Previously on Spooks

He doesn't answer at first and she once again thinks she's said the wrong thing or taken them somewhere he doesn't want to go. But then he smiles and pulls her closer again and she relaxes into him.

"You're really not planning on leaving, are you?"

"No." she says softly. And realizes that its time they talk. Because otherwise all they're going to do is go round in circles until it finally becomes too much and ruins everything.

And now the continuation

He finds them snuggled together on the couch; Aubrie resting in Ruth's lap against one of the cushions, her eyes following Ruth intensely.

After his panic earlier in the evening, the rest of the night has been quiet. And he's planning on keeping it that way.

Evening tea had been a simple affair of ready made salad and grilled chicken; one that Ruth had put together while he'd sat at the table with Aubrie, feeding her an orange mess from a jar.

The jar that claimed to be Vegetable Risotto Chicken.

Claimed being the operative word. By the looks and smell of the mush, it was the furthest thing from palatable food and he'd been unsure of how good it could really be but Aubrie had loved it. At least that's what he's going to believe by the large smile she'd had and the fact that she'd finished the entire jar.

While they'd eaten, they'd avoided having the talk, instead content to discuss the mini-milestones Aubrie was accomplishing.

Like crawling.

With the long hours he'd been working, he'd rarely seen Aubrie awake since they had arrived. Which meant he missed the first time she'd gone from tummy slithering to full out crawling. Ruth had managed to get a picture but a still photograph wasn't the same as actually being there.

And feeding her a meal or reading her a book after bathtime wasn't either.

After, they'd done the few dishes together; she washing and he drying; while Aubrie had sat on the floor with Scarlett. Now crawling, she had a new found love of playing with the dog; and while still a bit wobbly, she had enjoyed chasing the dog under the table. It was only after they'd finished and Ruth had crawled under after her that he'd gone up to take a quick shower.

And to turn off his mobile.

The house phone he's remembered to take off the hook too, when he'd gone upstairs.

Nothing and no one was going to keep them from talking tonight.

Which is why he now finds himself standing there quietly watching them play instead of being enclosed in his home office. Ruth is slowly moving each of Aubrie's hands in time with the words to the Incy Wincy Spider and the little girl is laughing as she does it.

"Are you going to come in?"

He's surprised as Ruth hasn't looked up from playing with Aubrie. As he moves from the door, he considers moving to his armchair; the one that has the imprint of his body from long nights alone; but halfway across the room, he changes his mind and veers to the left, settling next to them on the couch.

As he settles on the cushions, Aubrie turns her eyes from Ruth and stares at her father, unsure of him for a second. Shifting so he can face them, Harry reaches a hand out and watches as she stares at it in wonderment before reaching out and grabbing his finger.

"Da?"

"Daddy." Ruth says, sliding her hands under Aubrie's and lifting her so she's sitting up.

"Dada." Aubrie says, pulling his finger until he leans closer. "iss?"

"Yes." he says, unsure of what exactly she's asking but surprised at the new word. Last he knew, she was only saying mama and dada.

Another milestone he missed.

"She wants a kiss."

"Hmm?" he asks, turning to look at Ruth.

"Iss. She's asking you for a kiss."

"Oh." Leaning down, he presses a kiss against her lips, feeling her free hand patting his cheek as he pulls back, feeling sad that he didn't know that.

"Harry..."

"It's alright Ruth." Reaching out, he pulls Aubrie to his lap, settling her against him before meeting Ruth's eyes. Seeing the guarded sadness there, he looks back down at Aubrie. At her mother's brown hair. "Really. I learned many years ago to deal with the disappointments that working for Her Majesty brings."

"It's not alright." She reaches a hand out to lie over his. "And I'm not alright with it."

Fear fills him at the possibility that she really is leaving him and he lifts his eyes to hers.

"We're not leaving." Fingers squeezing his hand, she shifts closer. "Not until you ask us too; even if I didn't want to be, I couldn't take our daughter from you. Not any longer. But I thought you should know, I'm not alright or happy with everything we've had taken from us by working for the Service. Not anymore."

"Fat chance of that." he says, turning his hand to link their fingers before sighing. Pausing a moment, he clarifies, "My asking you to leave. But, it brings up the fact that we need to talk."

It's not a question, rather a statement as he lifts his eyes once again to hers.

Pulling her legs under her, Ruth moves until she can lean into him, knowing they both will need the contact before the night is over.

It's almost an hour later when they're finally ready to talk about the important things..

Aubrie has long since fallen asleep against Harry's chest, her small hand still clutching the finger she had used earlier to pull him to her.

Harry and Ruth have moved too; Harry stretching out along the back of the couch, propped against the arm and cushions while Ruth is lying next to him, curled against his side with her hand resting on Aubrie's back as they talk about little things like favorite movies and holiday spots.

But there's still a lot left unsaid.

And something that has been nagging him.

"Ruth, something you said earlier; it's been bothering me."

Tilting her head back, she lifts her eyes to his and waits, years of working with him having taught her not to rush his thoughts process.

"When...you said you aren't alright with the Service, did you mean me specifically, or were you talking of the Service in general?"

"The Service Harry, of course the Service."

"It's just...last night..." he pauses, wondering how exactly to even describe what had occurred between them the night before.

She sighs as she looks down, fingers twisting a fine curl on Aubrie's head. "I wondered if you'd bring up last night."

"We have to talk about it." He shifts, his arm sliding to her back to pull her closer. "Especially as you seem to be under the impression that the only thing I want from you is sex."

