A/N: Now I know that there is little romantic J/H interaction in this episode, but I felt the need to expand on some other characters a little bit. Don't worry, there will be more next week! AND I had to insert and expetive deleted, as it's a tv show, ha ha ha.

Disclaimer: I own neither THAT 70S SHOW nor Aerosmith songs.

9.14: Dude Looks Like a Lady

Donna was sitting in the Hub, when Janie walked in and sat next to her.

"Can I stay at your house tonight?" Janie asked.

"Um, what?" Donna retorted.

"Well, Fez is cooking his new girlfriend a big dinner, and I don't really want to be there for it…. Privacy wise."

"Sure, privacy wise," Donna said. "Janie, if you like Fez you can tell me. I won't tell him, I can keep a secret. It's Jackie you shouldn't tell."

"Not that she'd even notice, she's so wrapped up in Dusty at the moment it would go in one ear and out the other," Janie said. "And there's nothing to tell, okay? Fez is a friend and a roommate who's in a fulfilling relationship with a vapid, egomaniacal, twerp."

At that moment, Jackie pranced into The Hub.

"It's his type, you know," Donna said, and Jackie sat with them.

"Hey girls," she said. "How are we today?"

"Janie is still denying her feelings for Fez," Donna said.

"What's the point anymore, Janie?" Jackie asked.

"Do I really have to prove to you all that I don't have feelings for him?" Janie asked.

"It would be nice to have some proof," Donna said.

"Okay," Janie said. "The next man who walks through this door…. I'll ask him out, damning the consequences." Donna and Jackie exchanged glances, and laughed.

"Janie, the majority of men who come in here are high school boys," Donna said. "We're the old fogies of The Hub."

"We should probably find a new place to hang out," Jackie mused.

"That doesn't matter," Janie said. "Even if he is a teenager, I'll ask him out."

"Just to prove us wrong?" Donna asked.

"No, so I can show you that I am willing to date someone and not stalk my roommate," Janie said. "So whoever the next one is…. He's mine for the taking."

"Even if it is statutory?" Jackie asked. Janie nodded, and the door opened. "Well here comes jail bait number one."

Through the door walked a very VERY handsome man, with black hair, green eyes, and a subtle smile on his face that could only be described as a confident smirk. At the same time, by serendipitous circumstances, 'Calling Dr. Love' by KISS started playing on the juke box. All of the girls mouths dropped. He walked up to the counter, and as if in slow motion, leaned against it, and then turned, looking at the three of them. He smiled a little, and waved a little. The world still moved as if it were in molasses. Donna waved numbly, taken aback by his looks. Jackie subconsciously licked her lips and mouthed 'wow'. And Janie arched an eyebrow, and bit her lip with primal lust building inside of her. He smiled fully this time, obviously slightly embarrassed by their gawking, but as if he were used to it.

"Holy (bleep)," Donna said.

"Oh my God," Jackie said, eyes wide and tongue almost hanging out of her mouth. "Is THIS how the guys felt when Farrah Fawcett was on 'Charlies Angels'?"

"I think so," Donna said.

"I love this feeling," Jackie said. Janie hit the table, and smirked.

"Ladies," Janie said, standing up, "I think it is apparent that I am not into Fez." She stood up, and strutted over to him.

"Hell, I may not be into Eric anymore," Donna said, and Jackie nodded.

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Fez, Eric, and Hyde were in Grooves, and Fez was going on and on about Grace.

"AND, Grace can tie a cherry stem with her tongue," Fez said. "Can you believe that?"

"So what?" Hyde asked. "Jackie can do that too."

"She can?" Fez asked. "She never showed me!" Hyde smirked, and shrugged.

"I'm sure it just never came up," Eric said, then exchanged looks with Hyde.

"Anyway, Grace also likes to do this thing, where she-."

"You know what, I'm getting a little put off by all the sex scenarios," Eric said. "Namely ones that involve you, Fez." Dusty walked out from the back room.

"I need some advice," he said. "I'm thinking of buying Jackie some flowers, and-."

