Chapter Fourteen

Saturday, April 13, 1912

He was beautiful when he slept. Cate lay on her side watching him, the corners of her mouth turned upwards as he lay before her, oblivious to her gaze. She had been lying with her back against his chest and their talking had faded to a comfortable silence when, after a few moments, she felt his arm around her waist slacken and heard his breathing grow deep and even. As slowly as possible, so as not to disturb him, Cate had turned over to look at him, finding his eyes closed and strands of his brown hair falling over his forehead. While Cate felt quite awake and energized, she knew how exhausted James must be, going on such little sleep over the past few days. She scooted closer to him, burrowing in the hollow of his chest, and he automatically tightened his hold around her, moaning softly.

"Mm," he murmured, opening his eyes slowly and lowering his head to bury his face in her hair, "hello there."

"I didn't mean to wake you," Cate said, starting to pull away automatically so he could get more sleep.

"No, it's fine," said James, holding her more tightly and pulling her back. "I want to be awake with you. I don't have much time left." He glanced on the clock on her writing desk across the room.

Cate sighed and snuggled closer to him. "I wish you could stay forever," she lamented.

James smiled and kissed the top of her head. "In two years and..." he paused, "...about four months, I'll be able to. Until then... I suppose we must be satisfied with what time we're given."

"Two years seems like such a long time."

"Not as long as the time we'll have together afterward," James reminded her. "Forever and ever, in some cottage by the ocean, or on a Scottish hillside, or perhaps in a townhouse in London. I don't care, as long as I'm with you."

The image of the two of them spending the rest of their lives together filled Cate with joy, the likes of which she had never before experienced. She tipped her head back to look at him and pressed her lips to his. "I love you," she whispered.

James grinned. "Do you? That's convenient."

Cate smirked and rolled her eyes. "Isn't it?" she said.

"Quite." James kissed her again, this time longer. His hand left her waist and found the side of her neck, once again tangling his fingers in her long hair. His touch on her sensitive skin sent goosebumps erupting all along her arms, and she shivered, sliding her arm around his waist and pulling him closer. Their kisses began to grow more impassioned, and Cate felt desire stirring within her once more as his lips found her ear, the place he had rapidly learned was enough to make her gasp sharply and arch her body into his.

This time was quicker than the first, largely due to midnight looming over their heads, though, Cate felt, no less romantic. When he groaned her name and gently collapsed his body atop hers, his back beaded with sweat and his breathing heavy, Cate wrapped her arms around him and brushed her lips against his shoulder. Slowly, he rolled onto the bed beside her, trying to catch his breath, and she snuggled underneath his arm and rested her head on his chest.

This was Heaven, Cate was sure of it. The bed beneath them was as soft as clouds, and his fingers running absently through her long waves of hair was pure bliss. Her hand was before her face, making small circles on his skin with the tip of her finger. She sighed contentedly, reveling in the warmth of his body and the strong beating of his heart beneath her ear.

"I could stay like this forever," she said softly, several moments later after their labored breaths had quieted.

James smiled. "So could I," he said, kissing the top of her head. He glanced again at the ornate clock. "Unfortunately, though, I have to leave very soon."

Cate groaned and brought herself up to rest on her elbow so that she hovered over him. Her hair slipped from behind her shoulder and fell down beside her face, tickling his chest. "Must you?" she said as he reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear. "I'm sure no one will notice if you don't show up."

James laughed. "They might," he said. "Your father certainly would, as he's on duty until two."

Suddenly, Cate scowled. "Don't speak to me of him," she said. She sat up completely and swung her legs over the side of the bed. James was quick to follow, sitting behind her and wrapping his arms around her.

"Don't be too angry with him," he urged, pressing his lips to her shoulder. "He loves you and wants the best life for you." He kissed her shoulder again, closer to her neck. "He'll come round eventually. You can tell him once he's in America for your sister's wedding, and then he'll have two years to come to terms with it."

Cate sighed and leaned back so she rested against his chest, her head lolling back onto his shoulder. "I wish we didn't have to wait so long," she said quietly. "But I know we must. It would be easier if this didn't have to be the last time we saw each other. But of course, my father had to ruin that, too."

