Hey guys so a lot of you are asking if this is a Jori or Cade story, it's Jori.
Now that that's out of the way I just want to approach the "OMG Jade all of a sudden likes Cat OMG it's sooo crazy! OMG what's this? OMG I hate this story!"
It's not easy to get your story adopted then take it back and try to turn it into a actual plot (which she had none of) So yes I stuck a twist in there, what can I say, I like twist... yes it may have been confusing, no Jade and Tori never talked about each other in their POV's because the story was poorly written. (my friend is a Cat addict)
In this chapter I tried my hardest to get everything back on track. It was a small challenge but I tried my best...so I hope you guys like this chapter, if you don't and you're still confused...well shit, I'm sorry give me a break guys, I'm trying to do this for you.
I hope you enjoy :)
Chapter 14
Never Knew I Could Hurt Like This
[Cat's POV]
A tear escapes my eye as I turn over in my bed and grab onto Mr. Purple to hold him tight. He's snuggly, but he doesn't make me feel any better.
I just…..it's just not fair. I saw this coming. I've seen it coming since Jade started pushing me to the side. But…what is it? What is it that Tori has that I don't? I do everything for Jade, everything and she just….she hates me. I was coming out to apologize before she went home. I heard her car in the driveway so I put on my nice shoes and fixed my hair. I had it all planned out, the things I was going to say to her; just a big apology telling her how I'm sorry for annoying her. I don't mean to. I swear.
I finally get all nice and ready and I go outside with a smile on my face because I knew Jade and I would be friends again, all she needed was my apology, I know it. I'd have her back and then everything will be okay again. These feelings that I have will go away.
I've been thinking, you know about the way Jade makes me feel sometimes and I've come to a conclusion that I feel the way I do because she's not really in my life anymore and I just miss her so, so, so much so when she walks into a room I just want to love her as much as I can because I know she won't be around me again for a while, so this is why I have these feelings. I think? Right? But still…..sometimes…..okay well a lot of the time I just think, you know just to think….what if Jade and I were like…like Beck and Robbie? Beck's so happy with Robbie and vice versa and I was just thinking how it would be for me and Jade. For Jade to hold me the way Beck holds Robbie. For Jade to kiss me and love me the way Beck loves Robbie. We could be just like them. It's not a bad thing is it; for me to feel this way? I just can't stop those feelings. I can't and I just wonder if Jade would ever feel the same way about me? Oh I would give her the world.
Before I even had a chance to step off the porch I saw them. Everything in my body, every feeling that I had, all hope…just…ugh everything went down the drain, it hurt so bad. There's no feeling worse than watching your sister have everything in the world that you want. To have the person you love lip's against someone else's. My heart drowned and without thinking I ran to her car and yanked open Tori's door causing her to fall on the ground.
My heart never hurt so bad, Jade's supposed to me mine. I know it. What happened to her!? We use to be so close! We used to hang out every day! We used to talk on the phone every day! She used to hold me at night! She used to tell me she loves me so much! And then, and then…..it just died! She stopped hanging with me and making me feel those certain ways I've never felt before and she started hanging with Tori Vega even more! My sister! She traded me for my sister! Tori took everything that I had, her and Jade started talking every day! They hung out, they laughed, they cried together, they did everything! And I was nobody to Jade, nobody but an annoying brat is what she called me! But what did I do to lose her? What did I do!?
Where did Tori come from? What did she tell Jade? She had to tell her something about me. It had to be her! What else would make Jade hate me all of a sudden and then like Tori? Tori's never mentioned liking Jade and Jade never mentioned liking Tori but their sitting in her car swallowing each other!? I don't freaking get it! Maybe….maybe they just didn't mention it to me. They tried to keep their relationship a secret. Yeah…that's it. But I'm not stupid! I can see right through them! I saw the way they treated each other. I don't even think they knew they liked each other, but apparently they know now! And now….She's gone! I hate Tori! I hate herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Knock, Knock, Knock
"Cat?"