"Psh, why?" Hyde asked, resentfully. "Have you already been pestered about a two week anniversary or something?"

"No, nothing like that," Dusty said. "I just want to surprise her. What kind of flowers does she like?"

"He's buying non special event flowers?" Eric asked, sitting up. "Do you REALIZE how bad this is going to make all other guys look?"

"Huh?" Dusty asked.

"Dusty, if you buy her flowers just because you like her, our women may get ideas," Fez said. "Why should we have to live up to your standards of sucking up?"

"Cool it guys, he's probably just buying them to get one step closer to her bedroom," Hyde said.

"No, it's not like that either," Dusty said. "Don't you guys buy your girlfriends flowers just to see the look on their faces?" Eric and Fez exchanged glances, and smirked.

"Oh, yeah, ALL THE TIME," Eric laughed.

"Dusty, are you really just buying her flowers because you want to?" Hyde asked, genuinely perplexed.

"Yeah," Dusty said. "Didn't you?" Hyde had no answer, and just went back to doodling on some paper by the counter. He didn't like it that Dusty was one upping him in most areas of the Jackie department.

Kelso walked into the store.

"Hey guys," he said.

"Kelso, Dusty is going to buy Jackie flowers just because he can," Fez said. Kelso held up his hands.

"Whoa whoa whoa," Kelso said. "Are you trying to make us look bad?"

"Did you guys ever stop and think that maybe you make yourselves look bad because you don't buy your girls flowers?" Dusty asked. The other four shook their heads. They actually laughed at the thought, and Kelso took off his raincoat. And the laughter stopped. For Kelso was wearing a bright pink shirt.

"Kelso, what are you wearing?" Hyde asked. Kelso looked down at his shirt.

"What do you mean? It's a shirt," Kelso said. "Brooke gave it to me, it's apparently Italian."

"It's pink!" Eric exclaimed.

"It's a really nice shirt, you dingus," Kelso said.

"This is just like that damn coat incident," Hyde said. "Only this time instead of looking like the Fonz you look like a girl."

"I do not!" Kelso exclaimed. "This is a nice men's dress shirt from Italy!"

"It's a nice shirt from Italy, but yes, it is a woman's," Fez said. Kelso slowly and sheepishly put his rain coat back on.

"Why don't you just change?" Eric asked.

"Because I'm out of clean laundry! And besides, promised Brooke that I would wear it," Kelso said.

"It's not like she's here," Dusty said.

"Whoa, now you're supporting subverting women?" Hyde asked.

"When girly shirts are involved, yes," Dusty said.

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Janie continued to chat with the mystery man, and Jackie and Donna watched with intrigue and lust.

"How come I've never seen this man before?" Donna asked. "Why is it that he shows up AFTER Eric and I got back together?"

"Donna, what are you saying?"

"Oh, nothing too serious, but since I was just wasting my time with Randy, why couldn't I have wasted time with HIM?" Donna asked.

"Oh, that's a good point," Jackie said. "Even more importantly, I could have had him instead of Fez, and my time may not have been wasted!"

"So I'm Janie, by the way," Janie said, smiling sexily.

"Andy," he answered.

"You aren't from here, are you?" she asked.

"No, I'm the new music teacher at the grade school. I'm actually from Minneapolis."

"Oh that's cool. My friend over there, the brunette, she's going to the U of M this fall," Janie said, pointing at Jackie. Andy looked at Jackie, and raised his eyebrows in affirmation. Jackie looked behind herself, as if he was looking at someone else. When she realized he wasn't, she waved, and giggled a little bit. Donna swatted her, and Jackie swatted her back.

"Your friends seem…."

"Hysterical?"

"Heh, I was going to say nervous, but…"

"Well that too," Janie said. "So, have you been shown around town yet?" she asked.

"Oh, somewhat," he said. "Why? Are you offering?"

"I might be," Janie said. "What say we meet here tonight?"

"Maybe around… seven?" Andy asked.

"Sure," Janie said. He smiled, and the soda jerker gave him his shake.

