Ch 14
Innocence Stained
When I woke the fortress had taken on an almost palpable buzz, people scrambling to prepare, the light patter of rain, all paling in comparison to my own racing heart. I got ready in a blur, scrolling though a mental checklist as I tried to push down the apprehension that was growing, as my joining a war transformed from an idle suggestion into action.
'hair up, clothes on, supplies packed, room tidied…'
Preparing to leave, I nearly tripped over my katana. Muttering a curse, I bent juggling my saddle bags so I could tie the darn thing on.
'Katana, oh joy, another pointy object to worry about, brilliant Kaoru, just brilliant.' I chided myself as I resettled my saddle bag over my arm and walked into the infirmary to meet up with Megumi. Knocking lightly on the door I poked my head in,
"Need any help?" I asked Megumi's back where she was busily rummaging through her cabinets.
Swinging her head around to me, her face all business, as she continued rummaging with one arm through the recesses of the cabinet, she blinked as if pulling her attention back to me.
"Ah, Kaoru! You, yes I need you, can you come here for a moment?" she asked her voice sounding distracted.
"No problem, what do you need?" I replied walking in and depositing my bag onto one of the counters.
Finally extracting what she needed Megumi hurried over, tucking the packet into a medium sized satchel that sat on the counter.
"How much do you know about first aid?"
Looking at her quizzically I replied, "umm, well, I'm pretty competent with the basics I can bind minor wounds, deal with broken bones, sprains, pulled muscles, the kinds of injuries that happen in a dojo."
Megumi nodded, "You'll do, would you be comfortable if I left you in charge of this?"
She handed me the satchel, opening it I saw a pretty comprehensive collection of supplies, ranging from the bindings and bandages to basic herbs like shepherd's purse to stop bleeding and lavender to sooth wounds.
"Megumi?" I asked cautiously
"Look after them, they are trying to be inconspicuous and fast or I would send someone who really knew what they were doing. But they are trying to be sneaky, so you, at least, will keep a clear head. Remember, for all their bluster and fight, they just don't understand that even they have limits. And when it comes to injuries, ugh! They. Are. Hopeless." She said shaking her head
"Megumi, I really don't know all that much, I don't think-"
Megumi cut me off, "I'd leave this to Kenshin or Sano, but on a mission like this they will be in the thick of it. Out of all of them you are the least likely to be injured. Kenshin will need to move without attracting attention. They need someone with the presence of mind to not bind a cut with a dirty rag."
She wrinkled her nose delicately, "they actually did that once you know, it was almost worst than the time a scouting party went out and got ambushed. Everyone was so intent on getting out without being seen they didn't realize the commanding officer had been injured until he passed out from blood loss, they dragged him back here and still hadn't bound the wound."
My face must have still seemed unconvinced for she continued, "Don't worry, Sano and Kenshin both know their stuff, you won't be alone, but I need you being especially alert for something or someone who needs to be looked after."
I grimaced, "If you're sure…"
And somehow another pack of supplies ended up added to my baggage…peachy
Scooping up my growing pile of supplies I looked up to see Megumi hefting a similar bag at the question in my eyes she spoke,
"It's just a pack of medical supplies like I gave you. This is for Aoshi. He'll give it to someone in his group."
With that we both hurried towards the meeting room, slipping into the room behind Megumi I followed her example setting my bags against the wall before I snagged a bowl off the table and began eating as I observed the room's occupants.
Yahiko was practically bouncing with anticipation while Sano seemed just as eager in a more subdued manner. While Kenshin looked just as unruffled as usual if a bit more stern and concentrated.
He looked up as I entered sharp golden eyes flitting over my outfit, and packs no doubt noting Megumi's addition before he spoke, "Morning Kaoru, do you have everything?"
I nodded, "Everything but a bedroll and personal provisions."
"Good, I have what you need." He said as Aoshi and Misao came in. Aoshi carried two sets of saddle bags while Misao was dressed in a dark cloak her kunai and hand guards in place.
