A/N: Hey guys, here comes chapter 14 :D I'll let you in on a secret: things are gonna heat up a little in this chapter... Just a little :) I should probably inform you guys that I never write super-graphic stuff (don't care for it much) so you don't need to worry about it. The M-rating is mostly because I'm paranoid *laugh* Anyway, I hope you like it, and let me just say I'm so grateful for all your kind words, I spent the entire busride to work answering comments yesterday =) I hope I didn't forget anyone! Live long and dig the Shamy =)
It was a fantastic thing, this eidetic memory of his. Sheldon liked to think of it as a grand library, with spiraling stairs and painted ceilings, where he could stroll for hours, searching for titles, gently caressing the spines of the books as he moved along the length of the shelves.
Nowhere in this hall of memories could he find one of him having a friend spending the night at his home as a child.
It wasn't because he hadn't been allowed to have friends over. His mother had often asked if he didn't want to invite any of the boys he went to school with over to play, and his answer had always been the same.
"They are not my friends".
They certainly hadn't been. Oh, the cruelties they had subjected him to: stealing his lunch, his homework, his action figures… Pulling his hair, mocking his speech, beating him up on the way home from school. By the time he turned fifteen, he had finally grown tall enough to look down at the vast majority of his peers, even the students and teachers at the university, and it had felt so good – as if the Universe had finally decided to let him catch a break.
As an adult he had finally found friends, even inviting a few of them over to spend the night. He had always gone out of his way to be the perfect host, preparing for all eventualities.
And now Amy was coming over and he was breaking up into atoms.
He couldn't stop thinking of the implications of him inviting his girlfriend over for the night, feeling the pressure weighing on his slender shoulders as he manically picked, primped, dusted, and vacuumed the already immaculate apartment. Ever since he had told her he wished to begin exploring the possibility of them changing the paradigm of their relationship to that of a physical one, things had been…different between them. It was as if they were both waiting for something to happen, but were too scared and nervous to mention the elephant in the room.
"Good Lord, what if something does happen?" Sheldon mumbled to himself as he finished polishing the coffee table, tossing the dish cloth in the trash can as he made his way to his room to change clothes. Pulling out a small plastic bottle of hand sanitizer from his pocket, he squirted a healthy amount of cold gel into his palm, rubbing his hands together.
Ah, that felt so good. He could practically see the germs running for their lives.
He found himself drifting off as he showered and changed. Yes, he was terrified that something might happen between them, but he couldn't ignore that voice at the back of his head that kept whispering that it was exactly why he had invited her over in the first place. He had even sent Leonard off to Penny's, despite the fact that it wasn't 'her' turn to have him. Leonard had been confused but thankfully didn't ask why it was so important that he wasn't there, grateful for the chance to spend the night at his fiancée's.
If he didn't reclaim control of his sweat glands he would have to take another shower. God, this was just pure agony! What had he been thinking inviting her over for the night? He had never had a woman over before, at least not a woman he was in relationship with. Things were just bound to go wrong.
Just as he had convinced himself this sleep over thing was a huge mistake, he heard someone knocking on the door, and he felt himself freeze. He briefly considered hiding in his room, pretending he couldn't hear her, but a second series of knocks soon followed and he felt his compulsive need of closure win him over. He quickly crossed the distance between the kitchen and the front door, hesitating for a brief second before he decided to give in to that infernal itch in his brain, opening the door only to reveal a glowing Amy Farrah Fowler.
"Good evening Sheldon" she smiled nervously, her cheeks a little flushed and her breathing still heavy from climbing the stairs.
"Good evening Amy" he replied, eyeing the overnight bag that was slung over her shoulder. Oh dear.
He found himself staring at her. She looked different somehow. He didn't recall seeing her wearing that blouse before, and there was something else… a sweet, heady scent. Was she wearing perfume?
"Sheldon? Aren't you gonna invite me in?" Amy asked, regarding her boyfriend curiously. What had gone into him?
"What? Oh. Of course. Come in Amy" he said absent-mindedly, stepping aside to let her in, noticing the bewildered look she shot him as she entered the apartment. Oh dear indeed.
"Where can I put my things?" Amy asked, gesturing at her overnight bag.
"You'll be staying in my room. I regret to inform you that I haven't purchased any feminine hygiene products nor made the bed with floral bed sheets, as no one was home to drive me to the store. That was poor planning on my part: I hope you will still be comfortable here" Sheldon excused himself, hoping she wouldn't think he hadn't gone out of his way to make her stay as pleasant as possible.
