14th September

Albuquerque, Quietly Tearful Mexico.

…

I always thought that writing letters had gone out of fashion. Now it was all emails and texts, and that suited me fine. A nice little email once in a while sounded good to me. But then, unexpectedly, I found myself holding a letter written to me, and my views were then completely changed.

Let me explain. Today I realised how much something given to you be someone else can mean to you. It can make you so happy you want to jump with joy, but it can also make you feel so alone, lost and helpless. Today, my letter made me feel nothing.

Emptiness, was all that filled me.

And not the best kind.

When I woke up today, I felt quite good. I've never really been a morning person, but by my standards my wake up was pretty wonderful. There had been a small jump in my step as I went downstairs this morning, eager to fill my hungry stomach. And then, out of nowhere appeared a small but filled envelope, lying lifeless on the doormat. On the front of the (crisp but slightly scuffed at the edges) envelope has been my name, scribbled into the paper so hard that it left indents. I remember feeling my heartbeat quicken, and my worries rise to the surface. For I knew exactly whom that writing had come from.

Up until that moment I'd never really let myself think about the situation between myself, Drew and Anna. I'd never really let myself feel anything towards the situation because I knew at once that when I felt something it would break down the walls I have built up to suffer something like this. The closeness I once felt with them both had almost gone, or at least been pushed to the back of my mind. But now it was out of my control. This morning the feelings I had tried to suppress for the situation had risen, all because of the envelope sitting on the floor, still unopened.

I knew I was a terrible coward. It was only a letter. But this letter could hold anything it wished; facts and announcements that could make or break me. The more I looked and stared, the more the object became real, and quickly before I could think, I took the envelope into my hands, now shaking.

I didn't need to read the name at the bottom, for I would recognise that writing from anywhere. Large block capitals.

The letter was from Drew.

My mother, as usual had left for work early, leaving the house to me. It put the worry of her finding me opening it to the back of my mind, but without anyone home the loneliness I already felt heightened. It was compressing me; my shoulders tilted and tried to squash themselves into my body. Sighing, I straightened up and slotted myself onto a kitchen stool, letting the envelope drop onto the counter.

For a few minutes I just sat there, looking. It seemed to grow a life of its own, it almost growled at me, begging me to open the contents, but making me wary too. But like anyone else, the small amount of curiosity I felt towards the letter took over, and soon the envelope was off, leaving me with two bit of blue writing paper, Drew's hard and frightening scroll decorating the pages.

There are a few lines which I will repeat for you, Diary. It is more for myself rather than you, as you cannot give opinions and advice on what they mean. But it should help me, I hope, to organise my thoughts rather than have them roll about my brains as they do now.

"For any pain I have caused you, I am dreadfully sorry."

That was one of the first things he mentioned. It made me angry, for I knew exactly what he had wanted from that sentence. Drew was never the type of guy to wait around for people to forgive him - he wanted forgiveness straight away. He wanted me, from just those words, to throw away every wrong thought that had entered my head about him, and replace them with a clean sheet; one that he could just as easily mess up again. I can't, and couldn't do it. I am not one to hold grudges, but I remember clearly. I cannot blank out all the memories and the times when he threw our friendship away. I just can't.

"LA is so boring now, without you to liven it up."

I can't help thinking that he is blaming me for moving here. It wasn't my choice, or my fault. And to be honest right now I'm thanking the heavens that I moved. If I'd found out about him and Anna while still in distance of them, I might have reacted much worse. The feelings of hate I feel towards them now would definitely not have been suppressed.

And then finally. "Anna has been missing you too. I agree. Life without you, and I don't feel complete."

This statement stuck with me the whole day. It has so many meanings, so many layers. I cannot quite figure it out, even thought I have tried over and over again. So I have come up with a plan on this, if I was meant to know the meaning I will in the future. I just want to put the memory of this letter away, now.