Everyone finished quickly, Misao gave everyone a hug before she and Aoshi walked out. Saying goodbye to Megumi I laughed as she reminded Sano loudly about packing, then walking over and grabbing his right hand she said,
"If you break this again, I swear, I let it stay that way." Quietly she added, "Be safe, I won't be there to patch you back up." Before reaching up on tiptoe to kiss him.
He wrapped his long arms about her figure holding her tightly before he whispered, "Don't worry, I'll be fine."
Then she left patting me on the arm before she hurried out of the room. As Yahiko headed over to grab his things I followed only to find Kenshin had already slung my bags over his shoulder. Scooping up some bundles along the wall he handed them to me,
"I already put trail provisions in your bag, this is a bed roll and water skin."
"Thank you"
And then the time for thinking and speaking was over, a group of warriors was departing and I was against all rational reasoning accompanying them.
Outside the camp was buzzing with activity despite the continued misting of moisture. Snagging my cloak from Kenshin I slung the heavy fabric over my shoulders pulling up the hood, the others soon followed my example, though the men left their hoods down.
Entering the stables I shoved back my hood and entered the tack room, without being asked I quickly grabbed a saddle blanket and bridle, turning I nearly bumped into Kenshin who handed me a simple halter and lead rope saying,
"Put the halter on underneath the bridle. Just place the lead rope in your saddle bags." And so saying handed the bags over to me carefully lowering the burden into my arms watching for any signs that he should carry it for me. Apparently satisfied that I could manage myself he headed toward Guenhwyvar's stall.
Escaping the crowded tack room into the only slightly less congested aisle I dodged around a couple of horses on leads before slipping into Thirrin's thankfully calm stall.
Slipping on her halter and bridle, I lay her saddle blanket over her withers settling my saddle bags over her hind quarters and clinching my bedroll in place. Leading Thirrin carefully into the aisle I heard Kenshin call,
"Bring the horses out front."
So following the general flow of movement I found myself joining the chaotic group of men and horses milling about the area before the stables. Hoping to stay out of everyone's way I moved quickly towards the fence hitching Thirrin there. Soon Yahiko joined me leading a blue and brown eyed paint, its large brown splotches looking black with moisture.
We watched quietly as Kenshin and Sano barked orders soon getting twelve men and their animals organized and settled for travel. The two pack horses were attached by leads to two of the other animals. In the space of a half hour we were ready to leave. As the others mounted up Yahiko and I followed their example, swinging onto out horses. Scanning the area I saw Kenshin beckoning me, so with Yahiko trailing me, I carefully guided Thirrin toward Guenhwyvar's bulk. The horses sniffed each other politely before Thirrin lost interest in the large stallion and pointedly ignored him.
Kenshin chuckled softly as he watched out mounts interact before, catching mine and Yahiko's full attention he spoke,
"Just make sure you ride near either Sano or myself. That goes for you too Yahiko."
I nodded and heard Yahiko agree as well, and so as we trotted out of camp I stayed quietly in my position behind two black stallions and their riders. Thirrin was giving me surprisingly little trouble and as we rode the men spoke quietly amongst themselves, while Yahiko chatted with me. Apparently it would take three days travel to reach Kapta.
The farther we traveled the harder the rain came down and by noon the heavy droplets were coming down in veritable sheets, visibility was reduced to the horse directly in front of you and the roads to sludge. And me? I was thanking the gods that underneath the cloak I was still warm and relatively dry, considering the inundation of water coming down over me.
How shall I describe setting up camp? As evening set in the temperature dropped and the rain did not let up, we set up camp a good way's off from the road shielded by a low hillock on a clearing that seemed to be high enough that rain water was draining away rather than pooling. Luckily there was enough of a wooded area nearby to offer the horses some shelter.
'Long, wet and grueling, yup, those sound about right,' I thought as I huddled with Yahiko within our tent. We had set up beside Kenshin and Sano's tent; all of the men save those unfortunate enough to have watch duty were huddled within their tents trying to stay as warm and dry as possible.