"It's quite alright Sheldon, I brought everything I need with me. I'm sure I will be perfectly comfortable in your bed without floral sheets" Amy excused him, trying not squeal out loud at the thought of spending the night in Sheldon Cooper's bed. His bed. She couldn't believe he had actually asked her to sleep at his apartment.
"Good" Sheldon said, stretching his hand out to offer to take her bag, and went to put it away in his room. When he returned he found Amy seated on the couch in her usual spot, her hands neatly clasped in her lap. Something was indeed different, he just couldn't figure out what.
"What activities did you have planned for the evening?" Amy inquired, looking up at him where he was standing[SA1] .
He swallowed, trying not to think about the…activities he had imagined taking place here earlier that evening. His entire body had been shaking as he stepped into the shower, the sensation of the water trickling down his back almost being enough to tip him over the edge. He couldn't stop thinking of what she had said that night when she came over to bring him a gift: that she wanted to touch him. That she wanted him to touch her. He had almost torn off the shower curtain rod, clasping it so tightly his knuckles went white, knowing for sure that his cries and moans must have travelled all the way to the top floor of the building.
"I thought we might watch a movie" Sheldon replied, tugging at the collar of his t-shirt. God, was it supposed to be that tight?
"Anything in particular?" Amy queried, silently repeating 'not Indiana Jones, not Indiana Jones, not Indiana Jones' as a mantra in her head.
"Seeing as I failed to provide you with floral sheets and feminine hygiene products, I suggest we watch a film you might enjoy" Sheldon said, walking up to his DVD-shelf to pull out a movie he had purchased especially for this occasion.
"You have previously informed me that the classic romantic comedy 'While you were sleeping' is one of your favorite movies" he continued, waving the DVD in her direction as he made his way to the DVD-player to slip it into the slot.
Amy scrunched her eyebrows, not really believing what she just heard.
"…It is" she nodded, once again wondering what on Earth had gotten into her boyfriend.
"You know, you can always get me those floral sheets next time. I'm sure you'll have your driver's license by then" Amy smiled as he sat down next to her, and she gently patted his back before re-clasping her hands.
Next time? They had hardly set up the movie and already she had decided there would be a 'next time'? Oh boy.
"I'll… make sure to pick some up" Sheldon stammered, trying to focus on the DVD-settings.
After almost losing his mind over trying to figure out how to carry out this sleep over deal, he finally decided to Google the matter. Navigating through dozens of forum threads and online magazines with columns that were all named "Dear Gertrude", he had arrived at the conclusion that this was immensely more complicated than he could have ever imagined. There seemed to be no end to the stream of questions flowing through the World Wide Web, and the only thing he could conclude with all certainty was that men and women truly were from different planets. No one had any idea what they were doing.
He had picked up some things along the way though. The vast majority of the male forum-members seemed to agree that offering to watch your girlfriend's favorite movie with her was a good starting point for initiating amorous activities, hence why he had purchased the silly Sandra Bullock-film.
As the movie started rolling and he prepared to endure 103 minutes of rom com Hell, he felt Amy scooching closer to him, the heat from her thigh burning into his leg. Knowing what was expected of him he held out his hand for her to grab it. He had to admit he wasn't particularly fond of this activity: it was hot and sticky, and someone always had to keep their hand on top, which was just uncomfortable. But Amy liked it, and therefore he put up with it.
While he had been struggling with his conflicting feelings about this whole intimacy-business, he had reconciled with his need to take things to the next level. His major problem now was that he had no idea how to do so in a practical sense. Sure, he had kissed her and hugged her, but it had taken him years to reach that level of comfort, and now that he had let her know that he might be interested in doing more than just that, he was wary of touching her. He didn't want to come off as awkward or clumsy, and he knew that he was neither graceful nor particularly experienced in these matters.
He looked at Amy, who was completely engrossed with the film, mumbling lines to herself as her eyes followed the characters' movements on the screen. Every now and then she laughed at something that was supposedly meant to be funny, although he really couldn't see it, and he found himself thinking that her smile was the only one he had always been able to read effortlessly.
Suddenly she turned to him, still retaining that smile.
"What?" he asked bewilderedly.
"Nothing, just happy to be here" Amy let out, returning her attention to the movie.
Oh. Well, he couldn't say for sure but he thought that meant that this was going well.
When the end credits began rolling he wasn't so sure anymore. He didn't know what he had expected or what he was supposed to do now. Should he kiss her? Embrace her? Tell her to take him to the bedroom and have her wicked way with him? He shuddered at that thought. He knew he wanted something, but he also knew he definitely wasn't ready for…that…. Yet.