To her surprised, James chuckled. "Well, not quite as much as he had hoped, I'm afraid."

Cate turned her head to look at him. "What on earth do you mean?" she asked, her brow furrowed in confusion.

"Even though he promised to tell the skipper if I saw you again," said James, now trailing kisses from her shoulder, up her neck, and to her ear, "I still went to the stern to meet you at four. He told me to let you go, and I agreed, but I never intended to comply. Not for a moment."

His kisses on her ear were extremely tantalizing, and Cate was finding it a bit difficult to focus on what he was saying. "You went to the stern?" she breathed. "Even after his threat?"

"Of course, I did," said James. She shifted her torso that she could see him better. "I do love you terribly, my darling. I'll not let anything come between us." He placed a hand on the side of her face. "No matter what separates us," he said, leaning forward to kiss her, "no matter how long or how far apart we are, I'll always carry you with me." He kissed her again, his lips lingering on hers for a moment.

"Me, too," Cate whispered. "Always."

Sunday, April 14, 1912

The day dawned bright and cold the next morning. Cate had fallen asleep not long after James had left, just before midnight, promising to try and see her one last time before the ship docked on Wednesday morning, probably Tuesday evening before he went on duty. Until then, they would remain apart so as not to arouse Will's suspicions of their relationship any further. Though the bed felt terribly empty without James beside her, Cate found herself smiling as she awoke and stretched, feeling light and cheerful, much more so than she had been since she had received that letter from her grandmother.

Before he had left, James had kissed her forehead softly and taken her in his arms, saying quietly, "Don't be mad at him forever. Talk to him."

After he had gone, Cate had lain back down on the bed, telling herself that there was nothing that could make her talk to her father again. Lillian would wonder why Cate was avoiding him at the wedding—the image of him standing alone at Cathedral Basilica of Saints Peter and Paul, the brownstone church where the wedding was to take place, ignored by the folk of rich society and even his own daughters, had almost broken her—but Cate told herself she would not give in.

But when Cate woke hours later with sunlight streaming in through the window and the image of James' arms around her as they lay together under the covers, finally together, Cate felt her resolve crumbling. Despite everything that had happened, she could not deny that she still loved her father very much. He had always been her favorite person in the world. She was still furious that he had read her diary, but knowing that, despite his meddling, she would still be with James eventually, she found herself wanting to forgive him.

"Will you be having breakfast this morning, miss?" Esther asked later as she bustled around, getting ready to draw a bath in the washroom.

"No," said Cate, slowly running a brush through her hair as she sat at the edge of her bed. "But I think I'll take a walk before the church service at eight."

The dress they had chosen for the morning was simpler than the dress the night before, with a square neckline and silken layers of pale green in the center and burnt orange with small, flowery embroidery down the sides, as well as sheer, lacy half-sleeves. Once she was squeezed tightly into into the dress and her hair was swirled up and pinned, Esther placed a wide-brimmed hat with a pale green sash, as well as a number of green, orange, and white flowers. As Cate smoothed out any linger wrinkles in the fabric, Esther returned from the wardrobe with a white shawl.

"It's rather colder today than it has been," she explained, draping it over Cate's shoulders. She studied her mistress, smiling. "You look lovely, Miss Cate. And in much better spirits, I must say."

Cate returned her smile as she pulled the shawl more tightly around her. "I certainly feel in better spirits," she replied. "I think I'll go see my father today."

Esther beamed. "Oh, that's wonderful, miss. I'm glad you've decided to patch things up with him."

As Cate strolled along the promenade deck, lingering where James had first kissed her, she breathed in the cool morning air, feeling like a completely different person than the one she had been just yesterday. It would not be an easy two years without James, that much was certain, but she knew she could make it. She would fight any plans her grandparents tried to make about marriage, and she would remain true to the man she loved. Then, after her twenty-first birthday, they would steal away together. And no one would be able to stop them.

