Amazing… so amazing, no other words.

I was wearing my favourite lucky jumper, it was green like my eyes, I had picked it this morning, I knew I was going to James´ place after school, Peter had done the same, he was wearing a pink hoodie, or what he liked to call it, salmon-coloured, which we all disagreed on.

James was wearing a white shirt, that would probably be ruined by the end of the night, though James was convinced he just had to be careful. The thing is that no one else was careful.

Sirius was also dressed in a shirt, but his were grey. Like his eyes, it made them stand out and look really beautiful.

Mrs Potter was driving us to the party, it was in full swing when we were there. Sirius stood a while and stared at the house for a bit when we had all gotten out of the car.

"Regretting?" I asked him nicely.

"Err… not if your promise still stands" he looked worried at me.

"I won´t leave you, not even a single moment" I promised seriously, "but it´s gonna get a bit awkward in the bathroom" I teased. Sirius grinned.

We all walked in. This party isn´t that much different from the first one, there were still a lot of people in little space, still drunk people everywhere, perhaps drugs, who knows. Sirius stood close to me seeing as he couldn´t really stand other places, it felt like heaven. We were touching.

"Ouh, girls in sight, see you guys later" Peter yelled and quickly ran towards the girls who happily greeted him.

James, Sirius and I stood in the kitchen. It was where the snacks and drinks were. It didn´t take long before James spotted a certain red-head.

"Lily… guys is it okay if I go?" he asked more to Sirius than me.

Sirius looked up at me, I nodded. "Yeah" Sirius answered. James was quickly gone. Sirius and I were alone. At a party. Just the two of us. It´s almost like a real date. Oh god did Sirius think this was a date? Was it a date?

"Do you want something to drink?" I leaned all the way over and asked into his ear. Our cheeks were touching. It felt magical.

He leaned over as well and talked into my ear. His breath hit my skin and made me shiver. "Y-Yeah, but I don't any want alcohol…"

"That´s okay!" I said into his ear, "I think there is soda too."

I grabbed his hand ((yes, I could have grabbed his wrist, but when I had the option of something else, why should I?)) and gently dragged him towards the place with drinks. He didn´t try to get out of my grab like last time, instead, he actually walked closer to me.

Once we were there, I grabbed a cola and poured it into two cups, I gave the one to Sirius. He took a little sip, then held it awkwardly in his hands

"Wanna go to a quieter place?" I asked.

He nodded. We walked out to the dance floor, I have been to Frank´s house before and I know they have two living rooms, a big one and then one with couches. Frank has always been using the big one for dancing and the little one for a quiet space. Or well, quiter at least.

People were jumping and bumping into us. The music was way too loud, so it hurt my ears. Sirius tried to stay as close to me as possible, but somehow, he was pulled away. I tried to keep my hold on his hand, but he slipped away from me.

He was gone.

"Padfoot?" I yelled. There was no reply, I tried to find Sirius, but he was nowhere to be seen. I started to panic, god I had promised, two times even and now I had broken that promise. I got away from the dance floor, the loud music was making it hard to think.

He wasn´t in the little living room.

Nor the kitchen.

Not outside.

Not even in the bathroom.

Suddenly I found James sitting on a bed talking with Lily, Mary, Alice and Frank in a bedroom. "Hey Moony," he said happily, "where is Padfoot?" he asked suddenly worried.

"James, I can´t find him" I exclaimed "please help me find him" I begged desperately and held his shoulders. He took one look into my eyes and was then full of determination.

"Of course," he promised and then raised himself to walk with me. "Where have you looked?" asked loudly, the music was annoying.

"Everywhere! I can´t find him James, I-"

"It´s okay Remus! Where did you see him last?" he asked calmly, it helped on my hyperventilation. God, I felt like a bad person right now. He had asked me. He had put his faith in me and I had failed him.

"On the dance floor, we were trying to get to the little living room, cause it´s always quiet, but then he got lost in the crowd and I haven´t been able to find him since-"

"It´s okay Remus!" James stated firmly, "we will find him, maybe we should try the same places again."

I nodded. James grabbed my wrist and guided me through the dancing people to the little living room. I took a quick scan, but Sirius wasn´t there, I dragged James to the kitchen, but he kept standing still.

"Isn´t it him there?" James asked and pointed. At first, I couldn´t see anything, but when I looked closer, I could see someone sitting in the corner. I quickly walked over there, it was definitely Sirius.

"Padfoot?" I asked and put a hand on his back. Sirius had drawn his knees up to his face, he had his ears covered with his hands. He was shaking all over, James sat down beside him too. "Padfoot I´m sorry, I didn´t mean to leave you."

He didn´t look up, I took my hand that wasn´t on his back and gently touched his forehead. He then looked up at me. His eyes were red, and his cheeks wet with tears. When he saw me more tears streamed down his face.

"I-I don´t w-wanna be h-here" he hiccupped. I comfortably stroked my hand on his back. "I´m s-s-sorry I-I don't wanna be h-here" he cried and let out more tears.

