Izaya blinked. Once. Twice. Then he burst into a fit of giggles.
"Oh my, there's some humor to you! Who would've thought! But ice cream counts as work expenses and you must cover them as my employer."
"I bet you're making that up."
"It is proper procedure. And since your financial situation has taken a remarkable turn for the better, dare I say a miraculous one, I do not see the problem."
"I ain't paying."
Izaya shrugged.
"Oh well."
"Does anyone actually laugh at your jokes?"
Izaya chuckled.
"Actually, no. Apart from myself, that is. But that's fine by me."
"Looks like you do plenty of stuff on your own, huh."
"You know what they say, laugh with the world and all that."
"More like laugh at the world in your case."
Izaya nodded. He had refined humor into a sleek weapon without stripping it of genuine glee.
"There is never shortage of comedy if you know where to find it."
"What do you find funny, then?"
"People. Not so much comedies and the like, but everyday people going about their everyday lives."
Shizuo craved some nicotine right about now. A non-smoking sign loudly proclaimed that it was not to be.
"Examples?"
Izaya leaned closer to him.
"There are two country boys in this city. Best friends for life. Bosom buddies through and through. Yet they have no idea of who the other really is. You see, each one believes that the other must not find out about how wicked people can be. What they don't know is that such scruples are long overdue. Everyday they lie to each other. Very soon they'll be on opposite sides of a war, not as the poor victims that they think their friend to be, but as leading forces. Ah yes, friendship is absolutely grand."
"You make it sound like you had nothing to do with it."
"It's very easy to pin the blame on me for pretty much everything that goes awry. Nowadays people are exceedingly eager to evade responsibility. It's so comforting to simply think, 'It's that Izaya bastard again, if it wasn't for him I'd have the girl of my dreams, a well paid but laid back job and a dozen houses.' Instead of, 'I screw up because I'm not up to par'."
Silence for a while.
"That might be how others put it but in my case I have plenty of reasons for blaming you for shit in my life. You framed me. Don't think I'll ever forget."
There was no resentment but a cool-headed assertion.
"You cannot prove it in a court of law. So technically it did not happen-"
"Cut the crap. Right now."
Izaya almost squirmed away. A thousand thoughts rushed through his mind.
"Alright. I admit it. But it was a case of self-defense."
"It's not self-defense if you enjoy it."
"I think you mean 'it's not rape if you enjoy it'."
"Want to find out for sure, Izaya-kun?"
Izaya opened and closed his mouth a few times. Processing cryptic information in dawning dismay.
"Whatever do you mean? Oh, I see. Today you seem to be in a mood for parody. But I'm afraid I missed the point entirely-"
"Want me to make it very clear to you?"
Izaya got up.
"This meeting is over."
"Don't go deciding that on your own."
Shizuo detained him by locking a hand around Izaya's wrist. Almost holding hands, in fact. Izaya narrowed his eyes and tensed in anticipation. The security of crowds was illusory. In large groups humans borrowed from one another's collective perspective and as a result became very blind on an individual level. That is why one could stab someone to death in a crowded subway platform and get away with it.
"Heiwajima-san, you are going to let go of me right now-"
Shizuo dragged him to a nearby booth.
"Two cones, one vanilla and the other mint."
"What are you doing?"
"Buying you ice cream like you wanted."
"I just had some…"
"You're having more."
Armed with the desserts, Shizuo dragged him some more all the way to a bench running along a fence beyond which spread the city in a twinkling grid of concrete and glass.
"Thanks…?"
"You're welcome."
Izaya felt that a storm had just passed him over. It was odd and made him uncertain of where he stood.