First class passengers streamed into the dining saloon at eight o'clock that morning, the tables having been pushed to the sides and replaced by rows and rows of chairs. Cate could not keep herself from attending the church service, despite the hypocrisy of what had taken place the night before. She knew that, in the eyes of a religious person, she had done something horribly sinful, but Cate had been surrounded by religion for nearly her entire life, whether it was attending Catholic mass with her grandmother whilst in New York, attending her boarding school's mandatory Anglican services in Oxford, or being baptized into the Church of Scotland when she and Lillian were brought over from Canada. Though she certainly didn't consider herself to be a terribly religious person, she felt the need to attend the service, anyway. (That, and if Beth got word that Cate had been seen milling about outside of a church service, rather than attending, she would be furious, lest anyone should think her granddaughter was a heathen.)

Cate found a place in the second row between Lady Rothes and Cal Hockley, who was looking fairly agitated, but smiled his handsome smile and greeted her cordially nonetheless. It was Captain Smith who presided and, as per usual, Cate felt fear churning within her at the sight of him, as if he would be able to read her mind the moment he laid eyes on her and know what one of his officers had done. Cate no longer feared her father's wrath, but she did not want James to lose his position because of what they had done, no matter how many times he had insisted that she was worth the risk. But when their eyes did meet for the briefest of moments, Captain Smith smiled warmly at her, and she relaxed.

A sort of warm peace descended over her as the service went on, though she didn't pay much attention to the Bible verses that Captain Smith read, nor the lyrics of the hymns they sang. She imagined standing before an altar with James across from her, their hands joined, beaming at one another as they vowed to devote their lives to each other's health and happiness. She truly could not wait for that moment to arrive.

When the service ended and people began to file out, Cate shook herself back into the present. Lady Rothes turned to her, smiling.

"I must say, Catharine, you have a lovely voice," she said kindly.

"You do, indeed, Cate," added Cal, who had turned to join them, looking rather less disgruntled than he had earlier. "I had no idea."

"Thank you," said Cate, fairly embarrassed. "I didn't know you had such a talent for singing, too, Cal."

Lady Rothes nodded and Cal smirked. "Well, I'm full of surprises, aren't I?" he chuckled.

Cate continued in a fit of joviality, "Really, who would have thought that the great Mr. Hockley was a closet singer? Perhaps you could perform for us tonight at dinner!"

Cal laughed, as did the number of people surrounding them. In fact, the only person who didn't react was Rose, who stared blankly ahead of her, apparently taking nothing in around her. "Only if you promise me a duet, Cate," he said, kissing her hand.

As the rest of the first class passengers began to continue out of the saloon, Cate turned toward the front and caught Captain Smith's eye again. He smiled and strode toward her.

"Good to see you again, Miss Alton," he said. "I hope you enjoyed the service."

"Quite," said Cate. "It was beautiful, Captain. Thank you very much."

Captain Smith glanced around for a moment and, after ensuring that no one around them was within earshot, said, "I was speaking to your father just the other day about you. He thinks the world of you, you know."

Cate's smile faltered a bit. "I think the world of him, too," she said quietly. "In fact... I was wondering if I might be allowed to go up to the Bridge to see him later. When he's not working, of course," she added quickly.

"Of course!" said the Captain. "I told Will that he should bring you up some time when we're not too busy." He pulled out a pocket watch from his coat pocket and examined it for a moment. "As a matter of fact, he doesn't go on duty for about another hour. Would you like to accompany up to the Bridge now to see him?"

A bit taken aback, Cate nonetheless accepted his offer. She had expected to have more time to gather her thoughts as to what she would say to Will, but she took Captain Smith's arm and followed him from the saloon, keeping up their pleasant conversation while trying desperately to think about how to talk to her father without letting him know what had taken place the night before.

Cate's heart pounded as she and Captain Smith approached the Bridge. They had walked past the starboard lifeboats on the Boat Deck, going through the gate that barred passengers from going any further, and continued toward the Navigating Bridge. Would James be there? She couldn't remember when he would be on duty. Part of her hoped he would not be there, for she wasn't sure she could contain her joy if she saw him. Sure enough, as they rounded the corner into the Navigating Bridge, Cate caught sight of him talking to three officers she did not know.