Ughhh Tori, get the hell away from my door!
"Go away!" I cried as I turned over in my bed, buiring my face in my pillow.
"Cat….can we please talk?"
"No! Tori leave me alone! I hate you!"
"Cat…it's not what you think. I swear."
"What do you mean it's not what I think!? I saw you two!" I yell at the door.
"I'm coming in."
I growl and turn to face away from her as I hear my door open and then close. "Cat…I'm sorry. I know what you just saw looked really bad, but let me explain."
"There's nothing to explain Tori. Just leave me alone!" I cry keeping my face away from her. There's nothing more that I want to do than punch Tori right in the face right now. She knew my feelings for Jade! I know she knew and she goes and does that! Ughhhhhh.
"Cat I swear to god it meant nothing. I…I don't even know what just happened. It was just….in the moment I guess."
"In the moment!?" I ask in disbelief. "You like her Tori! Just admit you two date!"
I hear a small gasp come from her before I feel the bed sink in and her hand grip my arm flipping me around. "Caterina Valentine! Jade West and I do not date!" She yells in a serious tone as she points to herself.
I sit up fast as I wipe my face. "You like her! I know you do! You guys have to like each other! You stole her from me!"
"I…I what!?" She says in shock as she stands back to her feet. "Firstly I didn't take anyone from you! You two have never dated so what was there to take Cat? Secondly, I don't like Jade I just…" She ran her hand through her hair as she sighs. "I just don't know…I'm trying to figure things out myself. It was so random what happen tonight, it wasn't planned Cat, we don't date. I don't even think we like each other! We've never had that type of conversation and I've never even put thought into that. It's never something I would have thought about if she didn't kiss me tonight. Yeah she flirts with me, but I thought it was for play, for fun! I see Jade as my friend and….but…." She sighs again as she sits back down beside me. "…..I'm not going to lie to you Cat…..it's….maybe….I just…..maybe it's a possibility I have some type of feelings for her but I didn't know that until tonight and I still don't know. We have yet to talk about it and I don't know myself and I just….I'm tired of thinking about it, I'm confused with myself. My mind is everywhere right now and I just don't know anything Cat."
"Get out of my room Tori." I say softly before laying back down and turning back away from her. Tears start to fall from my eyes even more as I hear her apologize and exit my room.
I just want sleep. Everything hurts. I don't want to think about it. Brain, please leave me alone…
BMMMMMMMMMM
I wake up to the vibration of my phone on my night stand. My eyes are hard to open and I can even feel how heavy they are from all the crying last night. I know for sure I have bags that aren't going away anytime soon.
I hate waking up like this. The thoughts never left my mind even in my sleep. I can't get the picture to go away. Please just go away.
New Text Message
Sender: Jadey
I sit up quickly, my heart rate increasing at I fumbled with my phone to open the text.
Jade: Cat?
My heart goes from being excited and happy to sadness and enraged. I can't believe she has the nerve to text me NOW! Now she texts me! She never ever texts me anymore! Oooooh is she going to apologize? Does poor Jadey have to explain what she did last night like Tori did! Ughh I don't even want to hear it!
Me: What Jade!? Leave me alone! Please!
Jade: Cat….can we please talk
Ughhhhhh, she's going to say the same mess Tori said last night! She's going to tell me how she "ooooh fell in love with Tori" I don't want to talk! I don't want to hear it! It hurts bad enough already without her speaking! Leave me alone!
Me: NO! I never want to talk to you! Or anyone!
Jade: Cat we have to talk about this.
Me: There's nothing to talk about! Go be with Tori!
Jade: Caterina Hannah Valentine! I'm so sorry!
….She's never apologized to me before…but I'm still not buying it!
Me:…..you're not sorry.
Jade: I am sorry! I don't mean to hurt you Cat! I just…. Cat we have to talk.
