Brennan groaned softly as she punched her pillow once again. It appeared that trying to sleep was going to be a fruitless endeavor tonight. Too many thoughts about the case she had been working on over the previous few days had been intruding into her consciousness as she tried to relax. It seemed like the solution for the case was just beyond her grasp. She couldn't quite see it, and her frustration with the lack of an answer was keeping her awake this evening. Add to that the jolt of fear she'd experienced when she and Booth couldn't find Christine in her bedroom earlier in the evening, and a good night's rest was out of the question. The rain still continued to run down the windows, illuminated from time to time by a distant flash of lightning. Brennan sighed as she sat on the side of her bed, glancing over her shoulder to make sure she hadn't disturbed her husband as he softly snored on his side of the bed. He had been sleep deprived because of having Christine in their bed the last few evenings as they tried to calm her fears about imaginary monsters. Smiling, Brennan quietly put on her robe and slippers. Even though Christine was still small, she took up quite a bit of room in their bed, and Brennan knew that, in addition to sleep, what Booth missed was having his wife snuggled up next to him as he slept.
The house was quiet except for the soft sounds of the rain. Brennan passed through the family room to the kitchen to fix herself a cup of herbal tea, hoping it would help her sleep. She breathed in the fragrant vapors before taking a sip, willing herself to be calm and rational. There were no monsters in Christine's closet, but there were monsters in the world away from their cozy home. How could she protect Christine from the terrible things that might be waiting outside the front door? Feeling overwhelmed with emotions she couldn't completely understand, much less control, Brennan brushed a tear away and took another sip of tea. She was a strong and intelligent woman who had achieved success in her chosen field through her intellect and strength of will. She knew she could solve this problem. She had to...it was her fault this problem still existed…she had to get to the bottom of this. Brennan was so focused on her thoughts about the case that she jumped with fright as she heard the voice behind her.
"Bones? Did the storm wake you up? It's 2 AM. Come back to bed, Baby…" Booth reached out to rub his wife's shoulders. "I'm sorry I startled you. What's wrong?" He brushed a tear away from her cheek. "Are you still upset about what we found out at the lab?" He gave her a small sad smile as she nodded in agreement. "Listen...these things that happened with the bodies...these things are not your fault, okay? The guy who's doing this...He's a sicko, you know? He's making choices that have nothing to do with you…" Embracing her as she wept, he spoke softly as he rubbed small circles on her back. "We're gonna get the son of a bitch...you know that, right? All of us...the whole team...we're gonna put his sorry ass in prison for the rest of his life…C'mon, Bones...you gotta let it go…you can't let him get into your head like this."
She shook her head as tears ran down her cheeks. "How can I let it go, Booth? If I'd been at the Jeffersonian when the first set of remains came in, I could've prevented the woman's death. We might have caught whoever is responsible when we found the first set of remains…."
"Bones...you were on maternity leave, remember? You needed time to recover from Hank's birth, especially since it was more difficult than when you delivered Christine. You had to get your strength back in order to be able to do any work at the lab. Anyway, the way I understand the timeline, the man's remains were found six months ago, right after Hank was born, and they had been badly scavenged when they were found. It wouldn't have made any difference if you had been at work…"
"That's true, Booth, but I didn't need to take off six months from work after Hank was born. I felt fine very soon after his birth, but I wanted to stay home with him for a longer period of time. If I had gone back to work sooner, I might have been able to find something sooner. That's my job, remember? You've told me many times that I change history by finding a killer before he kills his next victim. Well, this time I failed to do that, and Allison died because of it." Brennan closed her eyes as she leaned against Booth's chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. "I've got to do something to find out who is committing these murders so I can prevent another death. I know you understand that. I know how the killer thinks, Booth...more than anyone else who works there, I understand..."
"Bones, look at me." Booth paused until Brennan raised her chin so she could look into his eyes. "Remember when those guys used your book "Red Tape, White Bones" to plan murders of those people they knew? Sully told me afterward that you felt responsible because you wrote those things in your book, but you know it wasn't you who was the guilty party, right? Eventually you realized those guys made their own horrible choices, and that you had nothing to do with it. It's the same way with this guy. He's making choices that have nothing to do with you. You can't control what he does. Even if you could learn everything there is to learn from the remains, we still would need to identify the person committing the crimes, and then find him, right? It's like you told me about Gormogon, remember? This is not gonna be a sprint, it's gonna be a marathon. Taking off that time helped refresh you to handle this case. It was like a sabbathal."
Brennan grinned in spite of her tears. "You mean a sabbatical? Well, I did feel refreshed until I had to figure out where you had disappeared to, Booth." She caressed his face as he shuddered and tried to hide his embarrassment from her. "I was ready to look for you, and I had the strength to do so because I was rested. I understand what you're saying about taking some time off. Unfortunately, that doesn't make me feel much better about our present case."
Booth rolled his eyes as he pulled Brennan back into his embrace. "You just take care of you. The only person you can control is you," He winked broadly at her "….and me, I guess."
"What? I control you?" Brennan's eyes narrowed as she glared at Booth. "That's ridiculous, Booth. You make me sound like some sort of control fink!"
Laughing, Booth shook his head at his wife. "You mean control freak? Oh, you might be a little bit of a control freak…" He grinned as she pretended to scowl. "But that's not what I meant, Bones. You gotta know by now...everything I do, I do so that you're happy. You're always in my thoughts. I always want to do my best to be worthy of you, because you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. That's how you control me, okay? So, c'mon. No more sad talk or feeling guilty about things you can't control. We'll start again tomorrow, and we'll get this bastard soon." A rumble of thunder rolled overhead. "See? Even God agrees with me…"
An exasperated sigh escaped from Brennan's lips. "There's a perfectly good scientific explanation for thunder, Booth, and it has nothing to do with a supreme being talking to you...but you're right. We can't do anything about the case at 2:30 in the morning." She reached up to kiss him. "Let's go back to bed."
"Great idea." He kissed her gently and smiled. "I love you…and I'll do everything I can to help you get this guy."
"I know you will, Booth...but I don't want to think about that any more tonight. Do you think you can help take my mind off my problems?" Brennan reached down to pat her husband's gluteus muscles.
"Well, you know, Bones...you're in control of me. You're wish is my command..."