A/n: hi, everyone! I'm sorry this chapter is so short, but I hope you still like it! The part about Lewis came from a suggestion from lindsay1993 -thank you for the suggestion :) also, someone asked about Amanda's age-Amanda is 25 in the fanfic, but she lacks in maturity due to the trauma of what she went through-hence the reason she crawls into Olivia's arms like a child. Thank you so much for reading and taking an interest in this fanfic! :)
She tossed and turned on the concrete ground, desperately wanting to escape the horrid basement. She had been captured again, and she would have to face the consequences of running away. Her body was trembling, and with her knees hugged to her chest, she rocked herself back and forth. Her eyes were squeezed shut, and loud cries came from her mouth. She was terrified that her captor would enter the basement with a few customers. He was probably going to beat her for attempting to get away, but the beating would be nothing compared to what the customers would do to her.
Olivia's eyes shot open upon a loud wail ringing through her ears. She jumped off of the couch and darted to the bedroom, wanting to comfort Amanda and assure her she was safe. She wished Amanda wouldn't have to endure such night terrors. From personal experience, Olivia knew how awful night terrors were.
When she opened the bedroom door, Amanda let out a scream. She scrambled against the headboard of the bed. Her body was trembling, and her breathing was very unsteady.
"P-p-please, d-don't. P-please, d-don't. I-I'm s-s-sorry," Amanda wailed. Olivia cautiously approached the young blonde. Amanda yelped as Olivia drew closer and cried out another plea for the person in front of her not to harm her.
"Amanda, it's all right. I'm not going to hurt you," Olivia said, her hands raised so that Amanda could see them and know Olivia was not a predator.
"I-I'm s-sorry f-f-for r-running a-aw-way. I-I w-won't do it a-ag-gain. P-please, d-don't h-hurt m-me. Please," Amanda sobbed.
"Amanda, it's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. You're safe, sweetie. You're safe," Olivia spoke softly.
"P-please, d-don't! Please, don't!" Amanda shrieked once Olivia was right next to her.
"Amanda, it's me, Olivia. I'm not going to hurt you, sweetheart. Please, look at me. See? It's me, Olivia. We're in my bedroom, and no one is going to hurt you," Olivia promised.
"I-I'll be a g-good g-girl," Amanda whimpered, hugging herself tighter.
"Amanda, please, look at me. It's me, Olivia," Olivia pleaded.
"I-I d-didn't m-mean t-to. It-it won't happen again," Amanda cried, scooting away from the older woman.
"Amanda, you're safe, honey. You're not in the basement. You're in my apartment. I'm not going to hurt you. It's me, Olivia," she tried to convince the younger woman. Amanda started kicking and thrashing around.
"P-please, st-stay aw-way! P-please, d-don't p-punish me!" Amanda begged. Olivia backed away, wanting to comply with Amanda's requests in order to prove she was not a predator. She kept her hands raised so Amanda could see the older woman wasn't harmful.
"Okay. It's okay. I'm not going to punish you. No one is," Olivia softly spoke.
"I-I'm s-sorry I was b-bad," she sobbed.
"You weren't bad, Amanda. No one is going to hurt you," Olivia promised. Amanda was hugging herself even tighter, trying desperately to push herself further against the headboard, as though it were possible.
Suddenly, Olivia realized the bedroom was dark. She figured that was probably why Amanda thought she was back in the basement. She quickly turned the lamp on. Amanda let out a whimper, and Olivia could see the younger woman's knuckles were white from hugging herself so tight.
"See, honey? You're not in the basement. You're in my apartment. It's me, Olivia. Please, open your eyes," Olivia pleaded. Amanda hesitantly opened her eyes and looked around, beginning to register the fact that she wasn't being held captive anymore.
"Olivia!" Amanda exclaimed when her eyes landed on the older woman.
"Yes, honey, it's me, Olivia. You're safe," Olivia confirmed. She slowly sat on the bed, and Amanda crawled into her lap.
