, then I might have a reason to be worried."
She laughed but the look in her eyes was far off and wandering. "Your dad wanted a daughter so bad, Edward." I felt a soft hand graze into mine and rest there in a gentle hold.
"Yeah, well, I'm certainly glad Bella's not my sister," I snorted again.
I heard her laugh softly. "And I'm certainly glad she'll be our daughter one day."
I nodded and smiled. Suddenly, the fight wasn't in me. Not anymore. I kissed Esme's temple and hugged her to me. I felt her shake underneath my hold as trembling sobs left her chest. I wanted to believe that she was crying not because of sadness for our talk earlier but because of the emotional day it had been for her. So I held her while she cried against my chest and held onto my shirt and the lapels of my suit. I couldn't ever remember ever holding my mother like this before.
When the song was over, an out-of-breath Carlisle tapped her on the shoulder then took her into his own arms. He smiled at me over her shoulder while he led her to dance floor as the slow music of Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight" started to play.
I always loved the song, and I desperately wanted to hold Bella in my arms so I searched for her once again, looking all over the room. I finally found her in the arms of Charlie, swaying back and forth. He looked so happy with her head lying sweetly against his chest, and I didn't want to disturb them no matter how badly I wanted to be close to Bella at the moment. But I saw Renee sitting at a table nearby sipping champagne, and I thought for a moment about how it might be a little presumptuous of me to ask her to dance after just meeting her and only knowing her but for only a short amount of time. But then, like a slap on the forehead, I remembered how I'd known her for much longer and the idea of asking her to dance seemed just right and not at all presumptuous.
So I did, and she smiled proudly and agreed. I took us close to Charlie and Bella, hoping maybe to switch partners at some point. This song was just…sexy. And I so desperately needed her touch while I sang softly to her in her ear. It took a minute, but Bella finally noticed Renee and I swaying by her side. Her smile was breathtaking, and she looked so damn happy that my heart skipped a beat.
Almost as soon as she recognized us and smiled, I saw her whisper to Charlie in his ear, and my heart did a little happy-dance when he nodded and she left his embrace.
Renee and I stilled whenever Bella approached us. "Do you mind if I cut in?" she asked Renee, smiling.
"That was gonna be my line to Charlie," I smiled back.
"You're too slow."
"You're too impatient," I quipped.
She laughed, and it was beautiful. Renee chuckled at us, but ultimately kissed Bella and I on the cheek and walked off…into the arms of the Chief. Charlie was watching me over her shoulder, and the look on his face was somewhat tense but truly, he looked mostly content. I smirked at him, motioning towards Renee which earned me a roll of his eyes but then a soft chuckle as he drew her closer as they swayed.
I took Bella's hand into my own, laying our joined hands over my heart while also wrapping my other arm around her waist bringing her as close to me as possible. She was so much shorter than me that she could only rest the top of her head against my chin, but it was a close and intimate gesture like she was willing to give herself to me…which only made me think of the room key in my pocket…which made me think of what we would be doing in that room later…which made me hard. Well, harder because I had been hard the moment she showed me the key.
I felt underneath my fingertips splayed across her lower back light vibrations, and I realized she was humming the tune of the song.
"I love this song," I commented.
"Mmm…" she hummed in response. I thought to myself how good this felt…to hold her, dance with her, love her. My dick got harder, and not because of her light vibrations or the room key or her close proximity but because I knew that without a doubt there would never be anyone else that could ever make me feel this way.
So I sang to her…softly and gently into her hair. I sang the words to an all too sexy, all too true song that made my heart race and the anticipation in my stomach tremble.
"I feel wonderful because I see the love light in your eyes. And the wonder of it all is that you just don't realize how much I love you."
Her arm that was draped over my shoulder tightened as I sang, silently telling me of her given indication that this wasn't close enough for her. I'd really, I'd give her anything. So I released her hand on my chest and gripped both sides of her waist, bringing her even closer to me and leaving no space between us. She looked up into my eyes, and I rested my forehead against hers, locking our intimate stare.
