Hi, we'll do you a favor and spare you the excuses. Let's see if we can finish this story within the month. This has taken way too long, and we want to move on.
BTW, we got a review in Spanish. It pretty much made our day.
Also, we know that we've gone a bit OOC for pretty much all of the characters. We're just rolling with it. This is a "serious spoof," after all.
Arthur dropped his supplies, drew his sword, wheeled around, and prepared to face the imminent attackers.
In that same moment Merlin reached out his arm. "Ic the withdraf!" He shouted.
Zedd was instantly flung against the cave wall. Then upon landing the old man immediately stood. He didn't seem shaken or harmed in the slightest. He was still smiling.
"Swefe nu!" Merlin yelled.
Instead of dropping to sleep, Zedd continued to stand there, smiling and completely unaffected.
"Arthur!" Merlin called with a terrified note in his voice.
"What?" Arthur hissed irritably. He was trying to figure out exactly how the rest of band would attack. Who from what angle, with what first strike. If this was an ambush, what were the rest of the attackers waiting for? Wouldn't assaulting immediately be the best tactic?
"We're in trouble."
Arthur rolled his eyes, but otherwise ignored him.
"No really, Arthur," Merlin said urgently. "That should've..."Merlin was already unnerved, but somehow it was far worse to admit out loud that he couldn't do anything against Zedd. "What do you want?" The warlock asked the wizard.
Arthur turned, painfully aware that doing so would leave them vulnerable. Zedd had merely cocked his head in response to Merlin. The wizard's vapid smile hadn't changed in the slightest.
"What are you doing here?" Merlin asked.
Zedd's neck straightened. "I am Zeddicus Zu'l Zorander, wizard of the First Order," he greeted, still smiling. "I am waiting."
"Waiting for what?" Arthur probed.
"I am waiting," Zedd repeated.
Waiting. Waiting for the next phase of the ambush? Did their plan involve Arthur and Merlin running for their lives? Were Arthur and Merlin supposed to drop their guards because of Zedd's creepy smile? What did this group want them to do? Whatever Arthur did, it had to be something that would never be expected. Carefully holding his sword lowered at his side, he charged at Zedd.
"Arthur! No!" Merlin threw out his arm to stop his friend all too late.
Arthur slammed the old man against the cave wall and then lifted his blade to Zedd's throat. Arthur wanted to force the rest of Zedd's comrades out of hiding. He would compel them to improvise. His behavior, however, didn't phase Zedd in the least. The old man grinned as though he were being hugged not threatened with death.
"I have your sorcerer," Arthur shouted to the unseen ambushing party. "Come out now."
Nobody answered.
"I know you're there!" Arthur added emphatically.
"Arthur," Merlin whispered. He anxiously glanced behind himself. Then realizing how stupid his positioning was, he pressed his back against the wall where he could watch Arthur and cave mouth at once.
"Fine," Arthur breathed. He roughly turned Zedd around, smashing the old man's face into the rock. "Bring me the rope, Merlin," Arthur ordered.
Merlin cautiously approached Arthur's discarded items and began rifling through them. Every moment he was peaking through the corners of his eyes. As Merlin located the rope, Arthur tore off a large chunk from one of Zedd's capacious sleeves. When Merlin handed Arthur the rope the prince covered the wizard's fingers with the torn sleeve and tied his hands together. After nullifying the wizard's power source, Arthur pulled his hostage off the wall, and led him by the collar and the point of a sword to the cave's mouth.
Merlin followed apprehensively. Why hadn't they been attacked already? Why did Zedd allow himself to be captured? Merlin couldn't shake the feeling that, somehow, they were only playing into the hands of the enemy.
The moment Arthur and Zedd reached the cavern's mouth Zedd suddenly jerked backward, nearly skewering himself.
"No," the wizard declared, no longer smiling, "I am waiting."
"Did your friends not make it here in time?" Arthur taunted as he shoved the old man in front.
They pressed forward. All the while Zedd struggled and insisted that he was waiting. He didn't care that Arthur was threatening to run him through. When Merlin could no longer see the cave behind him, he released a pent up breath. They weren't ambushed, and they had the wizard.
Merlin paused. Even the most inept tracker could follow the trail Zedd's struggles left. The rest of the crazy crew likely knew the wizard had been in the cave. Merlin wasn't going to provide opportunity to be snuck up on.
"Tynnwch y traciau," he muttered, and the trail erased itself.
"Zedd," Kahlan called to the puppet. She took a step farther into the cave.
"Do you think it wandered off?" Cara asked.