"D-don't l-let th-them t-take me aw-way. P-please. I-I'll be a r-really g-good g-girl for you. Just, p-please, d-don't s-send me b-back. I'll be so good," Amanda wailed, hugging Olivia tight, not wanting to be sent back to her captor. Olivia's heart broke, and tears began to spill from her eyes.
"Oh, honey, you're never going back there. You're safe with me. You don't have to promise to be a good girl for me. You're always a very good girl, and even if you did do something bad, I would never hurt you or allow someone else to hurt you. I'm not sending you back. You're safe with me," Olivia promised.
"Thank you. Thank you, Olivia. Thank you," Amanda whispered, relieved that Olivia wasn't going to send her back.
"You don't have to thank me for that," Olivia told her.
"I will be a very good girl. I promise. I'll do my best not to make you mad," Amanda promised.
"Honey, stop that. You're always a good girl, and you won't be in trouble if you're not. Don't worry about making me mad. I won't be mad at you. And me being mad at all won't result in your pain," Olivia stated seriously.
"Thank you. I like being with you. You don't punish me," Amanda whimpered. Olivia stroked her hair.
"I'll never punish you, and you never have to thank me for that," Olivia whispered in her ear.
Olivia gently rocked Amanda in her lap for a little while longer. Amanda started to doze off, and when she fell asleep, Olivia laid her down on the bed. Amanda stirred a little bit, but Olivia softly shushed her and stroked her hair, and she calmed down. Olivia pulled the covers over Amanda and headed back to the living room, leaving the lamp on so Amanda could see the entire room if she woke up before sunrise.
Olivia laid down on the couch. She was exhausted, but her thoughts wouldn't let her sleep. She hated seeing Amanda so afraid. Her heart broke every time Amanda promised to be good and begged Olivia not to punish her. Olivia would never do anything to hurt Amanda, and she wished Amanda understood that.
Olivia wanted Amanda to feel safe. She was careful not to raise her voice when Amanda was within earshot. She gave Amanda three meals a day. She let Amanda sleep in her bed. She constantly promised Amanda she wouldn't hit her or put her in an unsafe position. Olivia understood that Amanda had been severely abused, but she didn't understand why Amanda couldn't tell that Olivia wasn't a predator. Olivia was willing to do almost anything to assure Amanda she was safe with her.
Finally, exhaustion won over her thoughts, and the lieutenant fell asleep. The last thought Olivia had before falling asleep was remembering how much Amanda loved dogs. Around dogs was about the only time the young blonde smiled. Olivia wasn't much of an animal person, but she wanted Amanda to feel happy and safe.
When her eyes opened again, it was about eight in the morning. She was tired, but she got up anyway. She made herself a pot of coffee. She was on her second cup when Amanda entered the kitchen.
"Good morning, Amanda," Olivia greeted.
"Morning," she mumbled, her eyes glued to the ground.
"How did you sleep?" Olivia wondered, though she knew the younger woman probably didn't sleep very well.
"Are you sure you're not mad at me?" Amanda asked, ignoring Olivia's question. She knew the older woman always promised not to be mad or hurt her, but she was still worried the older woman might snap.
"Amanda, I'm not mad at you," Olivia softly answered. She stepped closer to the Amanda, but the young blonde backed away.
"I won't hurt you," Olivia whispered.
"Liar," Amanda mumbled.
"I'm not lying to you," she responded, heartbroken for the young blonde.
"Everyone hurts me. I know you will too," Amanda whimpered.
"Amanda, that's not true. I will never hurt you. Have I ever so much as yelled at you? I've never yelled at you or hit you, and I never will. I wish you'd understand," Olivia said softly.
"Ugh! I'm so confused!" Amanda screamed, bursting into tears.
"It's okay, Amanda. What are you confused about?" Olivia asked, trying to keep everything calm.
"Everyone hurts me, but you don't. And I can't figure out when you're going to. I wish you'd just get it over with already. I know you're going to. Just do it already. You're making me so confused. Everyone hurts me, but you keep being nice. I can't tell what's going to make you mad. I'm so tired. I'm so, so tired. I just want to be safe. I'll never be safe. I'll never be safe. Never, never, never," Amanda rambled, beginning to hyperventilate.