It's a funny thing…to lock eyes with someone for a long period of time, isn't it? It can leave you completely bare and feeling undeniably exposed. You know they can see everything…every emotion, every feeling. Nothing withheld. There aren't any secrets or any lies. When you are staring at someone and they are watching you just as closely, if you're not careful, it can be disastrous and sometimes quite awkward. The eyes really are the best indication of the soul within, and if they won't let you in or if they won't let you see then it's so easy for them to divert their eyes. No effort at all. But right here with her, watching pools of blue that didn't show any sign of sadness or anger or worry or loss for the first time, I knew she was seeing me too. Everything. And my only hope was that she saw only what I cared for her to see.
"And then I tell her, as I turn out the light, I say, 'My darling, you were wonderful tonight. Oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight'."
As the song ended, she didn't pull away from me. She only smiled and swiveled her hips only slightly but enough to rub up against my painfully hard erection. I groaned and gripped her waist, stilling her.
"What do you think you're doing?" I asked playfully.
She giggled and tried to do it again but was held under my hard grip. "You think I didn't notice how hard you were the whole time?" she smiled all cute and mischievous. "It's been poking me in the stomach the whole time."
"Out of My Head" by Fastball started to play. And while the song wasn't fast, the beat was still faster than the last song, so I jokingly rubbed my erection against her one last time before taking her hand and spinning her. She laughed as I brought her back into my arms, swaying and rocking us a little faster for this song.
"Every guy in here has their eyes on you," I whispered in her ear as I leaned down while we danced.
Her eyes searched the room once before she looked back at me, smiling. "Is that why you keep rubbing yourself against me?"
"Maybe." I smiled and laid a small kiss on the side of her neck. "I'm marking my territory." She rolled her eyes but ultimately smiled. "I hope my dad saw it."
She slapped my shoulder causing me to laugh and hold her even closer to me. I was still painfully hard, and the slightest friction that her body was giving me as we rocked back and forth together in sync was definitely not helping. But I couldn't stop, nor did I really want to. I knew she could feel it, and I truthfully believed that that fact only had me more excited and aroused.
She was looking at me all innocent and childlike from above her thick lashes, not smiling or smirking, just looking at me with her lips slightly parted and her sweet breath grazing my chin. And in that moment, I didn't care who was watching or who was around…in fact, I think all of it only lit a bigger fire under my ass so I leaned down the rest of the way until my lips filled hers. We kissed languidly at first, enjoying the feel of a kiss that wasn't supposed to mean anything or cause questions in either of our heads. It was wonderful and perfect, and I didn't want to stop.
I felt like a teenager getting kissed for the first time. My whole body was tingling like a cool breeze had rushed forward all the way to my toes. I felt her fingers brush the small hairs on the back of my neck. There it was again. The tingles. Our bodies quit swaying, no longer giving a fuck about the song or dancing or even the fact that we were molesting each other's mouth in front of hundreds of our family and closest friends. And I no longer gave a fuck about how long I had truly known her or the fucking engagement ring in my pocket or the fact that I might be going crazy after this whole messed up experience. Instead, I only gave a fuck about the tingles and not the lies.
Her tongue was hot and wet and soft as it slid effortlessly with mine in my mouth. It moved slowly and lazily against mine while she moaned soft sex-whimpers into my mouth which sent tremors down to my cock. It was twitching and begging for help inside my pants and against her body. She wiggled her hips only slightly but still enough for me groan and fight against the idea of stopping her and asking her to do it again.
I tore away from her lips only long enough to whisper, "Let's get out of here."
She opened her eyes and nodded vigorously before I captured her lips for another long kiss. And as she opened her mouth to use her tongue again, I pulled away. There was no way I would have stopped if I allowed myself to taste her yet again. She sex-whimpered as usual at the loss of contact, but I smiled at her and jerked her hand so we could say goodnight to our families and get up to our room as quickly as fucking possible.
Bella was a bit more gracious. She smiled and hugged Renee and Phil like nothing animalistic or impure was about to happen. It was still early in the night, and a few people gave us questioning looks when we said that we were tired and wanted to turn in for the night.
But no one more than Charlie.
"Where are you going?" he asked Bella but was looking at me as she hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.