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By morning the rain had subsided into a constant damp mist which cloaked everything a deep swirling fog, the fact that the rain had finally ceased improved everyone's moods considerably. And although travel was slow going on the boggy roads, all were glad for the fog, a blessing they hadn't thought to gain completely shielding our movements from enemy eyes. The weather fluctuated between soup thick fog and a light drizzle over the next two days. Thick, purple-green cloud cover shielding the sun. Time which, our group took advantage of, ironing out plans and making last minute adjustments.
Once the rain let up enough to allow for conversation, I was, surprisingly, not completely isolated, the warriors were fairly accepting of my presence. The general consensus seemed to be that I was there with Battousai's approval, and that meant I must be in some way, important to the missions sucess, and not to be looked down upon.
The men had in him the utmost belief that when all hell broke loose he would be there with them, pulling them out on top. He was more than their Lord Commander. Every man in this group trusted that with this leader they would not become fodder to mercenary swords, nor would their honor be tarnished in his service.
The easy camaraderie among them was something I was peripherally accepted into, most were older, more experienced warriors and treated me with a teasing respect. Though, in retrospect, I don't think anyone in their right mind would have attempted disrespect toward any female while Battousai's level golden eyes were upon them.
I soon found that by some silent agreement I was never left alone. Sleeping, eating, during travel, save when I was changing and a deeply blushing Yahiko was momentarily booted from our shared quarters, either Kenshin, Sano or Yahiko were always within sight and doing their darnedest to look after me. It might have been amusing, two grown men and a boy child so preoccupied by such a slip of a girl had they not been so utterly vigilant about it and had I not completely understood their precaution.
The cover that passed the men off as traveling mercenaries did not pass for me. Women did not travel, the chance for abduction was simply too high, between your run of the mill thieves searching for a profit, the lords' various mercenary armies, and the lords themselves, to be a woman was not safe. Even hiding out in your village of birth your entire life was not a guarantee of safety.
It was nice to know that, for once, I was not the disposable one, someone to be given up in favor of the community's wellbeing. It was almost sad that it had taken having my expendability proven to find someone who cared that no harm came to me. To find a place where I was seen as a person and not an unattached girl child, an unwanted nuisance, unclaimed property, which could be given, taken, sold or captured with no repercussions or consequences.
As we neared the outpost our party abandoned the roads no longer trusting the weather too keep us out of sight. Our advantage was surprise and Kenshin meant to use that to his advantage, they would slip into the outpost at nightfall.
Camp was set up around half a mile outside Kapta well concealed on the leeward side of the hillside. We would get in and get out before anyone knew we were there. No one must know it had been Battousai's forces.
Kapta's imperial outpost was less a fortress, than a rough clustering of buildings alongside the town. Even I could easily see it would not be defensible, yet I knew if this moved into the town it would be virtually impossible to avoid alerting the City to our movements. Urban warfare is messy, terrified civilians, panicking soldiers and far too many places to hide, I only hoped our men could end this quickly.
As I suspected Yahiko and I were meant as perimeter, alert to any guards or messengers that might escape the attack. And no matter how much the thought of this outpost's complete destruction bothered me I could understand that it was for the best. Discovery now would only result in further deaths as this war dragged out.
A we left the horses well concealed within a very sodden copse of trees I was on the receiving end of Sano's supportive pat on the back and a few of the more outgoing men's "be ready to patch us back up when we return." I could feel Kenshin's golden eyes on me the whole way, and without looking, I knew they would be ferociously protective and focused.
The night was dark and damp a barely perceptible amount of light filtering thorough the cloud cover. From our position we could see the watchmen as meandering globes of light. The weak light of their lantern's guttering and weak in the darkness well outside the outposts street lanterns and lit windows.