"That's impossible," Richard replied, "Zedd said it wouldn't."
"Well, I don't see it here," Cara maintained.
"I'm sure there's another explanation," Kahlan said.
"Maybe something ate it," Richard mused.
"That sounds likely," Cara snapped sarcastically. "Wild animals attacking a supposedly motionless puppet. And then leaving no remains."
"What if someone stole it?" Kahlan wondered.
"Shouldn't take them too long to figure out that it's worthless," Cara remarked. She refrained from adding something about few people seeing a use in old men to begin with. Slavers generally kidnapped the young and healthy.
"We can't go back without it," Richard stated. "Someone will ask why Zedd returned without us and without anyone noticing."
Cara rolled her eyes. Of course they would assume that didn't understand how volatile their situation was. "Standing around in here won't find it."
They split up. Cara and Kahlan searched deeper into the cave while Richard searched outside. Within minutes he found a trail. A trail that abruptly stopped before he could even get the cave out of eyesight.
Zedd slipped out of Camelot. It was well past midnight, and his companions hadn't returned. He had stopped to listen in on a few conversations on his way. This was in case his companions did return, but were somehow unable to meet him. He hadn't been able to eavesdrop on anything of importance though. Not in the small time he was willing to spare.
Zedd panted slightly with worry. He tried not to let his imagination carry him away with the many things that could have befallen his friends. When he reached the cave he found Kahlan standing just inside the mouth.
"Zedd!" Kahlan jumped.
"Where have you been?" Zedd asked sharply. They seemed fine. He was relieved, but also a little irritated. He had spent the entire day hiding and the last several hours worrying. For what?
Part of Kahlan had hoped she was seeing the puppet before her. Then they would return to Camelot immediately, while also postponing explanations.
"I can explain," Kahlan said. "Just a minute." She hurriedly retreated into the cave. Zedd didn't bother following. "Richard, Cara, wake up," Zedd heard her say, "Zedd's here."
"Zedd?" Richard's sleepy voice said.
"The real one," Kahlan verified.
In a moment all three of Zedd's companions were at the cave's mouth. And none of them were even injured. Zedd hoped for their sakes that they had an excellent reason to be staying the night in a cave.
"Zedd," Richard grinned.
"Kahlan said that she could explain, but I think she's hoping you will," Zedd conjectured.
Richard opened his mouth. He tried to think of the most tactful way to relay their news.
"We lost the puppet," Cara answered tersely.
"How did you lose my puppet?" Zedd asked incredulously.
"We think it might have wandered off," Kahlan replied dubiously.
"Nonsense. It will only do as it's told. What did you tell it to do?" Zedd demanded.
"I told it to wait in the cave until we got back," Richard replied. "We think it might have seen us come back and left to explore."
"Did you tell it to leave when you got back?" Zedd pressed. Puppets were only mindless pawns. They could only do what they were enchanted for. This puppet was only designed to get them in and out of the castle. Zedd hadn't put near the time and effort into this puppet as he put into the one that he once made for the purpose of tricking Darken Raul. That one was so expertly made that it appeared to think for itself at all times. It seemed intelligent. But this recent one only knew how to interact with Morgause, Morgana, and Cenred if need be. That was its only independent function. It wasn't designed to be capable of disobeying Richard, Kahlan, Cara, or Zedd. Or of finding loopholes in their words for that matter. Its creative thought capacity was extremely limited.
"Yes," Cara said sarcastically, "we took special care to ensure that the moment we returned it would run off and make our lives miserable."
"Cara, we don't have time for this," Zedd reprimanded. "Did one of you say something that it might have taken as a command to leave?"
"Not that I can think of," Richard answered. He looked to Kahlan for support. She shook her head. Both of them turned to Cara, who rolled her eyes.
"I don't have any idea what happened," Cara said. "Unless someone stole it."
"Maybe someone did," Kahlan suggested.
"Why would they?" Richard asked. "The only people who'd recognize Zedd want him dead."
"Bait perhaps?" Kahlan continued on the idea.
Richard shook his head. "They would have left a trail for us to follow. If not that, at least something to taunt us."
"We don't actually need it anymore," Cara reminded her companions.
"It would still be nice to find it," Zedd stated. "Those aren't easy to make." Though he didn't say it, Zedd also wanted to know if—even after ages of infallibly preforming the spell—he had somehow made a mistake while creating the puppet.
Review please!
And make bets on whether we can finish this fic in a timely manner. She's kidding. We don't want to know what you're betting. We already know what they bet. They're all thinking, "Ha! You're horrible at consistently updating."