"I've read your file Harry. I know your past. You've had more than your fair share of relationships over the years. You like sex; one could assume more than just a little."

"You're right, I do enjoy it. But if that's all I wanted, I could find it with little to no trouble. I assure you, there's any number of women out there who have no qualms with having sex..."

She pulls her head back to stare at him, her eyes narrowing slightly. "In case you didn't notice that night, I was not a virgin. I do not have a problem with sex."

"If you'd let me finish." he says, tightening his arm around her back. She's quietly glaring at him as he continues. "Thank you. As I was going to say, there are any number of women out there who have no qualms having sex with a man outside of a relationship but I don't think you're one of them. I've read your file and know your past; there isn't more than two men in your past since before your university days."

"I don't know if that's any better." she mumbles, her eyes moving from his.

"It is. Ruth, if that's the type of woman that I wanted, then I'd have it. Fortunately; for both of us; you stumbled into my briefing room one morning. Full of naivety and unadulterated joy for life and that was it. There was no going back for me. There still isn't."

She lifts her gaze once again to find hazel eyes staring down at her. "What are you saying?" she asks softly.

"That for the past five years; since you tripped into my life; there hasn't been anyone else for me. Which I can assure you, hasn't been the case since my days at university."

"But those long months that I was gone, when you didn't know that I was coming back..."

"Didn't matter. Even without Aubrie it was only a matter of time before I sought you out.." He pauses a moment, letting that sink in before continuing. "But we're getting ahead of ourselves. And we can't. Not if we're going to keep from having those misconceptions like last night. When you assumed that I was putting Aubrie in her room, it wasn't to have sex with you."

"While you made that abundantly clear after the fact, I didn't know it then. What were you trying to do?"

"I wanted to be there for you. And to share in at least one big event in our daughter's life. And yet I still managed to screwed that up. You said when you two first got here that night that you'd never been away from Aubrie; that since the day she's been born, she's been with you."

"You're right, she has." Her gaze moves from his to the sleeping child between them. "I couldn't leave her. Not when..."

She stops and bites her lower lip.

"Not when what?"

"It's nothing." Looking up at him, she sees his concerned gaze and sighs, knowing he's not going to let it drop. Moving her shoulder, she shifts on the couch, her hand moving to rest of his arm.

"Harry, you've been a spook a lot longer than me but I can promise, you've never been pregnant while you're on the run in another country."

He has no answer to that because it's true. Spook or not, he's never had to run and he's never been pregnant.

"When I left, I had nothing but £2,000, two passports, and the clothes on my back. I didn't know where I was going to sleep, what my next meal was going to be, or even if I'd live that long. Olive Mace was gunning for me."

He cuts in here.

"I know you said he didn't do anything but..."

"He didn't. I promise. What happened in that room is exactly what I told you last week. His misfits grabbed me when the barge docked. I'd barely made it through the customs inspection before being pulled into the back of a van. They didn't hurt me but they weren't gentle either. By the time we'd stopped at that warehouse, I was bruised. And then...to be locked in that room. Sat on that cold concrete with nothing but the memory of your lips against mine and Ros' jacket, the reality of what I had agreed to set in."

She shifts, moving closer to him.

"I...it wasn't the first time I'd been away from my home or even on the continent. After my father died, mother sent me to boarding school in France. It's where I really started to learn the various languages. Being with girls from around the continent will do that for you. But it was the first time I wasn't Ruth anymore. Couldn't be Ruth. I'd just started to try and understand that when Oliver walked in. He was so angry. I know I said that before but you have to understand the utter hatred in his eyes. He wanted me dead. I knew it."

"Ruth..."

"No." she cuts him off, moving her head back slightly to look at him. "You...I...I'm only going through this once."

"Alright." he says softly. arm pulling her closer.

"Where was I? Oh, right. He was standing in that doorway, the anger burning in his eyes as he stared at me. I knew that he was going to kill me. And then what? If I was dead there was nothing that would keep him from coming back to England, from continuing what he'd started. But what could I do? I had nothing. Even the gun from earlier in the evening was with Zaf. I had a coat, no gloves, some cash and a passport. Nothing to stop him. And then that rat dropped onto him. I screamed. He screamed. The rat screamed. He started thrashing at the rat and it clung onto him. Bit him. As he tried to bash it off, more rats came to the defense of the first. They were all biting him, scratching at him. So I ran. Left him lying on that floor being attacked by rats. As I was running I thought briefly that maybe I should try and help him; keep them from eating him; but I realized he would still kill me. So I ran."

"You did the right thing." Harry says softly.

"I know. If I hadn't, we wouldn't be here right now. But God, I left a man lying on the ground being attacked by rats."

"And he would have done the same thing to you."

"It doesn't make it any better!" she snaps out, leaning back again to look at him.

He's about to snap back when he sees her eyes and sighs; fighting isn't what he wants and he doubts its what she wants either.

Leaning forward, he brushes a kiss against her lips; soft and sweet with no hint of anything more; and loosens his hold on her. "I don't want to fight with you." he says softly.

"Me either."

Moving his arm completely, he shifts as much as he can on the couch, holding Aubrie tighter to him. "Why don't we take some time to put Aubrie to bed; together; and then we continue this conversation in our bed. Just so none of us fall asleep here on the couch."

To Be Continued...

AN: Many, many thanks to Hannah for being my sounding board and guidance for this chapter and also to Rose and Kris for offering their invaluable feedback and insight as well as their Brilliance with a touch of Insanity. I'm moving house this coming weekend so I won't promise an update but we'll see what happens.