"Well, I have to give a private lesson in a half hour, so I should go," he said. "But yeah, see you tonight at seven." He smiled, and as he turned Janie squealed silently to herself. He waved at Donna and Jackie, and they giggled goofily as he left. Janie rushed to their table, and bounced up and down.

"We're going out tonight!" she exclaimed. "He's a music teacher at the grade school, his name is Andy, and we're going out tonight!"

"Way to go, Janie!" Donna exclaimed. "I'm glad you're found someone to make you forget about Fez."

"I was never thinking about Fez, so that statement is moot," Janie said.

"Whatever you say," Donna stated. Jackie was still staring after Andy. "Jackie. Stop with the almost drooling."

"I'm sorry, I was just watching his ROCKIN' ASS!" Jackie exclaimed.

"Okay, here's a question," Donna said. "Is it bad that we women always complain about how we're objectified, and then we turn around and objectify that man?"

"…. No," Jackie and Janie both said at the same time.

"I was only making sure," Donna said.

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Later, Donna and Eric were sitting in the basement, when Jackie and Dusty walked in.

"Look look look!" Jackie exclaimed, holding up the bouquet of flowers that Dusty had given her. "Dusty bought these for me just because he cares about me!" Donna 'aww'd and Eric shot Dusty a withering glare.

"Dammit, Dusty, you ruined it for the rest of us deadbeat boyfriends who don't need to give gifts to receive sex!" Eric exclaimed, and Donna hit him in the chest with her wrist.

Fez and Grace walked into the basement next.

"Hello everyone!" Fez called, and then saw the flowers. "AI!"

"Oh, those are pretty!" Grace stated, and Jackie nodded.

"Grace, no!" Fez exclaimed. "Dusty is just doing it to make the rest of us look bad." Grace put a hand on her hip.

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe the fact you don't buy me flowers makes you look bad?" she asked.

"That's what I said," Dusty interjected.

Hyde and Kelso walked in.

"This is just great!" Kelso exclaimed. "I can't believe that the washer at my parents broke after just the whites were clean! I really need to change out of this shirt and I don't like my white ones.!"

"Karma, man," Hyde said. "That's what you get for making fun of my sandals."

"Your hippie sandals?"

"Your debutant shirt?"

"Shut up!"

"What are you two talking about?" Donna asked, and Kelso sighed. He took off his rain coat, and revealed the pink eyesore. The girls laughed, and Kelso glared.

"Yes, HA HA HA," he said. "I'm just trying to do right by my baby's mom by wearing this shirt and everyone laughs."

"You're just lucky Janie isn't here, she'd tease you relentlessly," Donna said.

"Yeah, where is she?" Eric asked. Jackie and Donna looked at each other, and both sighed.

"She's out with Andy," Jackie said, dreamily. Dusty and Eric looked at each other, and then back at their girlfriends.

"Who is Andy?" Dusty asked.

"He's just the sexiest man this side of Point Place," Donna said.

"Hey!" Eric stated.

"Sorry sweetie, I love you, but Andy is on fire," Donna said.

"Are those flowers from Dusty?" Hyde asked, and Jackie grinned.

"Yeah!"

"Dusty, you suck," Hyde said.

"Steven, just because YOU never gave me flowers it doesn't mean that Dusty sucks," Jackie said, sick of people picking on her boyfriend. Hyde crossed his arms in a huff, and she smiled up at Dusty.

"Thank you for fighting my battles, honey," Dusty said, sarcastically.

At that moment, Janie led Andy into the basement. Donna and Jackie both became entranced with him.

"Hey guys," Janie said. "This is Andy." He waved.

"I met you two," he said, and Jackie and Donna nodded eagerly. Eric and Dusty looked at Andy, then at their girlfriends, and put their arms around their shoulders, protectively. "But it's nice to meet the rest of you."

"This is my roommate," Janie said, motioning to Fez. Fez stood, and tried to look non threatened by this rugged stranger. Instead he ended up looking maniacally happy.

