Warning: Super big trigger warning due to sensitive content.

Chapter 14

Emma woke up with a groan. She must've slept a good twelve hours or so. Regina was probably going to kill her for the horrible mistake she-

No. Things were different now. Regina would likely be something far worse than angry, disappointed and hurt. She sighed and forced herself out of bed. Better to get this day over with. She was surprised to see Zelena with her things packed standing in the living room. Emma approached her, deciding to just do something useful while waiting for her girlfr-no, friend, no, partner, no…she'd figure out that later.

"You're leaving?" she said quietly to the witch. Zelena picked up her suitcase and nodded. Things were still awkward between them. But she was trying, Emma had to give her credit for that. "I guess I don't blame you."

"I'm going after Elsa after we get her to Arendelle," Zelena blurted out. "She could use a friend to help her with her magic, and I think that I should be that friend." Emma nodded in understanding.

"Well I wish you luck, then. I guess I'll see you when we send you both off then." Zelena slowly turned the doorknob. As Emma watched her leave, she could sense Regina was waking up. Just how, she had no idea, and didn't really care how this thing worked. The point was Regina would discover her stash of pills. She grabbed the grocery bag and darted into her room. Not knowing a good solution that would fool the Mayor into believing all was well, she dumped the bottles onto the floor then one by one shoved them under her mattress. Her luck held as she sat on the bed briefly to test everything out. It felt like nothing was there. To complete her destruction of the evidence, Emma tossed the bag to the bottom of the wastebasket then picked up a book so she could keep herself busy.

By the time Regina was fully awake and moving around the house to get ready for another work day, Emma was more immersed in the corny yet captivating tale she had randomly selected as an alibi for the time being. She heard the door open then close. Alone again. She immediately went searching for a bottle. Her phone vibrated, indicating an incoming text message. Emma sighed and grabbed her phone.

Make sure Henry gets looked after today. I will try not to be gone long. – R.

P.S…I'd like a redo of our little date soon.

Emma had no idea how to react to that, so she simply set her phone aside and pulled out one of the bottles. Xanax. This should do the trick to erase the horrible emptiness in her chest for good. Just…a few. Not too many. She ignored the dose and took five. It didn't take more than half an hour for anxiety and all care about the world to melt from her mind like butter. She decided to use her free morning to fall back into the silly book. She laid back on the bed and relaxed, making sure the pill bottle was back where it belonged: under the mattress. No one would ever look there, because no one would suspect. Everything was perfect-and-fine. She only got a couple paragraphs in when her phone rang shrilly. Emma sighed heavily and picked up.

"What?" she said tiredly. The pills had made her tired and feel almost heavy. It was impossible to focus on the voice on the other end. "What? Hello?"

"Emma, can you hear me?" Snow said.

"Sorry, I uh…bad connection. Is there something you want?"

"I know you're living with Regina and Henry now…" Snow sucked in a breath. "David and I have been talking, and we agree that the baby might've stirred up some feelings in you that we haven't previously anticipated."

"Excuse me?" Emma said in disbelief. "Is that what you think this is?! Seriously? What the hell? How can you be so obtuse?"

"Well what else can there be?" Snow said. "It's not like your life is so horrible!" Emma wanted to throw her phone at the wall, but she knew that wouldn't solve a single thing right then, so instead she took in another breath and counted to ten.

"You're not really getting it. Hook did a horrible thing to me, and he paid the price, but it's not over. Maybe it never will be."

"Are you…depressed or something?" Snow said. That disapproving tone. 'You're-not-a-perfect-Charming-oh-no.' "You know, I've been through a lot myself but it never occurred to me to simply stop trying."

"Well, I'm not you! I'm different."

"I know that, but…I just don't understand. Shouldn't you be over the kiss by now?"

"It turned into a lot more than just a kiss." She tried to keep up with the conversation, but her focus was scattered. "I can't really explain something like this over the phone, but try to understand that these things are more complicated than you think." Snow was quiet for a moment as she took this in.

"Okay fine. Let's say you're right. How am I supposed to understand something I've never been through?"

"That's the thing…you can't, unless you've been through it yourself. But the least you could do is be less close-minded about it all." She waited anxiously for her response. If this is how Snow decided to react to the depression creeping up on her, how was she to respond to her blooming relationship with Regina? Emma resolved to never tell her unless it was an absolute last resort. Despite her mind being all fuzzy, she still seemed to be doing fine. She was just worn down in so many different ways.