"We're going home, dad. We're tired. It's been a long day, and we both have to be up early," she replied, smoothly and without hesitation. All lies. He looked at her then back at me. He seemed to be thinking for a moment before he responded.
"Are you coming to your apartment tonight?" he asked. I groaned as softly as possible, shifting my weight from one leg to the other to elevate the ache of my balls between them. It wasn't working.
"No, dad. I'm staying at Edward's with everyone else," she lied…again.
"Well, I'll just ride with you then. You could drop me by your place on the way there, right?"
Bella was silent for a moment as she thought. I ghosted my fingers across the soft skin on the back of her neck causing her to shiver a little only enough for me to notice. Well…me and my grossly enamored, hard as titanium cock.
"I'm sorry. We didn't drive. We rode with some friends, and I think their car's full. I'm sure Carlisle and Esme wouldn't mind though." My already turning pale blue balls clapped in success at her lies.
Charlie didn't seem pleased with her answer but accepted it after much consideration and several shooting glares at me. "You'll come see me in the morning before I leave though, right?"
She nodded and kissed him one last time on his other cheek. "Of course. Bye, dad!"
I took her by her hand again and led her across the room to find my parents. "I just want to tell Esme that we won't be home tonight. I don't want her to worry," I told her as I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to my side.
"Oh, Edward. Please, don't. She's gonna know what we're doing," she begged, her blue eyes wide and pleading.
I chuckled and kissed her temple. "She won't care, Bella. Trust me."
We found them standing close by talking to Rose and Blake's parents. I tapped Esme on the shoulder, smiling and telling the Hale's "excuse us" before leading her away for a moment. I noticed Bella scoot behind me some to hide her flushed face. Esme must have noticed too because she smiled at us and glanced at our interlocked fingers.
"What's going on?" she asked, glancing at Bella then up at me.
"We're, uh, we won't be home tonight," I answered.
"Oh, ok. You're leaving?"
"Well…no. Not really." I watched as her face went from confusion to instant understanding. Then, she might as well have been jumping for joy and clapping because the look on her face demonstrated as much. It was like we told her we were about to give her their first grandchild.
"Oh! How nice! Ok, well you two take your time and have fun! We'll see you tomorrow!"
Ignoring Bella's groan and even deeper blush, I thanked Esme, said good bye then grabbed Bella's hand again and pulled her out of the ballroom towards the lobby of the hotel.
"I. Want. To. Die," Bella mumbled as we all but ran to the elevators.
I chuckled while snuggling her close to my side and wrapping my arm across her back, laying my hand on her hip. I kissed the top of her head and said in her hair, "Don't be so silly, Swan. I don't care if that whole room full of people knows what we're about to do." My voice was low and suggestive while trying to sound seductive and sexy. I felt her body shiver and tremble from underneath my arm.
"Don't start with me, Dr. Cullen," she replied, looking up at me through hooded eyes while lowering voice like mine.
Damn. That sentence went straight from her red pouty lips to my achingly hard groin.
Everything about Bella excited me. And it wasn't just all about the way she looked, even though just looking at her aroused me, but it was some of the little things that made me just as keyed up, and most were things she never realized she did. Like how she was always touching me whether it was just small, languid pets or light scratches on the back of my head or across my back. Like how she looked at me certain ways when I just knew that she was turned on, kind of like right now…all innocent but still devilishly hungry for me. Like how she ran her fingers through her hair and how it spilled right back into place. Like how those fucking black fingernails of hers would reach out and hold my hand in our usual pinkie-clasp. Like how she smelled of delicious cotton candy and raspberries. It was a mixture of all things Bella. She turned me on like no woman ever had before.
And now, I was tapping my shiny-shoed foot against the granite floor waiting on the fucking elevator. "What floor are we on?" I snapped feeling incredibly anxious and really, really fucking impatient.
She looked down at the sleeve of paper in her hand where the key had been nestled inside. "Uh, 18."
"Fuck." I was hoping for maybe four or even ten. I would definitely climb ten flights of stairs in under twenty seconds if it meant getting up to our room and unleashing my incredibly hard cock any faster. But eighteen flights? I didn't want to be tired when I got up there.