"Sheldon? Is everything okay?" Amy asked, having seen him fidget in his seat, noticing how he'd licked his bottom lip, the way he always did when he was nervous.
"I'm fine" he assured her, feeling everything but fine. How did one address these things? It was one thing to tell her he thought about it: another to actually have her do it. And the thought of her asking him to reciprocate still terrified him.
"…Okay" Amy exhaled, not sure what to say. She sensed that something was bothering him, but she didn't want to push him too hard.
"Perhaps we should brush our teeth and go to bed? It's getting late" she suggested, thinking that perhaps he was tired. He tended to get cranky if he didn't get his nine hours of sleep.
"Yes… yes let's go to bed" Sheldon agreed, feeling his stomach drop. Drat! And Dr. Edelstein had told him it 'wasn't that complicated' – what a load of poppycock!
'This is pointless' he thought as he brushed his teeth, studying himself in the mirror. His skin was just as smooth as it had been on his 20th birthday, aside from a few tiny creases around his eyes that served to remind him that he was quickly approaching his 40's. He would rather die than admit it to anyone, not even Leonard, but he was terrified of losing his hair. How his friends would mock him, should they ever found out how vain he was.
He scratched the thick stubble on his chin. Another reminder than he was a grown man, not a young boy. But this… this situation made him feel like a teenager, insecure and filled with emotions that went in all different directions.
'She is just as inexperienced as you' that infernal voice whispered. 'She's never going to laugh at you or mock you. She loves you.'
He put the toothbrush back in the cabinet, and got out of the bathroom, padding across the hall to his bedroom door.
Knock, knock, knock "Amy?"
Knock, knock, knock "Amy?"
Knock, knock, knock "Amy?"
he gently knocked, opening the door to the darkened room as she answered with a "come in", stepping inside and softly closing the door behind him. Even in the dim light he could clearly see her sitting up in bed, wearing what appeared to be a white tank top. He slowly approached the bed, sitting down on the edge as he tried to figure out what he was doing there.
"Why aren't you wearing your nightgown?" he let out at last, realizing he'd never seen her in anything that revealing before.
"I haven't had the time to do the laundry" Amy replied, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. Which, come to think of it, it was.
"I didn't invite you over just to watch your favorite movie" Sheldon admitted, feeling his hands tremble in his lap.
Amy didn't say anything. She simply pulled away the covers, moving to the side to leave room for him, and he climbed in next to her, laying down on his side, watching her mimic his moves. He found himself face to face with her, her breath tickling his nose as they lay silent in bed, while their eyes slowly adjusted to the dark.
"Why don't you just tell me what it is you want?" Amy softly asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Why didn't he? After all, he'd been told it wasn't more complicated than that.
"I'm afraid that if I'll ask… I'll get it" he exhaled, his heart pounding so hard in his chest it hurt. "And… I feel ashamed".
"Why?" she wondered, moving even closer to him. He could hear the blood rush through his veins, causing his skin to tingle.
"I… I don't know. I'd feel so exposed" he admitted, thinking of everything she'd get to see and feel. Jesus Christ.
"What if we did it together? We'd both be exposed" Amy whispered against his lips, sending shivers down his spine.
"I wouldn't know what to do" he whispered back, unable to control his breathing now.
"I'll show you" she exhaled, closing the distance between them, pressing a soft kiss against his lips.
Sheldon couldn't stop trembling. He found himself raking his fingers through her hair as their kisses grew in intensity, tasting of mint and what he now finally realized was desire. Suddenly, he felt Amy grab his hand, pulling it towards her.
"Together" she panted against his lips, and he nodded between kisses, reaching for her hand and pulling it towards himself.
She was there, where he'd wanted her to be for so long, and he was where she wanted him, and it was so different, so intense. He felt his eyes roll back into his head, into that incredible mind of his, watching all the numbers and equations vaporize.
"Oh my god" he moaned as he heard her whimper in the background, and he urged her on, needing her to go faster, faster still, and oh how wonderful it was to hear her pant in his ear, to share this with her, expose himself to her. "Don't stop" he whispered, his breathing ragged and his movements frantic as she pressed into him, moving in rhythm with him, and suddenly everything went blank.
"I…I…I'm gonna…" he groaned, feeling himself move closer to that edge by the second, and suddenly she dug her nails into his shoulder, letting out the sweetest of cries and just like that was flying off that cliff, existing in everything and nothing at the same time.