A/N: Hoping to next the next chapter up in a few more days. Please R & R

The Road Most Travelled

Chapter 14

Winter was a depressing season, barren trees and dying grass. Mud gathered around every path or entrance and the sun never had enough heat.

Joey stood at the end of the dock, staring out onto the creek, she pulled her coat around her tightly. Thick vapour hung in the air from each breath. Footsteps made their way towards her from behind. Joey turned slightly knowing who stood behind her. Dawson smiled at her as he took his place beside her, Joey attempted to match his expression but fell short. Dawson's brows knit with worry. Joey hadn't spoken much on the way back to Capeside, they had only been home for twenty minutes.

Dawson motioned towards the house.

"Bessie left a note, she will be back soon." Joey nodded.

Dawson had no idea what to say to her, if he should try to say anything at all. This was Joey however, his best friend. They were always able to talk candidly with each other in the past. What had changed so dramatically he felt unsure now? They had grown apart, that much was certainly true, by how much?

"Jo, you know that despite the changes we have both been through of late. You can still talk to me." The words Dawson chose had appeared far more confident in his head. Joey simply nodded in acknowledgement. They stood for a beat, not speaking. They simply stared out over the creek, a place which had once offered security in it's familiarity. Dawson thought about leaving, he started to turn when Joey spoke.

"Truth is Dawson; I don't know what to say. I have no idea what I feel or what I am supposed to feel." She turned to look at her friend. Pain and sadness painted across her face. Dawson nodded, as though he knew how she felt. He had no idea, not really. He knew empathy could only get a person so far. Beyond; It was merely guessing and pretending.

"Maybe you could just start with what you do know. Perhaps we can go from there." Joey nodded and turned, they both began to walk back to the warmth of the bed and breakfast.

Joey sat at the kitchen table while Dawson began making coffees.

"I wanted the baby Dawson. I really did." Dawson turned to her and began to speak, Joey held up her hand. "I know Dawson, believe me I know. Not exactly something you would expect to hear from me right?" She smiled weakly. Dawson frowned slightly. she was serious, she truly planned to go through with the pregnancy. Dawson felt relieved she had lost the baby. He berated himself for thinking it but a baby would have ruined her life. She had appeared destined for better and bigger things. Pacey had spent most of his teens going through life as though it had been some joyride, but Dawson had to admit, Pacey was doing well for himself. Dawson knew he didn't tell him enough in the past, he was proud of him. He threw caution to the wind and never danced to anyone elses tune.

"I'm sorry Joey." It was all he could say, telling her how he really felt would cause her pain. Joey sighed, she stared into her coffee. "So what about you and Pacey?" Dawson broached the topic carefully. He had spent too many years pining over Joey, he still loved her but he knew he could never have the love with her she and Pacey had. As much as it killed him to admit it, he had never seen two people more in love than the two of them. A single tear drifted down Joey's cheek. She wiped it away, a small frown flickered across her face. She shook her head.

"I wanted to be with him." She sniffed.

"And now?"

"Now, after what has happened I can't be around him, much less anything else. Being around him, thinking of him only reminds me of what I have lost. What we lost."

Dawson reached across the table for Joey's hand. He held her hand without speaking, allowing the minutes to tick by.

"I think that is probably for the best Joey." He spoke, squeezing her hand gently. Joey looked at him with hurtful eyes.

"What?"

"I mean, could you really see Pacey as the father type?" Dawson laughed lightly. "It's not as though he's the most grown up person there is, he still acts like a bull in a china shop and never cares about anything but himself."

Joey pulled her hand from beneath Dawson's in anger. She looked at him, her eyes burning into his with incredible malice and disbelief.

"You are - "She lost her voice, tears stinging her eyes. "You bastard. I don't know why all these years I wanted to try and repair the friendship between you and Pacey when all this time ..." Joey shook her head at Dawson and stood up, the dining room chair tumbled to the floor in her haste.