My heart was pounding in my chest, and my palms were clammy on top of Bella's waist. And then suddenly, I was sixteen again and about to lose my virginity. I leaned down some, ghosting the tip of my nose against the long expanse of her neck causing her to shiver once again as air exhaled from within me. My fingers rubbed lightly at the back of her neck like I had done earlier in front of her father. I watched as she closed her eyes and sex-whimpered with her pouty, red lips slightly parted. I licked mine in a nervous, excited habit as I thought of all the ways I could make her whimper like that once we were upstairs.
God, is the elevator broken?
"Hey!" Blake's voice called to us from across the lobby just as the elevator alerted us of its doors fucking finally opening. "Hey! Wait up!"
"Get in," I growled in Bella's ear as an older couple moved to the side and exited the elevator.
"But Blake…" she started.
"Fuck him. Get in," I repeated with another growl, causing the older couple to turn and watch us with confused and slightly scared looks as I practically pushed Bella through the elevator doors.
I could hear the click of Blake's shiny shoes like mine against the tile of the lobby as I frantically pressed the floor 18 button like it would hurry and close the faster and harder I pressed. Luckily, the doors shut just in time to stop Blake and muffle his shouts of protest as the elevator began to ascend.
"Edward, what if he…" she protested, gesturing with her finger pointed towards the double doors in front of us. But I silenced her with my mouth on hers, murmuring more curses and profanities as our lips moved in our usual dancing rhythm. I felt the soft buzzing vibrations of my phone from inside my pocket, but I knew it was Blake who more than likely was just going to bust my nuts about rushing upstairs with Bella. And I definitely didn't give a fuck about talking to him right before I had the best sex of my life. At that moment, he didn't exist. No one did but her and the sex-whimpers she made.
She sighed, giving herself over to me graciously as I backed her up against the wall of the elevator, letting my palm press against the wall by her head while my other hand clutched her hip. She arched her back, rubbing her boobs across my torso then letting her body roll until her hips snaked over my erection. It was a sexy dancer-like move that, again, about made me come. Then, I thought about how extra hot that move will be when she's on top riding me all night. And once again, I about jizzed my pants.
"Fuck, don't do that," I mumbled against her lips which, of course, made her do it again except this time pressing her boobs even more firmly into my chest then rolling her body until her center wiggled harder against the bulge in my pants. "I said…" I took both of her tiny arms into my hands and pressed them roughly above her head, "…don't do that." I looked into her eyes, seeing if she was enjoying my rougher, dirtier side. Her eyes were wide and smoldering while a small, devilish smile adorned her pretty face.
Without the use of her arms still underneath my grasp, she snaked her right leg around my hip, locking her ankle around the back of my leg and pulling me closer to her until my lips were placed against hers once again. She tasted of champagne and lust which made me feel high and drunk and light-headed all at the same time.
Finally, finally, the elevator dinged, and the doors opened. I didn't know the exact room number so I followed Bella, fisting my hands at my sides so I wouldn't keep molesting her as we walked down the narrow hallway while passing different couples and small, easily-influenced children. Each one gave us tight smiles which I would have gladly returned if it wasn't for my enflamed dick and tight, ready-to-explode-on-impact balls that were wearing me and my resolve down quickly. But Bella was as sweet as ever and polite as she smiled and ducked her head slightly embarrassed at the naughty and quite dirty things that we had planned just beyond the hallway.
Whenever we reached the end of the corridor was when I realized that the last room was ours just as she slid the key and opened the large gold door that read "Honeymoon Suite".
"Bella?" I whispered, stepping in and glancing around the huge, exquisite room. "Did you really pay for us to stay the night in the honeymoon suite?"
I immediately felt guilty and made a mental note to pick up the expenses for the room when we checked out tomorrow morning.
But she giggled and threw down her purse on a side table next to the sitting area. "No. Rosalie and Emmett were going to stay here, but they decided to book the red eye out to Hawaii for tonight," she replied. "I guess so they could get there earlier." She stalked towards me all stealth-like and sexy and vicious, making me raise my eyebrows and stop to watch her. When she was close to me, she whispered, "And since it was paid for already, I thought 'what the hell', ya know?" she asked as she ran her hands up my chest and around my neck.