Silently, the group split into pairs spreading out to approach the outpost from all sides, only Kenshin planned to move alone. Yahiko and I stayed back alert for sounds of movement. I could hear his soft panting breaths beside me, as we silently circled the outpost. The mist and darkness made our eyes nearly useless and I relied on other senses listening carefully for the soft squelch of footsteps or rustle of clothing. Apprehension lay upon me like a suffocating blanket of dread
For a long moment there was nothing the fog dampening any noise our men might have made. Yahiko tugged on my sleeve and I bent his words a mere breath in my ear,
"How will we know?"
In answer I pointed towards the almost ghostly specters of light that indicated guards, at my motion Yahiko nodded his understanding. Then it began.
The slowly moving circles of light paused and went out. No sound filtered back to us… the night pressed in as we ghosted along the perimeter. Worry gnawed at me, my head knew that hearing nothing was best, it meant that our men had not been discovered but knowing nothing was hard, perhaps three minutes passed in silence after the watchmen were silenced.
Then a scream quickly cut off echoed into the silent night. I heard Yahiko's shallow intake of breath at the finality of the sound. As the outpost awakened light flickered into existence, muffled sounds of death filtering up to us. Suddenly my eyes noticed slight movement near the edge of the outpost. I heard the rustle of dried brush as something moved.
'Please, let it be one of our men.' My mind pled as stood frozen watching the anomaly. As I motioned Yahiko to stay alert for others and edged closer to investigate.
My rational mind screamed, 'what the hell do you think you're doing?!? War, Kaoru that means death, you do not kill!' No, I would not kill, but if I refused to act, Yahiko in his brash and thoughtless bravery would, and he would undoubtedly die. Staying under the slight cover the scraggly brush that grew here provided I moved silently closer my smaller form letting me stay silent while who ever it was rustled the bushes with each step.
Hearing the squelch of his steps and his muttered curses I knew he was not one of ours. At the same moment he must have noticed me for in an instant we were both on our feet swords drawn.
I felt my heart race, now there was no choice, he had seen me, no soldier would let 'the enemy' live, nor could I in good conscience allow him to pass unchallenged. I knew his escape would mean more deaths latter down the line, but I… I was the only one here… 'I will not kill.' I chanted to myself blocking out the insidious voice which whispered, 'no, you will capture him so that another may end his life.'
His features were dark, all I could make out was his silhouette against the light of the outpost. The steel of his blade casting off glints of light which betrayed its position. He remained silent, trying not to give away his position. Yet I had the advantage he could not see my position against the night and was vulnerable. Experimentally, I dragged the tip of my blade through the brush far to my left. The man cursed whipping around to face the sound and backing away toward the light of the outpost.
I followed, I could not afford to attack him in the darkness, I might have a slight advantage now but if our positions switched I alone would be visible and I doubted he would hesitate to hack me in half. So I herded him making noise sometimes to my left others to my right at times drawing my blade over the mouth of my sheath a sound that might be mistaken as a slash in his direction. Soon he was nearly among the buildings and he became full visible to my well adjusted eyes.
His eyes were wide, scanning the blackness before him desperately, his blade held before him in a position meant to defend from any side. The man had a large frame and I knew whether or not he proved skilled with a blade I would be hard pressed to subdue so large an opponent.
I soon ceased my belaying tactics and settled into my stance before finally stepping into the light. I knew the instant he finally picked me out of the gloom a self confidant smirk settled onto his face before he suddenly attacked. Brashly assured that my small stature would make me an easy opponent, his attack was reckless a broad arc toward my neck, and I blocked easily, though his sheer strength forced me back several steps.
He quickly leapt back out of my range seemingly amazed I had repelled him. Leaping forward I attempted to make use of his shock to relieve him of his blade but he managed to clumsily avoid my attack.
Slashing wildly in my direction as he tried to hold me off he scrambled back finally getting his feet back under him. He must have finally registered that I was not a young boy but a woman for he seemed to gain confidence rushing forward his blade coming over me in a left to right slash. I blocked him our bodies straining against each other as he attempted to shove me to the ground.
