All recognizable names are the property of Stephenie Meyer. We just like playing dress up in her shoes.
This story is not suitable for those under the age of 18. It is rated M, so if you're not old enough to buy a pack of smokes… we don't wanna know!
Chapter 8 Paul
And seasons are changing,
And waves are crashing,
And stars are falling all for us.
Days grow longer and nights go shorter,
I can show you I'll be the one.
Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
"You fucking bitch! I'll fucking kill you!" Spittle flew from my mouth like a rabid animal as I lunged at Leah. She sat in the porch, grinning from ear to ear as I watched Bella leave me.
Sam, Jared, and Jake all grabbed me before I could get to her. I had never physically harmed any female, but in that moment, I didn't see male or female. I saw the bitch that hurt my mate. The bitch that finally made my angel see the type of man she was dealing with.
Bella said she needed time but I knew better. She would never be back in my arms. Oh, she may have remained my friend, but that was only because she was so tender hearted. She could never bear to hurt anyone. Not like me. I was a fucking monster.
"Oh, Paul… did you really think she wouldn't go running eventually anyway?" I lunged again and cursed my pack members for keeping me from her. "And really, if something as small as that makes her run then it's better that she go now."
Leah shrugged like it was no big deal.
"Paul, I'm tired of this game we've been playing. We're good together. Let me do for you what she will never be able to do. I understand the monster in you in ways she never will." I growled loudly at the way she was talking about my mate. My Bella.
"Leah!" Sam's voice boomed. I was sure people in Forks heard him. "I know I hurt you, but do you think this is the answer? Hurting an innocent girl? The mate of a pack member?" His body shook and vibrated against me.
"Sam! Baby, calm down," Emily urged gently and his shaking subsided.
"Leah," Sam's voice was a little calmer but he was using his alpha tone, "you are to stay away from Paul and Bella. You will not speak to them or even look at them. When you've learned to control yourself we will revisit the subject. Go home. Now."
I could see her body tense as she tried to fight the order, but eventually she complied. If she hadn't possibly cost me the love of my mate I may have felt sorry for her, but as it stood, I could have cared less.
Once the source of my rage was gone I just deflated. I pictured the look in Bella's eyes as Leah spewed her venom. Her words were like poison and I found myself wondering how I could have ever enjoyed touching someone so hateful. My angel said she would be back. She just needed to think. I used my perfect memory to replay every moment I had with her.
"She wouldn't lie. She'll be back." I didn't realize I had spoken out loud until Jake tapped me on the shoulder.
"She will be back, man. She's Bella. And Bella is kind and forgiving. She's just a thinker, ya' know? She just has to process things her own way. But in the meantime, why don't you go see her as Paul the giant puppy. I think she likes you better in that form anyway." He winked and I could have hugged him for his genius.
She may want time away from Paul the man, but she would never turn away the wolf. I didn't even bother removing my clothes before I phased. I could hear Jake's laughter following me as I ran. It was almost as if she was expecting me because I heard a whistle as if she was calling me. Embry was patrolling and laughed at the fact that she was calling me like a dog. I very appropriately told him to shut the fuck up.
My angel's eyes were puffy and I could see that she had been crying. For a second she almost looked frightened of me, so I licked her. It seemed to loosen her up so I immediately laid down and she followed. Her tiny fingers wound their way into my pelt as she talked to me. She mentioned that I hadn't called or texted her.
Why didn't I think of that? Shit, I'm a dumbass!
She thought that she had been the one to screw up. Was she insane? I let out a long breath, frustrated that I couldn't just tell her that she was justified in running from me. That I was an asshole that didn't deserve her.
Bella asked if she was talking too much and I couldn't help myself. I would have raised my eyebrows, but in wolf form I didn't have any. Instead I just gave her an incredulous look and laid my head on my paws.
She looked at her phone like it held all life's answers then snorted when she came across something. I saw her type out a text, but couldn't see who it was to. Who would she have been texting? Was it me? I had left my phone in my car. Would she think that I was ignoring her? No. I doubted she was texting me. So then who was it? She seemed happy to hear from whoever it was. Who made her smile that way? I raised my head up before looking back to the forest. Something was off. For a second I thought I heard the chiming of a phone far in the distance.
"What is it? You have somewhere to be?"
No. My place is with you. Always you.