"Emma, is everything okay over there? Your voice sounds different."

"Fine, everything's fine." She cursed silently as her voice slurred again. She sounded almost drunk. "Really, don't worry. I promise that I'm not drunk or anything like that. Just forget I said anything, Snow." She hung up and sighed. This was so exhausting to hide, but she knew she had to, or else it would be taken away from her. They wouldn't understand why, least of all her parents.

Regina entered her office and was immediately stalled in her tracks when she felt a wave of sickness. She gritted her teeth and tried to wait it out, but she felt like her usual breakfast of coffee and lightly salted egg whites was about to make a return trip. She mumbled some excuse then ran off before Ruby could say more than half a syllable to her. The bathroom was her only destination right now. Then just as suddenly as it came, it was gone. Regina stood in the doorway, gasping.

Earlier that morning, she had used a few quick potions to rid herself of her hangover so no one would suspect she had been drinking last night. The sudden bout of nausea clearly had nothing to do with that, then. What was going on? She debated calling a doctor for a moment, but decided against it. She had a lot of work to get done and had no time to think about what any of this meant. Regina finally headed back into her office to discover that not only was Ruby gone, but Snow was standing in her office looking irritated. Anger did not suit the princess very well. After all she was a 'hero' of sorts. Sometimes.

"May I help you?" she asked.

"What have you done to Emma?" Snow demanded. "Ever since she went off with you, she hasn't been herself!" Regina simply looked at her as she slowly walked around behind her desk and sat in the chair that she owned much like that throne back in-

No, she wouldn't think about that. Or him.

"So this is my fault," Regina said. "Again. Haven't you thought to ask yourself that Hook was actually a bad guy?"

"Was? Wait…he's dead? What happened to him?"

"Not the point, Snow," she said dryly. "We weren't the hugest fans of him, but you have a thing for pimping awful relationships. I mean, look at Charming!"

"I did not come here for you to insult my husband!" Snow scoffed. "Regina, I'm here about Emma. Or do you even care about her at all?"

"Do you?" Regina countered. "You're so close minded. No wonder Emma never calls you." She picked up a file and opened it. "Now if you don't mind, I have important business to attend to. Some of us still have jobs." Snow glared at Regina and stormed out of the office. Finally, she was alone. She shook her head and set the file aside, no longer able to focus on the paperwork that needed to get done. She checked her phone for new messages. Emma hadn't responded. It was still early, maybe she hadn't woken up yet. She tried not to worry, but she couldn't stop thinking about the hospital. Maybe she should call and check up on her. Would that seem like she was nagging? She was only a bit anxious about Emma's wellbeing. That emptiness was only growing stronger in her green eyes day by day. That was it, she was calling her whether the blonde liked it or not. Regina was halfway to reaching for her phone when her stomach twisted and flipped. She was pale as she rushed back into the bathroom. It must be some sort of bug going around. There was absolutely no way her fling could've resulted in-

Just. No. Way.

She emptied the contents of her stomach into the sink. Regina glanced at her reflection after managing to catch her breath. She was slightly paler than before. She really needed to figure out what was going on before Emma started to worry about her. She couldn't have Emma stress herself out any further. Most of all, she just didn't want someone to fuss over her, period. Regina shuddered and turned on the sink. She started slowly rinsing out her mouth. As soon as she was finished, she teleported straight to her vault and pulled out the first spell book she could find. It wasn't until she was deep in the first spell book that she remembered Emma again.

"Damn it." She really needed to stop getting this sidetracked about her own issues. Emma was way more important right now. Her mysterious nausea would have to wait for another time. She dialed Emma's number and waited for her to pick up. Suicide attempt…her heart fractured just remembering her in that hospital bed. Snow was right about one thing, though. Emma most definitely wasn't herself, and she wondered if what happened with Hook was the only reason. She highly doubted it. With all the hell they'd been through recently, it was no wonder that the smile on Emma's face was usually fake. Now even the mask had crumbled.

"Hello?" When had Emma's voice sounded so heavy and hopeless? She wanted to suck it away from her just like she had with that death curse. "Regina?"

"I just thought I would see if you were okay. You never replied to my text."