Me: About what Jade!? What could you possibly say to me!? That you're in love with Tori!? That you're sorry you're not attracted to me? That I'm too annoying for you!?
Jade: No Cat.
Me: Then what is Jade!?
Jade: There's reasons why I ignore you Cat. There's reasons why I hate you to no end. There's reasons why I'm trying my hardest to fall for someone else and it's taken me so long to realize it, but….I know I can't do this with you Cat, that's why I'm distancing myself from you. It could never happen for different reasons. So I never wanted you to know because I didn't want what's happening right now to happen but it's happening anyways but it still can never be.
What…what is she talking about!
Me: You didn't want me to know what Jade? What can never be?
Jade: I love you Cat
My heart starts to race as tears fill my eyes….Why does she keep playing with my emotions!
Me:…What?
Jade: But we, us….we can never be. We have to talk. I'll be over later I promise.
Why…..what is this, I don't understand….
Me: Jade….
Jade: Cat don't. Don't. Stop okay? We'll talk later.
Me: But , but why
Jade: Cat.
Me: (crying emoticon)
I didn't look nice this time. I didn't curl my hair. I didn't put on fancy clothes. My mind is racing. My heart is lost. My emotions are spilled everywhere. I can't think. I feel I can't even breathe.
And then she's knocking and I'm letting her in. She looks over me with furrowed brows as I back away and she closes the door behind her. I'm so grateful everyone in the house is still sleeping so we're free of unwanted ears (Trina, Tori). I don't know what she has to say but she's standing here quietly now biting her nails as if she's nervous and I can't take the silence much longer. I need her to explain something; to tell me something.
"Jade."
"Cat I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way I treat you. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. You….you mean a lot to me Cat and I love you. I do. I've always had, for a long ass time, but I don't admit that to myself. I don't admit that to anyone. It's a thought that I always push aside, one that I never let come to surface under any circumstances. I don't even mention it in my sleep, but it's there. This longing I've always had for you, this weakness. You're the first person to ever push me back in ways I can't explain. When you come around I get butterflies and God I would never admit this. But….the thing is I hate it. That's why I pushed you off Cat. That's why I stopped talking to you, I stopped hanging around you. I didn't want those feelings to get any stronger than what they already were so I treated you like shit and I left and I'm so fucking sorry."
She sighed as she took a seat on the couch and put her hands in her face as I feel my heart drop. "So…does this mean that we can-"
"-No Cat, we can't." She says interrupting me and my heart drops even more.
"B…but, but Jade why?"
"Because….we…I….I can't be with you Cat. I don't know how to say this without hurting your feelings, but I know it still will so I'm sorry but I would never be happy with you Cat. You're almost everything that I fucking hate and I don't even understand how I've fallen for you the way that I have. When you walk in a room I just…. ughhh how can I fucking explain this where you understand?" She sighs again as she starts to pace.
"You are a beautiful girl Cat never let anyone tell you otherwise and you'll make someone so happy someday, I'm just not that person. I can't take care of you. I can hold you when you cry, but I can only do that for so long. I can barely hold myself. You do and will need sooo much more than I can give you not just physically but mentally. No matter what Cat, I'm going to hurt you. You're so sensitive and I can't deal with that, I can't let you be miserable with me and I'm just…I'm not putting you through that."
"I barely even know myself yet and I'm trying to find it, but I keep putting myself on hold. I push all these love feelings aside because I just don't have time for this shit, this shit right here right now! What I'm doing, this conversation, I just don't have time for it. I hate it. You see what happens when I let these feelings take over me! I'm hurting you, I'm probably hurting Tori! I hurt every fucking body and then I have the nerve to wonder why no one gives a shit about me!"
She takes a seat on the couch as she puts her face in her hands.