Since I couldn't exactly answer her I nudged her gently and laid my head in her lap. Her body relaxed into mine and we both began to doze off. Just being near her lulled me into a calm state, but the way she was running her fingers through my fur was enough to relax me into a coma. We were both startled by the chirping of her phone. The smile on her face as she read the text and responded made my blood boil. She kept smiling as the texts went back and forth.
Who is making her smile that way?
Her arms were on top of my head so I couldn't get a look at her phone. Finally, fed up with her smiling and ignoring me I pulled myself from under and took the phone from her hands.
"Is someone jealous?" She giggled and took her phone back from my mouth. "Okay, I'll put it away."
Not what I was going for, but it works, I suppose. I just wanted to see who the fuck was making her smile that way. Cause it damn sure isn't me.
I grumbled and it came out sounding like a growl causing her head to snap up at me.
"What? What is it?" I could see the fear on her face and I knew I had to calm down. I rolled on my back and wagged my tail, feeling like a moron, but when she giggled and rubbed my belly it was worth it.
"You're such a douche bag!" Embry shouted in my head. I knew he would be playing that scene over and over for everyone to see.
I began thinking of the many ways to kill him and he eventually shut up. Bella seemed to be enjoying the playful side of her wolf, so I went with it. I heard Sam's alpha howl and new it was my turn to patrol so with a heavy heart I walked my angel back to the edge of the woods near her house and watched as she went inside.
After my patrol I went home only to find Billy waiting on me. Apparently Jake had opened his big mouth and told him everything that had happened.
"So, Leah decided to rat you out to Bella, huh?"
"Ugh, can we not talk about this? Isn't Bella leaving me enough punishment?" I flopped down on my worn couch and covered my eyes with my arm.
"Jake says he's going to talk to her at school and see if he can smooth things over for you. Charlie was here, and he was a bit worried. He thinks you're going to push Bella away again. You know he'll have your balls in a jar if you do that, right?" Billy's lips curled up in a smirk when I finally looked at him.
"Yeah, yeah. You old men gossip worse than women. I'm going to fix this! And I am not giving up on Bella. She is mine, whether she knows it or not."
He nodded slowly. "And what about the Cullens? You think Red is going to just leave her alone?"
"He fucking better. Billy, treaty or no, I'll kill the fucker."
"Paul, maybe if you just told Bella everything…" I cut him off.
"No! I have enough problems where Bella is concerned without her being terrified of me!"
"Paul, don't you remember how Charlie reacted? Bella's got a lot of her old man in her. I don't think you're giving her enough credit."
"Why is everyone fucking pushing me on this? I gave into the imprint didn't I? I'm not running around fucking anything that moves! I'm doing whatever I can to be good for her. I'm in fucking therapy for crying out loud!" I threw my hands up in exasperation. It felt like nothing I ever did was good enough. I tried and tried but I couldn't escape who I was. If I did something good, someone was always pushing me to do better.
In my head, my frustration boiled over to Bella. I told her everything (minus turning into a giant wolf)! She knew who I was when she got involved with me, yet she ran at the first glimpse of my past misdeeds.
Not true. Don't forget about the waitress.
Stupid inner fucking voice.
Didn't I deserve a break? Fine, she fucking wanted space, I'd fucking give it to her.
"Paul, I don't know what you're thinking, but it doesn't look good, kid."
"I'm not thinking a fucking thing. I'm going to bed. Gonna' get a few hours before I have to head to the shop." It was already 6am and I had to be there by 10 at the latest.
I tossed and turned, but my anger was too much. On my way to the shop I passed the school. Bella's monstrosity of a truck was parking in the lot and I suddenly had the urge to take my anger out on the damn hunk of metal. Instead, I got to work and apparently the look on my face kept everyone from trying to talk to me, which I was thankful for. Sam kept giving me worried looks, but I ignored him. In fact I ignored everyone. When I heard Bella's voice I fired up the blowtorch and started doing the welding on a car we were rebuilding.
I pretended that I didn't hear her when she called my name, and with my face covered by the welding mask she couldn't notice that I was looking at her. She didn't know that I saw her take a piece of paper and a pen from her backpack to leave me a note. After my shift, I didn't go home for fear that she might be there, waiting. And also out of fear that I would get there and she would be nowhere in sight. The note stayed, unread, on my nightstand.