"Oh! I totally forgot…" Emma sighed. "Sorry, it's been a strange day. Snow called me and things didn't go well."

"So she's been on the warpath, huh," Regina murmured. "It's alright. Just don't forget about keeping an eye on Henry. Make sure he eats all his meals and keeps his room clean. Can you do that?"

"Yeah, sure thing. Is there anything else you want me to do?"

"Actually…I'd like you to give Archie a call and set up an appointment. It might be good for you to see someone to talk about recent events."

"Why?"

"I'm worried about you."

"I'm f-"

"Do not finish that sentence with 'fine', Swan. I know you, and I know when you're not happy. But this is a lot more than just being a little bit upset and you know it. Can't you please give this a shot for me?"

"What if I refuse?" Emma said carefully.

"Well, I can't make you…but I think you know what the right thing to do here is."

"I know I've been off lately, but it's not as bad as you're making it. Just give me a couple weeks to adjust and everything will be back to normal." Regina was far from convinced. The connection between them was growing, and she knew Emma was in a depression of some sort that had only just now gotten noticed by her. How long it had been there, she had no idea, but it was there long enough for Emma to be familiar with it. Perhaps it was home for her or she didn't think it was that bad. However, Regina did understand exactly where she was coming from.

"Listen," Regina said. "I know where you're coming from here, playing things like they're not so bad so I don't worry but you need to understand that getting help won't be a burden, or something to be ashamed of. I promise you that." There was a pause on the other end. She waited patiently.

"Promise?"

"Yeah. I promise."

"I'll…think about it."

"That's a start," Regina said quietly. "Are you going to be okay till I get home?"

"I'll live," Emma replied dismissively. "Just don't be out too late, you know Henry likes to have dinner with you."

"Of course. See you later." She hung up and sighed. Eventually, Emma would need to see a professional, but she didn't want to fight the issue right now. Regina continued flipping through her spell book. There had to be something, anything. She tossed it aside and stormed out of her vault. It looked like she'd have to use this Internet thing in order to get some clues. Irritation seemed to be a common emotion for her today.

Back in her office, she logged into her laptop and opened the Internet. The cursor blinked in the address bar, waiting for her to type something. Regina stared at the screen, momentarily baffled by the new technology. She slowly typed in Google and hit enter. She found dozens of blue links staring at her. She must've done something wrong. Why couldn't all of this just be in a spell book? This Internet machine was too confusing.

After seven failed attempts to open Google and type out the words 'unexplained nausea' a ton of results came up. She sighed in frustration and glared at the screen. There had to be something else! Anything! She added another symptom 'fatigue.' The results were too generic and she kept being told to see a doctor, just the very thing she wanted to avoid at all costs. She cleared her browser history and stepped away from her desk. Regina glanced at her phone. Perhaps she could call in a favor with Whale. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to see a doctor.

Emma had been operating on autopilot ever since her talk with Regina half an hour ago. She checked on Henry and made sure he had had breakfast and told him he would have lunch in fifteen minutes. She read a book and flipped through page after page without understanding a single word in front of her. She opened a bottle and swallowed a few pills then let herself disappear again. What was the harm, really? She needed to relax a bit and they helped. Nothing was wrong with that. Emma wasn't aware of anything she was doing because she was so out of it. Maybe she needed something stronger than these medications. Once she ran out, she'd go exploring for the better stuff. Anything to make it all go away. She didn't need some disapproving therapist frowning at her week after week to "fix" her. She wasn't a broken toy. There was nothing to be done about what happened, so this was the path she had to go on now. It was as simple as that. But, again, Emma knew that nobody would understand her reasoning behind this, and everyone would most certainly try to take the drugs away from her. That wouldn't solve her spiraling thoughts—and self.

She didn't think that anything would at this point. Emma drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.

You weren't enough

We're giving you back now…

Sorry, but we have to give you back…

You're a good kid it's just not the right time

It's not-

Your fault

Your fault

All your fault

Tears filled her eyes. She rocked back and forth. She didn't know what else to do, really. Something must be wrong with her if no one wanted her except to just be used then thrown away like something completely worthless. Was she worthless? She must be, Hook really confirmed all her fears rather quickly in one violent action.

"I'm sorry," she whispered tearfully to no one. When the tiredness took over, she crawled into bed and disappeared once again.