"All this time what?" He asked her. Joey leant over the table, her face close to Dawson's.

"You never deserved his friendship. Ever." Joey stepped back, shaking her head at him in disgust. "If there was ever any doubt who the better man was... it's all completely clear now."

"Joey, Jo" Dawson watched as Joey moved out of the kitchen toward her room. "I'm sorry but, you know i'm right Jo. He would have ruined your life. He would have ruined everything." Dawson yelled out to Joey's retreating back. Joey stood, motionless in the doorway to her room.

"Get out Dawson. Get out before I say something I will regret." Her voice was low and controlled, not looking behind her. Dawson stood for a few moments without moving. "Dawson. Get. Out" Dawson's eyebrows knit in disbelief. He was right, he knew it and Joey knew it too. Pacey had given her nothing but pain and agony for most of their lives.

He had been the one to pick up the pieces after Pacey had shattered them and tossed them haphazardly with little regard for anyone. How could she still hold him in such high regard. How could she have been so willing to give up on everything, for him?

Did she really think he would have?

Pacey had just dropped Jen off at her mother's and was heading to Gretchen's. He had left the day before without letting her know what had happened. Pacey had refused to take any calls after he had been to the hospital. He found a parking space across for Gretchen's apartment building, locked his car and headed up the stairwell to her floor. Pacey flicked through his keyring searching for the spare key to Gretchen's apartment.

Pacey's hands had begun to shake, he dropped his keys. Pacey took a deep breath before leaning down to retrieve them from the floorboards below him. Pacey had thought he had been okay, the trip with Jen had been fun, joking, laughing and talking. About anything and everything that wasn't Joey.

Now he was alone she was all he could think about. He couldn't see straight, his mind felt clouded. He dropped his keys once more. Pacey let out a growl of defeat and pain as he bent to pick them up again.

The door to Gretchen's apartment swung open.

"Hey freak, forgotten how to open a door?" She grinned at her little brother. Seeing the wretched look on her brother took Gretchen's breath. She instantly saw the look of pain and torture in his eyes. Pacey's face became contorted with overwhelming sadness, tears stung his eyes and he pulled Gretchen to him as he began to sob uncontrollably. Gretchen held Pacey close to her, holding on tightly as his whole body convulsed beneath her arms.

Seeing Pacey like this was frightening for her. Although he was younger than her, she had always felt he was the one who had been her rock and the one she had always looked to for strength, understanding and kindness.

"Pacey?" She whispered, still holding onto him while they stood in the doorway of her apartment. "What happened. Is-is Joey okay?" Pacey sniffled. He slowly pulled away, looking into his sister's eyes. He bit down on his lip to stop it from trembling.

Gretchen eyed her brother carefully as he made his way slowly into the apartment and sat down on the couch.

"Joey was attacked by Vince last night" He said. Gretchen's eyes widened. "How is she?"

"She's okay, physically she's okay. Well I guess. I mean sort of." Pacey couldn't find the words he wanted to say. Gretchen stood watching him. There was something in his face which told her there was more he was not telling her. "She was..." Pacey frowned and looked up at his sister, tears filling his eyes. "She was pregnant Gretch. She lost the baby."

Gretchen looked at him in surprise, finally remembering the conversation she'd had with Pacey when he first came to New York realisation sunk in. She sat down beside him, pulling him into her.

"Shit Pace. Are you okay?"

"She lost our baby." He whispered.

Fay looked on as Pacey busied himself with the lunchtime crowd, with less of a spring in his step and his normally intoxicating grinning and good natured banter with the staff absent. Fay had not spoken to him since he had left abruptly for Boston two nights before. She knew something had happened with Joey but was not sure what exactly, hoping she could talk to him after closing Fay went about collecting empty glasses and delivering meals.

Pacey moved about the kitchen with disinterest, content to do his job and get it done as quickly as he could under the curious eyes of his coworkers. Pacey eyeballed a plate of crispy skinned salmon which had been placed for the wait staff to deliver. He groaned, taking in the meal with distaste.