"You are a weakling woman, lie down and die, like the traitorous bitch you are." He growled his voice frightening for the sheer hatred it contained.
I quickly disengaged, unable to hold off his weight any longer. I remained silent, this only seemed to amuse him. As we traded blows, I allowed him the offensive, biding my time for a moment when I could disarm him without killing him.
His train of insults continued and after one particularly vicious lunge towards me I slipped my blade under his, wounding his right arm. I tried to pull back out of range but in a surprisingly quick move he drew his blade diagonally before him. Landing a hit along my ribs in a burning line along my left side, the cut slashed across my abdomen and I leapt out of range hissing softly at the pain.
"You serve a demon, and will die a soulless witch." He snarled hatefully.
This was not good, I couldn't drag this out much longer, Yahiko was alone and for all he was gifted in sword work, he was inexperienced and untaught, little more than a child. I could not abandon him.
Finally, I went on the offensive, moving towards him with a flurry of blows aimed toward his arms. I landed a few hits and received a shallow slice along my right forearm. We both backed away from each other panting. The sounds of the fight within the complex were growing louder and seemed to draw him from his shell of hatred and his insults trailed off.
My opponent seemed to draw himself together, before he rushed me in a vicious frontal attack his blade coming down over head, I barely raised my own in time to block, his strength driving me to my knees. His full weight bearing down on me, I felt my arms burn, screaming for release. Finally, I managed to disengage rolling to the side as his blade raked down my left side again. Rolling to my feet, my arms shaking from exertion I faced him.
This was not good, I could feel blood dampening my side where my gi had been slashed open, he was not very skilled, but he was strong. I would not be able to block another full on attack.
He sensed my weakness and attacked again, I was too slow, I knew I would not survive locking blades with him again, instead I lunged to the side landing a long cut along his left arm. But the man whirled his katana coming for my head. In desperation I ducked under his attack, my muscles moving instinctively to prevent my death. I felt my blade slice through the flesh of his leg and up across his chest. A move that with a bokken would have first dislocated his knee before connecting with his jaw and laying him out cold, but this, was live steel.
He stood for a moment before his leg gave out and he crumpled to the ground, blood pumping in a frightening amount from the wound along his thigh. A darkening line of blood sprouting across his chest
"Finish me bitch," he hissed, laughing darkly as I shook my head. Numbly I kicked his weapon out of reach, my mind screaming that something was very wrong.
"Coward, I hope your demonic lord damn's your soul before he eats you." He croaked.
Despite myself I backed up a step at the venom of his words, he seemed to register this and continued,
"Yes, woman, your lord is a soulless blood sucking demon." His voice was weak, blood dribbled from the corner of his mouth and I knew then what I had done. Horror swamped my brain blocking out any further insults the dying man may have delivered.
Blood still streamed from his leg in copious amounts and soon the man's head collapsed back into the mud. It was every where turning the mud black, coating my hands and body, sliding sickeningly down my blade mixing with the rain. Whether the blood was my own or his I could no longer tell.
With a muffled cry of denial I pulled back. Hands shaking I swiped my blade clean on my hakama. Never turning my back on the horrific scene, I edged out of the subtle light thrown by the lanterns hung within the outpost, my mind frozen with shock, I barely felt Yahiko's hands tugging at my gi.
'no, no, no…' my mind chanted
Finally, Yahiko's panicked grip on my hand pulled me into a semi alert state. Bending I heard him whisper
"Please, Kaoru, Kaoru are you ok?" his voice shaky
I nodded mutely listening as the sounds of the fight within Kapta subsided. Automatically scanning our surroundings for movement I tried desperately to pull myself together. Yahiko still needed me. My mind focused solely on the present, thanking the gods he had no seen that horrific duel. Could not see the blood coating my clothing. I could feel my body going into shock, desperately I tried to pull back from the edge, I could break down later.