"I'm her roommate," Fez said.

"Cool. Well, thanks for showing me around the town, Janie," he said. "But I should get going, I have an early class tomorrow."

"Okay," Janie said, and they kissed. Donna and Jackie wrinkled their noses, and Fez couldn't help but feel jealous, and an envious glare set across his face which Grace noticed.

"Nice to meet you all," Andy said, and left the basement. As soon as he'd closed the door, Janie squealed and Donna and Jackie hopped up.

"Tell us everything!" Jackie exclaimed. "Is he a good kisser!?"

"Is he romantic?" Donna asked.

"It's not me that makes you look bad," Dusty stated to Eric. "It's HIM that makes US look bad."

"He is officially Public Enemy Number One," Eric stated.

"HOW is he hotter than ME?!" Kelso bemoaned.

"He's a great kisser," Janie said. "…… And we had sex!"

"Whoa! You slut!" Donna exclaimed, not cruelly.

"I know!" Janie said, giddily.

"She's not a slut, Donna," Jackie said.

"Three times in his car!" Janie clarified.

"Okay, you're a slut," Jackie said.

"…. Well Grace and I had sex too!" Fez exclaimed.

"Fez!" Grace snapped.

"…. That was awkward," Hyde said.

"Fez, when Janie talks about it it's hot, because look at her," Kelso said, gesturing towards the smitten punk girl. "I mean come on. She's hot."

"Hey Kelso, nice shirt," Janie said. "Is that from the women's section at Pennys?"

"She's also a BITCH!" Kelso snapped, and stormed from the basement.

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"I can't believe she slept with him three times, in his car," Fez said, playing with the rootbeer bottle in his hand, the next day. "I knew that Janie liked her men, but I had no idea that she was that quick with them. I mean, yes, she's had a few one night stands, but those never formed into something beautiful. But now she's with Andy that MAY be turning into something delicate and beautiful. So since I'm with Grace, why can't I be happy for her?"

"…. Why are you in my kitchen?" Red asked, extremely distressed that Fez had cornered him and outpoured his sexual anxieties.

"…. I just needed an older and wiser man to talk to," Fez said.

Kitty walked into the kitchen.

"Well hello, Fez," she said. "How are you this morning?"

"Well, not so good, Miss Kitty," Fez said. "You see-."

"Kitty, why did you have to open the floodgates all over again?" Red asked, standing up and leaving the kitchen.

"Are things going okay with you and your new friend?" Kitty asked.

"I'm not sure. I like her, but seeing Janie with Andy is making me crazy," Fez said. "I can't help but feel like maybe I should dump Grace and try to woo Janie again."

"Fez," Kitty said, resting her chin in her hand, "let me put it this way. You have a pretty, buxom blonde at your side who seems to really like you. And you are considering dumping her for a girl who has not only rejected you before, but she wears safety pins in her jeans and puts on so much make up she looks like a lemur!"

"…. So…. I should stick with Grace?" Fez asked.

"Yes, sweetie. Stick with Grace."

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Kelso sat by the dryer, and Jackie was sitting on top of it filing her nails, as Hyde sat up against the broken washer..

"You're really eager to get a new shirt on your back," she said. "You know, just because the shirt is pink it doesn't mean that it's awful."

"What would you do if Dusty wore a pink shirt?" Kelso asked. Jackie thought for a second.

"Well, Dusty can pull any color off, so I wouldn't mind," she said, and Hyde rolled his eyes.

"Dusty would look like a shrimp cocktail in a pink shirt," Hyde said, and Jackie lightly kicked him in the shoulder with her dangling foot.

"Why do you care if he gives me flowers? You don't have a girlfriend who's going to get high expectations," Jackie said. Hyde snorted, and decided to not answer. After all, what was he going to say? Once the dryer 'dinged', Kelso leapt up and opened it.

"Finally!" he snapped at it. He began pulling out his white load, and realized with horror that all of those clothes in it were pink. "No. No!"