"Gary, what's this?" He asked the cook, holding up the offending object. "Because our menu has crispy skin salmon on pesto veg." He pushed the plate at Gary in anger "I don't know what the hell this is. Crispy skin, it is not." Pacey shoved the plate into Gary's hands.

"I-I'm sorry Pacey" He stammered

"Just do it again"

Pacey ripped the apron from his waist, ready for his much needed break before cleaning and preparing for the night time dinner. He undid the top few buttons from his jacket, pushing through the kitchen door into the bar area of Equinox.

"Great to see my lessons weren't wasted on my young protégé." Pacey whipped around to face Danny Brecher, standing at the bar, a grin on his face.

"Danny?" He grinned, stepping towards his mentor, pulling him into a manly embrace and slapping him affectionately on the back. "How've you been man?"

"Good Witter. Real good" He grinned, taking a seat on a bar stool nearby. Pacey signalled for his usual bottle of water to the bartender before taking a seat as well. "Never thought I would see you in New York." Danny said, taking a sip from a coffee cup.

"Well it's only temporary, just a month left here after Christmas." Danny nodded knowingly.

"Yeah, I spoke to Doug a few days ago which actually brought me around here."

"Why's that?" Pacey questioned the older man. Danny smiled.

"Well i guess you know about my restaurant in New York City" Pacey nodded.

"Yeah. I have been meaning to get around there, see what the rave was all about. Pretty sure the reason for all hype is highly exaggerated however." Pacey grinned.

"Ha, you jest young man. Civilisation was the biggest up and coming place in Boston and you question my abilities still?" Danny asked laughing. Pacey smiled behind his bottle of water as he took a drink. "Although I would love to sit and reminisce about the past, but as they say; time is money. I need a Sous Chef" He said. Pacey's brow knit in confusion.

"What, you need a recommendation?" Pacey asked.

"No my oblivious friend. You, I want you to fill that position. " Pacey's laughed in disbelief. Was he serious. "You, Pacey Witter are the perfect chef for the job. I really would not consider anyone else."

Pacey shook his head still wondering if his friend were serious. "I don't really think I have enough experience for that kind of responsibility" He said, his voice taking on a more serious tone. Danny shook his head, not accepting what Pacey was saying. "I live in Boston Danny."

"Bigger and better Pacey." He stated simply. Pacey grinned. "What do you say?"

"Um. I don't know Brecher. Do i have to decide right now?"

"No, but soon. You wouldn't need to start until the end of January." Danny stood up and handed him his business card. He finished off his coffee. "Think about it okay?" Pacey nodded.

"Sure, i'll think about it." He smiled, shaking Danny's hand. "It was great to see you Danny"

"Likewise Pacey. Call me" Pacey watched as Danny left the restaurant. Pacey looked down at the card in his hand. Smiling to himself, wondering what he had done to get an amazing opportunity like this. He tapped the glossy black card against his fingers in thought. Maybe it was a sign, a sign he needed to move on with his life. To stop holding on to the past as he had been doing for the past year and a half. To look ahead, to look to the future. Now unlike in high school he felt he finally had one.

Jen sat on the worn couch in the living room of Gretchen's apartment across from Pacey, the morning light streamed through the large windows, heating the room up.

"So what do you think you are going to do. You going to take the job?" She asked him. Pacey too a deep breath, he had no idea. He shrugged at Jen, hoping she could somehow help in his quest for an answer. She had always been the wise sage of the group. Imparting her infinite wisdom on them any chance she had. He had gone to her on numerous occasions when he had felt lost and in need of direction. Jen Lindley had always provided him with clarity.

"I have no idea Jen. What do you think?" Jen eyes widened at his question.

"Er Pace, why are you asking me?"

"Because I respect your opinion." He smiled at her. Jen grinned back at him.