"Hello, gentlemen," said Captain Smith as they approached. All of the officers snapped to attention, and Cate fought hard not to laugh at the look of utter shock on James' face when he saw her. "As you can see, we've got a visitor, so look lively."

As they stood before the four officers, it took all of Cate's willpower not to simply stare at James, though she could feel his gaze upon her.

"This is Miss Catharine Alton," said Captain Smith. "I don't recall whether any of you have met her."

"I have, sir," James volunteered, a cheerful smile on his face. Cate was certain her face was bright red as she forced herself to smile politely at him.

"Ah, yes," said Captain Smith with a nod. "Well, lads, Miss Alton is one of the daughters that Will keeps telling us so much about."

The other officers nodded in understanding, two of them smiling kindly. When their eyes met, James winked at her.

"Miss Alton," Captain Smith continued, "may I present Chief Officer Henry Wilde—"

The man who had replaced her father was tall with a scowl on his face. Cate thought he looked rather unpleasant, but perhaps that was because he had stolen Will's job. He nodded shortly.

"—Second Officer Charles Lightoller—"

This man smiled and shook her hand, saying in his deep voice, "How do you do, Miss Alton?" Instantly, Cate liked him.

"—and Fourth Officer Joseph Boxhall."

Mr. Boxhall also greeted her kindly.

"Is Will about?" Captain Smith asked, looking around briefly. "Miss Alton would like to see him before he goes on duty."

"He's in his stateroom, sir," said Mr. Lightoller. "Shall I fetch him?"

"Actually, I need to speak to you for a moment," said Captain Smith. "Mr. Moody, since you and Miss Alton are old friends, would you show her to Will's cabin, please?"

"Of course, sir," James replied immediately. "If you'd please follow me, Miss Alton?"

"Thank you again, Captain Smith," Cate said, turning to her escort.

He smiled. "It was a pleasure to see you again."

Cate followed James back past the Captain and the other three officers and through an open door into the Wheel House where a quartermaster stood at the wheel. He glanced at them silently before looking forward once more. James led the way through the wheel house and around a corner to the left. There was a door with a tiny placard above it with the words "Chief Officer" embossed, and directly before them was a short corridor and a closed door. The very second they had rounded the corner and were out of view of the quartermaster, James took Cate into his arms and kissed her.

In spite of her surprise, Cate kissed him back eagerly, smiling against his lips as he pressed her up against the wall. It took everything within her not to audibly moan at the feel of his tongue massaging hers, his hands holding her waist tightly. Finally, though, and yet all too soon, James pulled away, grinning at the redness in her cheeks and the shock on her face.

"I love you," he whispered, kissing her once more, briefly, before stepping back. "His room is through that door ahead and immediately on the right. I won't go with you."

James disappeared, hurrying off back where they had come. And so, trying to catch her breath and regain her senses, Cate continued along down the short corridor, pulling the door open and walking through it. Sure enough, immediately to the right was another door, this time labeled "First Officer." She could hear the sounds of her father moving about within, so at least she wouldn't be waking him. Her heart was pounding again and her mouth had gone dry. But, nevertheless, she forced herself to raise her fist and knock thrice on the door.

It was opened a second later by Will, who looked immensely surprised to see her.

"Catey," he said, clearly stunned. "What are you doing here? Are you alright?"

It was the least formal that Cate had seen him in a long time. He wore no shoes and had not yet donned his officer's coat, and instead wore dark trousers and his white shirt with the top couple of buttons undone. His hat was off and his blond hair with its peppery streaks was still somewhat tousled.

"I'm fine," Cate replied. "I... wanted to speak with you. May I come in?"

"Of course," Will said quickly. He opened the door wider so that she could enter.

The room was not quite as long as hers, but it was still good-sized. A mahogany bedstead with a set of drawers underneath was to the immediate right, with another bureau directly across from the door, a folding wash basin between them. In the far right corner was a small, mahogany desk, and a narrow wardrobe in the corner opposite, at the head of the bed. A rectangular window overlooked the port side officers' promenade. In all, it was a cozy room, one Will probably didn't spend much time in, but had made his own nonetheless.