'Not now, not yet… we were not out of the woods yet, I could not afford to shut down and leave Yahiko defenseless. '
Thankfully he did not ask further holding to my rule that we not speak unless it was absolutely necessary.
It may have been minutes or hours later that the night subsided once more into silence and Yahiko's slight touch on my arm reminded me that we should be moving toward the rendezvous point. We were silent, he for stealth and I because of shock, I could feel my wounds bleeding sluggishly and vaguely registered that I should see to them but could only bring myself to lead Yahiko silently toward the low isolated copse of trees that had been chosen before hand, medical supplies and provisions already in place.
Finally we entered their relative shelter, hearing the rustle of others; I softly called out our safe word, "Guenhwyvar," before stepping deeper within the trees.
Almost immediately I met Maso, whose broad form I could barely make out in the gloom. He waved me through and I stepped into the clearing the copse concealed. There were a few groups of men here and there. I moved about quietly asking after injuries, thankfully there was nothing worse than minor wounds and I finally allowed myself to sink to the ground at the base of a tree. I hurt, my ribs and abdomen throbbing and pulsing nauseatingly, but it was a dull pain, barely registering in the back of my mind as my minds eye saw flowing blood and a broken body. I felt Yahiko pause beside me unsure, before he sank down beside me with a sigh.
I felt numb like my head had been stuffed with cotton. No light was lit in the clearing and men continued to trickle in, in two's and threes. I felt more than heard him arrive.
His voice low yet carrying, "I count fifteen, were there no casualties?"
A soft no met his inquiry
"Then we will return to camp and tend to injuries. We will meet to discuss at dawn."
At his words a few men rose and moved silently into the trees in small groups or alone. Then he was quite simply there, scanning the clearing and moving towards me with an accuracy that would have worried me had I been thinking straight.
Immediately he knelt at my side,
"Kaoru, you are bleeding." His voice low and worried
Mutely I nodded
"What?" Yahiko exclaimed softly, "Kaoru's injured?"
At the fear in his small voice I spoke, "I'm fine Yahiko, it's just a scratch. I only fell, can't you tell from the mud? Run along, and catch up with the others."
He seemed hesitant but then Kenshin spoke up,
"She's fine Yahiko, I will look after her hurry, do not get separated."
At that Yahiko stood leaving my side. The moment he was out of earshot Kenshin spoke,
"What happened?"
"One of the soldiers escaped the perimeter." My tongue felt heavy and my words were slow methodical.
"Where is he?" Kenshin's tight voice promised violence.
"Dead." I managed to croak.
Then suddenly, Kenshin's strong arms wrapped around me, he smelled of death, but then, so did I.
"I'm so sorry, I never should have brought you here." He murmured fiercely.
I meant to shake my head, tell him it was my own fault, for not being stronger, faster, more careful, but I couldn't, my limbs were filled with lead, I felt so cold and all I could see was the blood, so much blood…
Carefully he raised me to my feet and I stood mechanically.
"Come, let me tend to your wounds."
I must have nodded for he stepped closer ignoring the minor wound on my arm he went immediately for the largest wounds on my side. The entire left side of the gi had been ripped open twin slashes beginning very deeply just below my breast bindings before they curved across my abdomen becoming shallower.
Had I been lucid I might have wondered how he could even tell I was injured much less see well enough to tend to my wound. Instead I stood woodenly as he quickly overlapped the torn sides of my gi retying them with my belt so that the fabric created a slight pad over the open wounds.
As he steered me gently through the woods I felt cold, deep in my bones, dimly I registered that we were headed back to camp before my mind dragged me under, waves of guilt and horror clawing at my consciousness…
…
When I resurfaced I was seated within a tent, blankets wrapped tightly about me. From the unnatural stiffness I felt about my waist I could tell my wounds had been properly bound. I was dressed a clean gi and by the light of the candle guttering weakly before me I could see that this was not my tent.