"Amanda, honey, you need to calm down. Breathe, sweetheart. In. And out. In. And out. You're safe. You really are safe. I'm never going to hurt you. I'm not going to get mad at you, I promise. Please, breathe. You don't have to be scared of me. You don't have to walk on eggshells for me. You're safe with me. You will always be safe with me," Olivia promised. Amanda shook her head.
"Yes, honey. I'm telling you the truth. Breathe. In. And out. In. And out," Olivia continued.
"Liar. You're lying," Amanda accused, her eyes squeezing shut.
"Amanda, I'm not lying. I can prove it to you, but I need you to breathe first," Olivia told her. A strangled sob escaped from Amanda.
"In. And out. In. And out. In. And out. There, you go. You're doing great. In. And out," Olivia said. Amanda's breathing gradually returned to a steady pace.
"Good job, honey," Olivia smiled. Amanda whimpered. Olivia lead the young blonde to the couch, her heart breaking when Amanda flinched at her touch. Last night, Amanda was clinging to Olivia, and now, she was convinced Olivia would hurt her. They sat on the couch, and Amanda was refusing to make eye contact.
"Remember, I said I could prove to you I wouldn't hurt you?" Olivia reminded her.
"I thought you said that so I would breathe right," Amanda mumbled.
"I really can prove it," Olivia told her.
"How?"
"Because I've been hurt too," the older woman answered. Amanda finally made brief eye contact, surprised that someone like Olivia could ever get hurt.
"I have something to show you," Olivia told her. Amanda gave her full attention to the older woman. Olivia pulled her shirt down a little bit to reveal a few scars. Amanda's eyes widened in shock.
"See, a couple of years ago, I got home from work, and a man was in my apartment. He held a gun to my head," Olivia began.
"He was here?" Amanda asked in alarm.
"No, sweetheart. I moved here after," Olivia answered. Amanda nodded, and Olivia continued.
"This man abducted me. He-he b-beat me. He m-made me drink a-a lot of alcohol so I couldn't fight back. He tried to r-rape me. I saw so many things I never wanted to see," Olivia started. She went into some detail about what happened when she was in captivity. Usually, Olivia wouldn't tell anyone about this, but she thought if Amanda knew what she'd been through, she'd understand that Olivia really was on her side.
"He kept me for about f-four d-days before help arrived. After that, I wasn't too trusting of anyone. I didn't let anyone too close. I was scared. I was angry. I knew I'd have to testify, and that didn't help anything," Olivia continued. Amanda listened intently. Tears welled up in her eyes. She couldn't believe someone like Olivia could end up in such a terrible position. Amanda would never wish such horror on anybody, and she hated that Olivia somewhat understood what she'd been through due to personal experience.
"The nightmares are rare, and the flashback are completely gone. I survived, just like you did. I've been able to thrive, and you will too," Olivia finished.
"No one should hurt you. You don't deserve that. You're good. That shouldn't have happened. You didn't deserve that," Amanda stated tearfully.
"And you did? What happened wasn't my fault, just like it wasn't yours," Olivia tried to convince her.
"How did you testify? Weren't you scared?" Amanda asked.
"Yes. I was, but I had to do it. I wanted to make sure he couldn't hurt anyone else. He can't now," Olivia answered.
"He's in prison?"
"Well, he was. He later died," Olivia said, deciding not to state that he died after escaping prison. Amanda didn't need to hear the idea of bad people breaking out of prison. Amanda nodded.
"You're so strong," Amanda whispered.
"You are too," Olivia responded, her tone and words genuine.
Amanda didn't believe her. Amanda didn't think she was strong. She thought she was weak. She thought she was bad. She though she deserved it.
"Amanda, the point of me telling you this is so you know I understand how hard it can be to trust someone. I've dealt with trust issues my whole life, even more so after Lewis had me. I would never wish what I went through upon anybody. I know what it's like to be hurt, and I would never inflict any pain onto you," Olivia assured her. Amanda crawled into her arms.
"I promise I will never hurt you," Olivia whispered.
"I know. I trust you."