Will quickly picked up a discarded shirt from the desk chair so she could sit down, and he sat down across from her on the bed. The expression on his face seemed to flit between concern and guilt.

"What is it, lass? Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes," Cate insisted. She took a breath. She still wasn't certain what all she wanted to say, nor how to say any of it. But when she didn't speak immediately, Will seemed eager to fill the silence.

"How have you been?" he asked uncomfortably. "Since... yesterday?"

Cate arched an eyebrow, looking at him sardonically. "About how you would expect, I imagine," she said coolly. No, no, no! Cate thought furiously. This was not how she had wanted this to go! She opened her mouth to continue, but Will cut across her.

"I'm sorry."

Silence hung in the air. It was the first time he had apologized for what he had done. He had, of course, said he was sorry because of the way she felt, but he had never apologized for reading her diary. And Cate had not expected him to. She had come with no intention of forgiving him, and now she wasn't sure what to say.

"I'm sorry," Will said again, shaking his head. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his thighs and his fingers laced together before him. "I'm sorry for what I did, Catey. I had no right to enter your room and read your diary. It was uncalled for, and even though I'm your father, it was a violation of your privacy. And I'm sorry."

Cate let out a long breath. "Thank you for saying so," she said slowly.

When she didn't continue, Will sighed and lowered his eyes. "But you don't forgive me," he said.

Cate was surprised that she felt no guilt at the forlorn expression on her father's face. "Should I?" she asked. "There's one way I can forgive you, Da, and I'm quite sure you won't take it."

Will did not reply.

"To be perfectly honest," said Cate, rising to her feet. As she did so, her father straightened up in his chair. "I'm still extremely angry about what you did, and I believe I have a right to be."

"Of course, you do," said Will, "but—"

But Cate cut across him to continue. "I didn't have to come here," she said. "I wasn't coerced into doing so. I came because I love you, Da, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life, or even the rest of the voyage to New York, fighting with you."

"Neither do I."

"But," Cate continued, struggling to keep her voice from wavering, "I am furious with you. And I have been for quite some time." Her voice lowered to a whisper. "I was only five years old when you left us in Philadelphia. You didn't even tell us why you were taking us there, and then all of a sudden, I was watching you walk out of their mansion. I didn't see you for seven months, and even then, it was only weeks until we had to go back. Do you remember the first night we returned to Scotland? Do you remember what I told you as you tucked me into bed?"

"Catey—"

"Do you?"

Will sighed. "Not really, I confess. It's been thirteen years, lass."

"You tucked the blanket under my chin," said Cate, "and I whispered to you that I hated them. I told you that I had missed you terribly, and that I didn't want to live with them anymore. But you didn't listen to me." The cash in your pocket was probably so heavy that that was all you could think about. Cate thought the harsh words but she resisted the urge to say them, for she knew they would achieve nothing but another argument. Yet she had held the words bottled up inside her for so long that she could not help but keep talking.

"You have not spent a single birthday with us since we turned five," she said. "And even when we were back home in Scotland for the summer or for Christmas, you weren't always there. I can actually count how many times you have been with us since May of 1899. A person shouldn't be able to say that about their father, but I can say it about mine."

Cate's past washed over her as she looked at her father, who gazed up at her from where he sat at the desk. She and Lillian had spent about five years living in Philadelphia—with the exception of summers and Christmases—before starting at Collingwood Academy for Young Ladies, a very prestigious institution to which many upper class families, including the nobility of Britain, sent their daughters. Then, after leaving school for the year at the beginning of May, they would sail back to Philadelphia for two months so Beth and Adam could "check up on them" and ensure that they were progressing adequately. Cate had finished her final year at school in early 1911 and, after a short summer in Dalbeattie (Lillian had elected to remain in Philadelphia), she had returned to America to make her debut in society before going back to Scotland at Christmastime. The original agreement with her grandparents had been that she could stay until June, when it would be time to return for Lillian's wedding, but, of course, they had decided that a passage aboard Titanic's maiden voyage to was more important than time with her paternal family.