"Did you plan this?" I asked with a smile as my hands moved at their own accord to her waist.
"Well, er, no. I asked Rose about it this morning so I didn't exactly get to pack anything…" she suddenly seemed nervous and unsure. I thought maybe for a brief moment that she thought I might reject her…yet again. And really, in truth, I thought about it. In fact, I probably should have. But…ya know what?
Fuck it.
I slid to my knees before her. I knelt in front of her in reverence, my knees to the ground beneath her feet in worship. I kept eye contact with her as she watched me. A small smile laid on her pretty, pink lips still plump and pouty from our heated kisses and her face slightly reddened from my five o'clock shadow. I took her foot into my hands and lifted off her tiny black heel then showed the same concentration and respect to the other. I took a moment to smile and chuckle at her black toenail polish, slightly chipped and perfect in its own imperfectness.
I laid my hands on the outsides of her ankles, ghosting them slowly up the sides of her legs and feeling her smooth, soft milky skin underneath my rough fingertips. I could smell her cotton candy lotion and wondered for a moment if I were to wake up without her tomorrow, would I ever be able to find that scent again? I pushed the thought away as my hands crept up her outer thighs and up under her dress. I looked into her darkened blue irises, thinking she had never looked more beautiful. She watched me with intensity, letting me worship her, letting me bow down in front of her on my knees and worship her.
My hands crept higher and higher until I felt the lace strings of her thong settled on each of her hips. I could feel the very prominent jut of her hipbones and immediately thought she might be a little too thin, but she had the body of a dancer and a gymnast. It was just who she was. She wasn't too skinny or too muscular. She was perfect. Of course.
I didn't pull the strings of her delicate underwear down, instead, I moved my hands around her and kneading the flesh of her plump, bare-to-the-touch and so, so luscious and creamy backside. The skin was just as soft and smooth as that of her legs. I swallowed a lump in my throat and felt the bob of my Adam's apple under her gaze as she ran her fingernails into my scalp, brushing my hair back from out of my face. She never once tensed or felt at all uncomfortable under my incessant kneading of the bare skin of her bottom. Instead, she let out a breathy moan and kept petting my hair.
I removed my hands from under her dress and immediately hugged her waist tightly, overlapping my arms behind her. I felt the soft satin of her dress caress my cheek as I held my head against her stomach…just hugging her to me in a firm embrace. She awkwardly hugged my shoulders back, and I felt her kiss the top of my head in return. The ring in my pocket felt a little less heavy. The pain in my chest felt a little less painful. My guilt and lies felt a little less prominent.
I looked up at her again, still hugging her waist. There had never been better time than this.
"I love you," I breathed. Her eyes widen for a moment but then softened, and she smiled. "Did you know that?"
"Yes," she breathed in return. "I just needed to hear it."
"I've never told anyone that before."
Her smile grew. "I'm honored." And so was I.
I stood back up before her until she was eye level with my collarbone, and then I kissed her…long, soft and languid. It wasn't the same frantic and heated kisses from the elevator, no, these were kisses like you would kiss someone for the first time. They were almost timid and delicate, until she opened her mouth and licked along my bottom lip. I framed her face with my hands while she fisted my shirt at my stomach. And as our tongues danced as one together, I felt her fingers trail upwards from my stomach to my tie which she pulled at roughly until it was loosened enough for us to break apart for a moment to lift it above my head and throw it aside. Our mouths were joined back together the next second while she worked the buttons of my shirt slowly, feeling around the ripples of my chest and stomach for each button. She tugged the shirt until it freed my pants, and finally, she let her fingers trail up my chest to my shoulders and pushed my shirt and jacket together to the floor behind me.
"I think I loved you from the moment I first saw you," I whispered against her lips, and her hands pulled at my belt buckle. "Do you believe that's possible?"
"What? Love at first sight?" she asked, kissing my neck and chest as she finally got the belt undone and was working on the buttons of my trousers.