For days, I barely slept and volunteered for every patrolling shift I could. The guys with imprints were thankful for the extra time with their women, but worried about what I was doing to myself. The only time I wasn't in wolf form was when I was at the shop. Bella came there every day, and every day I slipped out the back when I heard her truck. I was being childish, but for the first time for as long as I could remember, I was actually hurt. My imprint, who was made to love me, ran at the first sign of trouble. What the fuck would she do when she found out that the creatures in her nightmares really existed.
Charlie tried to see me a few times but I avoided him too.
Finally, after the fourth day of avoiding her, she had enough. I didn't hear her truck, so I didn't know she was there.
"Hey!" Her voice was angry, but it was still the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.
I turned to see her, hands on her hips, glaring at me. She looked tired and I wondered if she had as hard a time sleeping as I had.
"What's up?" I asked, feigning nonchalance.
"What's up? Seriously? You've been avoiding me for days, and that's all you have to say?"
"You said you needed time, so I was fucking giving it to you." I shrugged making her even more furious.
"So, I get upset because I find out you were screwing someone who you saw on a regular basis, outside of the screwing. A friend even. I get upset and say I need time… which by the way; I only took one freaking night! I tried to come here! I left you a note! Did you even read it?"
I felt ashamed at how I had acted, but when I was hurt I wasn't the most rational person. And rejection wasn't something I handled well to begin with. Being rejected by my own imprint made it even worse.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. I was not one to apologize but I meant it. And my angel deserved it.
"What happened, Paul? Why did you just disappear like that? I told you I just needed some time. That we would still be friends while I worked it all out."
"I don't want to just be your friend," I mumbled under my breath.
"Well, I don't want to just be your friend either, but I think we need to spend more time getting to know one another before we just jump into anything. I'm a thinker, Paul. A planner. It's not like me to just jump head first into something. I care about you. I do. And I understand that you've shared a lot with me, but I just feel like you're holding things back. And, yes, Leah was something I just had to work out for myself. But you can't just avoid me when you're upset."
I stared at my feet, feeling about two feet tall. Her voice got gentler with every word, but she was right.
"It's how I've survived. Running from things. It's easier that way." She nodded and stroked my cheek.
"It may be easier, but that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. Sometimes by running you can miss out on some pretty amazing things."
"Are you calling yourself amazing, angel?" I smirked causing her to blush. "Because you are, and I'm sorry if I made you feel like anything less."
I took a deep breath to prepare myself for the words I was about to say. "Fine, we'll be friends, for now. We'll just see how long you can resist all of this." Her eyes roamed my body as my hands pointed to my pecs and abs.
"Mmhmm, I guess we'll see. The question is, did you mean what you said on Sunday? Are you going to stay away from other girls?" She raised an eyebrow at me.
"You're the only girl I want. No one else compares. And I am done with casual sex." I almost cringed at the thought of no sex, but it would be worth it. "Plus, I'm irresistible. You'll give in soon enough."
She giggled but we were interrupted by her damn phone. I pretended to be busy while she quickly responded to the text that she had received. It made her smile again and I almost lost my shit.
"Who was that?" I blurted out.
"Jealous?" She questioned with a smirk.
"Fuck yes! But friends don't get to be jealous, I suppose."
"Oh, Paul, you don't have any reason to be jealous. It's just a friend."
"So, what's her name?" I had my fingers crossed that it was a female.
"His name. You don't need to worry about it. He's just a friend. And I don't want you going and kicking his ass for talking to me. I've heard enough about your temper to know that's exactly what you'd do."
She hung around the shop until I got off of work and she drove me home since I had been running to work.
"Jake? It's Jake's dumb ass, isn't it?" She giggled again and shook her head no.
"Embry? I'll kick his scrawny ass!"
"Nope, not him either." She was really enjoying my discomfort.
"Hmm, if you're not going to tell me, I'll just have to get it out of you somehow." The look in my eye was predatory and she took off like a shot, laughing and squealing in mock terror.
When I caught her she erupted into a fit of giggles with a few very unladylike snorts. I tickled her sides until she threatened to pee on me. She never gave me a name, but I was distracted enough to not care.
"Come on, Paul. I'm making you dinner. Charlie's coming to Billy's so I'll take some food to them too. You do have food, right?" I shrugged because I honestly didn't know, but it was doubtful.
"Ah, men. Come on, let's get some groceries."
The grocery store was relatively uneventful, apart from running into Leah's mother. She didn't say anything but from the look she gave me I knew she was pissed. I was sure that Leah played the victim as always.