"All my life," Cate had continued, "since I was five years old, I have been looked at as a prize to be won or a doll to be set up on a shelf. I have been scolded for slouching, for sounding too Scottish, for bumping elbows with Lillian at dinner because I am left-handed, for not being happy with the idea that I am to one day marry someone whom I neither love nor even know."

A lump had risen in her throat and her chin began to tremble. "And now," she said, "I am scolded for falling in love.

"I love him, Father," she whispered. "I love him so much I feel I should burst. And he loves me. He loves me more completely and fully than any other man on this earth ever could. And you want to tear us apart because we might struggle for want of money. But I promise you: no force in this world will ever make me stop loving him. Even if my grandparents lock me in my room and chain me to an altar to marry Edward Black, I will love James more and more with each breath I take. We may not be able to be together now, but I swear, one day we will. There will come a day when I am out of my grandparents' control, and we will marry, and I will finally be as happy as you have always said you wanted me to be."

Will looked up at his daughter, feeling more vulnerable than he ever had in his life. He could not tower over her, his officer's uniform making him look smart and intimidating. Now, as his daughter poured out her heart to him, and he sat in nothing but a shirt and trousers, shoes tossed to the side, he finally realized the depth of her misery. It had been so easy to brush aside her earlier arguments, insisting to himself that once she married and saw how good her life could be, that she would be happy. But then she had met Moody, and he had, apparently, shown her just the opposite. And still Catey had tried to tell him, and he had not listened.

He thought back to thirteen years ago, back when he had first received a letter from Beth Alton saying that her daughter, Sophie, had succumbed to tuberculosis at the age of twenty-four without having remarried or produced another heir. Therefore, the Altons wanted her illegitimate daughters (Cate's name had been misspelled as "Catherine" in the letter) to become their heiresses. They had offered an extremely hefty stipend each month to help care for the girls, and with them living in Philadelphia most of the time, Will had been enticed by the possibility of returning to the sea. Jane, his mother, had begged him to reconsider, saying that all his daughters needed was their father's presence and love, not twenty-five pounds a month and etiquette lessons from strangers. But Will had insisted over and over again that Lillian and Catharine would be able to have much better lives as upper class heiresses. They would never have to know the exhaustion of working every day as a teacher or a seamstress—they could marry a man and live comfortably at home.

"Tell me that the only reason you are giving your daughters over to that hateful woman," Jane had said, "is because you care for their welfare and not because you miss your work."

Will had told himself over and over for the past thirteen years that he had not lied to his mother that day. With the stipend of twenty-five pounds a month, he had purchased a beautiful cottage near to where his parents and siblings lived. He had hired a woman, Mrs. Murray, to cook and keep the place tidy. They had been able to leave Samuel's and Jane's home for one of their own, and the girls had been positively thrilled until the time came to sail to Philadelphia a month later. With the stipend, Will had no need to work at all. A small voice in his head had told him he could move to America if he wanted to be nearer his girls, but he had shoved the thought to the side. There was no reason, he told himself, that he couldn't continue to work on the sea now that the girls were being taken care of. And he would make every effort to be home when they were, though he soon learned that this was not always possible.

Then, when Catharine had begun expressing unhappiness with the Altons and her life with them, he had ignored it, insisting to both her and himself that it was for the best and that, one day, she would thank him. But now, finally, he realized that this thanks would never come, and that he had been terribly, terribly wrong.

"Oh, my Catey," Will whispered. His gaze finally left the floor of his cabin and found her face. Sorrow seemed to fill him like vines creeping their tendrils round his heart. He let out a long breath and stood, taking her hand in his and placing his other on her cheek. "You're right. You're absolutely right."

Cate stared at him in disbelief; it seemed too good to be true that now, finally, he was actually hearing what she was saying.

"I'm so sorry that I've not listened to you," said Will, his hand tightening around hers. "I'm so sorry that I've brushed you aside all these years. I've... I've been incredibly selfish, I admit. My life was turned upside down when I learned that I was to be a father, and I felt I had no way out of working as a laborer and living with my parents because the only job in which I had training would take me away from you girls. And then, when the Altons wrote and offered you girls a new life, I felt I couldn't say 'no,' not when it meant such good opportunities for the both of you and... and, I confess, when it meant I could return to my work as an officer.