"Well, yes, but deeper than that."
"What's deeper than love?" she asked me, momentarily stopping her assault on my chest to look up at me with wide, questioning eyes.
"Like…destiny and fate. Magic even." I wasn't making any sense. I wasn't even sure what I was trying to tell her. Why am I even talking? I helped finish unfastening my pants and threw them to the side along with my socks and shoes. I touched her face reverently as she looked at me still questioning and beautiful while I stood only in a pair of plain, black boxers. "Bella," I whispered, touching her face then down her neck and around her ear, "I just know that something big…something powerful and beyond our control has led us to one another. I believe with all my heart that we were meant to be together, and our whole lives before we knew one another was only a way for us to ultimately be together, to love each other because we aren't whole without the other. And Bella, I know that I've been…hurting you. But please believe me now when I say that there is nowhere else in this world that I meant to be but right here with you."
I briefly wondered to myself if other people in love felt this way. This all-consuming need and devotion to one person. I wondered if this was what my parents felt or Rose and Emmett or Jasper and Alice. I wondered if they felt this way towards each other, and after all this time, after all these years, did Bella feel the same way towards me? Was this what love was like for everyone? Had I really been missing out on this for so long?
Bella's oceans were slightly glassy but no tears fell. Her eyes were scanning and jumping back and forth from each one of mine. I wondered what she could possibly be thinking. She didn't seem entirely happy at my confession but then again she didn't seem sad either. I wondered if she believed me. I wondered if she was thinking about how much I'd changed over the past few weeks or how she wished that I would change back. I had hoped that I would be enough for her, but I, of course, had my doubts.
"Edward, I love you," she said in a whisper that ghosted across my chin as I stared down at her, watching every move of her eyes and every expression on her face. The words echoed in my ears like they always had. Those three words caused me just as much joy as they did pain. They were three words that I would love to hear again and again. "Make love to me." And those four words were just as powerful.
I didn't respond. Words were fruitless now. They didn't matter. The only words that could be spoken now were those that could only be said with our bodies, and only be understood by that of a touch. And the love that had been spoken of was only felt and not heard. And the all-consuming need and devotion was that of a kiss, a tender caress and a warm embrace instead of heartfelt terminology. Yes, words were empty now.
I kissed her hard and long and passionately. I felt her nails dig and scratch at my bare back, causing surges of love and lust and power and dominance to force its way out of me. I felt around her back for her zipper and slowly slid it down until it was loose enough to fall at her feet. She was left before me in nothing but a black, strapless bra and a mismatching red and black lace thong. Bella was never one to match her under garments no matter the occasion. I found it enduring and almost comical, but there was nothing funny about how sexy she looked almost naked in front of me.
She caught me staring at her, but she only smiled and hugged me around my waist, pressing her body against mine. She laid soft kisses along my chest and shoulders, paying special attention to the pink scar on my shoulder that I had yet to figure out how it had gotten there. While she continued to kiss my chest, I took out all the pins that held up the rest of her hair until all of it was flowing down her back and into my hands.
Her curls were always so soft and silky. They ran through my fingers like water over rocks. I lifted her head and kissed her once again. I kept playing with the curls on the back of her head while she scratched and fisted my hair, standing on her tip toes to get the best grip possible. I lowered my head, kissing down the long expanse of her neck to her collarbone and down to her chest. My hands crept down to her sides, massaging her creamy skin and letting my thumb rub circles into her stomach and the underside of her bra-covered breasts.
I thought for a moment how small she seemed underneath my touch. My hands could almost circle her waist. She whimpered some and shivered while I felt goose bumps rise on her skin underneath my hands. I reached around her and unclasped her bra with one hand. It was difficult, and it took me a minute with nervous, shaky hands, but it finally fell to the floor below us. I touched her breasts reverently and as delicately as I possibly could especially since my need only kept growing and growing.
"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," I whispered against the skin of her neck. I kissed along her chest until my mouth found her already hard and puckered nipple. She continued to scratch at my scalp while I licked and sucked and bit at her nipple, palming and pinching lightly at the other one in my hand. Her head was thrown back as she moaned my name over and over, and the steel rod in my boxers kept growing more and more uncomfortable.