Once we got back home I hovered while Bella cooked. She smacked me with a wooden spoon more than once, but I just laughed it off. She got the cutest look on her face when she was annoyed and I wanted to watch her nose crinkle up, so I kept at it.
"Paul, if you don't get out of this kitchen I am going to… well, I just won't let you have any of this lasagna! And I can assure you it will be delicious."
"Would you really do that to me? I mean, you've already broken my heart by telling me you just want to be friends, would you really starve me as well?" I stuck out my bottom lip and batted my eyelashes.
"You're awful, you know that?" I just shrugged and smiled.
"Fine. I'll feed you, but you better behave yourself!"
"Sure, sure," I said, using Jake's favorite phrase.
Dinner was a noisy affair with Jake, Charlie, and Billy. They insisted on having the TV on so that they could watch the game… Okay, so it wasn't a game, it was some stupid fishing competition. Jake lost interest quickly and decided his attention was better spent annoying the hell out of my angel.
He began firing off question after question until she looked like she was ready to explode. Charlie and Billy chuckled the entire time and Jake didn't look the least bit afraid of any retribution from her. When his questions turned to sex is when Charlie stepped in.
Jake, you should really cool it with that line of questioning, or I may be forced to tell Bella what I found out you liked to do before she got here." Billy and I both burst into raucous laughter while Jake blushed for the first time since I'd known him.
"What?" Bella asked, wanting to be in on the jokes.
"NO! Don't you dare!" Jake glared at all of us making us laugh even harder.
The annoying sounds of Bella's phone alerting her to a new text message rang through the air. I growled and she shot me a warning look.
"Who's that, Bells?" Charlie asked when he noticed the tension written plainly on my face.
"Just a friend of mine," she shrugged.
"From school?" Charlie pressed.
"No," she answered causing Jake and I to share a pointed look.
I didn't want to freak out. There were teens in Forks that she could have run into. It didn't mean that it was him. But still, it didn't stop my hackles from rising or the slight tremor in my body at the thought of her having contact with the leech. That he was making her smile. That the entire time I was avoiding her he was worming his way into her life and maybe her affections.
I knew that the imprint only bound me to her. She had a choice. She would hurt without me but she could deal with just being my friend. The imprint just needed me close in whatever form. I just needed her in general. I needed her to want only me.
"Paul, remember what I told you. He's just a friend." I nodded but my jaw remained tightly clenched.
"He?" Charlie and Jake asked at the same time.
"Yeah, her little text buddy is a he, but she won't tell me who."
"Well, if Bells says he's just a friend then he is." But the concern in Charlie's eyes gave away the fact that he was just as worried as I.
One was or another I have to find out who the fuck she's talking to. Then I have to handle that shit.
Sabi'sSookie: Hello lovely readers! First of all, you guys continue to astound me with your reviews. And your thoughts on our duo never fail to amaze me! You guys get so passionate about them and I love it! Paul was acting a bit like a child whose toy was taken away, but at least they didn't stay apart too long, right? And who knows, maybe Bella will finally find out what's really going on? Well….. like I'm really gonna' spill the beans. LOL! And Paul is getting really pissed about all the texts. Do you think he's going to find out who it is? How do you think he'll react? Oh, and I have noticed an influx of readers on my stories suddenly, so if you saw this (or any of my other stuff) rec'd somewhere be sure to let me know so I can thank them! Now, onto the love for my BFF… you have astounded me with what an amazing person you are and I am so privileged not only to write with you, but to be able to call you my best friend and my soul sister! Love you loads, hunnie!
Nostalgicmiss: This can't be good. Paul being nice and mature and avoiding Bella while she's trying to apologize, and now the texts! Yikes it's a vicious cycle and neither of them are aware of it, because they're still lacking a little in the communication department! At least Billy tried to convince him at least! Thank you to everyone that reads, favorites, alerts and reviews. You guys seriously do astound us and we're always so thankful to you for sticking with us. Your comments, thoughts and frustrations always keep me smiling. Sabi! You know that I have the propensity to get all mushy so I am going to try and refrain myself... a little anyways! You are an amazing writer, you have so much heart and talent it's not funny! Add on top of that how amazing you are as a bestie! How kind and honest you are, oh and lets not forget hilariously funny and that you're as crazy as me ;-) You are my twinnifer, my soul sister, and my best friend. Love you loads sweets :)