"Well. Of course you do, i am much wiser than most my age. " Jen worried her lip in thought. "Pace, I think you need to decide this on your own. But for what it's worth I think that as you said, this is an amazing opportunity." She frowned. "I would miss you like crazy Pacey but this is a pretty big step forward in your career."

Pacey let out a breath of frustration, he had been awake most of the night before trying to think what he was going to do. All of his thoughts pointed to taking the job Brecher offered had offered him. There was the issue of Jack and the apartment, he knew Jack would easily be able to find someone to move in to help with the rent, he wouldn't be moving for another month so it gave Jack enough time. It was the most obvious choice, career wise he wholly concurred with Jen.

Jen could see the conflict playing across Pacey's face with his decision looming over his head. She new exactly what pulled him away from his decision to move to New York and the reason had a name.

"You can't let Joey influence your decision Pace." She spoke, pulling him from his thoughts. Pacey's eyes widened, ready to argue she had nothing to do with his trepidation. He opened his mouth to protest but, thinking better of it he clamped his lips shut. Jen was right, he had been thinking of Joey. Staying in Boston for Joey.

"I know Jen. You're right." He smiled softly. Jen nodded, knowing she was definitely right. Another thing she knew she was right about was the fact that if Joey had ever found out Pacey had turned down something as amazing as the offer he'd been given for her, she would probably beat the shit out of him. "I'm just not too sure Jen, it's not just Joey either. It's a big thing and I am not sure if I am ready for such responsibility or if I am really..." Pacey sighed, feeling all of his self doubt and insecurities rearing their ugly heads again.

"Pacey, please stop with this. If Brecher didn't think you could do it he never would have asked you. He has a business to run and would only hire those he could trust and those with the abilities to do it. You don't give yourself enough credit."

Pacey leaned back in his chair, his hands clasped behind his head. As much as he didn't want the thought of Joey to come between him and a possible position which would fast track his career exponentially. He would certainly be remiss if he didn't at least consider her in his decision.

"You and Joey have been doing the whole 'will they won't they' dance for months now. Where to now Pace?" Jen asked, Pacey frowned, unsure what the answer was. If he wanted to pursue a relationship with her then his decision to stay in Boston or leave would be made. Things were difficult between them as it was and to add distance would certainly be another hurdle.

Pacey's reply was a slight shrug of his shoulders.

"I can not possibly deny my feelings for her Jen. I just don't know anything beyond the fact that I love her. That I have never stopped loving her and I don't know if I am even capable of living without loving her." Pacey frowned.

"What about her Pace?"

"I don't know, I know she says she loves me Jen but-" Pacey chewed on the inside of his cheek in thought. "But I think she is just falling back onto what is comfortable for her." Jen nodded at him, not sure if she knew anything to the contrary.

"So. With that in mind what are you going to do about Danny's offer?"

"Arrgh" Pacey let his head fall into his hands. Desperately seeking an answer. Something definitive to help in his decision either way. A sign perhaps. The one moment which would help him to choose between his head and his heart. "I don't really know Jen. Could you keep this to yourself though."

Jen eyed Pacey carefully, another secret she had been dragged into without noticing. She sighed in defeat.

"Okay Pace, but I am making a formal complaint. I don't like keeping secrets within our group. It usually turns around to bite me in the ass in one way or another." Pacey laughed knowingly.

"Thank you Jen, I just need some time before I tell anyone yet."

With a curt nod ending their current conversation Jen stood up to leave. "Have fun in Capeside, think of me while you enjoy yourself and I am sitting around putting up with stuffy business men and their stuck up wives."

"Jen, we both know my Christmas will be much like my eighteenth birthday only with more alcohol and an extra couple of years worth of screw-ups thrown back in my face."

Jen laughed and hugged Pacey goodbye.

Pacey knew, in all the years he had actually achieved anything they would always appear foreshadowed by everything he had messed up.