My mouth left her nipples and traveled back up her chest until it found her lips once again. Suddenly, I felt a warm, gentle touch stroking me over my boxers. I groaned when I felt her ease them down and free my straining cock from its confines. It bobbed in front of her as she released it. We kept kissing as she gently ran the tip of her index finger from bottom to tip slowly and gently then back down again. She was doing this on purpose, I was well aware; however, my resolve was slowly wearing away.
"Baby…" I warned against her lips. Then, she softly stroked me up and down with a featherlike hold. It was torturous and slow, but oh, so very good. It was the first time she had actually touched me, and I'll be damned if my breathing was nothing but slow and erratic while she did.
I reached down the front of her body until I found the edge of her lace panties. Slowly, I pushed them down until she was able to step out of them, and finally, we were left completely naked and bare in front of one another. Like a moth to a flame, my hand moved across each of her hips until I found the hairless, slick surface between her legs. She was so gloriously wet and smooth as I parted her skin and let my fingers trace the edges of her wet with desire clit. When I did, her hand that had been stroking me so softly and delicately suddenly gripped me as tightly as possible and kept up the steady rhythm of pumping me while I showed special attention to her clit.
"Edward," she breathed against my lips. "Please. It's been so long. I don't think I've ever needed you more…"
That one admission was almost my undoing.
"Bella, I love you so much…you just…you just don't even know," I pleaded with her, sounding like a begging, out of breath fool.
"Show me, Edward. Please, just show me."
And yeah, I could have said the words all day long. But she had been rejected and lied to, and she knew it. So now, she needed to be showed. Words were empty after all.
My sticky fingers left her center, and in one swoop, I held her bridal style. Our naked skin was warm and tingly against each others as I held her and stared deep into her eyes while carrying her over to the king-sized bed. She was all giggles and bubbly laughter when I tossed her into the white, fluffy down comforter onto the bed, bouncing a couple of times while I stood above her watching.
She was most obviously naked but just then she had never looked more bare-boned and beautiful in front of me. With not a care in the world and not a single thing to hold her back, she seemed so relaxed and wistful, looking up at me through hooded eyes and with a small across her face.
She sat up and wrapped her hand around the back of my neck and pulled me on top of her. I crawled onto the bed and hovered over her as we kissed and licked and groped one another. I dipped a finger into her, pumping her slowly and softly. She whined and moaned when I added another finger, and I thought briefly that there was absolutely no way I would fit. No way at all.
I withdrew my fingers and sat back on my knees in between her legs. She watched me as I pumped my wet fingers over my cock and mixed my precum with her juices over me, lubricating myself so not to hurt her.
I glanced down at her and smirked. "Whatcha staring at, baby?"
She only smiled at me evilly, growling low in her throat before she pushed herself up and kissed me, needy and hungry. I loved it. I loved her.
I slowly eased her back down and hovered on top of her. I left her lips and sat back on my haunches once again. She looked so beautiful like that, naked with her legs spread and smiling so sweetly at me. I took both of her hands in mine and laced our fingers together, pressing our joined hands into the soft mattress on either side of her head. And then slowly…ever so slowly, we became one.
It was tight. God, it was so tight. But I fit. Made for me. Only me. I had been the only one to ever be inside her, and she was completely molded to me.
I entered her a little at a time, stretching her and giving her time to form around me. When I was finally filling her completely, she let out a long, tired sigh. It was breathless and sounded like she had released a breath she'd been holding for weeks.
And even slower than when I penetrated her, I started to move, innnnn and outttttt. Innnn and outttt. Every stroke felt better than the last, so much so that I had to shut my eyes for a moment to hold off my immediate release.
I felt her hands petting my sides, and fingernails softly scratching my skin. I opened my eyes back up when I felt her lift her legs, bending them at the knee and bring them in the air beside her.
"Harder, baby," she breathed. "Harder."
So, I started a harder, rougher rhythm which allowed me to push even deeper inside her. She kept making delicious moaning noises while I tried to concentrate on anything but the fact that her sex-whimpers were even more arousing when we were actually making love. Her inner walls kept tightening around me then releasing, over and over again. It was unlike any feeling I had ever had.