I contemplated rising but that would have required a strength I simply didn't feel at the moment, I heard the tent flap rustle as it was pulled back, involuntarily my eyes flit towards the tent opening catching sight of scarlet hair, as said redhead entered, tired amber orbs met mine,
"Are you alright Kaoru?"
Mutely I shrugged as I began to ease my way out of the cocoon he had secured me into. But Kenshin shook his head as he pulled the covers back up around my shoulders.
"You were going into shock, from the blood loss, you need to stay warm."
Without a word I subsided, the tent was silent I could dimly hear the rest of the camp, the murmur of men and the light patter of rain.
"Please, speak to me Kaoru, are you in pain?" he finally asked anxiously
I moved to shake my head and then stopped, softly I replied, "No, my wounds were not life threatening."
Kneeling beside me, Kenshin gauged my expression. Something in my face must not have been as placid as I intended for silently he settled beside me enfolding me in his arms,
"I'm so sorry; I should never have left you without another fighter. You should not have had to make that decision, Kaoru. I would not have made you come if I had even thought this would happen." He murmured a blank hopelessness in his tone,
His arms were iron strong and warm around me, his touch soothing as his hands gently stroked my hair.
I stayed silent, hating myself for how I leaned into his comforting warmth, his solid frame which spoke of strength and protection. What was there to say? A man was dead, I had killed him with my own two hands.
I could feel this vast gulf of despair and self loathing threatening to pull me under, but it was not in my nature to give in to such weakness. I let them drain away, I held myself back from the welcoming, all encompassing pain which would bear me away into deep oblivion.
But I could not, I had already indulged in such a respite, I would not succumb to my own horror again. It was so easy to lean into Kenshin's strength, to forget, for the moment, who he was, and only feel the slight veil of peace he seemed, even now, able to bestow.
I could see it, in my minds eyes, in all its sharp reality, as if my brief escape from the present had thrown me into a strange state of clarity, but then, perhaps, it is only that hindsight is twenty-twenty. I could see it, every moment I might have acted differently, might have spared his life, but you know, the thing about hindsight is that the story's ending never changes.
It hurt and I didn't know how but I when I pulled away from the memory, I had burrowed against Kenshin, my lips moving almost unconsciously. It took me a moment to realize my words.
"I-…What have I done? I didn't want to kill him. I didn't- how could I? Please, I didn't- I tired- but he…he-"
"Hush, Kaoru, hush, I know. It's alright now, I'm here." A soft reassuring murmur, as soothing as the warm hand on my head, something I wanted to shove away at the same time as I clung close to his warmth. I did not deserve his kindness, his understanding.
How could I trust it, I could not believe, deep down, that a lord had good intentions. Kenshin? Most probably, but he was, none the less, a lord, responsible for the welfare of many and with that responsibility there was power, and that I feared above all else.
It was selfish, cowardly, despicable to even now hold fear for myself when I had- when a life had ended to preserve my own. I lapsed into silence finally realizing that I hadn't stopped speaking, I would not whimper. But Kenshin only held me close as we waited for dawn.
Hello again my lovelies, going back I am actually finding this fic quite a failure and am honestly wondering how I worked up the guts to post it at all… oh well, we may never know.
Ok, umm… wow, as promised I have not abandoned this fic, but during its rather long hiatus I realized that it most defiantly some of my least savory bits of writing. I am hoping to rectify this dire mistake by revamping the fic from this point on. (gotta love the word revamp in a vampire fic ^_^ yes it's cheesy, it's supposed to be)
I am actually really regretting the vampire concept, in general it just seems to cheapen the whole effect of the plotline , but fear not I feel that it is too integral a part of the fic to remove at this point so deep breaths. Other than that I hope to up the pacing on this, I feel I've dragged my poor readers kicking and screaming through enough of our characters rather tedious daily lives, and work on general flow as well as characterization. Much love for anyone who's stuck around long enough to read this ^_^
Reviewers, as always, are good people.
Disclaimer: the real owner of Rurouni Kenshin would never put their characters through as much pain and emotional hell as I put them, you should have noticed this by now.