He signed his name at the bottom, and then the paper was blank. I remember the lines going through and through my head, trying to get to the bottom of it all - needless to say, I didn't get very far. But my heart ached after reading. I felt completely numb all else, but my heart and the memories of everything we had done together burned. The friendship we had bonded together had fallen apart, and I couldn't feel anything because of it.

I felt lifeless.

I couldn't even bring myself to smile.

So I left the house, leaving the memories and letters behind and headed for East High, hoping that Troy Bolton would leave me alone, because today I just couldn't handle it.

I left without eating; I wasn't hungry anyway.

Sadly, one I entered school all hopes of getting a day of peace were flattened. As if they were waiting for me, I stepped into school only to find them almost in my face. I scowled, keeping my head down and travelled to my locker, with their footsteps echoing eerily behind.

They threw many questions in my direction, but for once Troy Bolton said nothing, something that I picked up on very quickly. All he did was stare at me, his eyes boring holes into my back and face. It was unnerving, reminding me of my first day here, and the stares I got. So I continued to look away. I didn't want to argue. I still felt numb.

Walking into registration, I stupidly thought that I might get some peace in here of all places. I was quite wrong in fact. The whole class was in a riot, but it quickly quietened down as Troy Bolton arrived. Sharpay, the popular girl who 'ruled the school' along with Troy Bolton sidled up to him as I watched on from the corner of my eye. It was strange how he completely ignored her, and faced me instead.

I looked up to meet his stare. His never faltered. It was like he was looking into my soul, learning my secrets and finding out why I was so quiet. I didn't like it and felt myself curl up again tightly, just as I had with the letter. But I kept his gaze, the game of stare we were playing was keeping my mind off of other things.

Unfortunately, by now, Sharpay had realised who he was staring at.

I remember everything in the conversation.

"Why are you staring at Montez?" Sharpay had demanded, I could see the evil in her voice.

Troy had not responded, ignoring her completely, and kept his eyes trained on me, telling me not to move. I didn't move my body, but I wavered from his gaze, lowering my eyes as to not get caught staring back by Sharpay.

Too late.

"Montez! Why are you staring at Troy?"

I remember trying to think up a reason really quickly, but in my current state of mind I cam up with nothing. I just stuttered, and watched as the entire class - minus Troy - began to laugh. I've never like people laughing at me. It gave me nervous feelings in my stomach and my heart began to sink. That was why I tended not to do things that would lead to people knowing me in such ways. Stupid me.

Sharpay had seductively ran her hand up Troy's arm, and he had flinched. She had grabbed his attention now, and she wasn't going to let it go.

"What were you staring at Montez?" She repeated, dreadfully curious for gossip.

Troy looked back at me, and then said without a smirk this time. "Because I want her."

I was stunned, the blush appearing in my cheeks, even though I was looking nowhere near where the confrontation between Sharpay and Troy was going on. I couldn't properly register what was happening; there had been to much gone on this morning.

I then I heard absolutely every horrible words that came from Sharpay's mouth. "You want Gabriella Montez? Why that filthy little thing? I mean look at her; she'd nothing special, totally plain. I'd actually go on to say that she was… what's the word… disgusting. You know, has she ever taken a hair brush through those frizzy locks? Or ever seen makeup? Take a look at those spots! Yuck! And to top that all off, she's a geek. An unbeautiful geek!"

Once she had finished I had no energy left. I felt like I had been drained, and it felt terrible. But I fought against my hurt and anger, willing myself to get out of my seat and out of that classroom. Somehow I ran. I kept going until I reached the Science classrooms, currently empty.

And only then, as I slid down the wall and my legs gave way, did I allow myself to cry.

...

A/N; Another update for you. This was sad to write, but at the same time I enjoyed letting you see a little more of the Gabriella I am writing. I hope the emotions came across well.

Anyways, this is the longest chapter I've written for this story. I got some reviews saying please make the next chapter longer, so I did. I hope you guys are happy.

Please REVIEW!