"…I caught a few passing feelings for Tori and I haven't even given them much thought at all either, but I don't want you hurt if anything ever sparks between Tori and I. Tori….she's not the same as you Cat. And I…I'm not trying to hurt your feelings and please don't take anything the wrong way but Tori just has….something so much….stronger than you have and Cat that's not a bad thing it's just who you are, but it's something that I need in my life. Tori can understand what I tell her she-"
"-I can understand if you just tell me Jade!" I yell as I point to myself with tears in my eyes. Why does Tori win everything!
She stands back to her feet as she grabs my hands in hers. "I know Cat….but you…no, you can't. You don't understand a lot of things and where I'm at in life, and the type of person that I am, I need someone who can be stronger. Someone who really understands and Cat, you are a sweet heart, you are the sweetest person I fucking know, and that's why I do love you, but you're so oblivious to the fucking world! And I can't…I can't deal with that! You're in the middle of a got damn pornography studio and get fucking raped as a child and I know for a fact you still have no idea what happened to you as a child. You don't understand even after I've explained it to you a million times. You still ask and that's a problem. When I choose someone I have things I have to explain to them and I just need that upper shoulder when I need it. I need someone with understanding. Someone I don't have to watch after every minute of the day. Someone who's….in this world."
"…I can be an upper shoulder Jade! I am in this world! I'm standing right here!" I cry as I put my face in my hands.
She sighs loudly as she backs away a bit. "…Cat this is the shit I'm talking about. I always have to hold you. Wipe your tears. You are always crying about something! You're so sensitive and it…it makes me feel in certain ways that I cannot deal with. I can't do this forever." She sighs loudly. "I just don't know what other way to say this….and….I've done the best that I could. I can't be with you Cat. We will never work out. I only told you this because I see what you're going through and yes I've called you annoying and a brat to keep you away but I know your feelings and I have to let you know this so you will move on. Stop hanging onto me. I'm so sorry, I am." She turns to leave but I don't let her. I grab onto her tight as my arms go around her body pulling her as close to me as possible.
"Please don't do this to me Jade! Just give me one chance I promise I can be that person you want me to be! I can change for you! I will! I'll make myself not cry anymore and I'll study harder and I'll be so much smarter and-"
"-Cat stop. Please!" She says as she pry's me off of her. I look into her eyes and they are filled with giant tears and my heart melts. I made her cry.
"..I hate doing this….I swear I fucking do. I don't mean to hurt you Cat, but listen to yourself! You'll change yourself for me!? Don't do that! You're wonderful the way you are! Never change yourself for anybody! Do you hear me!?" She says as she grabs onto my face looking me straight in my eyes.
I just nod and cry as she lets me go and walks towards the door before I run over and grab her arm softly.
She turns to me with teary eyes and I know she's genuine and I know this is hurting her as much as its hurting me.
I softly put my hands to her shoulders and stand on my tip toes placing my lips on hers gently in which she kissed back briefly before she pulls away. "I'm sorry Cat." She says again as she puts hair behind my ear. "Someone is going to make you so happy. I'm sorry I hurt you and I'm sorry I'm hurting you. I have to figure things out. Just…I'll call you when I'm ready okay. Don't….just….wait until I contact you before you contact me okay? You really should be angry with me. Take a break." She says before exiting the house.
I stood there until I heard her footsteps leave the front door and that's when I broke down. I cried harder than I ever have in my entire life even 'causing Tori and Beck to wake up and try to get me to confess why I was downstairs so early in the morning in a crying fit but I don't give them any words. I free myself from their limbs before running up to my room and locking myself in for the rest of the day. I never knew I could hurt like this.
I just wish I could change. I wish I could be stronger. I wish I could be an upper shoulder. I wish I could be smarter. I wish I knew the things I don't. I wish I could understand. I wish I was Tori Vega.
I just wish I was Tori Vega….
Sooooo did you like it!? Are you still confused!? Any favorite parts? Least favorite parts? feelings?
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If not PM me I love chatting with you guys, you're awesome ;)