"Why not?" James gently asked and placed a hand on his knee.

"B-Because there are people everywhere. And it´s loud a-a-and it´s not nice, b-but I c-can't get o-out, b-because there is p-people e-everywhere." He stared helplessly at the people dancing, they were covering the only way out. He kept crying.

I looked pleadingly at James. It was my fault Sirius was feeling bad, and it was awful to see him cry like that. I missed his laugh and missed his smile. His shining eyes.

James nodded confirming.

"Look, Padfoot, you and Moony can walk out of the window and wait outside, I´m gonna call my parents and ask them to pick us up. And I will find Pete and tell we are leaving." James talked steady and calming, Sirius nodded. James raised himself from the floor and I silently thanked him. He then went off to find Peter.

"Come, Sirius," I helped him stand up and opened a window, he got out first and then me. I guided him over to some porch swing. The music felt distant now.

When we sat down Sirius quickly wiped away some tears. His crying stopped but his eyes were still red. It was rather chilly outside; the sun had gone down a very long time ago. The stars were blinking. They were almost as pretty as Sirius.

I pointed at one of them. "That´s the one you are named after, right?" I asked to distract him, I hoped for a smile on his lips that didn´t come.

He simply nodded.

I looked at him and realized we were sitting very close. His eyes were pretty despite them being all red and stuff. He looked into my eyes as well. I was barely breathing. He is so beautiful.

Before I could think, I leaned over and closed the gap between us. His lips felt soft on mine. I swear there were literal sparks. And want to know the best part? Whatever you are gonna get it. He leaned in. I swear to god he leaned in. I felt perfect at this moment.

I kept the kiss going for as long as possible, but in the end, we couldn´t continue anymore. I slowly pulled away from him. My heart was pounding and fluttered. Though it sank as soon as I saw his expression, his eyes were blank, and he looked regretful.

Or did he? Maybe it was just because I know him.

We were both just staring at each other for a moment, his breath hit my neck and mine hit his nose. Surprisingly he looked into my eyes. I think we both tried to figure the other out.

"Padfoot…" I whispered.

"Don´t do it again" he stated firm but quiet.

"But-"

"Don´t do it again" he begged desperately, I think tears were forming in his eyes again.

"Okay," I whispered confused. He had been leaning in, right? Sirius looked away from me again, he stared at the house. I did so too. He had been leaning in, right? Was it just something I imagined? It couldn´t be, he had the power to pull away any time he wanted to. Sirius had wanted that kiss.

Right?

"Oi, Moony, Padfoot" James yelled happily, "my mom is here already, ready to go? Pete is staying."

I snapped out of my trance, I would have to think about the kiss later… oh god, I kissed Sirius. OH GOD. What do I do now? Does he want it? Doesn´t he?

"Yeah" I raised myself, "coming Padfoot?"

He didn´t say anything, but just raised himself and followed me and James. As James had said his mom was already outside the house. James sat in the front seat while Sirius and I sat in the back. It was rather awkward.

James´ mom asked a lot of questions about the party and stuff, I tried to answer but James answered the most of them. She didn´t ask why we went home this early. She told that she was supposed to shop groceries and was really close to where the party was, therefore she was there so fast.

The door to their house was unlocked, it looked strange in the dark, weirdly glowing. We quietly walked up to the house, Sirius flinched the whole trip, I think he was shaking. Mrs Potter stayed in the car, she still needed to buy a few more things.

It was dark and warm inside, it was nice to get inside, it was rather cold outside.

"C-Can I get my jacket?" Sirius asked once the door was closed and the light was on.

"Are you going?" I asked shocked.

He rapidly shook his head. "N-No I just ne-… want it."

"Okay?"

We all walked to James´ bedroom on the first floor, it was big enough for all of us. Before we left, we made our beds ready, Sirius, Peter and I were supposed to sleep on three mattresses on the floor and James would have his bed. Though I had kind of guessed Peter wouldn´t be here.

Sirius found his own clothes and changed to his t-shirt and a pair of shorts James had given him. I took all my clothes except my boxers off and laid down under the duvet. James did so too. I don't know, I just can´t sleep with clothes on. It feels weird.

"Night guys," James said tiredly and yawned. How could he be tired already?

"Night" I replied.

"Night" Sirius mumbled.

The room was all silent.

Why? Why? Why was he like that? We had just kissed, and he made me promise not to do it again when he had clearly enjoyed it. Was there something wrong with me? I thought he liked me, at least just as friends, but… just when I thought I could figure him out, he comes with something like this.

We had kissed, and it was amazing, but the look on his face right after, I… I couldn´t forget it. Why was he so regretful all the time?

He was snoring lightly, it was adorable but I couldn´t bring myself to care at the moment. We are friends, and friends don't hide things from each other. Friends don´t make their friends miserable.

I want answers.

And I want them now.

/Ups, wonder what Remus will do to get the answers he wants.

Yas I finally wrote this chapter I have been waiting since before I began it. Can´t believe we are already this far.

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