"But please," Will continued earnestly, "never, never believe that I have not loved you and your sister. You and Lillian are my whole world—I think of little else other than the two of you. When I say that I have always wanted your happiness, that is true... I just... I haven't realized that I was going the wrong way about making sure you were happy." He sighed. "I contented myself with knowing that Lillian was thriving, and I tried to tell myself that it wouldn't be long until you felt the same way, even if you didn't know it yet. But of course, I was wrong."

"Oh, Da," Cate breathed. "Of course, I know that you love us. I've never doubted it."

She could feel hope swelling within her. For years, she had wanted her father to admit this, and now he finally had!

"But..." she said slowly, trying to speak carefully, "does this mean you'll... reconsider about—"

"Catey," Will sighed heavily. "It's not that simple. I believe you and Moody love one another, but it's just not that easy. Where would you live? How could he support the both of you unless you get a job, something you've never done? What will his parents think when he brings home a young lady he's met on Titanic? And let's not forget your grandparents—they're still your legal guardians until you turn twenty-one, and no minister would be willing to marry you. Everything I said before still stands. Nothing has changed because I've apologized. I'm afraid you've not thought this through, lass."

"I'm sure you'd like to think that," Cate said stubbornly, taking a step backward. "But the fact is, we have thought it through. We made plans—proper plans. We've agreed to stay apart during the voyage, of course, and I'll do as I'm told and return to Philadelphia. I'll parade myself around there, and he'll continue to work and save up money. Then, once I've turned twenty-one, we'll marry and buy a cottage together. So, yes, we have thought this through, Da. We know it's going to take some time, but we're willing to wait."

Will's brow furrowed, and for a moment Cate thought it was because she had proven him wrong.

"And when did you make these plans?" he asked.

Cate swallowed, but thought quickly. "Friday, of course" she said. "The afternoon before you read my diary. I haven't seen him since then." Her cheeks reddened at her lie, but she forced herself to meet his gaze squarely, knowing she was a terrible liar.

Will set his jaw as he looked at her, one of the telltale signs of his impending anger. "Really," he said, his voice cold. "You must be psychic then, lass, because I didn't tell you about the document I signed until yesterday."

Cate felt her blood turn to ice, and her heart began pounding. "Then—" she sputtered, feeling as if she were suddenly drowning, "you—you must have—told me before—"

"I didn't," Will growled. "I hadn't told anyone before then. Your sister doesn't even know. Which means—" he exhaled sharply, "you must have seen Moody after I forbade the both of you from interacting."

"Father—"

"Enough!" Will said sharply. "I hope you don't think what I said before still stands. I'm going straight to the captain, Catharine. I've had enough of you sneaking around behind my back with one of my colleagues. Well, we'll see what comes of it, won't we?"

He turned from her and began buttoning the top two buttons of shirt, but Cate grabbed his arm and forced him to face her once more.

"Father, please," she begged, now panicking. "Nothing happened between us yesterday. We just wanted to say goodbye, that's all! Surely, you owe us that much! Please don't ruin his career because we wanted to see each other one last time!"

Will let out a long breath. He looked down at her, anger still evident on his face, though it had softened a bit.

"Go on, lass," he said, nodding at the door. "I need to get ready for my shift."

But Cate didn't move. "Please don't tell the captain," she whispered. "Please, Da, don't ruin his career."

"We'll talk about this later," said Will. "I need time to think."

So Cate did as she was told, casting one last glance at her father before turning and leaving the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. Her heart was pounding and she felt positively sick with guilt. She had come to see her father with the expectation of mending things and, for a while, it had seemed like she had. But now she had ruined everything because she had not paused to think before speaking. As she continued back to the Bridge, she twisted her hands together, wondering what she should or even could do.

Upon her arrival, James smiled when he caught sight of her. But Cate could only send him a weak smile in response, so unenthusiastic that his grin faltered, his expression immediately replaced with concern. She looked away quickly, nodding at Mr. Boxhall before continuing out of the Navigating Bridge and hurrying down the Boat Deck.