"That's a lot of pink," Hyde said. Kelso began pulling the clothes frantically, and found the culprit. One of his red socks somehow got in with the whites while he was rushing to get the laundry done.

"NOOO!" he yelled, holding up the sock in the air.

"Ooh, that's the first faux pas of laundry," Jackie said. "Once, I dropped a red scarf in with my whites. I had ugly pink panties once they came out. Who would have thought pink would be ugly, on PANTIES? And that stain NEVER comes out."

"Shut up shut up!" Kelso said. "There has to be a white shirt in here somewhere!" But there were none. He groaned, and rested his head against the dryer. Hyde and Jackie looked at each other.

"… Wanna go get a burger?" Hyde asked.

"Okay," Jackie said, hopping off the dryer to leave Kelso to mourn.

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Janie and Andy were lying in his bed after a lunch date that turned into a bedroom date back at his place.

"You're so hot," she said. "Has anyone ever told you that before?" He shrugged, and she looked around the room.

"Into jazz?" he asked, as she looked at the Miles Davis poster.

"Oh," she said. "….. Not really."

"That's too bad," he said, and the talking stopped. She sighed, and sat up.

"Okay, Andy, I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore," she said. "I know it's only been two days, but I just can't."

"Oh. How come?" he asked.

"…. I'm a self proclaimed feminist, and I can't stand it when women are only used for sex. So it would be wrong to continue because I am simply objectifying you!" Andy thought for a minute, and then began laughing. "Why are you laughing?"

"For a person who went through high school as a band nerd and in chess club, and who was a loner in college, being told you're objectified is very flattering." She thought for a second and then chuckled too. "But, if you aren't happy, I'm not going to protest."

"I'm sorry, Andy," she said. "My heart, it's just not in the right place."

"That's okay. We had fun anyway," he said.

"LOTS of fun," she said, and he smirked. "Again… I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't worry about it," he said. "I just hope that I can find someone as willing to talk to me as you were."

"Trust me, looking like that there will be NO problems," Janie said. "ARG! I'm doing it again!"

"Don't worry, I won't hold it against you," he said. She kissed his cheek, and began to get dressed. "For the record, I learned a long time ago that you should always follow your heart." She smiled, and nodded.

"Even if it's a weird guy who's obsessed with candy?" she asked.

"Especially if it's a weird guy who's obsessed with candy."

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Eric and Donna were in Grooves when Janie walked in for her shift.

"Where's Andy?" Donna asked, looking out the window hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

"We broke up," Janie said.

"That was fast," Eric said. "Why?"

"… Eh, no chemistry," she said, and left it at that.

"Well that's okay then," Donna said. "Still…."

Fez and Grace walked in as Janie went behind the counter to clock in.

"What's with Janie?" Fez asked.

"She and Andy broke up," Donna said. "They didn't click."

"Oh," Fez said, and looked after her, somewhat longingly. But he felt Grace slip her arm in his, and smiled at her. Just remember what Kitty said, he thought.

Kelso walked in, wearing a pink tee shirt.

"Hey guys," he said. Donna and Eric burst out laughing. "At least it's not frilly!" Dusty walked out from the back room, and shook his head.

"How did you manage to do that?" he asked.

"…. Red sock," Kelso answered.

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While Donna sat in the basement reading a book, Jackie and Dusty walked in.

"Donna!" Jackie exclaimed, holding out her wrist. "Look at this cute charm bracelet Dusty bought me today!" Donna examined it, and smiled up at Jackie.

"Very cute, good taste Dusty," Donna said, and Eric strolled down the steps. "Eric! Why haven't you ever bought me a charm bracelet?" Eric looked at Jackie's wrist, and then at Dusty.

"I'm gonna get you, man," Eric said.

"Hey hey, we're united against Andy, he's the common enemy," Dusty said.

"Uh, not anymore, Janie and Andy broke up," Donna said.

"WHAT?!" Jackie asked. "But… But…. His ROCKIN' ass!" Dusty looked at her, and she smiled sheepishly up at him. "Yours is rockin' too, sweetie."

FADE OUT