"God, h-h-how are you d-doing that?" I whispered, focusing in on the white of our joined knuckles.
"Doing what?"
I felt her tighten again then release. "That!"
She only moaned in reply as she pressed her knees even closer to her chest, allowing me to slip deeper. I felt the all too familiar tightening in my stomach of my impending orgasm and had to halt quickly before I embarrassed myself.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I said as my hands left hers and rested on her hips, stopping her and myself.
"What's wrong?"
"Just…give me a minute," I replied, thinking of anything but the most magical feeling that had been seethed inside her. I felt her constrict again around me. "Oh, fuck, Bella."
She giggled while she rubbed the planes of my chest and shoulders, trickling her fingertips softly around each muscle that fell under her touch. I kept still for a few more moments while still staying inside her until I felt the pleasurable burning subside.
I sat back on my feet and lifted her hips up while I started pumping in her once again. Her knees were resting almost to her chin while I thrust again and again, harder and harder each time.
"Oh…yes, yes…oh god…" kept slipping from her lips in more delicious sex-whimpers while I lifted her hips higher and pushed her against me in time for each of my thrusts.
Then, she started to close around me…at least, that's what it felt like. Her body tensed under my hold while her walls wrapped around me and squeezed my cock so hard I saw stars. When her body started to shudder was when she started contracting around me harder over and over as she came.
I gave a mental pat on my back when she shut her eyes and her mouth fell open in a silent scream. Now that was magical. Before she was completely brought back down from her orgasmic high, I lifted her body up so we were chest to chest and laid my legs out flat in front of me with her own legs wrapped around my back. She clutched my shoulders and dug into my back while I started to rock her in and out of my lap, feeling myself hit that one certain spot deep inside her over and over with every lift of her hips on and off of me.
And then…yeah, I made her come again. No big deal. Ha.
And whenever I felt her grip me tightly once again, I released inside her. Her walls tensing and releasing at every wave of my own orgasm. She screamed not so silently this time which happened to drown out my own grunts and erratic moans at the same time.
We sat for a moment, holding each other and gripping each other while our breathing slowed and the sweat between us dried.
"Oh my god," was all she said. But she said it breathlessly and over and over and over again in my ear.
"I know, right?" was my brilliant response.
She leaned back some in my arms to look me in the eye. She framed my face with her hands and kissed me. "I love you."
"I love you," I replied.
I eased her backwards, laying her softly back into the sheets. I slipped out of her and laid behind her, spooning her with my arm over her side and my hand rubbing circles in her stomach. I was wrapped so tightly around her that I could have sworn I felt her heart beating from her back against my chest.
I waited for sleep to take me. I felt so exhausted but not really sleepy. I blinked several times, but thought of nothing except what we had just done and when the next time we could do it would be. I silently hoped she didn't feel me start to get hard again.
"Edward?" she whispered after a few more minutes.
"Yes, baby?" I asked, sitting up behind her and lightly palming her naked breast.
She rolled some until she was flat on her back. My hand never left her boob. "Are you sleepy?"
I didn't want to say no if she was so I asked, "Are you?"
"No," she replied. "I'm hungry." A smile erupted across her face because right after the words left her lips, her stomach rumbled loudly into the silence of the large room.
I chuckled. "Okay. Let's order room service."
She squealed and jumped out of bed, running on the other side of the room to get the menu from the desk. Still naked and glorious, she flopped back in bed and kissed me briefly on the lips.
"We need lots of nourishment after that…" she said, flipping open the menu with a small smile. "And for what we're about to do again," she finished.
Nope. No sleep tonight.
I love them. Don't you? No more cockblocking. I hope you liked it. It took me a while to decide but I think I made the right decision. I think they were ready.
Okay, I might have addressed this already, but I'm going to do it again. Bella has blue eyes. This is on purpose. Bella is nothing like book Bella. She is my own twisted version where she's cool, and she dances and she ain't clumsy. Ya know? I hope this doesn't distract you. (It's just eye color, people)
'Preciate you!